Overcoming Insecurities

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

Many have given advice to those with difference types of insecurities. I thought it would be nice for people to realize where that advice stems from. What insecurities about yourself have you overcome and how?

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Well I'll put my insecurities out there:-

My spelling and grammar. I'm sure most have noticed my posts aren't perfect. It's a daily battle and some days are better than others. If I'm stressed, upset or tired, it seems to get worse. So my emotional state effects it. Completely embarrass' me.

Men are my next one. Never had a father figure and my mother always said from being a child you can't trust them and never to have children as I would be tied to one. So I'm always working on undoing those messages. Always worried how I interact in my relationships.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Combination of perceived small penis and difficulty communicating is with strangers, especially girls contributed to my remaining a virgin until I was 26.

After leaving the army at 24, I joined a ski club and a group house down the Jersey shore. In this regard. I got to meet a number of girls on an informal basis which allowed me to communicate with them without feeling self conscious. Two years later I met my wife to be on a blind date at the shore house and married her nine months later.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

Well I'll put my insecurities out there:-

My spelling and grammar. I'm sure most have noticed my posts aren't perfect. It's a daily battle and some days are better than others. If I'm stressed, upset or tired, it seems to get worse. So my emotional state effects it. Completely embarrass' me.

Men are my next one. Never had a father figure and my mother always said from being a child you can't trust them and never to have children as I would be tied to one. So I'm always working on undoing those messages. Always worried how I interact in my relationships.

When I graduated high school and went to college they pretested math and English for placement purposes. I found out that I had a 5th grade reading level. I was extremely upset and embarrassed. I bought a dictionary and grabbed a new word every week and utilized it every day until it became a normal part of my vocabulary. I am also still not the best speller, thank God they came out with spell check.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

Without saying everything, which is basically true, these would most likely be mine.

Perfection - I need to make sure everything is perfect, per my own expectations, so much so that I've given up doing many things or given up on the idea of ever starting something as I'm sure I wouldn't be able to make it "perfect" or even good enough for my own wants or needs. This has caused me to get so angry at some minor things that I end up punching myself in the face as an act of punishment.

Women - I could go on forever about this, but honestly they scare the absolute fuck out of me. Yes, I can talk to them just fine, but as soon as the idea of a relationship comes to mind I'm practically frozen. Perhpas this goes along with that idea of perfectionism and never wanting to do anything wrong in the relationship, which has lead to me doing things wrong anyways. I know a lot of it is from my mother and her side of the family, and the potential dangers from ladies in this day and age, what with various legal matters, but really women just scare me, they always have.

Positivity - I think we can all agree I am too positive and it's become a big issue. (Okay, only joke one).

Depression - While I still struggle with it from time to time I was able to more or less overcome a decent portion of it. I just thought of my depression like a birth mark or an allergy, it's just with me and there's nothing I can do about it. By thinking of it like that I was able to stop focusing on it and just live with it like one would do about any other minor thing about themselves.

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

My insecurities...

1. My skin. I have blotches and patches on my chest and back. My wife comments on them most of the time. How I am overcoming? - I am learning to love me as God created me. I think I look cute as a panda.

2. My teeth. They are crooked. How am I overcoming? - I can work on saving money to get them fixed and not be ashamed of my smile.

3. ED. This recently hit me and has been quite the blow to my ego. How am I overcoming? - I am working on not allowing negative stress to get to me. I focus on being the best lover I can to my wife.

4. Skinny. I have a fast metabolism. How am I overcoming? - I am embracing who I am. I am doing yoga and movement training. I'm okay in my skin and realizing that people's opinion of me ("Oh, you are too skinny.") doesn't need to be my reality.

5. Financial Outlook. At 46 (going on 47), things look dark. How am I overcoming? - I am working on improving the situation instead of playing the blame game (e.g. it's the government's fault, I'm black, I'm over the age, etc).

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

I've always been an introvert boarding on social anxious. Don't like social situations all that much unless I know all of the parameters. Like to be first one there, last one to leave. Silly, really. I used to be self-conscious to the point that it kept me from doing things. I would replay social interactions in my mind and fret over what I had said and what had been aid to me.

Luckily, I discovered alcohol and weed. I'll be honest, they helped me to overcome those fears. I became a different person when I was high. Not like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but I would adopt traits from other people who I saw as confident. I told jokes, I woo-d women, I helped control the music, and so on.

I realized that the things I did while under the influence could easily be done without, so I just would do that. When I teach I put on the "teachers face" and do my classes. I have take aspects of David Letterman, Steve Burns and (long before it became an issue) Bill Cosby and use them to teach.

I still am a little introverted. I am happy to stay home for days at a time. But it does not stop me from doing things.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

Without saying everything, which is basically true, these would most likely be mine.

Perfection - I need to make sure everything is perfect, per my own expectations, so much so that I've given up doing many things or given up on the idea of ever starting something as I'm sure I wouldn't be able to make it "perfect" or even good enough for my own wants or needs. This has caused me to get so angry at some minor things that I end up punching myself in the face as an act of punishment.

Women - I could go on forever about this, but honestly they scare the absolute fuck out of me. Yes, I can talk to them just fine, but as soon as the idea of a relationship comes to mind I'm practically frozen. Perhpas this goes along with that idea of perfectionism and never wanting to do anything wrong in the relationship, which has lead to me doing things wrong anyways. I know a lot of it is from my mother and her side of the family, and the potential dangers from ladies in this day and age, what with various legal matters, but really women just scare me, they always have.

Positivity - I think we can all agree I am too positive and it's become a big issue. (Okay, only joke one).

Depression - While I still struggle with it from time to time I was able to more or less overcome a decent portion of it. I just thought of my depression like a birth mark or an allergy, it's just with me and there's nothing I can do about it. By thinking of it like that I was able to stop focusing on it and just live with it like one would do about any other minor thing about themselves.

The "perfectionist" syndrome strikes many people and with it comes procrastination. I used to have similar issues and then started to find the beauty in the imperfect. If I had a project, I used to envision exactly how I was going to see it through and exactly what the end product would be. I was always angry that people wouldn't help out or if they did it was not exactly what I wanted. I was miserable! I learned to adjust my vision throughout each project and be accepting of a different endproduct. There is much more enjoyment in not knowing what you might end up with and found many times its better than what I imagined. I became a much happier person when I learned to let things go a little and sit back and watch a project come together instead of being so involved in every little detail that it becomes a chore instead of a creation. This also helped me with my depression. Good luck and keep working at it.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

My insecurities...

1. My skin. I have blotches and patches on my chest and back. My wife comments on them most of the time. How I am overcoming? - I am learning to love me as God created me. I think I look cute as a panda.

2. My teeth. They are crooked. How am I overcoming? - I can work on saving money to get them fixed and not be ashamed of my smile.

3. ED. This recently hit me and has been quite the blow to my ego. How am I overcoming? - I am working on not allowing negative stress to get to me. I focus on being the best lover I can to my wife.

4. Skinny. I have a fast metabolism. How am I overcoming? - I am embracing who I am. I am doing yoga and movement training. I'm okay in my skin and realizing that people's opinion of me ("Oh, you are too skinny.") doesn't need to be my reality.

5. Financial Outlook. At 46 (going on 47), things look dark. How am I overcoming? - I am working on improving the situation instead of playing the blame game (e.g. it's the government's fault, I'm black, I'm over the age, etc).

Thanks for sharing, sounds like you are well on your way to working through your insecurities. As far as the skinny goes, there seems to always be something. Don't you think its funny how no one ever seems to tell people they are perfect, either too skinny or too fat.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

I've always been an introvert boarding on social anxious. Don't like social situations all that much unless I know all of the parameters. Like to be first one there, last one to leave. Silly, really. I used to be self-conscious to the point that it kept me from doing things. I would replay social interactions in my mind and fret over what I had said and what had been aid to me.

Luckily, I discovered alcohol and weed. I'll be honest, they helped me to overcome those fears. I became a different person when I was high. Not like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but I would adopt traits from other people who I saw as confident. I told jokes, I woo-d women, I helped control the music, and so on.

I realized that the things I did while under the influence could easily be done without, so I just would do that. When I teach I put on the "teachers face" and do my classes. I have take aspects of David Letterman, Steve Burns and (long before it became an issue) Bill Cosby and use them to teach.

I still am a little introverted. I am happy to stay home for days at a time. But it does not stop me from doing things.

Glad to here you moved passed having to be under the influence to get yourself out there. By the way, there is nothing wrong with being introverted. Introverts help us extroverts slow down and enjoy the little things in life. If I didn't marry ZZM (an introvert) I would probably be in jail or dead as I was a little too extroverted in my youth!

[Fat Worm Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fat Worm]

I can't believe you got me to talk about this without pointing a gun at me. I suppose my number one demon is either commitment or trust. I never was the dating kind. I never wanted a family or anything like that which really weeds out a good portion of potential life companions. People around me got married, had kids, settled down but I just didn't. The average suburban family life would be the equivalent of hell on earth to me. I'm pretty sure all human beings have the same basic need for companionship in its many forms. I don't think I'm any different, but it certainly seems difficult to achieve.

I've never had the silkiest of tongues but apparently I'm not painful to look at if the lighting is right. Even though social situations have never been my strong point I've had a good amount of female attention, but most of the time I've just brushed it off as soon as it arrived. The same thought keeps coming back to me, what are the chances of finding someone you really want to spend your life with? Nada? Nil? A little south from zero? There was a time when I took 'hard to get' to the extreme and ended up being a complete asshole. I don't regret many things but I could've skipped that.

Sometimes I laugh at myself thinking dude, you've been living alone for who knows how many years, buried in your work and now you're registered to a dick stretching forum. What happened to you? Then again I haven't come across many internet forums with such strong supportive vibe.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

I can't believe you got me to talk about this without pointing a gun at me. I suppose my number one demon is either commitment or trust. I never was the dating kind. I never wanted a family or anything like that which really weeds out a good portion of potential life companions. People around me got married, had kids, settled down but I just didn't. The average suburban family life would be the equivalent of hell on earth to me. I'm pretty sure all human beings have the same basic need for companionship in its many forms. I don't think I'm any different, but it certainly seems difficult to achieve.

I've never had the silkiest of tongues but apparently I'm not painful to look at if the lighting is right. Even though social situations have never been my strong point I've had a good amount of female attention, but most of the time I've just brushed it off as soon as it arrived. The same thought keeps coming back to me, what are the chances of finding someone you really want to spend your life with? Nada? Nil? A little south from zero? There was a time when I took 'hard to get' to the extreme and ended up being a complete asshole. I don't regret many things but I could've skipped that.

Sometimes I laugh at myself thinking dude, you've been living alone for who knows how many years, buried in your work and now you're registered to a dick stretching forum. What happened to you? Then again I haven't come across many internet forums with such strong supportive vibe.

Not sure your age, not that it matters. As I was reading your post I was thinking you were in you late 30's early 40's and then a thought struck me that you may be only in you 20's and feeling like you haven't settled down yet.

If I am reading this right, society is the telling you that you should get married and have the 3.2 kids etc., so you are feeling out of sync with the world, like something might be wrong with you if you don't want this? You are avoiding relationships because you think everyone you meet is looking for that too? Let me know if I'm off track!

I don't think how you feel is that uncommon and I certainly don't feel you should avoid relationships because of it. I think you should be honest with women that you potentially want to date and take it from there. You may find some women that feel the same way, I think they are out there. So what are the chances of finding someone you really want to spend your life with? The answer will always be Nada, Nil, a little south from zero, if you don't get yourself out there. And, even if you don't find her, it can sure be a lot of fun exploring the possibilities. Good luck

[Fat Worm Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fat Worm]

^ No, you're not far off. I know I'm out of sync with my surroundings, but I don't think that's really an issue. The 20 year old kid in me sort of likes it that way. It's a recurring theme in my life that whenever I find myself developing feelings for someone there's always a problem. Most of the time they're already taken or something like that. Funny thing though that as far as I know all but one woman that I ever had some sort of feelings for is a mom nowadays. And no, I had nothing to do with it. Well, unless I'm a fertility deity of some sort.

I have thought about where my fear of commitment and lack of trust in people comes from. I'm not sure. A long time ago someone used me as rebound and that's a role I'm never going to play again. I don't think she did it out of spite, but just because I was too young and stupid to stop it. I was just an easy shoulder to cry on and before I could sneeze I was back in the friend zone again. Of course I was pissed off and felt used, but I let it happen more than once. I was a complete human trainwreck at the time and I'm sure it has a lot to do with how I see things today.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

^ No, you're not far off. I know I'm out of sync with my surroundings, but I don't think that's really an issue. The 20 year old kid in me sort of likes it that way. It's a recurring theme in my life that whenever I find myself developing feelings for someone there's always a problem. Most of the time they're already taken or something like that. Funny thing though that as far as I know all but one woman that I ever had some sort of feelings for is a mom nowadays. And no, I had nothing to do with it. Well, unless I'm a fertility deity of some sort.

I have thought about where my fear of commitment and lack of trust in people comes from. I'm not sure. A long time ago someone used me as rebound and that's a role I'm never going to play again. I don't think she did it out of spite, but just because I was too young and stupid to stop it. I was just an easy shoulder to cry on and before I could sneeze I was back in the friend zone again. Of course I was pissed off and felt used, but I let it happen more than once. I was a complete human trainwreck at the time and I'm sure it has a lot to do with how I see things today.

She probably didn't even realize she was doing it at the time. I am sorry you fell victim to her heart ache.

I think a lot of guys are extremely worried about being in the "friend" zone as though it is a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with being a good friend, you just need to realize when your feelings for someone are shifting from friend to more than just friends. Make sure they are on the same page with you and communicate that to the person so they can be honest and let you know if they are there with you are not. I've always told my friends after a big break up to not go searching for something to fill the void. Learn to be on your own for a while and reassess why the relationship ended, no matter who is at fault, there is always something to learn from it. This way they are not tempted to just jump into another relationship and make the same mistakes or hurt an expected well intentioned soul. As a person on the other side, I wouldn't stop yourself from dating because of this just make sure you know the person you are dating hasn't just gotten out of a relationship. Hope you find what you are looking for and can move forward from your past. Our past should never hold us back, it should only fuel the heart and mind to rocket us forward as better people.

[Fat Worm Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fat Worm]

She probably didn't even realize she was doing it at the time.

She knew. The second time around she actually apologized for it and I never even mentioned it before that. The sex was just absolutely awful and at times I hated her guts but I still let her crawl back to me. Pro tip: Don't do it! I can't blame her. We were both stupid and weak cowards. She lacked the courage to tell the truth about her feelings and I lacked the courage to stop it. Over time I made my peace with it all, but I'm sure it still has an effect on the way I react to these things.

Our past should never hold us back, it should only fuel the heart and mind to rocket us forward as better people.

True. I consider myself lucky to have survived my past. That's how unsavory it was. But anyway, enough about me. I've shared more than I ever thought I would already.