Problem with girlfriend!!!!! Please help ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Ok here goes .... I am in a 6 month long relationship .... On 7th of May it's going to be six months .... and it does not look good right now or i am actually getting paranoid .... I do have a lot of experience with women since i've moved to Bangkok almost 6 years ago .... So i know how things are here .... When we first started dating things were really smooth .... For the first 2 months or so we would call each other up a few times to set up dates .... We would exchange messages to each other .... Go for movies and have lots of fun .... as the relationship got deeper things started to change .... she would call me once everyday while returning home from work just to say hi and hear my voice .... This has been going on till recently when it all stopped .... I will come to that in a moment .... We have had our shares of ups and downs in this relationship .... We quarrel frequently like 1 every 2 weeks or so .... we would resolve them and then have make up sex .... i've noticed about her that she is quite flirty and attention seeking when we go out to the night clubs together .... I used to initially meet her there when we started dating and i didn't like it .... i didn't tell her though .... She wouldn't flirt outrageously but just enough to get me jealous .... i think she was testing me .... She even had her first financial problem a week after new years and asked for some "Space" and i thought we'd break up but she assured me it was not that. I guess i over-reacted to that situation .... I ended up deleting her pictures and messages from my mobile.She later found out and was threatening to leave the realtionship and started crying .... I assured her not to feel that way and that i love her .... we had make up sex later .... We once had a massive argument where we almost broke up because i complained that she dosen't love me and that i wasn't getting enough sex ..... things looked bad .... but we resolved it .... I even accused her of cheating on me during one of our arguments without solid proof though i have my suspicions .... She's been very nice to me since we met .... She would always pay for meals, the movies, buy me stuffs for my room like brooms and drying hangers etc. She sets my hair and cuts my nails including toe nails .... She bought me clothes to wear .... and so many more i can't list them out here .... She's been very nice to me so far and i like her a lot .... but it's difficult for me to trust a Thai woman .... Recently she's broke and having a tough time .... I lent her 20,000 bahts .... So far she's returned 5000 bahts ..... 15,000 is still due .... I am not concerned about the money .... I'm more concerned about her not calling me for the past 4 days .... Usually she always calls me once everyday .... Should i give her some space .... I sent her one message on friday night and since then i haven't made any contact to her .... Do you guys think if i stop contact completely she's gonna think i don't like her anymore or would she actually start missing me and then call me one of these days ? I know she's going through some tough moments right now ..... By the way she's 38 years old and has a 20 year old son but that is irrelevant to me .... I have not made the mistake of calling her everday .... She does 90% of the calling in this relationship while i send her text messages usually just once a day not more .... and not everday .... there were many days i didn't text her .... There's so much more info that i could spend the next hour typing but this is the general info .... i need the guys perspective and also some female perspective .... BATWOMAN!!!!! HELP!!!!

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

Why do you think it is a mistake if you called her every day?

Is she your girlfriend or not? It sounds funny that you cannot feel assured about it but instead you have to go through this long thinking process whether you should call her or not. If she really is your girl, you should always feel free to call her! Always!

And maybe she needs you to show her some attention. If she is doing all the buying and taking care of you, calling you because she likes to hear your voice, what are you doing for her? What have you done lately to make her feel wanted and special? Because it seems to me that you are only counting the days since you have NOT texted or called her.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Why do you think it is a mistake if you called her every day?

Is she your girlfriend or not? It sounds funny that you cannot feel assured about it but instead you have to go through this long thinking process whether you should call her or not. If she really is your girl, you should always feel free to call her! Always!

Well i made mistakes in my past relationships by calling and texting excessively one girl that i really liked a lot and she found me needy and clingy and dumped me .... broke my heart !!!! i'm just trying not to look too desperate for her !!!!

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Why do you think it is a mistake if you called her every day?

Is she your girlfriend or not? It sounds funny that you cannot feel assured about it but instead you have to go through this long thinking process whether you should call her or not. If she really is your girl, you should always feel free to call her! Always!

And maybe she needs you to show her some attention. If she is doing all the buying and taking care of you, calling you because she likes to hear your voice, what are you doing for her? What have you done lately to make her feel wanted and special? Because it seems to me that you are only counting the days since you have NOT texted or called her.

oh .... it's her who hasen't called me for the past 4 days .... the relationship progressed in such a way that it was NORMAL for her to do the calling while i did the texting .... i did call her from time to time .... but she did most of the calling .... it's not that i never called her .....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

Well i made mistakes in my past relationships by calling and texting excessively one girl that i really liked a lot and she found me needy and clingy and dumped me .... broke my heart !!!! i'm just trying not to look too desperate for her !!!!

Well, then that relationship was not meant to be. Sounds boring to say like this, I know but I believe that people, both guys and girls, should feel free to express their feelings and their own, real personalities right from the start. If she found you needy and clingy, then really she was not the one for you mate.

I might sound harsh with you mate but believe me, I only want to help, not judge in a bad way.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Why do you think it is a mistake if you called her every day?

Is she your girlfriend or not? It sounds funny that you cannot feel assured about it but instead you have to go through this long thinking process whether you should call her or not. If she really is your girl, you should always feel free to call her! Always!

And maybe she needs you to show her some attention. If she is doing all the buying and taking care of you, calling you because she likes to hear your voice, what are you doing for her? What have you done lately to make her feel wanted and special? Because it seems to me that you are only counting the days since you have NOT texted or called her.

but recently she seems kinda moody .... so i don't want to piss her off by calling her and bothering her too much .... i told her ample amout of times that i really like her and care about her .... she knows that too because she told me that she knows and understands it .... she however dosen't do the buying and the paying anymore .... it's probably because she's broke .... but we eventually ended splitting the bill as the relationship progressed .... or sometimes i would buy her a few meals ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Well, then that relationship was not meant to be. Sounds boring to say like this, I know but I believe that people, both guys and girls, should feel free to express their feelings and their own, real personalities right from the start. If she found you needy and clingy, then really she was not the one for you mate.

I might sound harsh with you mate but believe me, I only want to help, not judge in a bad way.

The previous one dumped me .... it's ok .... i learnt from my mistakes .... i don't want to make the same one again ....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

oh .... it's her who hasen't called me for the past 4 days .... the relationship progressed in such a way that it was NORMAL for her to do the calling while i did the texting .... i did call her from time to time .... but she did most of the calling .... it's not that i never called her .....

Maybe there are some cultural issues that I don't understand that might be affecting how you and the girl behave in a relationship but I would only say that do what your heart tells you to do. Be yourself! If you feel like calling her now, then do it! If you want to ask her where she's been all these days, then ask her!

And on the other side, if you feel like waiting for her to contact her, then that is what you should do.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Well, then that relationship was not meant to be. Sounds boring to say like this, I know but I believe that people, both guys and girls, should feel free to express their feelings and their own, real personalities right from the start. If she found you needy and clingy, then really she was not the one for you mate.

I might sound harsh with you mate but believe me, I only want to help, not judge in a bad way.

That is the reason i am controlling trying calling her because she kinda thinks i am needy already .... because is got jealous a few times during our relationship ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Maybe there are some cultural issues that I don't understand that might be affecting how you and the girl behave in a relationship but I would only say that do what your heart tells you to do. Be yourself! If you feel like calling her now, then do it! If you want to ask her where she's been all these days, then ask her!

And on the other side, if you feel like waiting for her to contact her, then that is what you should do.

Yeah i feel like i might be smothering her during the delicate issues that she has to face at the moment .... she had to literally pawn her laptop and sell some jewellery to get some money for herself .... and i don't want in any way for her to feel that way ....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

Yeah i feel like i might be smothering her during the delicate issues that she has to face at the moment .... she had to literally pawn her laptop and sell some jewellery to get some money for herself .... and i don't want in any way for her to feel that way ....

Where are you from mate? You are not local, right? But she is a Thai. I don't know about the culture there. Maybe the relationship between a man and a woman is a bit different than in your home country. I myself have a relationship with a foreign girl so sometimes we have these clashes that clearly arise from differences in our backgrounds.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Where are you from mate? You are not local, right? But she is a Thai. I don't know about the culture there. Maybe the relationship between man and a woman is a bit different than in your home country. I myself have a relationship with a foreign girl so sometimes we have these clashes that clearly arise from differences in our backgrounds.

I am Asian but i am not Thai .... but do you think culture has a lot to do with our differences ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Where are you from mate? You are not local, right? But she is a Thai. I don't know about the culture there. Maybe the relationship between a man and a woman is a bit different than in your home country. I myself have a relationship with a foreign girl so sometimes we have these clashes that clearly arise from differences in our backgrounds.

There are absolutely no external pressure into this relationship .... it's from "Me" of "her"

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I actually wonder if she thinks why i am not contacting her .... because i know she thinks i am kinda needy .... she is more dominant in the relationship though i try and maintain my status in the relationship .... sometimes it gets hard because she's much older and more experienced and knows how to handle these situations .... as for me i have experienced these situations only once a while ....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

I am Asian but i am not Thai .... but do you think culture has a lot to do with our differences ....

I have lived in 5 different countries, I speak 4 different languages and I am only 28 right now. And I have a foreign girlfriend. I have been around enough to know that culture plays a big role in all the situations.

For example, what do the Thai women expect from a man? Equality, where a woman has her own money and can take care of herself because she wants to be/look independent? Or are they expecting a man to step up and be the one taking care of her. I just started to think these things when I realised that you are not the same nationality. Maybe the answer for that 'giving her space' - question is somewhere there.