Marriage

[RIB2211 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RIB2211]

For all those married folks out there...

How long have you been married? When did you first ask her/get asked? How soon is too soon to be married? When did you know you were ready? Do you enjoy married life?

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

For all those married folks out there...

How long have you been married? When did you first ask her/get asked? How soon is too soon to be married? When did you know you were ready? Do you enjoy married life?

Even though you directed this to married folk, I'm going to answer anyway as even though I am divorced, I was married once upon a time.

I was married for 7 years. I first asked her to get married 4 years after we started dating. The only person who can answer the "how soon is too soon" is you. I personally wouldn't advice anyone under the age of 30 to get married. I thought I was ready but I wasn't. I was 26 at the time and as immature as they come. I never did the whole dating, bachelor thing. I jumped into a relationship with my ex when I was 21 and we were together until I was 33 and by that time we had grown so far apart it wasn't even funny. You know you're ready when you're mature enough to handle the responsibility of what saying "I do" truly means. Did I enjoy married life? Absolutely not. BUT, I also married the wrong person. If you marry the right person, married life can be and often is a wonderful, awesome experience.

[Fli-Fisher Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fli-Fisher]

Hey Rib - This is a sticky topic because everyone has there own opinion of marriage. So I will just give you mine.

I think marriage has been wonderful for me and my spouse. I was 23 she was 19 when we got married and we had known each other for about a year. I think getting married when your young does bring some issues into the relationship but, I think there are greater benefits to getting married young. For one, you get the grow together. Instead of maturing and becoming set in your ways, you are immature and have to figure out what works for each other. Something I believe that is easier to do when you are younger since you haven't fully discovered yourself.

Marriage can be a double edge sword, if you approach it carelessly then you're bound to hurt yourself or someone else. But if you approach marriage with the attitude that you want to be "one" with this person, great things can happen. I'll run with the sword analogy here for a bit. Take two pieces of raw iron, when you look at them sitting there they are ugly and useless. If you give those same two pieces of iron to a master blacksmith he then heats the iron to the point of melting to remove all impurities. He then forges the two pieces of iron together and works the two pieces in to one. He then reheats the iron in the refiners fire over and over, working and reworking the metal until it becomes a beautiful hardened steel sword.

I know when I got married I was an immature punk, being married has brought out the best in me and has given me a focus and drive I didn't have before.

In my culture we look at marriage a little differently. When I go to a wedding outside of my cultural norm, the minister says, "you will be married here on this earth tell death do you part." Our minister tells us, "you will be sealed for time and all eternity."

I am in no way trying to say that my culture is better than anyone else. I just have "observed" that marriage is all in the approach.

Woot 100th post! If you knew me that is a fitting 100th post ironically.

[Fli-Fisher Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fli-Fisher]

Forgot to add this in there, If you are older you have been through "the refiners fire" already and usually by yourself. Thus you would be your own sword, shorter and not as complete as "the master" wanted. You can still be forged into a great sword it just takes much more time and effort for two swords to be put into one.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I thought about this more today. I wasn't able to fully state all I wanted to say above due to time contraints so now that I've got a spare moment, I'm going to fire away.

I don't think marriage is entered into with the right attitude by the vast majority of people in this country. There seems to be this sentiment that "well, if it doesn't work out, we'll just get divorced". That attitude is wrong, wrong, wrong. The person that you're marrying is supposed to be your best friend, confidante and your everything. This person is the one you share your inner most thoughts with and all of your hope and dreams with. I entered into my failed marriage not knowing what saying "I do" truly meant. I was a very young, immature 26 year old kid at the time. I married my then wife figuring she'd eventually change and become the wife I had always dreamt of. WRONG! You can't marry someone hoping they change or trying to change them. You marry them for who and what they are. Trust is the backbone of the marriage. If there is no trust, there is no marriage in my opinion. You stand at the altar and become one in the presence of God, your friends and family.

This new gf I'm with now never had a traditional wedding. She went to Las Vegas and married the father of her kids who turned out to be a gigantic asswipe to her and his kids. She'd like to get married again someday and have a backyard wedding and wear a wedding dress. Should I decide to go for it and remarry (I'd like to), I'll give her the wedding she should've had all those years ago.

[Danner Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Danner]

I got married when I was 25 wish I didn't but it was out of my hands. I really don't like to hurt peoples feelings so I stuck out and now I have a son who I love so much but lately its been real rocky and slippery. I think we got married way too soon it was only 6months my dick was diong the talking and not my brain you know what I mean?? Anyways I finally found her true self and I don't like it at all . If I knew her the real her meaning how she acted and such there there would never be a wedding at all. She is just too jealous and everytime I talk to her she just blows up so there is no way talking to her . I tried so many times and the end result is her blowing her top everytime. I'm almost at getting a divorce I can barely stand her. So that is my happily unmarried life. It's been 4 yrs now.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I got married when I was 25 wish I didn't but it was out of my hands. I really don't like to hurt peoples feelings so I stuck out and now I have a son who I love so much but lately its been real rocky and slippery. I think we got married way too soon it was only 6months my dick was diong the talking and not my brain you know what I mean?? Anyways I finally found her true self and I don't like it at all . If I knew her the real her meaning how she acted and such there there would never be a wedding at all. She is just too jealous and everytime I talk to her she just blows up so there is no way talking to her . I tried so many times and the end result is her blowing her top everytime. I'm almost at getting a divorce I can barely stand her. So that is my happily unmarried life. It's been 4 yrs now.

Believe me danner, I totally understand and can relate to what you're going through. I went through it and since my divorce nearly 6 years ago, I am so much happier. Finding that right person is so critical to the success of your union. My ex was too ignorant, racist and judgemental for us to have any chance of survival. And, what's worse for you, since your wife is someone you don't like who she is inside, she's going to make your life hell when it comes to custody and child support for your son. I work in a family law court and I see this shit on a daily basis and it really sucks to see the system used so bad. Just an FYI bro.

[LifeGivingSword Member Find all posts View Profile Close LifeGivingSword]

If you are thinking of getting married STOP RIGHT NOW. I have been thinking about this for a long time. What is the point of marriage? Why do we do it?

Living and being with the same person day in and day out, year in and year out is utterly exhausting. Want to kill a relationship? Live with someone. Watch their attraction level go from a 10 to a 1 or 2 in mere months.

Being with one woman and only one woman is sick and wrong. Just because society tells us that that is the way, doesn't mean it is the right way for you. If you think you love the girl and you genuinely like spending time with her then keep her as a girlfriend. She will always be beautiful and a great person as long as you live separately and don't see each other every day. You will look forward to your times together rather than dreading coming home to someone who you take for granted and whom takes you for granted, which is the way it will be if you get married.

And while you keep her as a girlfriend you also need to be having sex with as many women as you can handle. Why? Because this is MAN and this is what MAN does. This is his nature and happiest mode of existence. Never be ashamed to be the way God made you. It is a simple and undeniable biological fact: humans are not monogomous animals.

Need someone to cook your meals and clean your house? Have one of your girlfriends come over from time to time to do it. If you're a real man you'll opt out of finding a new mommy. Be a man and slang that dick around. To do anything else is to confine yourself to an unfathomable hell.

[RockofFox Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RockofFox]

2 very important pieces of advice, and although not "romantic" or "trendy" to talk about it, nonetheless it needs to be communicated.
-Ensure that the faults that you see in your partner are those that you can live with forever, because they aint gonna get better
-A common side effect (and it definately doesnt happen to every guy, but a heck of a lot), is an eventual "turning off of the sex tap". If you cant handle that, then you need to give marriage further consideration.

As selfish as that sounds those are 2 very important points for some couples, that do break up marriages

On a personal note I am happy as a married man, it has its ups and downs like anything

[mountie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mountie]

My wife and I got married when we were both in our early 30's. Looking back I think it was a perfect time, for us anyways. We both knew exactly what we wanted and had matured as individuals and adults. Only you know when you are ready to make such a committment. That said, I also believe many people get married too young and while it does work for some, statistics show it doesn't work for the majority.

Marriage has been the single greatest thing I have ever experienced. I love my wife more each day.....we have been married 8 years and have two childeren. I could go into a ton of romantic stuff about marriage and how great it is, but I will touch on something many dont think about when "caught by the love bug".

Please, Please, Please......if you are thinking about getting married make sure you are on the same page financially. That does not mean you both have to make the same amount of money. It does not mean you have to live rich or poor. It simply means you should both share the same financial beliefs/goals.

Are you both wild spenders or savers? Do you both picture the same type of home, retirement, lifestyle??? Most do not want to think about this stuff but the truth is, and again statistics prove, that over 70% of marriages end in part becasue of financial stress or difficulties. Do not take this lightly. I have mentioned in previous posts that my wife is a psychologist...she makes a lot of money doing marriage couseling. While there are many reasons why people split up, Financial Stress remains the Number one relationship killer.

Just my two cents.....well one cent....my wife put in the other cent...regardless of who earned it.

[Fli-Fisher Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fli-Fisher]

I told myself I wouldn't do this because this is an opinion thread and everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I am now compelled to reply to this.

Living and being with the same person day in and day out, year in and year out is utterly exhausting. Want to kill a relationship? Live with someone. Watch their attraction level go from a 10 to a 1 or 2 in mere months.

My wife is becoming more and more beautiful every day. The longer I am with her the more I fall in love with her and the more beautiful she becomes. Yes being together every single day will cause arguments, but working through those times will help you grow as a person. Which in turn with benefit your life in incalculable ways.

Being with one woman and only one woman is sick and wrong.

I don't even know where to begin on this... /facepalm

And while you keep her as a girlfriend you also need to be having sex with as many women as you can handle. Why? Because this is MAN and this is what MAN does.

How old are you??? Unless you have a girlfriend or wife that is into swinging, this will not fly, and she will find out. Only in the last 10 years has society be telling us that a MAN treats woman as objects to fulfill his sexual needs. I had a fried who I use to pal around with. Everyday we would go out to clubs and bars looking for our "next" score. I would definitely say that is utter exhausting. I gave up that lifestyle and have never been more happy.

Never be ashamed to be the way God made you. It is a simple and undeniable biological fact: humans are not monogomous animals.

I was debating on bringing this up since belief in God is a personal thing. Since the door has now been opened I will give a quick reply to it.
A human is most definitely an animal in biological terms, I have come across definitions which loosely claim the biological requirements, then fumblingly tack on the end..."excluding humans." Linguistically, we often use "animal" to term a creature that is not human, and the definition is exclusively not human because it's easier in conversation. For example, you don't see "Animal Hospital, Excluding Humans" or the RSPCA(EH) "Royal society for the Protection of Animals (Excluding Humans)" or PETA "People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (Excluding Humans)"



In spiritual terms, humans are quite often considered not animals, and somehow elevated in this position. This is fair enough, and I can see how someone can be lead to believe this.


So if God made us as is stated, should we not act in an elevated manner? If He expected us at act as animals and spread our seed like animals wouldn't He have just made us a dog? Or something that didn't have higher intelligence?


I know I have opened this to an argument Rib and I am sorry but too many people want it both ways and it just can't happen. And until people realize this, or both parties in the relationship are okay to an open one, there will be breakup after breakup. Maturity is the single biggest factor in a relationship. Sadly maturity does not come with age it comes with life experiences that test the human resolve.

[mountie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mountie]

Fli, I find your posts very well written and I applaud your strong beliefs. I agree with the majority of what you say. People do want it both ways....they want the good, but tend to run when things get rough. Marriage is a committment. The biggest one most will make. You stand up in front on your friends, family, and your god (if you believe in god, I certainly do) and as a man you make a pledge to another person, and that person's family and friends. If you are not ready to accept the responsiblity that comes with that pledge dont make it. Simple as that.

I have some great friends who will never get married. They realize they can not make that committment to one lifelong partner. Good on them for knowing what they want. They live the way they choose to, I live the way I choose to.

Bottom line RIB....you will know when you know....not before. If you have doubts, you are not ready. Relax and enjoy the relationship you have, time is on your side.

Another useless tip....just becasue you love someone doesn't mean you can live with someone. Be sure.

[Panther Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Panther]

Was married for 15 years - not anymore. It went wrong for several reasons and it was as much my fault as hers. A successful marriage takes a high level of commitment, total honesty, respect for the other person and the ability to communicate well.

There is no reason why you have to stop having sex, take eachother for granted or behave differently after you tie the knot. I think too many people show their partner what they think they want to get in the door. Once in the door and comfortable they revert to who they really are. That's what we call the bait and switch.

Be honest and be yourself and there should be no big surprises. I'll be getting married again when I find the right woman.

[Fli-Fisher Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fli-Fisher]

Thanks mountie

Bottom line RIB....you will know when you know....not before. If you have doubts, you are not ready. Relax and enjoy the relationship you have, time is on your side.

Couldn't have summed it up better myself. This right here is spot on RIB.

[RIB2211 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RIB2211]

Thanks for the great responses guys. I started this thread because I've been thinking a lot of marriage lately, even so much that I looked into ring expenses (I found a website called bluenile.com where I could create a stunning ring for $750. Sorry ladies, I love you and all, but once I graduate and am on a police officer's salary, that's all I can afford!)

Every time I'm with my girl I feel as if I'm never going to find another like her. We're not even together really due to the distance, but she feels the same way. We both have tried other relationships and just end up coming back to one another. I do not want to get married right now, I still have two more years till I get my degree. But if things keep going the way they are, I'd like to have a ring on her finger by the time I land my first post-college job. She is a very, very humble woman.