Urge to rediscover myself

[thegodson Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thegodson]

I don't often post on the forum about my personal endeavors, but this feels like a cool community to share ideas with, so here goes.

Last night before bed, I'd taken a hit of my pen and got a little high. I wanted to see how I could be alone with my own thoughts in an elevated state.
I ended up praying a bit, which gave me thoughts about rediscovering my faith and where that would take me. Then I started thinking about how since I was just in the 3rd grade, I'd been exposed to porn, and my mind has been on sexual overkill from a young age.

Then I had this urge to kegel as hard as I could. I think this came from the fact that erections are hard for me to come by, and being 21, I get in my head about it sometimes; I feel my testosterone alone should take care of that. But I held it for maybe two or three minutes, and it felt great, like I was working a muscle that was yearning to be used. It could be the antidpressants I'm on (10mg lexapro) that make it difficult to get my guy up, especially without stimulation.

I was tugging on my dick for a bit, but wasn't getting any harder. So then I thought alright, I'll throw some lotion on, up the sensitivity. It helped for sure, but then I got the urge to watch some porn. This is where I'm looking for advice.

Normally, after reading through the forums about re-training my brain to get sensitive to normal stimulus, I get a feeling like looking at porn is bad. But I decided to watch stuff that is relevant to my life. My girlfriend is black, and honestly it turns me on a lot more when I watch porn of interracial couples fucking. So I was watching a bunch of that and was actually taking my time masturbating, it wasn't frantic or anything, I was really imagining myself in that moment, what it'd be like to make videos with her (we've talked about making one for my birthday and things like that. The most interesting thing was I came for the first time without having to concentrate on it, something that I've always had to do.

So I'm wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences to this and what your thoughts on it are. Any advice on using porn to reignite my sexual creativity and sensitivity in a controlled way? Or is it best to go cold turkey and stay away from masturbation, porn, etc., until testosterone is pent up?

I know it's a longer post, but all I'm looking for is some conversation on the topic, no need for concrete answers.

[SoraSora Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SoraSora]

It's an unpopular opinion on the forum and online, but I feel porn is not inherently evil at all. Just like alcohol, video games, or sex itself, it can be a perfectly healthy part of someone's life as long as you manage to maintain balance with it. When you get an addiction to something, or it takes away from your happiness, is when you have to find a way to balance it in your life, whether that means balance, or omitting it completely.

I've never drunk alcohol, but I know that having a glass of wine in the evening or a beer on a night out doesn't a broken person make. I also didn't watch any porn for a whole year at one point, and was no healthier mentally or physically during that period than when I watch porn now. In fact, while not watching porn, I got an awesome case of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, which gave me a number of mentally traumatic experiences.

It sounds like you have a positive, productive way to use porn, and to improve your mental health to some degree. So it sounds to me like you should keep it up, and make sure every now and then it's something that genuinely adds to your happiness, as it appears to be, and to make changes if that strays from being the case. Good luck friend!

[watersnake Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close watersnake]

I consider porn an extremely powerful tool for PE... with that power comes potential for great misuse and abuse... but if used in a controlled manner it can be potent. I manipulate the extreme power to my personal advantage...but its usually not easy!

[Traceur77 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Traceur77]

As someone who came to these forums by way of NoFap, I think it's great that you're developing what sounds like a healthy relationship with porn. Unlike most NoFappers, I don't believe porn is evil, but I don't think I'm at a point yet where I'd be willing to use to assist with my PE. Granted, I've just started PE, and I haven't jerked at all for months, but if you can make it work beneficially for you (as it seems, along with others here), then more power to you.

Keep at it. (PE that is)

[thegodson Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thegodson]

It's an unpopular opinion on the forum and online, but I feel porn is not inherently evil at all. Just like alcohol, video games, or sex itself, it can be a perfectly healthy part of someone's life as long as you manage to maintain balance with it. When you get an addiction to something, or it takes away from your happiness, is when you have to find a way to balance it in your life, whether that means balance, or omitting it completely.

I've never drunk alcohol, but I know that having a glass of wine in the evening or a beer on a night out doesn't a broken person make. I also didn't watch any porn for a whole year at one point, and was no healthier mentally or physically during that period than when I watch porn now. In fact, while not watching porn, I got an awesome case of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, which gave me a number of mentally traumatic experiences.

It sounds like you have a positive, productive way to use porn, and to improve your mental health to some degree. So it sounds to me like you should keep it up, and make sure every now and then it's something that genuinely adds to your happiness, as it appears to be, and to make changes if that strays from being the case. Good luck friend!

I agree completely about the idea of balance, it's what I'm striving for right now. Thanks for the input, it's appreciated!