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Thread: The Age Old Question
- 08-22-2018 #11
I would of said yes and yes but i think the more your around someone you like (otherwise you wouldn't be friends) attraction happens without meaning too. Of course we can control ourselves.
So yes and no.Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.
- 08-22-2018 #12
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Short answer: yes and yes.
- 08-22-2018 #13
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I have one partner, my wife. I have several dozen friends who are female who are just friends. My dedication began with my vows and will end with my passing. To think that men and women can not have friendships without sexual tension to me is ridiculous. Shame on all of you who can't see this and can not devote yourself to one person at a time. If in a committed relationship, there should be no wavering or straying of the mind to others in a sexual way. Pretty simple to me, obviously not so easy to others.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
— Dale Carnegie
- 08-22-2018 #14
I can but that's only because I practice maintaining strong boundaries with everyone. I know a lot about how intimate friendships can turn into intimate relationships so I set clear rules from the start to avoid those problems.
For one, there is no talk of sex EVER. If the topic at hand suggests it is headed in that direction I change the subject or tell them that I am not interested discussing that with them. I don't spend an a let them discuss secrets about their romantic partners with me. I remind them that I am not a therapist and they need to discuss their problems with their partner and not bring in a third party. I also don't tell them my deepest darkest secrets, those that should between me and a trained therapist, to avoid forming trauma bonds and getting too close to good friends. I don't spend a lot of alone time with them as well as fatigue, alcohol, drugs and medications, and loneliness can make distort the sense of time spent together and make it seem like we've spent a much longer period together. If need be I will avoid spending alone time with them or tell them I need time to myself to avoid creating those feelings. Finally, when it comes to the phone there are no late night calls or hours spent texting back and forth. I stop answering the phone after 10pm and refuse to pick up before 10am or when I'm in class. I do not text longer than 10 minutes max per day. I don't pick up the phone for married and partnered women on the weekends unless it's about school or a dire emergency. And I don't let them come to me for emotional support.
These rules may seem harsh but they are in place because I have had so many female friends try to turn my friendship into something sexual, or use me as their as their therapist or secondary source of narcissistic supply, use me for money, food, or a rebound relationship. So, I started implementing some ground rules from the start and found those problems don't happen with me anymore. There are women who practice strong boundaries too, I know because we tend to find each other and talk about these kinds of things. There usually older though, late twenties to early forties and have been through some sort of toxic relationship with a parent or guardian or abusive ex and have established rules for themselves since then.
You can easily spot the women who CANNOT be "just friends" with their male companions because they're the ones with a lot of narcissistic traits. They seem to flourish on male attention whenever they can get it, positive or negative, have a hard time controlling their emotions, and are the ones telling you all about their problems with their relationship after you get to know them. If you looks carefully you'll also see lots of male acquaintances vying for her attention, very few authentic female friends that don't seem fake, and they give of a superficial charming but alarming personality that gives you the sense there is something wrong with them and they have almost no boundaries.Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael
- 08-22-2018 #15
- 08-22-2018 #16
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It starts with you and if it involves you then it should be a pretty simple process. Eventually, they all realize, I think it is where in the process of their enlightenment that you happen to fall. Understand your frustrations my friend. There is a light at the end......
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
— Dale Carnegie
- 08-23-2018 #17
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- 08-23-2018 #18
I disagree with the Yes and No.
My two best friends, as I mentioned, are guys. They are both physically attractive. I don't just like them - I love them both. But, there is no sexual tension - because that's not our relationship.
Like ZZ - being married, I just don't even think of other men sexually. Now, this doesn't mean I can't appreciate physical beauty. But, there's a huge difference between thinking, "That guy is really attractive." and "I want to sleep with him!"
- 08-23-2018 #19Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.
- 08-24-2018 #20
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Ujjayi says:
The question is this...
Can a man and a woman be just friends?
Of course they can. Why not? I know a number of religions seem to think it is not possible, but that is just overreaction by prudish men who cannot control their own animal instincts.
How could anyone survive in the modern world of work without female/male relationships. I have had any number of women as close friends and colleagues. Married, single, lesbian, even trans. People are people. Some of my best friends are and have been of the opposite sex. I could not imagine a life without them.
And Ujjayi has an Additional question:
Can a man and a woman be just friends without sexual attraction or tension?
Yes indeed. First off, not everyone is attractive. As Seinfeld says 95% of the world is undateable. And even if they are, 99.99999999% are absolutely not interested in me. And conversely, I am an adult, I am able to recognize a person is attractive without there being any sexual tension. That is how adults are.
Very true but unfortunately...
The sad reality of having a small...