The Age Old Question

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

Hi Gymnasts,

I know this is an age-old question...still there are always varied opinions and insights.

So what is the question?

I know TeoDeles is rolling his eyes because I ask too many questions. (Read: nosey)

The question is this...

Can a man and a woman be just friends?

Additional question:

Can a man and a woman be just friends without sexual attraction or tension?

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Yes and Yes.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Yes and yes!

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

I agree with those guys. I have had several female friends over the years without being sexually attracted to them.

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

I agree with those guys. I have had several female friends over the years without being sexually attracted to them.

I partially agree...If a man has a high sexual drive, then one could make a woman not attractive atrractive.

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

From a woman's perspective -- Absolutely on both accounts.

My two best friends are male. I have zero sexual attraction to either of them. And, I'm 99% sure they have no sexual interest in me. Both likely think of me more like the annoying but adorable little sister. :-D

[TeoDeles Senior Member Member of the Month July 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TeoDeles]

Well I heard my name so I have to reply

Yes a man and a woman can just be friends BUT there is only a way for this to happen.
BOTH of them should not have sexual attraction to each other because they don t like the looks and the type of each other.

I have very high standards in the outer appearance of a woman so I could be a friend with the ones I don t like.
I had 4 girl friends.(just friends)
From the start I explained to them the type of the woman that I like(in some random conversations that we made) and that my intentions were only friendship and they understood that they weren t my type.

The prob with women is that they are so romantic and stuff that deep inside they think they can change that.
So they were giving me some hard time from nowhere in some situations (fights without any reason) because they were realizing as the time was passing by, that I was speaking the truth from the beginning. And the biggest prob were when there was some girl that I liked in our company or when I was watching some girl (stranger) when we were out for drinks.
Anyway I am left with just 2 girl friends now cause the 2 of them became a pain in the ass because of all this.

The truth is that I am very simple and taught mentally and this huge complications and sensitivities of female mentallity (when I have them as a friend) is making me tired sometimes.
So I have reduced the time I was spending with them I am more with my guys friends this period.

And let me tell you this... there is nothing more disgusting from a girl farting in front of you LoL

[hm42 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hm42]

If you put t that way, then yes... There has to be no attraction what so ever on either side and that is rare. Not saying this to be rude and it just happened to a friend of mine(Yes she is hot but she is like my older sister, one of my best friends older sister from when we were little. She said "Oh no Randy and I are just friends and their is nothing between them" LOL Sure as shit Randy wants to be with her.. Boom done it does not happen with attractive woman and a guy though in a normal setting, not talking about the relation I have with my hot female friend.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

1. Yes.
2. It really depends between the two people. It's possible, in the same way getting on Jeopardy is possible. I have only one female friend and we "dated" briefly but nothing was really said, I'm still sexually attracted to her and we have this light flirtatious thing going, but just friends as she is in a relationship and there's no way someone would pick me over someone else. I'm sure with others they can do it all day, just like with some there's no way they could, so it depends on the persons involved in the friendship.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi Its Yes and Yes.

But try telling the other half you just good friends, I was talking to the herb women on Kalamata Market as I do in passing, the wife followed up and said what you buying, I said nothing just chatting, you then get the look, one can never win in the great institution of marriage.

NOWHARD

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

I would of said yes and yes but i think the more your around someone you like (otherwise you wouldn't be friends) attraction happens without meaning too. Of course we can control ourselves.

So yes and no.

[Light Metal Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Light Metal]

Short answer: yes and yes.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

I have one partner, my wife. I have several dozen friends who are female who are just friends. My dedication began with my vows and will end with my passing. To think that men and women can not have friendships without sexual tension to me is ridiculous. Shame on all of you who can't see this and can not devote yourself to one person at a time. If in a committed relationship, there should be no wavering or straying of the mind to others in a sexual way. Pretty simple to me, obviously not so easy to others.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Can a man and a woman be just friends?

Additional question:

Can a man and a woman be just friends without sexual attraction or tension?

I can but that's only because I practice maintaining strong boundaries with everyone. I know a lot about how intimate friendships can turn into intimate relationships so I set clear rules from the start to avoid those problems.

For one, there is no talk of sex EVER. If the topic at hand suggests it is headed in that direction I change the subject or tell them that I am not interested discussing that with them. I don't spend an a let them discuss secrets about their romantic partners with me. I remind them that I am not a therapist and they need to discuss their problems with their partner and not bring in a third party. I also don't tell them my deepest darkest secrets, those that should between me and a trained therapist, to avoid forming trauma bonds and getting too close to good friends. I don't spend a lot of alone time with them as well as fatigue, alcohol, drugs and medications, and loneliness can make distort the sense of time spent together and make it seem like we've spent a much longer period together. If need be I will avoid spending alone time with them or tell them I need time to myself to avoid creating those feelings. Finally, when it comes to the phone there are no late night calls or hours spent texting back and forth. I stop answering the phone after 10pm and refuse to pick up before 10am or when I'm in class. I do not text longer than 10 minutes max per day. I don't pick up the phone for married and partnered women on the weekends unless it's about school or a dire emergency. And I don't let them come to me for emotional support.

These rules may seem harsh but they are in place because I have had so many female friends try to turn my friendship into something sexual, or use me as their as their therapist or secondary source of narcissistic supply, use me for money, food, or a rebound relationship. So, I started implementing some ground rules from the start and found those problems don't happen with me anymore. There are women who practice strong boundaries too, I know because we tend to find each other and talk about these kinds of things. There usually older though, late twenties to early forties and have been through some sort of toxic relationship with a parent or guardian or abusive ex and have established rules for themselves since then.

You can easily spot the women who CANNOT be "just friends" with their male companions because they're the ones with a lot of narcissistic traits. They seem to flourish on male attention whenever they can get it, positive or negative, have a hard time controlling their emotions, and are the ones telling you all about their problems with their relationship after you get to know them. If you looks carefully you'll also see lots of male acquaintances vying for her attention, very few authentic female friends that don't seem fake, and they give of a superficial charming but alarming personality that gives you the sense there is something wrong with them and they have almost no boundaries.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

I have one partner, my wife. I have several dozen friends who are female who are just friends. My dedication began with my vows and will end with my passing. To think that men and women can not have friendships without sexual tension to me is ridiculous. Shame on all of you who can't see this and can not devote yourself to one person at a time. If in a committed relationship, there should be no wavering or straying of the mind to others in a sexual way. Pretty simple to me, obviously not so easy to others.

I wish more people closer to my own age felt th same way as you.