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I'm 22 and I just had the first date of my life. It was with a girl I met off tinder. She looked better in her pictures, but she's still okay I guess. Maybe 5/10 looks, but she does have beautiful blue eyes. She was also dressed beautifully which is a bonus. It was honestly very spontaenous, I just spoke to her on the phone yesterday and we arranged a date for today (valentine's day). We started at a cafι and we talked for probably 1-2 hours. Afterwards we went out for a walk and stopped by a pub, we stayed at the pub for an hour maybe.
During our evening she was the one who spent most of the time talking. I'd ask questions and tease her occasionally, maybe I told a funny anecdote here and there. Things flowed pretty well but seeing as it was my first date ever, I was a bit nervous. During our walk, I asked her "so when were you planning to kiss me?", and she laughed it off. But we stopped on the street and shared a quick kiss, it was my first kiss ever. Never kissed a grl before until today. I honestly felt nothing during our kiss, if anything I was a bit disgusted. Like ugh, I just got her fucking saliva and breath. I was fantasizing about doing stuff to her occasionally, and I got many boners during the evening. I fantasized about playing with her breast, rubbing them with lube and sliding my dick between them. Anyway, we left as the pub was closing and I suggested we go back to my place to drink some tea (yea right, tea). We boarded the tram, she is VERY talkative. She just went on and on talking, which I didn't really mind because I'm naturally a more silent type.
Apparently, she has slight autism and something called "language disability". I didn't really notice before she brought it up, and it didn't really bother me because I found her body hot and wanted to sleep with her. So we get back to my place (she is talking THE ENTIRE WAY back) and she walk into my appartment. Out of the blue she tells me, "You're soo nervous. I've noticed you've been nervous the entire evening". I was a bit taken back by her comment because I thought I had kept my composure. Anyway, I thought it was cute that she had noticed and she seemed very caring in her nature.
We stood in the kitchen and we held hands while looking each other in the eye. Personally, that was a very intimate moment for me. I loved it when we started playing with each others hands, I felt connected to her in that moment. Especially because she had noticed my nervousness and seemed to find it cute. Then, she starts kissing me and also makes a comment that I'm a nervous kisser (no surprise there, she's the first girl I ever kissed). So she tells me to relax, and pulls me closer towards her so we're touching with our bodies. Kissing her felt slightly better this time around, but I still didn't really find it enjoyable. "What's the fuss about?", was my thought. We eventually stop kissing and stroll around the appartment. I sit on a chair and she goes back and forth between approaching me and going away. Eventually I pull her towards me and she sits on my lap. We start kissing again, she laughs and tells me to relax and she starts playing with my hair. I had a boner this whole time. My size anxiety also bothered me because I was worried she didn't feel anything while she was sitting on me. She starts checking her phone and she checks the time for tram departures because she wants to leave. I don't really argue about it with her, if she wants to leave she can leave. My boner is dead at this point. But we sit on the chair all this time and we hold each other close, again it was a special moment for me. I felt close to her this time too. At this point, she is the one intitiating most of the kissing and I felt I was becoming a better kisser. She also starts kissing my neck and she nibbles my ear, which really fucking tickled. She seemed to enjoy it more because it tickled so I restrained myself and let her do her part. I started to like it when she did that.
I try to take her top off, I only get it off half-way because she stops me. So we go back to just holding each other and occasionally kissing. Out of the blue, I decide to bring up my size anxiety, telling her I'm very insecure about my penis because of the size etc. She responds saying: "Wow, now I'm really curious. How big is it? You don't have to feel nervous, I don't care about size. The person is more important to me". But she got REALLY curious after that comment and she seemed more eager to stay (maybe because she wanted to see it). Anyway so we go back to kissing, and I take off her top to reveal her breast. Guys, I felt nothing the entire time. Her breast didn't feel special to me. I don't know, am I gay? Maybe I'm gay. I have no fucking idea. Or maybe I didn't really find her that attractive in the first place, or maybe I was just nervous because it was my first time ever with a girl.
So I take off her pants and slide down her underwear, AND THIS FUCKING VILE SMELL OF ROTTEN FISH comes out. Do all pussies smell this way? My god, I wanted to fucking vomit but of course I didn't mention it to her. So I get up from the chair and walk her to bed and tell her to lie down. I spread her legs to see her pussy, it was pretty cute I guess. Pink colored, it looked okay to me. But the smell just made me not want to get anywhere near her, I didn't even want to start kissing her as she lied in bed. Seeing as I felt 0 fucking attraction to her in that moment, and I didn't even have a boner depsite both her pussy and breast being revealed, I didn't continue kissing her. Out of the blue I say to her "do you want to see my dick?", and I also mention to her that I'm circumcized. I take off my pants and it's embarassingly small and also not hard at all. She grabs it and tries to play with it but she found it really weird because there was no foreskin. She even said "Sorry but this is really weird". It's really uncommon for people to be circumcized in this country, and I'm a foreigner so I understand why she found it weird. It sucks honestly, I wish I wasn't circumcized. But what can you do? Anyway, I wish she would have sucked me off or something, but she just gets up, puts her clothes back on and I follow her outside the to the tram station.
Before she leaves, I tell her that I'm nervous because I felt 0 arrousal with her, and I don't know if I can have sex with her or any other girl for that matter. She tries to reassure me by saying it's fine to not get arroused, it happens and you just have to take it slow. Before she boards the tram, she pulls me closer for a final kiss. Then she leaves and we wave goodbye. I don't care that I didn't get to sleep with her, my question is this. Why did I feel 0 arrousal? Is it because of the disgusting smell? Is it because I didn't find her that attractive? Is it because of my nervousness because it was my first time with a girl? Is it because I'm gay? I don't know guys, I do have gay fantasies sometimes that get me arroused. Maybe I'm gay but I don't want to admit it to myself, I don't have a clue. Right now, I have a pain in my back and I feel like I want to vomit. It feels like I've contracted a disease from her, why the hell did she smell so bad? I feel weak in my body, it feels like I've contracted a virus from kissing her.
During our evening she was the one who spent most of the time talking. I'd ask questions and tease her occasionally, maybe I told a funny anecdote here and there. Things flowed pretty well but seeing as it was my first date ever, I was a bit nervous. During our walk, I asked her "so when were you planning to kiss me?", and she laughed it off. But we stopped on the street and shared a quick kiss, it was my first kiss ever. Never kissed a grl before until today. I honestly felt nothing during our kiss, if anything I was a bit disgusted. Like ugh, I just got her fucking saliva and breath. I was fantasizing about doing stuff to her occasionally, and I got many boners during the evening. I fantasized about playing with her breast, rubbing them with lube and sliding my dick between them. Anyway, we left as the pub was closing and I suggested we go back to my place to drink some tea (yea right, tea). We boarded the tram, she is VERY talkative. She just went on and on talking, which I didn't really mind because I'm naturally a more silent type.
Apparently, she has slight autism and something called "language disability". I didn't really notice before she brought it up, and it didn't really bother me because I found her body hot and wanted to sleep with her. So we get back to my place (she is talking THE ENTIRE WAY back) and she walk into my appartment. Out of the blue she tells me, "You're soo nervous. I've noticed you've been nervous the entire evening". I was a bit taken back by her comment because I thought I had kept my composure. Anyway, I thought it was cute that she had noticed and she seemed very caring in her nature.
We stood in the kitchen and we held hands while looking each other in the eye. Personally, that was a very intimate moment for me. I loved it when we started playing with each others hands, I felt connected to her in that moment. Especially because she had noticed my nervousness and seemed to find it cute. Then, she starts kissing me and also makes a comment that I'm a nervous kisser (no surprise there, she's the first girl I ever kissed). So she tells me to relax, and pulls me closer towards her so we're touching with our bodies. Kissing her felt slightly better this time around, but I still didn't really find it enjoyable. "What's the fuss about?", was my thought. We eventually stop kissing and stroll around the appartment. I sit on a chair and she goes back and forth between approaching me and going away. Eventually I pull her towards me and she sits on my lap. We start kissing again, she laughs and tells me to relax and she starts playing with my hair. I had a boner this whole time. My size anxiety also bothered me because I was worried she didn't feel anything while she was sitting on me. She starts checking her phone and she checks the time for tram departures because she wants to leave. I don't really argue about it with her, if she wants to leave she can leave. My boner is dead at this point. But we sit on the chair all this time and we hold each other close, again it was a special moment for me. I felt close to her this time too. At this point, she is the one intitiating most of the kissing and I felt I was becoming a better kisser. She also starts kissing my neck and she nibbles my ear, which really fucking tickled. She seemed to enjoy it more because it tickled so I restrained myself and let her do her part. I started to like it when she did that.
I try to take her top off, I only get it off half-way because she stops me. So we go back to just holding each other and occasionally kissing. Out of the blue, I decide to bring up my size anxiety, telling her I'm very insecure about my penis because of the size etc. She responds saying: "Wow, now I'm really curious. How big is it? You don't have to feel nervous, I don't care about size. The person is more important to me". But she got REALLY curious after that comment and she seemed more eager to stay (maybe because she wanted to see it). Anyway so we go back to kissing, and I take off her top to reveal her breast. Guys, I felt nothing the entire time. Her breast didn't feel special to me. I don't know, am I gay? Maybe I'm gay. I have no fucking idea. Or maybe I didn't really find her that attractive in the first place, or maybe I was just nervous because it was my first time ever with a girl.
So I take off her pants and slide down her underwear, AND THIS FUCKING VILE SMELL OF ROTTEN FISH comes out. Do all pussies smell this way? My god, I wanted to fucking vomit but of course I didn't mention it to her. So I get up from the chair and walk her to bed and tell her to lie down. I spread her legs to see her pussy, it was pretty cute I guess. Pink colored, it looked okay to me. But the smell just made me not want to get anywhere near her, I didn't even want to start kissing her as she lied in bed. Seeing as I felt 0 fucking attraction to her in that moment, and I didn't even have a boner depsite both her pussy and breast being revealed, I didn't continue kissing her. Out of the blue I say to her "do you want to see my dick?", and I also mention to her that I'm circumcized. I take off my pants and it's embarassingly small and also not hard at all. She grabs it and tries to play with it but she found it really weird because there was no foreskin. She even said "Sorry but this is really weird". It's really uncommon for people to be circumcized in this country, and I'm a foreigner so I understand why she found it weird. It sucks honestly, I wish I wasn't circumcized. But what can you do? Anyway, I wish she would have sucked me off or something, but she just gets up, puts her clothes back on and I follow her outside the to the tram station.
Before she leaves, I tell her that I'm nervous because I felt 0 arrousal with her, and I don't know if I can have sex with her or any other girl for that matter. She tries to reassure me by saying it's fine to not get arroused, it happens and you just have to take it slow. Before she boards the tram, she pulls me closer for a final kiss. Then she leaves and we wave goodbye. I don't care that I didn't get to sleep with her, my question is this. Why did I feel 0 arrousal? Is it because of the disgusting smell? Is it because I didn't find her that attractive? Is it because of my nervousness because it was my first time with a girl? Is it because I'm gay? I don't know guys, I do have gay fantasies sometimes that get me arroused. Maybe I'm gay but I don't want to admit it to myself, I don't have a clue. Right now, I have a pain in my back and I feel like I want to vomit. It feels like I've contracted a disease from her, why the hell did she smell so bad? I feel weak in my body, it feels like I've contracted a virus from kissing her.
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