Comparisons

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

This is something I do often, comparing myself to other people and thinking myself lesser than them, but I had not done it much in quite some time. I think I've been having a decent year, a decent job, losing weight steadily, and being rather content with the present while looking forward to the future with going back to school, getting a car, and working on various things I want to work on, at least eventually with all of this, but man as soon as someone I know has even better news I go right back to old habits.

My step-sister became head of surgery, or some rank in the hospital system like that, for the Cleveland Clinic, posting on facebook of all the people in California that she met and will miss her, posts about her baby, and so much more. So instead of feeling glad that she is doing well, which is what I should be doing, I can only look back at my recent "accomplishments", throw my hands up in the air, and go "......Welp! Fuck everything I've done! All of that means nothing!" It also doesn't help that when I compare my life to hers I look like a complete failure, which I am, compared to her constant and never ending success.

Now you may ask "why is this that big of a deal?" and I'd like to say that's a good smelling question. We were both basically straight A students throughout school and now she's a established surgeon and I'm a god damned janitor. Yes, she had a house hold that was filled with far more support compared to mine, but I feel like that shouldn't matter. Of course I know full well what I'm doing, I see that I shouldn't be doing this, but good fucking Christian deity if seeing her massive success doesn't piss me off. Yes, I know that's childish, petty, and being asshole incarnate, but I can't seem to help it.

Maybe it's just me having a pretty shitty past couple of months, at least when it comes to work and the various irritations that can come with it, and some things have pushed me back off the car a little, maybe it's me falling back into old habits, or maybe it's because I'm an envious asshole. I don't know, but what I do know is that I find it frustrating and I would be glad to stop doing that.

Anyone else ever feel this way? How did you go about getting rid of this mind set? Is this normal?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Why is success,self worth related to what job you do? Why don't we measure our success based upon what kind of person we are and not job. When someone asks me what I do I tell them I like to ski, play requetball, cook; they stop me and say they meant what I do for a living. I answer I thought you wanted to know about me the person and not my job.

[Bisquick61 Senior Member Member of the Month May 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close Bisquick61]

Why is success,self worth related to what job you do? Why don't we measure our success based upon what kind of person we are and not job. When someone asks me what I do I tell them I like to ski, play requetball, cook; they stop me and say they meant what I do for a living. I answer I thought you wanted to know about me the person and not my job.

Cusp is right. And if you truly are happy for, then you will understand she took a different route is all. Success is relative

[Physdoc Retired Moderator Member of the Month July 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close Physdoc]

Why is success,self worth related to what job you do? Why don't we measure our success based upon what kind of person we are and not job. When someone asks me what I do I tell them I like to ski, play requetball, cook; they stop me and say they meant what I do for a living. I answer I thought you wanted to know about me the person and not my job.

Words of wisdom here ^^^. One of the best things we like about going to nudist places is that getting naked in front of others seems to knock down all the frivolous walls between people. Everyone talks to other people even though most of us just met - heavy people, fit people, great looking or not, hung guys and not-so hung, good looking or not, we all mingle. And not a single person in years has asked either of us what we do for a living. We just hang around naked with a drink in our hand and talk about fun stuff. Enjoying the day. I guess one benefit of aging is you realize it's not material things that make you happy or "successful."

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Why is success,self worth related to what job you do? Why don't we measure our success based upon what kind of person we are and not job. When someone asks me what I do I tell them I like to ski, play requetball, cook; they stop me and say they meant what I do for a living. I answer I thought you wanted to know about me the person and not my job.

IDK. But having been unemployed for almost 2 months has really taken a toll on my self worth, my manhood. It’s effecting my ability in the bedroom. I hate having to watch her go to work, it’s so belittling.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

Many of us have had life deal us tough hands at one time or another, sometimes even multiple hands. It's not about your present situation, it's about refusing to give up in spite of all the odds stacked against you. Choosing to smile and stay positive even though you really have not reason to. Let me share my story.

Married with 4 kids. Big time struggles, multiple counseling sessions, separations, divorce. During the temporary hearing I find out I have to give her roughly $2K/month. I got a good job and a nice house, it's manageable. I lose the job. Two months of looking for a comparable job and nothing. My only income is Uber and I have some money saved up. Money is running out, I settle for a job making $11/h working on farm equipment. It's still not enough but it's slowing down the hemorrhaging of my bank account. My child support cant get adjusted because of the temporary hearing. It will only be changed during final. I'm stuck with paying $2K/month to her.

After a couple of months I move to a analyst job at a small business making $15/h. Slight improvement but now I'm out of extra money. Barely make money from selling my house but lost big time because of all the money I put into it. At least I didn't foreclose, I tell myself. I move back in with parents. Bummer. My weekends with the kids have also been severely impacted due to being at parents (less freedom, small house, they can't spend the night, parents get stressed out, etc.), we stay at parks and Burger King most the time. I barely have enough money to feed them.

About 8 months later I get a job at Proctor and Gamble as a contractor, making about $20/h, now I can afford to pay her and bills, yay. Still at parents house, no money left to me after paying her and bills, I'm just breaking even but at least I'm not in the red no more. I continue doing Uber to help out around the house and have some extra money for myself. Then in one month I had $1,000 worth of auto work that needed to be done. New water pump, two new front tires, breaks and rotors, oil change. It felt like every time I started catching a break life smacked me back down.

Now, I'm about to sign the final papers, the amount I'll owe her has been cut in half. I ran my finances, I can now afford a place to live! For the first time in 2 years I have something tangible I can be excited about. I've lived through two years of uncertainty, just surviving and adapting as life threw one punch after another at me. Couldn't plan for the future because I had no idea what I was going to have to work with.

The thing is, I never gave up. I never loathed in self-pity. Most of my friends have no clue about what my life has been like. They only see the happy go lucky guy that encourages them and is there for them. I refused to let life get me down even though I had every reason to be depressed and have a "woe is me" attitude. You see, mindset is 90% of the battle. You roll with the punches and get right back up when knocked down. Life can seem unfair, I say, So what? It's what we did about it that's gonna be remembered when we look back. There is always a way, there is always hope. As the saying goes, You cant keep a good man down!

So I say to everyone, So what? What are you going to do about it? As Captain Planet would say, "The power is YOURS!" lol.

[Hailtotheburrito Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hailtotheburrito]

I happen to have fond memories of my elementary school janitor Mr. Valentino. You never know how much joy you can bring into peoples lives loving what you do.
Take responsibility for your decisions though if you are not happy. If you were a straight A student then you have talent and gifts. YOU made decisions that led you where you are, support or not. Only 15% of millionaires inherited their money. Most were people like everyone else. They just make better decisions. Knowing themselves, having and planning out a clear path to goals, Live within their means. No credit card debt. No reckless spending. Motivation and willing to put in the hard work and take reasonable risks.
It’s normal to get down when family is doing better too. At least you are not wishing her I’ll will. That being said, it’s never too late to use what gifts you have and do more with your life if that’s what you want. Happiness comes from God. You can be happy no matter what. It might be He had bigger plans for your talents and is pushing you, and you feel it in your heart. In the end it’s between Him and you anyways. Your stepsister doesn’t matter. There are plenty of people with no support who achieve the height of their talents. Look at Dr. Ben Carson. Social media is misleading. I would be willing to bet a woman with children choosing that kind of career is miserable not getting to see her kids so much, and wrought with guilt. This is why people with everything have to post about how wonderful their lives are to tell themselves that. She may even envy you.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Many of us have had life deal us tough hands at one time or another, sometimes even multiple hands. It's not about your present situation, it's about refusing to give up in spite of all the odds stacked against you. Choosing to smile and stay positive even though you really have not reason to. Let me share my story.

Married with 4 kids. Big time struggles, multiple counseling sessions, separations, divorce. During the temporary hearing I find out I have to give her roughly $2K/month. I got a good job and a nice house, it's manageable. I lose the job. Two months of looking for a comparable job and nothing. My only income is Uber and I have some money saved up. Money is running out, I settle for a job making $11/h working on farm equipment. It's still not enough but it's slowing down the hemorrhaging of my bank account. My child support cant get adjusted because of the temporary hearing. It will only be changed during final. I'm stuck with paying $2K/month to her.

After a couple of months I move to a analyst job at a small business making $15/h. Slight improvement but now I'm out of extra money. Barely make money from selling my house but lost big time because of all the money I put into it. At least I didn't foreclose, I tell myself. I move back in with parents. Bummer. My weekends with the kids have also been severely impacted due to being at parents (less freedom, small house, they can't spend the night, parents get stressed out, etc.), we stay at parks and Burger King most the time. I barely have enough money to feed them.

About 8 months later I get a job at Proctor and Gamble as a contractor, making about $20/h, now I can afford to pay her and bills, yay. Still at parents house, no money left to me after paying her and bills, I'm just breaking even but at least I'm not in the red no more. I continue doing Uber to help out around the house and have some extra money for myself. Then in one month I had $1,000 worth of auto work that needed to be done. New water pump, two new front tires, breaks and rotors, oil change. It felt like every time I started catching a break life smacked me back down.

Now, I'm about to sign the final papers, the amount I'll owe her has been cut in half. I ran my finances, I can now afford a place to live! For the first time in 2 years I have something tangible I can be excited about. I've lived through two years of uncertainty, just surviving and adapting as life threw one punch after another at me. Couldn't plan for the future because I had no idea what I was going to have to work with.

The thing is, I never gave up. I never loathed in self-pity. Most of my friends have no clue about what my life has been like. They only see the happy go lucky guy that encourages them and is there for them. I refused to let life get me down even though I had every reason to be depressed and have a "woe is me" attitude. You see, mindset is 90% of the battle. You roll with the punches and get right back up when knocked down. Life can seem unfair, I say, So what? It's what we did about it that's gonna be remembered when we look back. There is always a way, there is always hope. As the saying goes, You cant keep a good man down!

So I say to everyone, So what? What are you going to do about it? As Captain Planet would say, "The power is YOURS!" lol.

Im sorry for your troubles.

Don’t ever think for one minute I walk around feeling sorry for myself. This place is my confessional. I mean, for heaven sakes I’ve bared all here, in more ways than one. I guess we all have our crosses to bare, no ones is heavier than another’s. Except for His. I have to remind myself of that from time to time.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

Im sorry for your troubles.

Don’t ever think for one minute I walk around feeling sorry for myself. This place is my confessional. I mean, for heaven sakes I’ve bared all here, in more ways than one. I guess we all have our crosses to bare, no ones is heavier than another’s. Except for His. I have to remind myself of that from time to time.

There is certainly a time and a season for everything. It's natural to go through grief and need time to process what's happening. This community here is a great place to share and unload. Another thing we can all be grateful for.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

There is certainly a time and a season for everything. It's natural to go through grief and need time to process what's happening. This community here is a great place to share and unload. Another thing we can all be grateful for.

Exactly. I mean we all know things about each other no one else does. Not even my wife.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

Why is success,self worth related to what job you do?

While the job is part of it I was more meaning about the total package of my life compared to hers, or others. I'm good at what I do, and don't mind doing it, but when you were neck and neck with someone in life and they take off while you spin your wheels, go backwards, spin some more, and only catch up in the slightest while they continue to rocket forward with little to no failure it does bring upon some extreme introspection as to how you ended up screwing it up.

Cusp is right. And if you truly are happy for, then you will understand she took a different route is all. Success is relative

And that is true, but I do believe there is a clear gauge of success. Yes, people can be happy with nothing, and that's up to them, but I feel in this kind of world of ours there are things you need to get by and I've got anywhere between negative to near zero of that.

Many thought I'd be out doing something or succeeding somewhere big, but I am so very far from that. It's frustrating to say the least.

The thing is, I never gave up. I never loathed in self-pity. Most of my friends have no clue about what my life has been like. They only see the happy go lucky guy that encourages them and is there for them. I refused to let life get me down even though I had every reason to be depressed and have a "woe is me" attitude. You see, mindset is 90% of the battle. You roll with the punches and get right back up when knocked down. Life can seem unfair, I say, So what? It's what we did about it that's gonna be remembered when we look back. There is always a way, there is always hope. As the saying goes, You cant keep a good man down!

So I say to everyone, So what? What are you going to do about it? As Captain Planet would say, "The power is YOURS!" lol.

Perhaps you have a point there. Before that I'm not trying to go with a "woe is me", at least not on purpose. Honestly things have felt pretty good since I got the job and things have felt like I'm moving forward for the first time in a LONG time, but as soon as I saw her massive success #47 these old habits came back and I went back to just hating where I am. I've certainly tried my best to be okay with other's successes as of late, but maybe that old rivalry of mine came bubbling back when I saw this. I guess when you have no updates outside of the big success for so long you tend to think they stopped moving forward.

I suppose that the whole "the power is yours" thing never felt true as many of my choices seemed to take that power away, even though the choice was the power to begin with.

I think the thing that pissed me off the most was that I was pissed off by this, like I hadn't grown at all and I had ignored what success I've had as of late. The feeling of being perfect was definitely ingrained into me by a parent. You know the kind, being screamed at in public for coming in 2nd in a regional competition or them being disappointed in me that I would get one B on a report card out of everything else being A's. I honestly thought I had outgrown that, or maybe it's because I keep sequestering myself away from others to not have it happen.

Either way I feel like I should be past this kind of stuff, I should be focusing more on what's coming, rather than what has happened for others, but good god if this habit isn't hard to kill.

Take responsibility for your decisions though if you are not happy.

Oh believe me, I do. I know it's 100% my fault for fucking things up this badly that these small victories are so big for me. It's my fault for being so afraid of life that I took care of a parent rather than just moving on and facing things. I know now it gave me a good excuse to not try outside of just them and my family.

She may even envy you.

That I doubt.

[Going411x7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Going411x7]

God bless our janitors! I've always admired their work--I, having taught for 52 years. My advice is make a list of all the things in your life for which you are grateful; then come here and dump your feelings, as you have been doing. God love you, man. This, too, shall pass.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

God bless our janitors! I've always admired their work--I, having taught for 52 years. My advice is make a list of all the things in your life for which you are grateful; then come here and dump your feelings, as you have been doing. God love you, man. This, too, shall pass.

I gave this some thought since I woke up and it definitely took a few moments to think of what I feel are blessing for me, and also because I try to stay away from this site at work just in case the IT department looks and thinks this place is porn.

At first it was pretty easy to think of two.

1. My job - It does feel like I'm moving forward, although lately it's like I have no energy as soon as the work day starts. Maybe it's from recent events at work, me being there long enough, or various combinations of all that and things outside of work.
2. My dad - He has tried to do whatever he can for me, and while I rebuff many of his offers I know I wouldn't be where I am without him. I still try and take as little help from him as I can, at least outside the one ride to work a week as buses don't run Sundays here.

I honestly thought that was it, but then when I got to thinking I was able to think of.

3. My friend(s) - Currently I only really have the one in real life, the one i talk to on the internet, and an ex of mine (although she's been oddly silent lately, which isn't like her)

Unfortunately, that's about it. I really don't have much going on for me outside of the job and because of taking the bus, and third shift in general, I don't have the time to do much of anything else. There are things I'd like to start/restart/continue, but lately I've had no energy or the drive to do them outside of the weekends for a few hours