BDSM, anybody else into it?

[MrsLooking4more]

A soft limit is basically something that a person may be intrigued by but thinks they may not want to do it and may be a bit apprehensive. He/she isn't saying a definite NO but will consider it. During the scene, the Dom may push that limit and see how the sub reacts. As long as he/she doesn't use the safe word, the Dom may continue in that direction and the sub may find out that they do indeed like that certain thing.

A hard limit is something that the sub will not agree to in any way. If the Dom is playing by the rules, he/she will not push this limit in any way.

Keep in mind that these limits are discussed in detail before a scene starts.

The safe word is used at any time the sub feels uncomfortable. A soft limit may have been pushed too far or a hard limit may have been crossed. Maybe the sub just feels sick, dizzy, or bad in some other way.

The safe word stops the scene immediately and depending on the reason for using the safe word, the scene may continue again or may be stopped entirely.

Any BDSM relationship or even a scene done at a club with a strange Dom/Domme does require trust. In our case my wife already trusted me with her life so starting into BDSM was natural. In fact the trust in our relationship has increased through doing successful scenes. If doing a scene in a club, a person has to trust that the Dom/Domme will follow the rules and not endanger them. That can happen through watching them doing scenes with other people and also asking others in the club.

Ideally forgiveness shouldn't be required if one is following the rules and also abiding by the subs hard and soft limits. I would imagine once in a while there may be a misunderstanding that would cause a problem during a scene and forgiveness may be needed afterwards. That is entirely up to the sub and if he/she cannot forgive and feels endangered, scene is done and sub needs to find a Dom/Domme that they can trust.

If the hard and soft limits are discussed properly beforehand, things should never get out of hand. The sub also needs to realize that they do indeed have the power to stop the scene immediately and should ALWAYS do so before a boundary gets crossed without feeling weak or inferior for doing so. They must know that they are there for their own pleasure and should not feel bad if it doesn't go the way they want. It is the Dom/Domme's responsibility to bring about the sub's pleasure however they see fit without endangering that person in any way, shape, or form.

I would like to add that when you are doing a scene at a reputable BDSM club, even if the Dom/Domme are new to you there are Dungeon Monitors (DM) about, making sure that scenes do not get out of hand.

[kilgore]

how do you know all this?

[MrsLooking4more]

The Mr and I are practicing members of the community for 20+ years. We are open about it, hence the thread.

[de-kule]

I have always been intrigued about various aspects of this, not sure the Mrs. Would be up for it... Not sure she wouldn't be either, I understand she was quite the wild-child back in her younger days.

[the tamer]

Hey, I know I am late to the party, read some of the stuff. I am Into the D of BDSM. I really enjoy dominance. I never really acted on it until I met a girl that enjoyed being on the receiving end. Besides this, she was a mental mess so we ended it cause she was hard to deal with. I just recently got into the online scene and I love it...

[MrsLooking4more]

I have always been intrigued about various aspects of this, not sure the Mrs. Would be up for it... Not sure she wouldn't be either, I understand she was quite the wild-child back in her younger days.

Have you asked her? With the advent of 50 Shades BDSM had become very popular, not always good since there are many people hurting themselves out there without training but light bondage and submission might be something she is up to and you will never know unless you ask.

[MrsLooking4more]

Hey, I know I am late to the party, read some of the stuff. I am Into the D of BDSM. I really enjoy dominance. I never really acted on it until I met a girl that enjoyed being on the receiving end. Besides this, she was a mental mess so we ended it cause she was hard to deal with. I just recently got into the online scene and I love it...

We don't do the online sine we are exclusive with each other but many of our friends do and they love it. Glad you enjoyed your first foray into the lifestyle and hopefully you will soon find a partner that fits your needs. Good luck!

[closed251]

I think I might be drawn to it but I'm not sure.

I like submissive acts if I'm in control or deciding to do them. However I don't think I would be very good as a Sub to a Dom.

I'm rather assertive and controlling.

[Ravenously]

I think I might be drawn to it but I'm not sure.

I like submissive acts if I'm in control or deciding to do them. However I don't think I would be very good as a Sub to a Dom.

I'm rather assertive and controlling.

Ah...... the dichotomy that is woman.