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  • Cheated on my wife

    So, I never thought that I would be in this position, but here I am. I did the unthinkable. I kissed a girl who is not my wife, when I was drunk last night. I feel fucking miserable and despicable. The irony is I'm the guy who has been running around telling people drinking is bad. Well, jokes on me.

    I told her today and she said to never talk to her again. We have been separated for 8 months while waiting for her visa, and our only means of communication are skype and facebook. She immediately blocked me on both and told me that she will erase every memory of me from her mind.

    Guess I'm not such a good guy after all. Member of the month my ass.

    I am pretty low.
    Focus on the positive :D
    -----
    The dog in the bun represents my lifetime goal.

  • #2
    Oh my word. I am sorry you are feeling so low. Can I tell you I am quite shocked though by her complete blocking of you and cutting all communication. I realize you kissed another woman but in my opinion that wouldn't be grounds for me to write someone off entirely-especially not a man I was happily married to. May I ask how long you have been married & if there were already issues? I know you stated you've been apart for 8 months but i assume the intent was to be reunited. I'm sure she is hurt and perhaps she will cool down and communicate is my hope for you. Hang in there!

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    • #3
      Alcohol is a strange one, I think there's a threshold where it literally has more control than your willpower. Obviously you know it wasn't cool and all that but I honestly wouldn't blame yourself too much. You're clearly conscientious enough to A. immediately regret it and B. very bravely admit to your wife what had happened.

      As for your wife she's clearly going to be angry at first, she might not stop being angry, but after the dust has settled she might find that she doesn't really want to cut you off. Especially over just a kiss.

      I cross my fingers for you dude and I hope it turns out ok, but honestly try not to feel too bad about it, it was a mistake, and mistakes are human, and you do seem like a good guy.
      Start
      May 15th 2014

      Last Measured Gains (unsure how accurate in all fairness)
      July 2nd

      BPEL + 0.5"
      NBPEL + 0.6"
      MEG + 0.0"

      Ser Gregor Clegains.

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      • #4
        ABone2Pick. Iam sorry to hear about this situation, it doesn't sound like you. I hope and pray your wife gives you an opportunity after she calms down.
        ​Mrs. L4M
        BDSM Safe, Sane & Consensual
        Hubby's Routine

        BPEL 6.5 +1.5 ~>8.0 02/2013
        MEG. 4.7 +1.3 ~>6.0 03/2013

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        • #5
          Don't you do anything rash luv. Just hope she comes through is all I can say but I must agree hiddengem considering it was just a kiss. Just give it some time.
          "We live to make the impossible possible that is our focus!"- Lightning

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          • #6
            Dude, she is probably super passed but just chill and give her some time. Don't harass her by sending her a million texts or calls.

            Send her one message and tell her your sorry and you love her and wait. She may not get over it but most likely she needs to wrap her head around it.

            Never do it again. Best of luck bro. Your still a fantastic member here, keep your head up.
            Going an inch and 1/2 deeper than before

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            • #7
              I just never thought this would be me. I was totally blindsided by my own behavior. My father cheated on my mom once and I've mildly resented him for it nearly my whole life. Now suddenly I'm the one. I've never even speculated what this would be like. I thought I was immune.

              It's true that it was only a kiss, but we were abstinent until marriage. Neither of us really have any history at all, so we are raised to be less tolerant of stuff like this. I would not be terribly surprised if this is irreparable. She really, really struggles with forgiveness.
              Focus on the positive :D
              -----
              The dog in the bun represents my lifetime goal.

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              • #8
                It may be cultural differences ( you are from korea ) ... I wouldn't even say you cheated on her and if she doesn't want to talk to you anymore, she's over-reacting...
                Or are you guys young?

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                • #9
                  Why the fuck did you tell her

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                  • #10
                    A drunken kiss is not cheating, unless you're in grade school... It may be dumb, irresponsible, foolish, etc..., but it should not constitute cheating. I've kissed plenty of women while in relationships during various tomfoolery, but that's a far leap from sex and intimacy. If it was me, I wouldn't have said anything, but I'm sure we view the world through a different veil.

                    I think she'll get over it if she truly cares for you. But, in the future, especially the near future, I would try to make much better decisions all around. Either don't do it, or don't tell her if you do. Especially if it is truly something as minor as a kiss.

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                    • #11
                      I really appreciate everything, guys. and yes, we are very young. Both of us are 23. We've been together about 3 years, and while we've had ample ups and downs, this was definitely the dumbest thing I've ever done.

                      As to why told her... because cheating is a mistake in the past, but withholding information is a second by second decision in the present. I may not be a good husband, but I'll be damned before I will go through life as a liar.
                      Focus on the positive :D
                      -----
                      The dog in the bun represents my lifetime goal.

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                      • #12
                        Very Sorry to hear about the situation we all make mistakes we are human like BigO said don't keep on her back best thing to do is let her come to terms with it at the end of the day you could of said nothing and she wouldn't even know but your a good guy and you told her that takes a lot of guts to do in my eyes this makes your a good guy

                        i don't know much about your relationship with your wife but if she is willing to throw it all away over a kiss...
                        seems a bit much marriage through good times and bad

                        you have just broke the trust and its going to take time to heal and to get it back this doesn't mean you need to be a slave and have her bring it up all the time and make you feel like a ass

                        once she forgives you she needs to understand just that SHE FORGIVES YOU and that's the end of it not to bring it up again! and work on the now not the past

                        i hope everything works out mate and i am sure it will just let her know how much you love her how sorry you are she will come around a relationship is hard work and the day you stop working for it is the day it starts to die!
                        Start Stats
                        27/07/2013

                        6.0 BPEL
                        5.0 MEG

                        03/07/2014
                        Current stats

                        6.9 BPEL
                        5.4 MEG


                        Year Goal
                        7.0 BPEL
                        5.5 MSEG

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by RoyCropper View Post
                          Why the fuck did you tell her
                          Something to do with morality
                          Start
                          May 15th 2014

                          Last Measured Gains (unsure how accurate in all fairness)
                          July 2nd

                          BPEL + 0.5"
                          NBPEL + 0.6"
                          MEG + 0.0"

                          Ser Gregor Clegains.

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                          • #14
                            What you did was certainly not okay, but you did tell her and that is something I would do, which should show her that you feel guilty about it and don't want to hide something like this from her. While what you didn't wasn't exactly right I am a little surprised how angry she is. Sure she shouldn't be happy about it and not wanting to talk to you for a while is understandable, but wanting you out of her life seems a few steps higher in anger than I expected someone to have over it.

                            Now I am not in a relationship and haven't been married, but it seems a reacting too much to it
                            Dontrike
                            Senior Member
                            Last edited by Dontrike; 08-20-2014, 09:51 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Koreans are pretty extreme people. If she actually never talks to me again, then I don't know what I'll do. Our relationship has been pretty strained recently and I've been feeling neglected. That's probably part of why I did what I did, the other part being drunkenness. I have been struggling for months now and she hasn't been very sensitive. I'm not justifying what I did, but I do see how this situation developed.

                              I am really not sure if she will forgive me. She is generally quite emotional and extreme. She may turn arounr and go drinking tonight and try to get revenge. I really have no idea how this will play out. I just hope she's ok. Even if it comes to a divorce, I love her and care about her wellbeing. I never wanted this.

                              Ahhh.....
                              Focus on the positive :D
                              -----
                              The dog in the bun represents my lifetime goal.

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