How do you know you need therapy for penis size insecurity?

[UKGuy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close UKGuy]

Yes I know another guy insecure about his penis size. I don't know if watching porn from a young age (10) has brainwashed me or not but I feel so small compared to most men in reality I'm average maybe slightly above average when erect. When I was young after watching porn so much I become OCD about my dick size measured it so many times (I know pretty sad right) I think a bit over 6 inches hard, 7 inches maybe max when fully erect but maybe it's wishful thinking. I remember thinking when I was young it was a decent size then I tried PE and injured myself my glans didn't get as big as before there less smaller erection this made me less confident, I know I should be grateful I don't have a micro penis (basically less than 4 inches erect) I genuinely feel bad for men with this condition but my dick still looks and feels small though. I know a lot of guys in porn are naturally big anyway but I've seen a lot of pictures of guys who aren't pornstars but have big cocks it's seriously crushed my self esteem I've noticed too that men who look more masculine tend to have big dicks not a coincidence? I realize now being older that a lot of porn producers use camera angles to make pornstars cocks even bigger, strange even big guys when zoomed out can look small as well.

I know the issue is probably in my head and not in my pants but how did you guys overcome your penis insecurity? I'm still a virgin at 30 due to this and my mindset generally is that a lot more guys have bigger dicks than me so why waste a woman's time? I know that I may be considered big by men with micro penises but honestly it doesn't make me feel me better.

Also Hollywood doesn't help men either almost every major actor in Hollywood supposedly has a big dick no doubt some have but they can't all be huge.

[millia Senior Member;PEGym Editor Find all posts View Profile Close millia]

My brother. It is so hard to change our mentality and perspective on things like this. Do you need to hire and pay for a therapist for this particular issue? That's for you to decide, however you shouldn't feel as if this is ruling your life or preventing you from exploring your sexuality. It is hard to overcome this feeling of inadequacy. I feel it constantly with many different things in life from penis size to body dysmorphia just to name a few. I can tell you this though, as someone who has a smaller dick than you, I have still made women squirt, I have had women tell me I was the best they've had, and I've had women be completely satisfied after my performance with them. I can't change your perspective of self worth, merely just try to help you feel differently, but I can tell you that size does not matter and if a woman genuinely wants to sleep with you, whether you have a micropenis or not she will not feel like "you're wasting her time".

Stop watching porn, stop comparing yourself to others, and start focusing and caring about yourself and your abilities, it doesn't matter if you were the biggest or her smallest, what she cares about is you right now and to me, I want to be the best she's having at that time.

[turtler Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close turtler]

I know the issue is probably in my head and not in my pants but how did you guys overcome your penis insecurity?

Are there times when you're able to accept that your size is fine and that porn and real life sex are two very separate things? If so, what is it that triggers you to relapse into your feelings of inadequacy?

If you can find out what those triggers are, then either try to avoid them or modify the way you respond to them.

This is a non-trivial process. You can do it by yourself, but if you can get a therapist you like and trust along for the ride it will likely be quite a bit easier.


Also, if you lack physical intimacy in your life, it might be worth considering finding a reputable, high quality massage parlor for some soothing massage. It can be a fantastic stress reliever that can also help balance your mind.

[Bigpurplecrown Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bigpurplecrown]

I probably need therapy, but I'd rather get to 8.5x6.25 and then get the therapy when I inevitably shift my goals to 9.5x7 or something ridiculous lol.
Lots of actors in hollywood are gay and have sex with the producers, wouldn't surprise me if they do have big penises, but lots of them don't.

[SweetAndsour Member Find all posts View Profile Close SweetAndsour]

I don't want to come in here and say "it could be worse" because everything in life is subjective. I myself am sitting at 5 in BPEL on a good day. It is rough man. I've watched porn since the first grade, long story. But it really made me feel inadequate all throughout my young life. I avoided so much stuff man. I loved sports but never played any because of being scared to change in front of other guys. I always wanted to wrestle but was scared because its very revealing. It just really sucks man, I missed out on a lot of opportunities in life. Also being afraid to take my shirt off in public not because I have a bad body, but because people could then see the bulge, or lack there of. So believe me man, I know the feelings. One day though, I just said fuck it. I'm very secure with the person I am now. I constantly joke about having a small dick amongst my friends and coworkers. People love to see that you are confident in who you are man. I know it's going to be hard to overcome that, especially when it's been such a long time but I believe that you can do it man!! I hate when people say "If I can do it, then you can do it." Because I think that's really unfair of a thing to say to a person. Everyone's mentality and history is different. But I believe in you man! I hope we can talk some more and I hope that you can find that confidence so that you can love yourself. Good luck to you brother!

[Phoenix7672 Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Phoenix7672]

I'm fairly certain most guys think they are small or just average, unless they run into problems frequently during sex, or have had almost every girl comment on their size.

That said, one of the negatives to PE is that gains take so long, it is very likely you won't see them with your own eyes. I can say I look exactly the same as I did pre-PE, yet I am 0.8" longer erect and 1" or more longer flaccid. I know the same thing happened when I used to work out more...I could tell my arms were getting larger, people would comment, but in the mirror they looked exactly the same.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hello UKGuy,

If I may, I would like to share the following information with you. Perhaps it will help.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. But it is a decision that only steals joy from our lives. And it is a habit with numerous shortcomings:

Comparisons are always unfair. We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.

Comparisons, by definition, require metrics. But only a fool believes every good thing can be counted (or measured).

Comparisons rob us of precious time. We each get 86,400 seconds each day. And using even one to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is one second too many.

You are too unique to compare fairly. Your gifts and talents and successes and contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be properly compared to anyone else.

You have nothing to gain, but much to lose. For example: your pride, your dignity, your drive, and your passion.

There is no end to the possible number of comparisons. The habit can never be overcome by attaining success. There will also be something—or someone—else to focus on.

Comparison puts focus on the wrong person. You can control one life—yours. But when we constantly compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.

Comparisons often result in resentment. Resentment towards others and towards ourselves.

Comparisons deprive us of joy. They add no value, meaning, or fulfillment to our lives. They only distract from it.

Indeed, the negative effects of comparisons are wide and far-reaching. Likely, you have experienced (or are experiencing) many of them first-hand in your life as well. How then, might we break free from this habit of comparison? Consider, embrace, and proceed forward with the following steps.

A Practical Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Take note of the foolish (and harmful) nature of comparison. Take a good look at the list above. Take notice of comparison’s harmful effects in your life. And find priority to intentionally remove it from the inside-out.

Become intimately aware of your own successes. Whether you are a writer, musician, doctor, landscaper, mother, or student, you have a unique perspective backed by unique experiences and unique gifts. You have the capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to accomplish good in your little section of the world. With that opportunity squarely in front of you, become intimately aware of your past successes. And find motivation in them to pursue more.

Pursue the greater things in life. Some of the greatest treasures in this world are hidden from sight: love, humility, empathy, selflessness, generosity. Among these higher pursuits, there is no measurement. Desire them above everything else and remove yourself entirely from society’s definition of success.

Compete less. Appreciate more. There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start working together to figure it out. The first and most important step in overcoming the habit of competition is to routinely appreciate and compliment the contribution of others.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. Gratitude always forces us to recognize the good things we already have in our world.

Remind yourself nobody is perfect. While focusing on the negatives is rarely as helpful as focusing on the positives, there is important space to be found remembering that nobody is perfect and nobody is living a painless life. Triumph requires an obstacle to be overcome. And everybody is suffering through their own, whether you are close enough to know it or not.

Take a walk. Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to others, get up and change your surroundings. Go for a walk—even if only to the other side of the room. Allow the change in your surroundings to prompt change in your thinking.

Find inspiration without comparison. Comparing our lives with others is foolish. But finding inspiration and learning from others is entirely wise. Work hard to learn the difference. Humbly ask questions of the people you admire or read biographies as inspiration. But if comparison is a consistent tendency in your life, notice which attitudes prompt positive change and which result in negative influence.

If you need to compare, compare with yourself. We ought to strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little bit each day. And learn to celebrate the little advancements you are making without comparing them to others.

With so many negative effects inherent in comparison, it is a shame we ever take part in it. But the struggle is real for most of us. Fortunately, it does not need to be. And the freedom found in comparing less is entirely worth the effort.

source

[UKGuy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close UKGuy]

i'm thinking therapy might help but I'm not sure I measured again recently (sad for a 30 year old guy I know) I'm 6-6 and a half inches erect, okay so I'm normal but it feels tiny to me especially looking at it. I've seen blokes with genuinely small dicks (micropenis) online and read forums talking about this issue I honestly feel terrible for them their penises erect are 3 inches max, many never approach women (understandable) some marry, honestly I feel almost like them my dick is 6 inches or so but it looks more like 4 inches strangely in porn I've seen even guys with big dicks can look small from a certain angle especially when the camera zoomed out weird. So to men with micropenises average guys are huge, average guys feel insecure compared to big dick guys, hell even some huge guys don't think their big enough for women!

My mindset though is why bother wasting a woman's time with my average/smallish dick when plenty of other guys are packing? No I'm not trolling either I'm serious. Is penis size a good enough reason to remain single?

[turtler Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close turtler]

i'm thinking therapy might help but I'm not sure

Well, what would it take for you to be sure? What's stopping you?

[Closed054 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Closed054]

Your penis is not small! You are a large man thats why it may seem to feel small, and porn just like fashion mags make people feel inadequet. Therapy is a great idea.

You are also not wasting a womans time by approaching her, just make sure she is worthy of your time and you of hers. If you are just trying to "hook up" you are going to feel insecure, but if you try to make friends with a lady then see where it goes from there, if nothing else you have one more friend.

The penis is not the issue here it is being insecure. you are a wonderful beautiful human being, learn to love yourself.

[Aang Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Aang]

There will always be someone out there, with a bigger/smaller one than yours. Keep in mind that pornstars are not the majority of the population in the world, it's all about the entertainment value and making sure that it would sell. And you shouldn't allow that, to stop you from living life!

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Get therapy if you have the money, it might help you talk through this stuff.

[lilbigman Senior Member Member of the Month June 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close lilbigman]

You know what's funny about all this insecurity about penis size is that up until the last 20 years or so it was never an issue. With the onset of the internet and then inevitably the ease of the access to porn, many men have developed insecurities that would never have been there. I would bet my entire lifes savings that 50 years ago, most men with a 6 inch penis would have walked around with their head held high and confident in their cock size. There 1 partner or wife (cause that's how they did it back then, most people got married, had a family and only had sex with that one person) would have loved their man and his cock and neither one would have given size a second thought. And most men didn't stop themselves from courting women or having sex because they were afraid their penis was too small. Back then people had sex out of love. A way to express their love and desire to the other person through the sharing of their bodies with one another. Today everyone is fucking everyone and you can see it thru a few strokes of a keyboard. Immorality is at an all time high and what was once taboo and wrong is now accepted and almost celebrated at times. I remember when television shows could be cancelled for showing two people kissing, saying words like dammit, or showing to much skin. I remember a show that was almost cancelled for showing a pregnant womans belly (I think it was I love Lucy). Hell, nowadays their is a whole porn category dedicated to pregnant sex. I dream of Genie almost didn't make the air waves because it showed her belly button. Yes a lot has changed since then and we now live in a world full of all kinds of debauchery and immorality. We wonder why our kids don't listen to us anymore. Why people care for only themselves. (they would sooner cut you off and budge in front of you then hold the door open). And why people have insecurities. Not only can we develop penis insecurities, but performance anxiety and even erectile dysfunction as well.

Look OP, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have all of my insecurities figured out or a way to fix yours. I would be a hypocrite to say that I don't still have them. I do, and still struggle from time to time with it. Wan't to know the crazy thing about it? My measurments are 7.5x5.1. How's that for fucked up? You'r probably wondering how in the fuck can you be worried about your cock size? Well, I blame it on society. The easy access to porn and the sick and twisted world we live in today.

Now I'm not saying its all bad out there as their are still many beautiful and pure things left out there in the world and sex is one of them. It is the ultimate way to express yourself with another person. The most precious and intimate gift you can give to another human being. Fall in love and when have sex with that woman and I can guarantee you, your penis size will never even cross her mind. She won't care about how big you are, but only that you are inside her. I know this as fact. A man with a bigger penis has fucked my girlfriend in the past and has gotten her off. But no man has made her body tremble with a simple touch as mine has. I'm not going to say that she wouldn't mind me having a bigger cock, but the only reason I believe is because its more my insecurity not her desire. If I had a 5" cock she would still love me and be with me because penis size has nothing to do with pleasing and pleasuring a woman. At least not a woman that is worth your time to be with. If she has a problem with your penis size than drop her like a bad habit and move on to the next. But forgive her, its not her fault. I blame it on society.