Locker room (b)lather / we're talkin' sports!

[not2big]

As an alumni, I follow the Patriot League in the NE. May not be the biggest and toughest, these member institutions are among the oldest and most prestigious in the nation. Alumni from Patriot League colleges and universities have played a leadership role in the shaping of our country.

[Tamora]

Hey Jock...just wondering why you "yanks" call PROPER football "soccer" and American football "football"? I know you guys are pretty confused most of the time and can't tell your arses from your elbows even on a good day...but I've never seen that "rugby" ball you guys stole from us being "kicked" once!

P.S. Is that offensive enough to cause a row?

[longerlastingnoob]

GOOD MORNING SPORTS FANS! Anybody remember that old saying that starts off "The best laid plans?"...Well, my plans were to incite a riot with a post at midnight, but about 11:30 the GF came home a little tipsy and VERY HORNY from having a few cocktails after work with friends, so my plans got "laid aside" and I got" LAID", INSTEAD! So everybody got a 10 hour "reprieve", compliments of my GF! But without further adieu, here goes.....

We'll try to keep this a more general indictment of college football on the DIV 1, conference level, with just a few mentions of the more "outstandingly outrageous" teams scattered about my commentary. We'll begin on the "left coast" with the PAC-12, "That PU$$Y ATHLETE'S CONFERENCE" and work our way cross-country! Ahhh, the PAC-12, a "revamped expanded and reinvented" group of once proud teams who've become also-rans in America's history of college football. I'm talkin' (once-proud) USC, UCLA, even Washington, but lately, there's Stanford?, CAL, and the "fairy-tails" from Oregon (LOL)! Come-on guys, football's for jocks, it's not a "fashion-statement"! This year I hear they're trading their cleats for patent-leather pumps to accentuate their pearl necklaces and "booty-shorts"! If the NCAA would let them, they'd all be passing their purses, instead of the pigskin in this league! Get REAL! And for everybody's health, keep plenty of condoms in the locker rooms!

Then there's those orphan teams way up in the NW, the leftovers from the WAC (Wanna-be Athletes Club) that NOBODY wanted! Geez, these teams don't even qualify under weakened NCAA rules to get a bid to the play-offs, regardless of their record!...I mean WHO CARES?

Down in the SW, there's the "BIG-12"....talk about STUPID, they can't even COUNT! There's only 10 teams! It should be called "THE TEXAS LEAGUE", since only OK & OK st. aren't in TX. Oh and speaking of OK, OK ST. & TX , these once-proud programs have fallen equally on hard times, not unlike USC & UCLA, with the comeuppance of TCU & BAYLOR?....GO FIGURE!? Let's just dissolve this disaster and merge the "qualifiers into the PAC-12 & SEC. The rest of this illegitimate litter, can join the WACo's non-qualifiers up North.

Speaking of the SEC, here's a lopsided group of teams divided East & West. I call them the Semi-Erect Conference. In the west, yes there's some testosterone, but the East?....well let's just say "E" is for estrogen. So you end up with a "SEMI", and we all know that just won't get you any satisfaction. Yes, there's America's biggest rivalry game here, AL vs. Auburn. Annually, every single redneck on the continent gathers (or at least gathers in their living room) to watch who will earn the rights to poison trees or buy new TV antennas for the opponents trailer-homes this year! Again, GO FIGURE!....on second thought, DON"T BOTHER!

Next there's B1G, or B10, a conference who shares the same math deficiency with the BIG 12, only in the opposite direction. There are 12 teams here, divided North & South. They decided, following Oregon's lead, to get "cutesy-feminine" with the league title. There's the "Leaders " & "Legends" (subtitled for the divisions) both of which are filled with losers, save for a couple of dominant teams like OSU (South) & (maybe) WI "cheese-heads" (North). I say maybe, 'cause depending upon MI, or MSU that's debatable. In any case, everybody else in this conference couldn't beat the Little Sisters of the Blind on any given Saturday. Filled with populous states, you'd think this conference could field some decent football teams, but alas, that's NOT the case. The old "power-house" teams like MI have fallen on hard times, and had more impotent coaches lately than jockstraps in their locker room. And any conference that's dominated by a team with a mascot that's a TREE-NUT, ("Buck-eye"), well...you get the picture. The rest of the country will just play some football, while you guys play with you your "NUTS".

The ACC, aka "the basketball league" provides some annual entertainment. Not necessarily in the quality of football played, but more in newspaper headlines about the antics of their players (Jamis Winston, anyone?) or which team can keep the longest sustained cheating scandal (NC). Historically a basketball league, this group with an "occasional contender" in football, pretty much spends the fall of the year pooling their funds in preparation to "purchase" the best "amateur" basketball players available in HS, who stay maybe 2 years before bailing to the NBA, for $$$. You won't find too many "rabid fans" here with the obvious exception of FSU, aka, "Free Shoes/Seafood University", "Felony-State", among others, just take your pick.

Finally we have left in the NE, the old has-been football of the Big (Y)East (think vaginal infection) what little there is left of it, and the Ivy-League. Another couple of conferences that have long-ago seen their football days in the sun. Full of tradition, yes, (Harvard vs Yale) but without quality athletic talent to match their quality educational standards; or a bid to any national championship playoff opportunity. so, "nuff said!

I'll let you fans begin the trash-talking, gnashing of teeth, name calling, and seething at each other's remarks now. Just don't shoot the messenger (please) and don't give each other your addresses, to avoid letter-bombs or worse arriving by mail or in person (God Forbid). Finally, please "try" to watch your language, too (F-bombs, etc) and remember, it's all just a "GAME"....NOT! Have a SAFE & FUN-FILLED FOOTBALL SEASON, EVERYONE! - Jock

Well sir, although I don't have a clue what you just said I'll defend to the death you're right to say it.

[jockinthebox]

Well, true to form, TCU lived up to the old "Texas League" play that everyone (outside of TX) has always suspected, last night! Not even close to a #2 team in the nation performance against Minnesota. Boykin's passes were WAY off-target, and there's really NO EXCUSE for him not being ready to run & gun like he did in the Peach Bowl beating Ole MS. to end the season last year. If this is as good as they can do against an at best, "mediocre" Minn team, even in the TX league play, Baylor will clean their clock, IMO.

[Tamora]

Hey Jock...your a Welshman...I'm hoping Wales beat Israel on Sunday to qualify for Euro 2016 after a 58 year absence. Although, how the hell Israel is playing in the Euro championships is a bit beyond me?

[jockinthebox]

Hey Jock...your a Welshman...I'm hoping Wales beat Israel on Sunday to qualify for Euro 2016 after a 58 year absence. Although, how the hell Israel is playing in the Euro championships is a bit beyond me?

Gee Tamora, as a Welsh Yank, I had NO IDEA! Thanks for the info, but you'll have to let me know the outcome. Not like your "PROPER Football" pre-empts American Football over here! Might get a score on a ticker off ESPN, but I doubt it.

[jockinthebox]

Hey BIG O, WTF happened to your Wolverines last night?

[Tamora]

Gee Tamora, as a Welsh Yank, I had NO IDEA! Thanks for the info, but you'll have to let me know the outcome. Not like your "PROPER Football" pre-empts American Football over here! Might get a score on a ticker off ESPN, but I doubt it.

I'll surely let you know Jock...thank God for Gareth Bale aye! Wales are ranked above England for the first time ever.

[CUSP82]

Okay for the heck of it pick the 2 teams that will be in the World Series?

[Tamora]

Oh deary, deary me...San Marino 0 - 6 England.