Breaking taboos

[closed259 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed259]

Hi all,

New here. Have lurked before but never quite gave myself the permission to commit. I'm a 37-year-old virgin. Yes, it hurts to mention it but at this point I don't care. Sex was not a topic of discussion in my family, and without going into details, has set up sexual mores that were more harmful than good. Opportunities for sex were there when I was younger, but I did not take them... hoping to save myself for the ideal girl, which of course never materialized! I was a romantic, hoping for this magical girl to fall from the sky...

I've come back from a recent trip and just started reading a great book on the anxieties I feel with respect to sex. What both things have taught me is that I have been harbouring sexual guilt and shame for so long. I've taken the commitment to stop all that nonsense and to live my sexuality on my terms. I used to look down on people who had sex without being in love, or those who had multiple affairs. That led to cycles of sexual repression, abstinence and porn-viewing. It took me a while to figure out that no matter how long I ignored sex, the more it would come back to haunt me. Now my perspective is perfectly fine with the idea of having sex without being crazy in love with a girl that I nonetheless feel attracted to.

So what am I doing here? I noticed that over the years my stuff isn't working as well as when I was 20. I want above all, better erection quality and a higher erection angle. Cock confidence, essentially. And if I can reap up a few extra benefits such as increased girth and length, then it's all good! I would also want to check in on how to develop better endurance and technique later on, so that I can feel that extra confidence for when the time finally comes. So here goes...

[getinbig Senior Member Member of the Month March 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close getinbig]

Hi Virgin and welcome to the Gym.

Before a lot of others post on your thread, let me say I'm one of many romantics here at PEGym. My PE is for the benefit of my wife and I have been very successful at gaining so I can "fill" her and give her greater pleasure when we make love. It's a beautiful thing.

One of my coaches in my search for gains, especially girth, has been Hydeaway85. He's someone else who "saved" himself sexually for his wife and now his PE work is for her pleasure as well.

Don't feel that you have to rush into lots of sexual encounters. I think you just need to recognize that sex and the intimacy we share with our wives is something absolutely beautiful and a wonderful gift from God.

I really admire you for your transparency and for waiting this long. I would not throw that away! I wish you only the best here in the Gym and on your PE Journey.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Welcome to the forum- and for your candid post!

[closed259 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed259]

@ getinbig
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate your encouragement to "save myself" for one gal... I honestly felt this way for the longest time. Now I'm not so sure it would be best for me to wait around until I fall in live again. What I meant by getting some experience wasn't to go out willy-nilly and bone anything I could find, but rather a nice, attractive girl, with brains and a personality that I like and feel good being around... but without necessarily being totally IN LOVE with her. I would definitely see this as a girlfriend-boyfriend type of relationship (as opposed to ONS or a fuck buddy thing).

@ Big Al
Thanks for your words of welcome!

I do have a concern though: I realized that jelqing induces quite a lot of arousal... even several hours afterwards. I get a lot more sexual thoughts and at times feel like a lustball... are there ways to calm the mind so that I can get back to a more normal state of mind?

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Awesome Introduction, you are not the only one in that kind of situation, I believe.
Thank you for joining too !

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

How wonderful that you will begin your journey most likely with a class of women (over 30) that are more mature with regards to relationships. They have seen the superficial guys, the douchie guys, the alpha A-hole and are wanting for a hopeless romantic to stop the roller coaster ride. You sound like you would make a good catch (sorry I'm already spoken for....). You certainly are well spoken (written) which tells a lot about the person. Good luck to you.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

@ Big Al
Thanks for your words of welcome!

I do have a concern though: I realized that jelqing induces quite a lot of arousal... even several hours afterwards. I get a lot more sexual thoughts and at times feel like a lustball... are there ways to calm the mind so that I can get back to a more normal state of mind?

Thanks

Clearing your mind and making a concerted effort to not think erotic thoughts will help. It's something which takes practice, but most of the men here can attest to eventually getting used to training without having it become untenable due to arousal.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Welcome. First off, never be ashamed of the ideals you set and maintained for yourself, you should hold your head high. My daughter is 24 and saving herself for her husband, she is in Semenary working to be a pastor. She has no potentials waiting in the wings and I've advised her to go out and have some fun. But she chooses not to, she comes from a very sexually open household. There are vibraters all over our bedroom, she ignores them like used laundry. She knows her mother and I never dated, just came home together after a Party, and 30 years later, here we are. Point being, you both have expectations about your first time, I will never be good, mine wasn't, but if you love each other, it will always be enough.

[closed259 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed259]

How wonderful that you will begin your journey most likely with a class of women (over 30) that are more mature with regards to relationships. They have seen the superficial guys, the douchie guys, the alpha A-hole and are wanting for a hopeless romantic to stop the roller coaster ride. You sound like you would make a good catch (sorry I'm already spoken for....). You certainly are well spoken (written) which tells a lot about the person. Good luck to you.

That makes sense. 30 and up would be best, but they are harder to find, be it career focus or already in long-term relationships. I would also maintain an openness to late 20s... if she appears to be mature-minded.

[closed259 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed259]

Thanks

Clearing your mind and making a concerted effort to not think erotic thoughts will help. It's something which takes practice, but most of the men here can attest to eventually getting used to training without having it become untenable due to arousal.

That's just it. Right now I am finding it hard to not eroticize the exercises (hard not to). It may take me a while to get used to it, but now that I think of it, I'm not sure if I should back off a little to stop associating the exercises with sexual obsession. I'll leave the program on standby, pending I get to know myself better, avoiding the 24/7 arousal. The way I see it, it would make more sense to find a lady, then start this process. I don't want to be objectifying women and approach them for sex only.

[closed259 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed259]

Welcome. First off, never be ashamed of the ideals you set and maintained for yourself, you should hold your head high. My daughter is 24 and saving herself for her husband, she is in Semenary working to be a pastor. She has no potentials waiting in the wings and I've advised her to go out and have some fun. But she chooses not to, she comes from a very sexually open household. There are vibraters all over our bedroom, she ignores them like used laundry. She knows her mother and I never dated, just came home together after a Party, and 30 years later, here we are. Point being, you both have expectations about your first time, I will never be good, mine wasn't, but if you love each other, it will always be enough.

Thanks for sharing that! I admire your daughter's decision... it's refreshing to see someone not splurging at an all-you-can-sex buffet! Also, totally agree with the last sentence.