Introduction and brief history (well not so brief as it turned out)

[R1Avon]

It's nice to find a place for this subject that is not filled with advertisements for over-seas products.

I'm a 51 year old male, and have suffered from some kind of ED, that I can't pinpoint the cause of, since the age of 17.

Prior to my first attempted sexual encounter at age 17, I never had erection issues. Well, I did which was that I always seemed to get them

When I was 17 I had my first real girlfriend.

As things progressed we naturally decided to have sex. I still remember driving back to my place (not sure where my mother was, but obviously she wasn't home).

During the drive, instead of being sexually arroused I found myself to be nervous. Surprisingly, the fact that she showed way too much enthusiasm for our soon to be encounter wasn't helping. It just made me more nervous.

Once we got to the bedroom, things got worse. We made out, and fooled around some. Then we got naked. Meanwhile this girl was talking dirty to me in such a way, that I've never experienced before or since. Later this would have been super hot, but at this point I just wanted a chance to ease into things.

I was hard at the beginning, but due to my lack of experience, I had a difficult time getting it in. As it turns out I totally misjudged where the entry point was.

Long story short, I went limp. She tried her best to get me hard again, but by this time my mind was in escape mode. I just wanted to get the hell away and crawl under a rock.

On a side note, months later, I learned that even though she acted experienced, she was still a virgin, and the reason she was doing all that dirty talk was because she believe it's what I wanted to hear.
On another side note, when I went down on her the scent was aweful and it wasn't until a future girlfriend that I realized that scent was not normal.

Anyway, I dated this girl for about nine months, and even though we tried to have sex, by this point I was "psyched out," and eventually ended the relationship because I couldn't handle the pressure to perform.

OK, so at this point we are mostly thinking, "Fine, first bad experience cause some performance anxiety.

After her I had several girlfriends, but each time we came close to having intercourse, I chickened out.

Meanwhile I didn't have an issue getting an erection by myself.

Finally, I found a girl that I was comfortable enough to attempt to have sex with during while we were both drunk. I figured if I couldn't perform I would blame the alchohol.
Well, I was able to kind of perform, but it was brief.

Eventually however, I started to have regular sex with her and we dated for six months. The sex was good, and everything worked find most of the time.

However, something was not right. When dating other women, I found that I would be anxious before sex, and although sometimes things worked fine, other times I would go flacid at the worst times.

Back during those times, the internet was new, and my opportunity for research was limited.

I never had the balls (pun intended) to talk to a doctor about my situation to get checked out.

One day, I was talking with a coworker about out "conquests," and he shared with me that he had to use a new pill that just came on the market. Viagra. When I confessed that sometimes I could probably use it myself, he offered me a pill.

At this point I was dating a woman for about two months, and although we did everything else, I managed to somehow avoid having intercourse with her.
One night, I took a half a Viagra without her knowing it, and the results were magical.

So that was the deal. Over the past twenty years now, anytime that I would have sex with someone, I would sneak a half a tab of the blue pill, and most of the time it worked well.

Since I never got a prescription for it, I found ways to get it in other ways. I've even ordered it from online pharmacies a few times back in the days when those sites were pretty much still legitimate. Got generics from India, and they worked just as well as the brand name ones.
Because of the FDA crack downs it's harder to get now and the sites that I used before have been shut down. Hell, my last batch from India expired in 2012 and even though they still work, they are not as good as when they were fresh.

I just found what seems to be a legitimate pharmacy online. I filled out an online consultation, and then they even called me to talk with a "doctor," who pretty much just verified my online information regarding my medical history.

The big issue is, that their price for brand name Viagra is $79 PER PILL. So I ordered one of those, and a Cealis, just to see if they would deliver it. IT should be arriving any minute.

Anyway, it's been almost 40 years since that first failed sexual encounter, and I suspect that it has affected me negatively for the rest of my life. At this point I don't know if there is also a physical aspect to my ED, but I suspect that there is.

I do get pretty decent erections when I'm by myself, but they seem to disappear when I'm with another person, before successful intercourse. Possibly due to the long expired Viagra I was taking.

To add another twist. Recently I started dating a woman who fell madly in love with me but thought that I didn't care for her, and before we reconnected, she had two sexual encounters.

I made the mistake of asking for details about them, because it partly turned me on, but secretly also made me jealous.
It didn't help that one guy did her for six hours straight, and the other one she was regularly provided her with "Great sex."

Finally she decided to end that relationship, but now I'm stuck with the image of her getting pounded by some stud for hours on end, which of course is not helping my confidence to say the least.

Now for a bit of an interesting twist. Over the years, I've been intimate with at least 40 women. Once I got the blue pill in hand I went a bit crazy for a few years. I'm just lucky I didn't catch anything.

Anyway, that's basically my story. Although I've had performance problems for decades I was able to over come it with a bit of help. Sometimes more so then at other times.

However, although I've experienced some great sex at times, I can't help but feel that I've been cheated by nature to some extent and at times it has made me spiral into a very dark place emotionally.
I believe that with rare exceptions of physical trauma, having ED is possibly the worst thing that can happen to a guy. Sometimes we joke about it (I know that I have) but man, it can really tare you to pieces on the inside; especially over time.

By the way, I consider myself average size. Around 6 inches long, but at least I was blessed with girth. Although like many, I wish I was bigger.

Ok, I blabbered on way too long.

[not2big]

Hey R1Avon!

Welcome to the Gym.

Performance anxiety has a lot to do with ED. That combined with the aging process may be the cause of your problems. A lot of foreplay, including oral. can sometimes help reduce the anxiety. Jelqing can also help with erection quality.

It would be a good idea to click on the Start Here button at the top left of the page. Lots of good information on what the Gym is all about, including best practices and safety tips.


It is always recommended to start with a beginners routine and continue with it for 90 days or until you stop gaining. Start slowly and build up to the full routine over a few weeks.

Jelq with an erection level between 40 and 70%. Do not grip too tight, just enough to feel blood moving up the shaft. When stretching, grab your shaft about one inch below the glans and do not pull too hard, just enough to to feel a slight stretch. Let your PIs be your guide as to how hard to peruse your routine.

Dont forget to take good starting measurements and photos so you have a solid base to compare your gains to.

PE safely and good luck with your endeavors.

[Big Al]

Welcome to the forum- and thanks for your honesty!

Some refuse to believe performance anxiety is something which can last for years. Your case describes it to a T. Have you considered getting to the root of the problem and attempting to recondition your mind towards more sexual confidence? This will not only require your having more faith in yourself, but rethinking the idea of sex as a whole- especially "performance based" activities.

[Cavalier]

Welcome to the gym!

Performance anxiety can be a killer, I know. When I began suffering from ED the performance anxiety over it made it even worse. I'm glad you were able to overcome it. Perhaps you could share what you did to help some of the other guys try to overcome their problems.

[R1Avon]

The way that I over came performance anxiety, at least occasionally, was that when I WAS able to perform sexually, I would get complements from the women that I was with, which gave my ego just enough of a boost to not give up entirely at least trying to have sexual relationships.

Granted, I never totally believed those complements because I do not believe in self delusions. However, I allowed myself to maintain a bit of hope that at least some of those complements were based on some truth. I may not have believed that "That was the best ever," but I allowed myself a bit of slack by thinking, "Well I guess at least it wasn't the worst ever." or even, "It was pretty OK."

Also, a long time ago, I came to realize that no matter what we do, there are people who are better at it then we are (some much better) but hopefully there are quite a few people who are worse at it).

Once I discovered the little blue pill I was able to have considerably more successful sexual encounters then before it, and after each success, my confidence grew a bit.

Unfortunately, it's not a total fix, because there were times that even the blue pill didn't quite cut it for one reason or another. (Especially if alcohol is involved).
However, I found that if I had one or two decent sexual encounters with a woman, then having one or two that didn't quite work out with the same woman, wasn't nearly as traumatic as if never being able to perform with her in the first place. Those times can be blamed on fatigue, stress, or whatever.

Now I know for a fact that my penis is about average size at best, but there were a few women who claimed that it was "big." This helped the ego some, even though I took those "complements," with a grain of salt. At least they weren't dissatisfied. However, the usual complement that I would actually believe for the most part, was "We fit well together."

There was also two instances that shattered my ego, but I didn't let it get me down too much. One time word got to me that a girl said that I was "barely adequate." after an encounter. Hey at least it was barely enough, instead of "Fell way too short."

Another time I made the mistake of going on social media into a chat room, under a different screen name, and a girl that I spent the night before with was talking about the previous nights sexual encounter complaining that she didn't cum. Got of that chat like a bat out of Hell, cause I didn't want to know anymore about that lol.

Perhaps the best way that I found to over come thinking too much about my performance is being totally selfish when I'm with a woman. Basically just don't give a crap about what she thinks, and concentrate on my own pleasure.
I found this to be quite helpful because it seems that if I aim to please myself with her body, she also tends to end up satisfied.

Believe me, there were many times that I wanted to give up, crawl under a rock and just become a hermit. Especially as I'm in my fifties now and just don't have the same vitality as I used to. If you can call it vitality that I used to have.
However, I just love the feel, scent, and taste of a woman to not at least try getting back in the saddle now and then.

One thing that I found, that because of the lack of libido, maybe size, and self confidence when it comes to intercourse; I have developed other sexual skills that seem to be way over the top. I think this is why some women claim that just because a guy is huge, doesn't mean that they can always totally please them. If you have a big tool, you expect it to get it all done, but perhaps (and maybe again I'm allowing a bit of self delusion here) there are other skills that are just as important.