I found this website several years ago when I was a teenager. Dont really know why I didnt post, I turned 22 a few days ago and Im tired of living like this and want things to change.
Time for a s*** sad story and I dont want sympathy, just solutions! I want to make things right!
I grew up in a hellish childhood filled with abuse and violence. This led to a very short period of juvenile delinquency at the age of 12-13.
By 9th grade, I developed essential tremor, hair started to fall out and I had excessive anxiety. Ive had girls interested in me and they wanna be my girlfriend(at the time), but the anxiety caused me to miss out on everything. I cant hug anyone and ive never had my first kiss.
Lately things have gotten really bad, the anxiety led to social isolation on and off for 5 years that lasted for months especially after the girl I loved broke my heart. Last may, I attempted to kill myself because life was just unbearable and thankfully I stopped just in the nick of time.
At the age of 21 I developed Reactive Arthritis and its sucked the joy out of life for me. I have recovered from it somewhat(ReA is not like rheumatoid arthritis, its self-limiting and might*** go away eventually)
The isolation led me to get addicted to gaming and porn, I absolutely hate living like this and I want to make things better.
Also I think I have a problem down there! Phimosis type 3, Im embarassed to see a doctor plus I dont think I can afford to right now, arthritis treatment is expensive for me as it is, the arthritis sure does make everything worse with recurring balanitis, conjunctivitis and fatigue.
The things I wanna achieve in the following 2-3 years are:
1 - Lose 8 kg of weight(not overweight but it will help with the sh*t body image and ease stress on joints)
2 - Get back to college
3 - See a physiotherapist and slowly go back to the gym
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4 - Get arthritis under control(so as to improve quality of life and stop the freaking balanitis)
5 - SERIOUSLY get a grip on the porn addiction, I wanna quit cold-turkey but I failed so many times before, I need advice on this
The porn might be affecting my EQ. My erections are screwed up, last I measured it was 5 inches(a few years ago), now its down to 4.1-4.2!
6 - Go see a doc for Phimosis(or maybe.. you guys have a solution for it, its embarassing)
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7 - See a psychiatrist when I make some more money, I obviously have problems in the head, I might be having depression(I hate this word) or something. The anxiety makes life unbearable when it peaks, at one point of time.. things got so bad that I kept looking at my tires when I came home to make sure there was no blood marks, Id have to go back and make sure I didnt hit anyone or I wouldnt be able to sleep. Im sure all of this stemmed from the physical and mental abuse I faced as a little kid but it belongs in the childhood, it isnt fair for that garbage to ruin my adulthood.
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8 - Maybe meet a nice girl and conquer the personal space problem, have my first kiss and hug people in general without feeling uncomfortable.
9 - Improve my EQ and maybe get to 7 inches in a few years? This doesnt really matter but its a bonus if it happens.
Where do I start? Is PE even safe with phimosis, balanitis and arthritis medication? I know I have a lot on my plate but I can do it
Time for a s*** sad story and I dont want sympathy, just solutions! I want to make things right!
I grew up in a hellish childhood filled with abuse and violence. This led to a very short period of juvenile delinquency at the age of 12-13.
By 9th grade, I developed essential tremor, hair started to fall out and I had excessive anxiety. Ive had girls interested in me and they wanna be my girlfriend(at the time), but the anxiety caused me to miss out on everything. I cant hug anyone and ive never had my first kiss.
Lately things have gotten really bad, the anxiety led to social isolation on and off for 5 years that lasted for months especially after the girl I loved broke my heart. Last may, I attempted to kill myself because life was just unbearable and thankfully I stopped just in the nick of time.
At the age of 21 I developed Reactive Arthritis and its sucked the joy out of life for me. I have recovered from it somewhat(ReA is not like rheumatoid arthritis, its self-limiting and might*** go away eventually)
The isolation led me to get addicted to gaming and porn, I absolutely hate living like this and I want to make things better.
Also I think I have a problem down there! Phimosis type 3, Im embarassed to see a doctor plus I dont think I can afford to right now, arthritis treatment is expensive for me as it is, the arthritis sure does make everything worse with recurring balanitis, conjunctivitis and fatigue.
The things I wanna achieve in the following 2-3 years are:
1 - Lose 8 kg of weight(not overweight but it will help with the sh*t body image and ease stress on joints)
2 - Get back to college
3 - See a physiotherapist and slowly go back to the gym
------
4 - Get arthritis under control(so as to improve quality of life and stop the freaking balanitis)
5 - SERIOUSLY get a grip on the porn addiction, I wanna quit cold-turkey but I failed so many times before, I need advice on this
The porn might be affecting my EQ. My erections are screwed up, last I measured it was 5 inches(a few years ago), now its down to 4.1-4.2!
6 - Go see a doc for Phimosis(or maybe.. you guys have a solution for it, its embarassing)
------
7 - See a psychiatrist when I make some more money, I obviously have problems in the head, I might be having depression(I hate this word) or something. The anxiety makes life unbearable when it peaks, at one point of time.. things got so bad that I kept looking at my tires when I came home to make sure there was no blood marks, Id have to go back and make sure I didnt hit anyone or I wouldnt be able to sleep. Im sure all of this stemmed from the physical and mental abuse I faced as a little kid but it belongs in the childhood, it isnt fair for that garbage to ruin my adulthood.
-----
8 - Maybe meet a nice girl and conquer the personal space problem, have my first kiss and hug people in general without feeling uncomfortable.
9 - Improve my EQ and maybe get to 7 inches in a few years? This doesnt really matter but its a bonus if it happens.
Where do I start? Is PE even safe with phimosis, balanitis and arthritis medication? I know I have a lot on my plate but I can do it
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