Please help save my life. I'm running out of willpower and hope..

[anonymous82 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymous82]

I don't know how much longer I can endure this life. All I ever wanted was to be normal. Nothing more, nothing less. It kills me watching wild animals having the luxury of being able to enjoy intercourse when I myself can only watch in envy. I'm now 35 years old and I've been self conscious about my penis ever since I was a kid. I'd like to tell myself I was 5" erect (at my best years, but even that was probably a bit embellished). At 16 I tried having sex for the first time and immediately came too quickly. Having always masturbated in fear or in a hurry at home hiding from the parents, I'm afraid I may have psychologically trained myself to always finish fast. Whether I was doing it alone or with another girl I'd always finish fast. I soon grew frustrated, sad and upset.. turning to marijuana to cope. I found it helped with my low mood, gave me a false sense of self esteem and actually prolonged my ejaculation for a bit so I loved it. I couldn't unfortunately find a girlfriend because I was either too embarrassed by my premature ejaculation, and thus never really got much practice. Instead I just battered myself mentally daily, telling myself I'm inadequate and not only do I have a small penis but I can't last longer than a minute either. So I grew more and more depressed, lonely, and isolated from society. Smoked more weed until I was a daily smoker, and still am 18 years later. What's interesting is that at 16 I began having suicidal thoughts and fast forward until now that I'm 35, I find that not much has changed. Except for the worse. I've never had much sexual experience, even in the one relationship I did have. I used to have erections that were brief where I'd have to be quick to put a condom on and act on it otherwise I'd lose the erection. I had many cases where I'd go soft mid way. I've had cases where I'd be hard flaccid and ejaculate while not fully even erect. Except more recently I had problems where I couldn't even get an erection, while with escorts in Colombia on 2 separate occasions. I basically gave up. Then I found a woman who was a bit consoling and helped me get comfortable. Gave me a pain killer which relaxed me and we were able to have intercourse at times, while even brief and her always being on top as it was hard to maintain an erection in other positions. Except I haven't been with her in a while and now I find I can't even get erect enough to masturbate. I don't know if it's the depression (if I even am depressed), a physical condition, the weed smoking, or what. But I am 190lb and 6'. I eat mostly junk, I admit. I don't exercise and I'm usually sitting in an office job so I rarely stand or walk. Even when I sit on the toilet my legs go numb real quick so I don't know if it's a blood circulation problem but my hair is also falling at a rapid rate. As well as having gone grey prematurely. I used to not care about my body after I basically gave up on myself years ago. I didn't have the courage to end my life, so part of me wanted the fast food and everything to just cause me to have a heart attack to put me out of my misery. I've been fighting the desire to have a functioning penis all my life. I'm at the point where I might need to get the penile prosthesis if that's even reliable enough so I can try that as a last resort. The reason being is because I've been talking to someone for the past 6 months and I've basically fallen in love. We haven't gotten to the point of being physical, but I know when it does both she and I will be truly upset. I've had my heart broken too many times and this I'm basically going all in or nothing with this girl. I want to start working out and eating better. Stop or lessen the weed smoking. And give it my best shot to become a normal functioning man once again. I am begging for someone to give me some advice that could potentially save my life. All my problems in my life are directly connected to my inadequate and hardly functional penis. Had I been born with even a 6" penis that is able to have intercourse for 20 mins, I would be an entirely different person. Happy for one. Instead, I've been trying to live with this curse that only seems to have gotten worse over the years. I remember in my 20's being told these are the best years of your life. That always killed me on the inside because I was literally suffering and enraged with self hatred of not being able to just meet a girl and have a fun time. I had cases where I stopped seeking women because I knew it would only lead to disappointment. That alone had me screwed in the head. Then I was with a woman for 5 years who wasn't even affectionate and simply made things worse. So at this point of my life, I either want it to work with this new woman and will give literally everything in me to make it work with her. But I'm trying to do something about it this time and if it means getting a penile extension and prosthetic pump just so I can satisfy her with intercourse, as well as satisfy myself for the first time of lasting and being able to cause a woman to climax, I would actually be happy for once. Please, just tell me what I need to be doing.

[Two Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Two]

Honestly you need to see a therapist. This is a forum to grow your penis.

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

Ok, so you are here, you've joined the 'Gym. Good first step.

Now, time to get to work.
First, exercise. Medically proven to help fight depression. Walk, jog, swim, whatever. Get out and do it.
Second, diet. Stop junk and eat healthy. Again, medically proven to fight depression.
Third, read the START HERE stuff up there on the left. Find a routine and do it. If you get through step one and two, then step three, when done properly and mindfully, will lead to results.
Fourth, go back to step one.
Fifth, use paragraphs. Really hard to read one huge block of text. There are lots of guys here on the 'Gym who will help you out. But help them help you, use paragraphs to allow the reader to see what you need him to see.

If I read you correctly, you have a girl you want to land, well nothing impresses a girl more than a guy who will go out and change his life habits for her. Improve yourself and she will admire it.

[Drjohn Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Drjohn]

Whatever you do start with quitting the weed, it makes you lazy, just like any other drug. Takes away motivation and drive.


From your story id like to Believe you are watching pretty much porn, this is crucial aswell, read yourbrainonporn.com


Just try to get exercise, lift 3 times a week and take long walks.

[anonymous82 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymous82]

Thank you!

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

These links may help you:
Self-Loathing & Ways to Overcome It | PEGym
https://www.pegym.com/forums/challen...ty-depression/
https://www.pegym.com/forums/challen...ive-on-failure
Suicide threats are taken very seriously here. Please do your best to stay strong and if necessary, seek immediate help.

Please, if you are thinking of harming yourself, call 1-800-273-8255 or visit National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 24 hours a day/7 days a week.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Welcome to the forum!

With all due respect, most of the issues you mention are within your power to change. You have to love yourself enough to take the effort to make those changes! Most important- stop wallowing in self pity! This is the worse thing you can do!

Make a concerted effort every day to begin encouraging strength within yourself and discouraging mental weakness. Do this, and you will begin to see changes!

[maxymoon Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close maxymoon]

There is alway's someone worse off than yourself I have never even let a girl touch me and im the same age as you! im about 5'5 inches nbpel and almost 6 inches bpel,, 5 inches girth.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Hey I only let CUSP touch me.

[watersnake Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close watersnake]

you need some paragraphs

[closed278 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed278]

Sorry for your dire straights buddy!

1. Do all the work yourself to get better.

2. If you don't have a relationship with God then ask Jesus to come help you(I believe Jesus is the one true God so that's my advice, your'll welcome to your own beliefs too.)

3. Find help in support groups

4. combine all of the above.

I recommend "all the above"

If you have NOS, nitric oxide gene mutations that will lead to ED, nothing some supplements and a better diet can't fix!

[RonJohnson09 Member Find all posts View Profile Close RonJohnson09]

I find a nice massage can help. Not the ones described on this board, only the kind a professional asian woman can perform.

[sumbigd124 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close sumbigd124]

You know very well what you don't want in your life.

Now focus on what you do want in your life. And I mean be specific and really ask yourself what that is.
Who are you? What do you want?

Sure you say you want to be average. But do you really?
To me that doesn't really sound like a goal, it's just what you think will rid you of your problems.
Forget about your problems.

You can't run around fueled by insecurities and fears, you need to let positive feelings guide you.
Stop worrying, use your imagination and see the way you want to live your life - what does it feel like?
Let those positive feelings define you and then get going.

Find some peace and confidence within you, dig deep. Noone is a weak sorry person through and through, look beneath your fears and insecurities. Find that man within you which gives you strength.

There is no point in worrying about what will happen in your relationships with women.
The answer to all concerns is to change yourself, change what you think and feel, change how you live your day.
Do that and all your problems are automatically taken care off in time.

Don't worry about how long it will take to change, you are done when you are done. Appreciate every small change
you notice within you.



Also, stop hating on your dick. Its not his fault. Give him the support he needs and he will make you proud eventually.
Change everything about how you relate to yourself, from your self image to your sexuality.

Look at the way you relate to yourself objectively, how you have lived your life - how could you expect anything in your life get better when all you do is run around wishing things were better?
Take control of your life, don't live like a leaf to the wind.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Yes to all of the above. You are already average size so that's one goal reached. Love yourself and your penis. Get up and get going. You can do this.

Drop porn, drop bad diet, drop bad thoughts, go get some. He'll go get all you desire.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Its also important to note that if you feel this way about yourself, then you are also presenting yourself that way to others. If depressed, it is pretty easy for others to see that in you. What you present has an effect on how others perceive you.

Then - Let me welcome you to the Gym, you have stumbled into the right place to fix all you issues. Start by doing lots of reading - Visit the Pre-E forums, Look at the Enlargement Forums, Read about success stories others have posted, and become a part of this community. Set yourself some goals that you want to achieve and then commit the time and energy to get to where you want to be. Its not OK to just whine about what bothers you if you are not going to put the effort into correcting them. Start here, today to change things around for the better. Tools and resources are at your disposal, free of charge. Start a progress log, and let the community guide you.