struggling with insecurity

**h4ppy** · 12-12-2010

Hey everyone.The reason I'm here is because I need help. I'm average. 6''long and 5'' girth. My girlfriend and I are both virgins, But she's done oral to a couple of her ex's. We are waiting to have intercourse. My problem is that one of her ex-boyfriends had a 9''inch penis. My size has been my one and only insecurity my entire teenage years. This has really sent me on a downward spiral of depression. I've fought my way out and been able to remain stable and happy. But the catch is that she is still friends with him, and I can't stand the thought of him. When he is brought up in conversation, I can't handle it emotionally and my heart sinks. She is a "virgin" because they tried to have sex but couldn't because it hurt her too much which doesn't make a difference because the first time is always supposed to hurt. I've pretty much obsessed over this whole thing and its made me extremely emotional and insecure.

My one deep concern is that I want to be able to do a BETTER job than he could ever possibly do. She is aware of my insecurity and when she tried to encourage me it hurt more than helped because i felt like she stated the truth, which is: she will still get 100% satisfaction with an average penis, and that the extra inches are just a "bonus" which would give her 130% satisfaction.

I want to be able to give her 130%! She wants to know why he bothers me but her other bf's don't and I don't want to tell her his stupid huge penis is the reason. Honestly, I don't really want to exercise to make it bigger. I want to be happy with what I have and show her that I can do way better than the big guys even though she hasn't really experienced one. I want to be okay when I hear his name and I want to let go of the insecurity once and for all. Please help.

- H4ppy

**Pegasus** · 12-12-2010

Oh this again,women don't know size, they are clueless on this.
I think your insecurity is that she tried to have sex with him and not you.
You should feel better once you have had sex with her.

**cameraobscura** · 12-12-2010

Hi there, welcome!

I'm afraid you got it all wrong, sex isn't really so much about the penis like that. Probably she wants you to be confident, sexy, intimate, emotionally close to her, to adore her, be firm and strong with her, affectionate, relaxed, taking it slow, positive, smooth... stuff like that...

Please reflect that all of this fear and anxiety you are experiencing is all in your head. Got it? An irrelevant, made-up story you're telling yourself, that doesn't have much to do with anything, that you somehow inherited through our culture, be it through porn, or just tv shows, or people or wherever. It's very likely that in another time and place, this issue wouldn't cross your mind. So you might reflect a bit on this.

Of course, its normal to be anxious and nervous before having sex for the first time, that is very normal. There is no need for crazy expectations though. Also, your penis is plenty big enough.

So there is nothing worry about h4ppy.

You might poke around here a bit and learn about kegels and various things if you are concerned about your sexual health and performance. It can't hurt to know yourself.

**normalguy** · 12-12-2010

Welcome h4ppy,
A lot of good things were said by paradoxfix. Once again, it's not the size of your penis that will determine whether you're a good lover or not. The guy might have a bigger penis, but you surely can do better than what he'll ever be able to if you work on stamina and read some interesting threads from the woman perspective subforum. But you've got also to work on your psyche: there'll always be someone better than you in every domain and you've got to accept it. Remember that your girlfriend is now with you, that should be something motivating enough...

**TheHappyPerson** · 12-12-2010

I have a 4-inched dick(yeah thats it laugh!LOL), did that made you feel better? man were on the same boat, except for the size. don't worry dude. if you really want to grow your thing then i guess this would be the right place to start. i mean 6 inch is great, im going after 6.5..which looks pretty impossible for my condition..but hey you should be thankful for that size! women are more pleased with the girth, the length for me is just for hitting the spot.

**VIPER** · 12-12-2010

Hi h4ppy,
What the guys have told you so far is absolutely true, credit to them. It has took me 7 months to get through my battle with erectile dysfunction which was brought on by a combination of two things - 1: The damaging side effects of porn
2: anxiety and low self esteem.
Just like you i have always had insecurities about my size which has been the main cause of my anxiety in general.The only way i was able to conquer my battle with ED was by listening to the guys here and learning how to relax and think more positive. If you keep up the negative thought pattern then it will eventually lead to the same problems i have had. If you decide to proceed with PE then you have to do it for the right reason ... for YOU ! not to impress a woman.
Also to add to what pegasus said before, 99 % of women either exagerate or completely lie about the size of their suposebly well hung ex boyfriends. It makes me laugh at the amount of women who claim that they have encountered a bloke with a 9" penis when you take into consideration how much of the male population actually posess one this big.

**JonasKay** · 12-12-2010

h4ppy,

As you can see, you're not alone! I would venture to say that most members on this forum have had insecurity issues at one point or another, regardless of our size. Porn and girl talk can do a number on one's ego and totally distort your sense of manhood. Honestly, the biggest benefit I've had from being here is gaining more confidence and having a healthier member...the size increases are just a plus. Don't worry about being the biggest; worry about learning to read her signs in the bedroom and being the best lover you can be...she'll appreciate that more than you might think.

**Bjorn89** · 12-13-2010

Your attaching your self-image to external events.

That is your problem, reality is a concept based in your mind(with some exceptions I'd add).

It's your thinking that fucks you up, the reaction to the other guy and the resistance.

Your mindset should be like, DAMN HELL YEAH NOW I AM FUCKING THIS GIRL, not OH I WISH I HAD A BIG PENOR because only THEN i could statisfy her.

IT
IS
IN
YOUR
HEAD.

Now ofcourse you can learn techniques to increase your sexual prowness, I can help with that and so can other people on this forum.

You need to work on your self-confidence because this is a sure-fire way to keep shooting yourself in the foot, not only in this fucking area but in others aswell. Stop being the victim and start being the guy who takes charge of his own mental health/emotional health/physical health.

No-one will give you confidence BUT yourself, external events are nothing they are just events!

How YOU react to them, creates your disturbance(I don't say go emotionally numb) I just say that you are not your emotions or thoughts.

I'd say check out Sedona Method / Lefkoe Method they are Downloadable somewhere and if you need to have some help with that pm me.

**MrBigDick** · 12-13-2010

You have much to learn my friend..........basing your happiness on your size?? Dude, you should be focusing on who you are as a person and not how big your dick is. Would you honestly want someone to judge you because of the size of your dick? I should hope your answer would be "no". And as Pegasus stated above, women are TOTALLY clueless as to a guy's dick size.............there are many reasons why she may have hurt when she and her ex tried having sex. He may have been to forceful with it and caused pain, she may not have been wet enough, she may not have been fully relaxed.......I mean the reasoning is endless.

Focus on the fact that she is with you and not him. Once you are secure in who you are as a man, the fact that she's still friends with her ex won't bother you in the slightest.