Over masturbation and ED for 15 years - Quite cold turkey 5 days ago

[JohnQ]

I am a 42 year-old male who was active in sports and an avid bodybuilder throughout my 20s. Had good sexual function in my 20s until I began experimenting with steroids and ephedrine HCl. The steroids helped me gain muscle mass and the ephedrine helped my lose fat - both worked well. I also experimented with test boosters such as Androstenedione in my 20s. On top of that, I masturbated almost daily since I was 13 years old. The effects of all these things have really affected me over the past nearly 15 years and my wife and I have not had sex in at least 3 years.

She is understanding, and we live without sex, but I have recently come to the realization that my life sucks in this predicament. I realized to extent to which I have lost my edge and zest for life in general. It seems like a pointless routine, get up, go to work, stay stressed, go home, then repeat.

My testosterone levels have been low for many years (around 250 ng/ml) and because of that I have been on testosterone by doctor's prescription for a few years. I tried Testim for 18 months but my levels never went above 250 so I finally switched to cypionate injections at 150 mg weekly with Anastrozole as an aromatase inhibitor. As of today, my total test levels are around 860, estrogen is within normal range, and my FREE testosterone is actually above normal. My AST liver enzyme is about 4 points high (very minor elevation) but I am almost wondering if that may be due to my excessive masturbation over the years. My digestion is not as good as it used to be either.

The testosterone has done nothing for my libido and although I have erections from time to time (there is no penil damage - it works fine) I just have no drive and a real woman does not turn me on anymore. I have tried Cialis and Viagra, but those drugs merely treat plumbing problems and do not address libido. I take about 6g of AAKG and L-Citrulline daily.

As I stated before, I have masturbated daily for many years and aside from the other classic problems that causes, it has ruined my self-esteem and I cannot accept being unable to become aroused by my wife or women in general.

As of today, I am on Day 5 of complete masturbation abstinence . As of today also, I am unable to achieve an erection and basically feel flat and lifeless. I am very irritable and difficult to be around. I have no desire to do much of anything. On top of this, I have taken a caffeine pill every morning (because I hate coffee) for many years and I have quit that cold turkey as of a week go. I am taking moderate doses of L-Tyrosine to curb those withdrawal symptoms and it is working quite well. My energy is good and I have started back to the gym as of 3 days ago. I anticipate a long road to recovery but I am determined to beat this!

All in all, I have made up my mind that I will NOT live this way any longer! I will keep a daily log of how things go from now until the day I am fully recovered. Hope that won't be more than 90 days but I am prepared for longer if necessary.


This website is great and the forums are very good as well. Thanks everyone!

[Sean Jacobs]

Welcome to the PEGym JohnQ. I hope things turn around for you in 2013.

[JohnQ]

Thank you, Sean. I appreciate the welcome. The next few weeks will be interesting and I can't wait.

[Mark 1]

Welcome to the forums and happy new years John! Good luck with all your efforts.

[Pegasus]

Hmm bodybuilder does drugs (standard practise it seems) has problems so uses more drugs (standard practise) it doesn't help. Ok so now you want to try something different; the natural approach. I suggest a keg4el /reverse kegel routine and edging.

[JohnQ]

Day 6
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - very irritable and short-tempered
Morning erection - very slight

Been back in the gym for four days. Working out with very light weight and focusing on the burn and the fact that it still feels good to workout (it has been 10 years since I was in the gym at all).

A little sore and trying to keep my thoughts off of my penis - period. I will continue to log each day.

I am also on day 6 of no caffeine intake at all. The L-Tyrosine is helping a lot with that. I am taking 1-1.5g per day.

[BigO]

Welcome to the gym, Hope you reach your goals and get what you want from bieng a member of the worlds finest PE fourum.

[JohnQ]

My true goal is to find a way to restart my natural testosterone production as well and get off TRT. At this point it may be too late, but the weekly injections don't really help and I am tired of having to take them every 7 days. Oh well. I do know that when I take tongkat ali for several days my testicles swell and feel as if they are 'waking up' so it may still be possible.

As of now, I am not sure how to handle this naturally. I know that the cypionate injections help keep me 'leveled out' but ultimately I would like to consult with someone to help me find a way out of exogenous testosterone. I made a bad decision years ago to use steroids and Androstenedione, but my dosages weren't large - back then I just didn't fully understand the importance of restarting my system.

If anyone has input/feedback to provide please feel free to contact me. I really would like to restart my own production.

[8"ordietrying]

John I know what you are going through, i also experimented w/german grade androsterone, andro poppers, and a long list of supplements in my early 20's..it made me more of a STUD at least thats how I percieved it. Now Im 35 and I am lucky to not have a dead slong but the CHAMP effect is gone. I went from being able to last hours and had the ability to suppress my ejaculations, and shoot a load like Peter North. I had a vasectomy in 2005 and havent been able to fire off like I did before the surgery. My self esteem is in the toilet because of this. Ive tryed many pills like extenze, endowmax, enzyte(ripoff) and more. I gotta say though some acually worked after a few weeks of taking them. Libido increased, erections were fuller, harder(really hard) and even if i came in 15-20min i could regain my composer quickly w/o having to rest much and go back at it. I too suffer from extreme stress, and depression, but this year I promised myself to devote 2013 entirely to self help and self improvement. I quit smoking cold turkey and got back into a great calastetic routine. Im following the begginers pe routine and am keeping a positive mental attitude about it. I keep saying to myself, DISCIPLINE! DETERMINATION! I havent been able to give up my fleshlight though, i replaced old fashion rubbing one out w/the fleshlight . Addicted to porn its as hard to give up than a drug addict with his drugs! I want my confidance back! And by sticking to this program and staying a member and nowing Im not the only guy who feels like this. Keeps me looking at the bigger picture and motivated to achieving my goals, not only with improving my penis and sexual health but also with my life as a whole. Best of luck to all my brothers...b safe

[JohnQ]

Day 7
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - slightly less irritable, but still unstable
Morning erection - none