ED at 20... thought I'd come here for help

[Earthboundedwarf Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Earthboundedwarf]

Hello everyone, nice to meet you all. I've been lurking on PE gym for a while now and I've been debating whether or not to post for a long time. So I'm a guy whose never had problems getting girls. Throughout high school and college thus far I've had a lot of hook ups with attractive girls, but once things get sexual it becomes a problem for me for three reasons. One, my penis is 4.5 to 5 inches max. Two, I have to yet to be able to keep an erection longer than 30 seconds when getting head or a hand job. And three, I don't feel like I'm seriously aroused at the thought of actually having sex with women (I'm definitely attracted to them physically, but penetration itself doesn't really turn me on).

So, I guess my main question is whether or not there is any hope for a 20 year old guy who desperately wants to have pleasurable sex but currently isn't mentally or physically capable of doing it. I am still a virgin, and I've missed several opportunities simply because I couldn't get an erection (even in front of a fully naked girl).

One last thing: I'm almost positive that my early ED is more sensual than mental. I can masturbate (even without porn) very easily as long as I stroke fast enough, and I can easily get boners while it's still in my pants. Is there any way to make the penis more sensitive?

[Danster579 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Danster579]

You will get numerous answers here. Mainly the following....

Cut out all porn, maybe quit masturbating for 2 months, when you do masturbate use a lighter grip, jelqing will help with EQ, ect.


Although these suggestions may really help, its probably a mental problem. Without knowing you A WHOLE LOT better, I can't really give you any advice.

There's gotta be a way to solve this problem though.

[X___X Member Find all posts View Profile Close X___X]

I wish you luck, train your fella hard, do kegels and stuff will work, it's real deal if you will commit yourself to it.

[donjelqer76 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close donjelqer76]

Welcome aboard

We have some great information here that can help you start working on your ED, be sure to check out the ED subforums here.

Good luck

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

No you're problem is mental and then throw in some bad masturbation habits and you see what you get.

[Bandicoot Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bandicoot]

Plain and simple, you are death gripping during your masturbation. I don't think you're losing any nerve sensitivity as they are a lot more resilient than you think. But rather, try getting a girl to match that kind of intensity. That being said, try laying off masturbation for 7 whole days. After 7 days, wait until you really have to bust a load and be gentle with your masturbation and go from there.

As for your issues with women, if you keep trying for hookups, I can only wish you luck. ED pills work wonders, even when you have mental issues, and contrary to what you may read on here, they do not cause psychological dependence. However those are really expensive, and at 20, that may be out of your reach (generic Viagra is $5 a pill, which is probably the cheapest. Cialis will cost you around $15 a pop). I suggest getting into an actual meaningful relationship if you feel the time is right. Explain your problem to her up front. Odds are, she appreciates your honesty and learns to trust you. It's what I've been going through and my girl and I have had many talks about it, and while we haven't totally fixed this yet, I feel her commitment more and more from it.

Either way, you're not on an easy journey, but you will appreciate sex a lot more once you're able to do it. If that's worth anything.

[BossBoy93 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BossBoy93]

Alot of great replys. I agree with everything I liked. I agree that it has to be a mental thing. I am also twenty but the thought of intercourse gets me rock hard and a girl naked in front of me... thats a blessing.

What type of porn do you watch? If intercourse doesn't get you excited then I don't see how watching porn would change that unless you are just looking at pictures, which is also awesome. I wish I knew you better so we could fix this. I had a friend with the same problem and I could tell that it was all in his head just by the way he acted around women.

[Bandicoot Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bandicoot]

I watch all kinds of porn, but nothing kinky or fetish. I don't believe in porn desensitizing your mind either. I think that it can give us false hopes or too high standards for us to ever actually achieve, but I don't think it's a boner killer either. I think it's something that guys like you and I with mental impotence create as a crutch for the real problem, which is our own fears. Intercourse gets me excited, but like most guys, there is a fear of not performing. My girl and I both understand and accept that about me and are going to work our way through it.

To fix this, you need a good partner, someone who is understanding and wants to help. It will be worth it when you get there, believe me. I'm sure of it myself on my own path here.

[GoingForGold Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GoingForGold]

If you've never had problem getting girls and you have arousal issues, you aren't getting the right "girls". Try harder? Don't masturbate furiously to porn. That's probably what's done it.

[Ultimatepeepee Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimatepeepee]

I watch all kinds of porn, but nothing kinky or fetish. I don't believe in porn desensitizing your mind either. I think that it can give us false hopes or too high standards for us to ever actually achieve, but I don't think it's a boner killer either. I think it's something that guys like you and I with mental impotence create as a crutch for the real problem, which is our own fears. Intercourse gets me excited, but like most guys, there is a fear of not performing. My girl and I both understand and accept that about me and are going to work our way through it.

To fix this, you need a good partner, someone who is understanding and wants to help. It will be worth it when you get there, believe me. I'm sure of it myself on my own path here.

You haven't gone far enough down the rabbit hole for the mental desensitization to kick in. I started off watching porn when I was about 12 or 13. It started with pictures of naked girls, progressed into solo videos, then lesbian videos, then softcore porn and bj videos, hardcore porn, milfs, maids, women of every race and nationality, piercings and tattoos, obsession over particular porn stars, midgets, rough sex, bukkake, rape fantasy, domination, bdsm, and the list just gets weirder. It happens to some people. I finally got bored of porn altogether. Believe me, mental desensitization happens. I was always chasing down that adrenaline rush of exploring some new thing that I had never seen before, and slowly becoming bored of my 'go to' porn.
I remember my standards going up ridiculously high at first, like you explained. But then after a while things got weird. Suddenly hot chicks weren't even desirable anymore and I was watching videos of fat grannies and midgets.Ha... It even hit me one day that some of the things that used to disgust me were things that I was jerking it to regularly in the end.

To put it simply, porn isn't for everyone.

[cm79 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close cm79]

Having OCD (a form of anxiety) and technically being mentally ill myself (although in a socially acceptable way I guess!) I think you guys are jumping to too many conclusions here.

Anxiety is a strange thing. Minor levels (which this guy sounds a bit like) can cause issues of issues of arousal, maintaining arousal, premature ejaculation. They're often just a by product of anxiety - being worried about sex, and convincing yourself it's going to be a disaster.

I'm saying this because I avoided sex for a long time, and this was to do with anxiety.

To explain it in more detail, all anxiety is being wary about something, then building up unrealistic, bizarre scenarios of what may happen if you do it (I won't get an erection! I will cum immediately! She'll laugh!). Which turns into fear. And then you spend the next part of your life building up the fear, and trying to work out why it's happened.

When the truth is, the fear is irrational. You've invented it.

I know this is long winded, and I'm not saying you have anxiety problems (you'd seriously know if you did - people with anxiety problems can't even function/go to work/maintain their lives) but I'd maybe read about it. Just because the key to beating even minor anxiety (maybe you) is realizing it's all in your head...........

I wouldn't discount that you just suffer a bit of anxiety about sex. Which is easily fixed. As I said, the cure is realizing and accepting it's irrational. Your brain playing tricks. And to just go for it.