Trying for some additional input.. Anxiety.

[Kiminoth]

Hey guys, been on this forum for a while but not too much recently. But I figured I may as well ask for some additional help as I have a recurring problem:

Basically, the stats:
I'm 24, healthy male.
About 2 years ago (22yrs old) I was progressing towards the end of a 2-year relationship - I had no issues with any sexual function - and had great sex regularly(over 3-4 times per week or at least whenever the chance presented itself).

After that break up I started going to the gym hard and using pre-workout to assist me. One of the side effects of one of the substances in the pre-workout caused me to have PE, quite bad. Even when I was with myself I couldn't get it up anywhere near to where I used to be able to. I ended up getting quite serious with a girl and this relationship only lasted 1.5 months. From the start I could never get an erection - some of which I attribute to the initial anxiety - but the rest I attribute to the pre-workout. I went to the doctors and he said it was performance anxiety and sent me on my way with some Viagra, which worked wonders. I attribute the relationship ending because I was so angry at myself because of not being able to satisfy my girlfriend.

We broke up, and 2-3 months later I went on a trip to europe without having that pre-workout regularly and magically my morning erections came back and then I had them all the time again. But when it came to having sex once I got back I was so anxious about it I needed the Viagra to start me off and put the worry aside. Eventually it became a cycle where without it I struggled - but it sometimes did happen without it - but the anxiety was definitely there if I didn't have it.

Fast forward to now, I've been in a relationship for 8 months, and from the start I've been up front about my anxiety with my girlfriend. I told her about what's happened and she's been fantastic about it. I don't really have much Viagra left and we often have sex without it. In fact I've made my last 2 tablets last a few months, if i'm ever in doubt I have a nibble and that puts my worries aside. Let me just make it clear though that in the morning I have no issues, my manhood is generally rock hard but when it comes to the afternoons and evenings is when I struggle. There is nothing physically wrong with my penis, I know this, and the most frustrating thing about it is that more often than not I want to have sex, I feel horny and I want to perform, but there's always a bit of lingering doubt as to whether I could perform. It kind of makes me feel bad as recently we've been talking about what we 'like' and she said she likes a bit of spontaneous stuff. Spontaneous is good for me, but not when I initiate it because I have so much time to think about it.

I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist but even after all of 8+ sessions I still have my anxiety about it especially in the afternoons.

My question to anyone who has read my post:

What do you find the best way to overcome performance anxiety?
Another point is that I also do sometimes find it hard to concentrate when doing foreplay or if the attention is completely on me (e.g receiving oral or being touched, even when she's on top I struggle a little because I'm not actively doing anything). Simply because my mind wanders. Any tips, links to techniques or idea would be fantastic especially to anyone who's been in my situation before.

[JohnnyJ]

Get more involved. I found that while receiving oral if I played with my partner it helps. Try performing oral at the same time (69) or touching her breasts as focusing how hot your girl looks etc. When she's on top again grab her ass push her down onto you....feel her body as she is riding...grab her breasts or even pull her face down and kiss her while you do the work and thrust upward...jus don't lay there you know. Also do a simple routine here to get better penis health and check out the woman's perspective forum. Doesn't work for everyone but I ditched the Viagra...I hate taking pills or relying on them to get the job done. Just doing the jp90 program helped me... Goodluck

[BigO]

Welcome to the Gym Kiminoth.

I think the problem goes back to the break up, and the effects it had on you. While the pre-workout may not have helped by throwing outside chemicals into the equation, I definitely agree that it is mostly mental.

The first time it happened was probably just stress of a new experience and person, added with the effects of the previous break-up. As the doctor said, performance anxiety. But it set you up for a snowball effect, because now you also had the added worry of "what if it happens again". So each time it happened, it made you expect it the next time even more.

I think you made a good choice bringing it to your girlfriends attention, and letting her know. That probably helped take some of the pressure off yourself, and with the understanding she offered, helped even more.

Ask yourself, what's your fear. Obviously not being able to perform. But why? Satisfaction for her? Will she judge you? Disappointment?

I would suggest taking the pressure off completely now. Have another talk with your lady. Set aside some time to just be intimate, with no expectations of it leading to sex. Making out, caressing each other, whatever you like. Just don't expect it to go any further. If it does, great! Even so, don't make orgasm the focus. Just enjoy each other, and the pleasure.

The more positive experiences you have without pressure, the brain will "re-train" to relax and learn to just enjoy sex for exactly what it is. A fun, intimate way for two people to connect.

[TPW]

Hiya Kiminoth and Welcome to the Gym.

Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to aid you in eliminating your performance anxiety. To start, please check out this thread for some suggestions:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...l-anxiety.html

Now as far as having difficulty concentrating during foreplay or when the attention is focused solely on you; you have sort of answered your own question. You are "in your head" when sex is really more of a body-sensory experience. My advice would to learn to pay attention to the physical sensations you are experiencing; whether you are attending to her desires or she is attending to yours.

Now, should you have any other questions that require a female perspective, please be sure to check out the following threads as that is generally where you can find us.

A Woman's Perspective

Relationship Forum

The Gym

I am sure you'll find this helpful.

[kickinthemebs]

Welcome to the gym mate, some great advice already given