New here, hoping for help

[Jamie75]

The Passionate Wife

You are right. I know I unjustly blame myself for this and many other things, and it is a very serious issue. This pattern of blaming myself for everything (every negative thing) has been in motion since my childhood. Getting lots of criticism, lots of guilt, feelings of self loathing, inadequacy, and overall negativity and hopelessness toward myself. These feelings are the focal points of some of my earliest memories.

My wife feels very badly about all of this and when I try to blame myself for everything she is very quick to say that she is at least as responsible as I am. I just feel like it is my fault because it has been an issue that she has repeatedly brought up over the past 5 years in a very serious way and I feel that I did not address it. I guess my focus was just on being able to function on a day to day basis. And I know she has been driving herself crazy trying to help me with my depression almost since we met.

Thank you for your thoughts, concerns, and advice. I know we have a lot of work and therapy ahead of us. I am trying to use this experience to get myself out of my normal pattern of undervaluing myself and to start acknowledging my emotions. It has brought up suppressed emotions that I have not dealt with for almost 30 years. Everything is very confusing to me right now partially because there is so much other stuff going on in my head. It will take a little while, right now I am just trying to even myself out in as healthy a way as possible so we can move forward.

[Jamie75]

I was just talking to my wife about condoms irritating her vagina, turns out one of the guys she was having sex with regularly used trojan magnum condoms. That means his penis was at least 8"X6"? maybe? She insists that it was no better, just different. I can't wrap my head around this. I can't get an erection. I feel so inadequate. It has been over two months since she last had sex with him, she says I still feel good and that it doesn't make sense to worry about whether she would rather have a bigger penis inside her. She said big penises are inconvenient a lot of the time, you have to go slow and be careful, sometimes just stop, there aren't a lot of positions you can do, and they make her sore. Although she didn't say she doesn't miss it, she was having sex with this guy for 3 1/2-4 months. I wonder what I felt like to her during this time? she didn't seem at all interested in me. I need to stop obsessing about this. Sorry I just need to stop

[kickinthemebs]

Hey Jamie, have a look at our relationship and women's perspective forums, your questions and issues are actually quite common

Welcome to the Gym too