New here, hoping for help

[Jamie75]

Hi everyone. I'm going to give this a try, I am a little skeptical but that's probably natural. This seems like a positive, healthy community. Here's my story if you feel like reading it, kind of long and detailed, so skip to the end if you don't feel like reading the whole thing:

I have never been concerned with penis size in the past, but lately it had become a bit of an obsession. I have been with the same woman for over 10 years, she is my first relationship and the only one I have ever had sex with. I struggle with moderate to severe long term depression and my sex drive and drive for life in general has been very low for years. This has been a major problem. My wife wants sex and I am too depressed to help her. We had a conversation a few years ago when she said if things don't change she will have to have sex with other men. Either that or break up. . She wants to be with me but needs more sex and physical intimacy. I said I want to be with her and have tried many things but my depression has just gotten worse. I also said I have no right to deny her sex with others if I can't perform in that area, but I don't know how I will react. She encouraged me to have sex with other women for two reasons: I have only every had sex with her, she knows I must be curious, and want to sleep with other women, it is a natural desire and she wants me to fulfill it if possible. She also thought it might get me more into sex in general. Only rules were no friends and don't tell if you are not asked. Needless to say that never happened. She is 10 years older than me.

So I just found out that it finally happened. We had both been really depressed and struggling with work, living situation, other social issues, money. About 8 months ago she started hanging out in a platonic way with a guy she new from some classes she took, he is 20 years younger than her (25). Eventually they ended up having sex, it became a regular thing. It lasted a 3-4 of months, then ended because he wanted her to be his girlfriend and she wanted to stay with me. I had no idea at the time. It is sickening to me thinking about the times I would be sitting around at home feeling depressed waiting for her to get home, she would be out until 2-3am. I even encouraged her to go out and have fun with people, I think usually there were other people so they weren't always having sex but I never knew. Turns out he had a pretty big penis. She didn't tell me how big but I figured it out.

That ended, I don't know who ended it or how exactly and I didn't know about it yet. A couple more months passed, we were both doing better with depression, my sex drive seemed to be coming back, 4 times one week a few weeks ago. I had been feeling like maybe she had slept with other people and it really started bothering me, I sat down and talked to her about it 3 days ago I think. She told me about the guy I mentioned above, mad me feel like shit but understandable from my point of view. Then she told me about another guy, a friend, also 25 yeas old and also with a big penis. They had made out 2 times then had sex once. Apparently they agreed after making out that it should not go further but it did. This was when I was starting to feel happier and more alive for the 1st time in years, and a week after we had had sex 4 times. This is a new experience for me I have never felt jealous in any way even when she talked about other guys being attractive. I have never been jealous of her previous partners even though I know some of them have been larger that me, she has had a lot of partners, she probably doesn't even know how many. At least I know that I am the only one who has gotten her off in the past 15 years. I have a lot of issues to deal with, I intend to sleep with other women. Partially I am here to vent because I really don't have any friends to talk to, so sorry about that.

So to summarize I have been very depressed lost all interest in sex and life in general. My wife went and had sex with 2 people (one of the multiple times). Both of them had bigger penises than me. I should say again that we had discussed a non-monogamous relationship and the guys both thought it was ok, I know or have met both of them. We obviously have a lot of stuff to sort out, I do not blame her for what she did but I am not happy. The part with our friend really makes me angry though. The fact that they both had bigger penises has really been bothering me, so that is why I am here. She says she likes the size of my penis and that really big penises can be really difficult to work around. She never sought out bigger penises it just happened that way. My BPEL is 7.25" and MSEG is 5" so I now that I am well within the realm of average, I do not know how large the other two guys are but I can't help comparing myself to them. I am hoping my wife and I will stay together, I do not know how long it will be before I can touch her again but maybe increasing my size will help me with self esteem, and help me feel like a more sexual person.

My goal is maybe to add an inch in length and an inch in girth. Is that possible? I was thinking of trying to get help from Big Al meCoach too.

Thanks, sorry this is so long. I needed to get some of this out I have only slept about 10 hours over the past week because I am so angry/emotionally messed up all the time. And before anyone says anything I am seeking out help from a therapist.

[namsokiek]

Welcome aboard Jamie75, We're glad you're here.

If you haven't done so yet I recommend you READ THIS BEFORE YOU POST!!!!! Maximize Your Success Here.

Pay special attention to the threads on safety and physiological indicators as they can help you navigate your PE journey without injury.

I recommend you also look at the JP90 beginner routine for your initial conditioning. Using your PIs as a guide you can adjust the intensity to fit your penis' needs.

At 7.25 x 5 your well beyond the realm of average. That knowledge should please you. You should find that starting PE will improve your spontaneous erections and increase blood flow to your penis. When that happens, just roll over and let nature take over.

You might also consider working-out more often. A good dopamine dump from a good work-out can do wonders to aid the counseling you're receiving.

Good Luck with your goals!

[Jamie75]

Thanks Namsokiek. I definitely need help with spontaneous erection. I have barely had an erection in 2 weeks, no morning wood or anything. I'm thinking about a hormone test if my doctor will do it. I do work out a lot, if I don't get 3-4 intense workouts a week a can literally barely get out of bed.

[MrB8]

to the Gym Jamie75!


Don't miss this thread!!

https://www.pegym.com/forums/penis-e...t-mindset.html

Pay attention to your PIs, your penis is trying to tell you if you are over working, or you are in the growth zone, aim for positive PIs, and steer away from the negative ones.

Physiologic Indicators (PIs) to Help Penis Growth!

Helpful jelqing Information

What to Expect....A Beginner's Guide


Good Luck!

[BigO]

Welcome to the gym Jamie75.

Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like there are definitely some things you and your wife need to figure out.

While I think opening a marriage up could be workable in certain circumstances, it sounds like it was less of a mutual decision, and more of an ultimatum. And her encouragement for you to do the same was more for easing her guilt. Even with that, together you had set boundaries, which she broke.

The up side is that she chose to stay with you when offered, and I believe she was being honest with the size comments. I doubt your size was the cause for the actions.

Of course, I am only going off what you have told us, and I'm sure there was a lot more emotion and communication involved. I'm glad you found it helpful to vent though.

I think a therapist was the right choice, and maybe even a marriage counselor if you intend to salvage the marriage. If you do, I don't think sleeping with other women will be the answer. Though it may seem it would even things out, and make you on level ground, I think it will just cause more issues and actually make you "level" in a bad place. But only you can answer that question accurately. I would think that addressing the depression will greatly help the EQ and libido.

Best of luck to you Jamie, and I hope everything works out well for you. Whatever that path is.

[GrowStrong]

man if my wife slept with two men behind my back i dont know how id react, probably break down with rage tbh. and your size is well above average and the likelyhood of them BOTH being bigger than you i find unlikely or very unlucky for you. i hope you sort things out with your wife and depression. all the best.

[OXO]

Hey bro... sad story there. can i ask how old you are, because you might be suffering from low testosterone which can be common in men over 30.. (just a thought) which can lead to depression, loss of sex drive and other negative effects. It might be worth getting a blood test done and checking it out.. my uncle had low testosterone which lead to years and years of depression as a result. But the doctors just kept prescribing him anti-depressants (because thats where the money is, and medicine is an industry like anything) until 5 months ago when he had a blood test and it turned out he was suffering from low testosterone and as a result was put on TRT.. (testosterone replacement therapy)

Right now hes the best hes ever felt in years and his depression has completely gone. If you think this is what you may be suffering from please do something about it and get a blood test as soon as you can... for your own benefit, your wifes and your relationship with her as a whole. TRT can be life changing if it is in fact low-test you are suffering from.

head up man

[Jamie75]

First off, thanks for the responses,

Moderators: I'm guessing that this is going beyond the realm of what the intro forum was intended for so if you see fit please move it to the appropriate forum (relationship?)

Workin_4_it: yes it was kind of an ultimatum, however it was the result of an ongoing issue that was not getting resolved. This took place over the course of about 5 years. She was not getting what she needed in the relationship and it wasn't changing. I might have made it sound like she was dictating rules without concern for my needs, but that is only because I wasn't vocalizing mine. The way she put it was that she wants to stay with me, but she needs to feel like a sexual person and if things didn't change the only option for her would be to leave me or sleep with other men. I fully admit that I was not doing that for her. It was almost 2 years after this ultimatum that she actually followed through. And as for her encouraging me to sleep with other women, this was something she brought up much earlier. She is the only person I have had sex with and she didn't want me to leave her just because I was curious about sex with other women, which she saw as a natural and inevitable desire for me.

One thing I love about my wife is her honesty. It can be very difficult to take but I always know I am getting the truth and this also encourages personal growth.

I know that she did not sleep with other men because my size was inadequate. She never said a thing about their size, it is a conclusion that I came to that she eventually confirmed, but she was not looking for a bigger penis. I admit the size thing is for myself and increasing my self-esteem. What guy doesn't want a bigger penis? She thinks it is ridiculous that I am fixating on that and I tend to agree. I really enjoy positions that allow me to go deeper with her and I know I've bruised her cervix in the past so maybe more length wouldn't even be a positive change. The thing that has really been getting me is "did their dick feel better than mine?" probably a stupid thought but that's what happens in my mind. She told me I have been the only one to bring her to orgasm since a couple of years before we met and I believe her, it does not come easily for her.

I know sleeping with other women for the wrong reasons would not be healthy. Writing it was probably kind of a knee jerk response, although I am not ruling it out.

OXO: I am 35. I actually plan on calling the doctor for that reason on monday morning. I have struggled with depression since I was a child so I know that the potential for low testosterone is not the only thing at play but I will definitely check it out. I would like to try to avoid TRT for any extended period of time as it can shut down the body's natural T production for good so I will be looking at natural fixes and lifestyle changes.

Thats a lot of writing. Thanks again

[GrowStrong]

First off, thanks for the responses,

Moderators: I'm guessing that this is going beyond the realm of what the intro forum was intended for so if you see fit please move it to the appropriate forum (relationship?)

Workin_4_it: yes it was kind of an ultimatum, however it was the result of an ongoing issue that was not getting resolved. This took place over the course of about 5 years. She was not getting what she needed in the relationship and it wasn't changing. I might have made it sound like she was dictating rules without concern for my needs, but that is only because I wasn't vocalizing mine. The way she put it was that she wants to stay with me, but she needs to feel like a sexual person and if things didn't change the only option for her would be to leave me or sleep with other men. I fully admit that I was not doing that for her. It was almost 2 years after this ultimatum that she actually followed through. And as for her encouraging me to sleep with other women, this was something she brought up much earlier. She is the only person I have had sex with and she didn't want me to leave her just because I was curious about sex with other women, which she saw as a natural and inevitable desire for me.

One thing I love about my wife is her honesty. It can be very difficult to take but I always know I am getting the truth and this also encourages personal growth.

I know that she did not sleep with other men because my size was inadequate. She never said a thing about their size, it is a conclusion that I came to that she eventually confirmed, but she was not looking for a bigger penis. I admit the size thing is for myself and increasing my self-esteem. What guy doesn't want a bigger penis? She thinks it is ridiculous that I am fixating on that and I tend to agree. I really enjoy positions that allow me to go deeper with her and I know I've bruised her cervix in the past so maybe more length wouldn't even be a positive change. The thing that has really been getting me is "did their dick feel better than mine?" probably a stupid thought but that's what happens in my mind. She told me I have been the only one to bring her to orgasm since a couple of years before we met and I believe her, it does not come easily for her.

I know sleeping with other women for the wrong reasons would not be healthy. Writing it was probably kind of a knee jerk response, although I am not ruling it out.

OXO: I am 35. I actually plan on calling the doctor for that reason on monday morning. I have struggled with depression since I was a child so I know that the potential for low testosterone is not the only thing at play but I will definitely check it out. I would like to try to avoid TRT for any extended period of time as it can shut down the body's natural T production for good so I will be looking at natural fixes and lifestyle changes.

Thats a lot of writing. Thanks again

a long duration of depression can actually help cause low testosterone, so its definitely worth a shot at getting checked.

if you have already bruides her cervix before, its probably best to avoid length training routines and just focus on girth. and your thoughts about how they felt compared to you is normal in this situation i bet because thats how i feel when i think of women who have cheated on me in the past.

[TPW]

Hey Jamie75,

It is concerning that you have somehow taken sole responsibility for the current state of your marriage even to the point of justifying the cause of your wife's infidelity as something that is entirely your fault. Now I am not quite sure if it is because she was your first and only lover or because your beliefs about love, marriage and commitment have been greatly influenced by your wife's ideas (she is 10 years older and much more experienced after all) or because you (mistakenly) believe that honesty and truthfulness automatically absolves an individual of any wrongdoing and is an indication of true love...but whatever it is, it has generated a great deal of self-loathing, confusion and self-doubt within you. Not good.

Marriage is a partnership that requires, among other things, mutual respect and support; none of which seem to be occurring in your marriage at this time. The problems you are currently facing are not just of your own doing, your wife has played a large part as well. If you truly want a happier, healthier marriage and sex life then BOTH of you will need to participate in the resolution of its problems. I highly recommend that you consider marriage/sex therapy.