New to PE - Changing my life

[mistercrowley]

Hi all,

My name is Matthew. I am 35 years old and have been married for 13 years to my high school crush.

I've been suffering from sexual performance anxiety/porn induced e.d. off and on for several years now. As of a few months ago I didn't even know that's what the problem was until I did a great deal of self-discovery, research, therapy. I used to make every excuse in the world when my erection failed; if I quit smoking this wouldn't happen, if I didn't masturbate for days before sex this wouldn't happen, if I exercised more, etc. etc.

The E.D. was intermittent for years. I could go months without a bad experience and then have several in a row. Early this year I decided that I needed to live better and so I quit smoking, started going to the gym as often as possible and eating more healthy. To my dismay this actually made the E.D. more frequent. I think it's because I have always had an underlying problem with sexual performance anxiety (and other things..but I'll get into that in a minute) but before I could mask it with all these different things that could be the problem. Once I took all those other excuses away and was still left with failures in the bedroom I focused all my attention on it. I ended up in a loop of failures. Then my wife and I took a trip to Africa for 18 days. We had amazing sex with no problems 16 out of the 18 days. We weren't trying to prove anything it just came natural. But when we returned home I crashed and burned again..and again..and again.

I was worried that my wife would only handle so much of this before she stopped trying altogether. I started piling more and more pressure on myself. I was going through this cycle of frustration and depression and self-pity over and over and over again. I decided to finally go to a therapist to discuss these issues. My therapist has been very helpful in bringing me to some self-discoveries.

Now keep in mind during all of this I had not yet ceased masturbation to porn. I work from home so I have access to porn 24/7. My wife had no problem with me masturbating to porn. When I had a break in my work schedule, or I was bored, or I wanted a sleep aid, or just because I would open up good ol' Porn Hub and go to town. My therapist wanted me to cease all of that at least until things began working normal for me again. I think that's the point when I realized I had a porn addiction. I swear it was harder to stop doing that than it was to quit smoking. Even then I would get frustrated and go back to it from time to time of the course of a few months. So while I did it much less frequently I still would do it from time to time.


On top of therapy I was doing research all over the Internet for things to fix the problem. I started taking this supplement and that supplement. A lot of snake oil products from GNC that contained things like Yohimbe and Horny Goat Weed. My body does not respond well to either of those products. It shoots my blood pressure through the roof! I began throwing money at anything that I thought would help. I was browsing forums and I started looking into things about Porn Induced E.D. I bought a guided relaxation recording that I began to listen to. That wasn't helping. I went to do a Reiki session for $100 something dollars. While it was relaxing it didn't give me what I was hoping for. I was getting more and more desperate and the whole while the pressure to perform was building.

So far this all sounds like just a terrible nightmare, doesn't it? I have said more than once through this whole process that I don't wish this on my worst enemy. I would rather be waterboarded on a regular basis than have to deal with this one second more.

About the last 2 months is where things started to finally, slowly, come together. I realized I liked meditation after using that guided meditation so I began to do more and more meditation. That led to yoga, which I practice now. I did research on Sensate Focus Touch practices to perform with my wife. We completely shelved orgasms until Thanksgiving. I also committed to completely abstaining from porn, which I have successfully done for over a month now. That is where PE begins for me. One thing I know from many of the failures, especially in the last couple months is that I wasn't satisfied with the quality of my erection going into sex. I was never really terribly worried about my size. I was 6 1/4" BPEL but the quality just didn't seem to be there. I did some research online and came across some forums talking about the Bathmate and how it could potentially increase EQ. I went to Lover's Lane and decided to get the Hydromax X30. I used it as directed for 5 straight days and then 2 days off. Somewhere in those first 5 days, when I had questions on my mind, I discovered PEGym.com. I started looking more into doing stretching exercises and jelqing and adding those to my daily regiment.

Now, during this whole time my wife and I are still not suppose to engage in sex. We were still in the early stages of the Sensate Focus exercise and were not supposed to give each other pleasure. But I had definitely been noticing that my EQ had increased dramatically when I woke up in the morning, or when my wife was naked, or even a gust of wind would come by I would get an erection. I felt like a teenager again. Last Sunday (two weeks after I began PE) my wife showed me her abs; she has been working on a six-pack for a while now and they are looking good. Just by touching them I got so excited and she noticed. The next thing I knew she was going down on me in the middle of the kitchen. I was harder than I've ever been, and maybe a little larger too.. She blew me all the way through to orgasm and then back to hard once again. We then went into the bedroom and grinded until she had an orgasm. Later that night she blew me again in bed all the way to orgasm and then back to hard! This time, both times, I was rock hard. Her comments on the quality and size during all of this certainly also helped put a chip on my shoulder and some well needed confidence. We decided though that, while that was fun, we should go back to the Sensate Focus regiment again. I have still been doing 5 days on and 2 days off with PE. Just yesterday again, during our touch exercises we both got so excited that we ended up royally breaking the rules. We mutually masturbated which led to penetration, for the first time in over a month. I had an EQ of 10. It was just missionary but we both climaxed and were out of breath by the time it was done. Again we're going to try to not break the rules of the Sensate Focus until December but I feel like I am not broken anymore.

I can't tell you what percentage of what is working for me, between the therapist, the PE, the Sensate Focus, the abstinence from porn or the supplements I'm taking but I will tell you this much. I will NEVER go back to porn again. I have a very active imagination and porn was making me lazy. I was having a hard time visualizing sexual scenarios because I was getting it spoon fed to me on-demand. Also, I have had more than enough positive feedback about my erection after just 3 weeks of PE that I will continue to do PE forever.

A little info about my daily supplement regimen; 5g of l-Arginine, 648mg of Red Chinese Ginseng, 450mg Damiana Leaves, 540mg Saw Palmetto Berries, a Men's one a day and fish oil.

My PE regimen in a nutshell (5 days on/2 days off); 10 minute warm-up with a rice sock, 5 minutes stretching and manual compression, 10 minutes wet jelqing, 15 minutes Bathmate as directed (3 sets of 5 mins).

I have just been reading that the 90-day beginning regiment probably should not include the Bathmate but I am over 3 weeks into it now. I welcome any feedback or advice you have.

I'm just glad this is starting to have a happy ending...pun intended!

[Sequoia Tree]

Thanks for sharing your story, and congratulations on your progress! I hope things continue to look up for you! If you'd like some support in helping to kick porn addiction, you might want to join the AP90 group. Speaking of support, you're a lucky guy to have a wife who is willing to work with you!

Your routine looks good. I can't say anything regarding the Bathmate because I don't pump, but if it works for you, and you aren't overtraining, then there's no need to change.

PS: Abs on women are so hot!

[mistercrowley]

Yes, I should've mentioned that, my wife has the patience of a saint. She's been up for trying new things. She's become a lot more friskier in fact; taking nude selfies, posing for me in a nude studio photoshoot, wearing lingerie to pick me up at the airport, picking out fun toys together at Lover's Lane. We have always had a very strong relationship in every other aspect but we have really grown increasingly intimate as of late.

But honestly for me there's not a better case to continue PE than having faith in my erection so I am definitely hooked for life!

[KMWylie]

Welcome to PEGym!

First, congratulations on the pron abstinence! That is a really tough addiction to break - so great job!! I'm so glad it sounds like you're on the right track with everything!

I look forward to hearing more about your successes!!