I Injured Myself Three (3) Years Ago, and Nothing has Been the Same Since.

[ryanlews1997]

Hello fellow brothers! Three years ago, Summer of 2017 I was 19, insecure and stupid. I researched P.E. for months before I went ahead and decided to practice it - just by incorporating jelqing. I was jelqing off an on for about a week and a half and decided to start the JP90 routine. I wanted to increase my gains so bad I was just imagining my ideal self with my desired penis length -- this made me train way to overzealous... I incorporated fowlers (far too early) and felt something off... I can't describe it but something didn't feel right... I removed my hands, my penis immediately went completely limp, had a BLACK bruise about the size of a dime on the left side of my penis, and my penis went pale/numb. (It DID NOT swell up at all however.)

The bruising disappeared about a week-2 weeks after, but the pale and numbness didn't really ever go away. It's better today but it took probably a good 6 months - a year for the feeling to come back to somewhat normal. To this day, my flaccid penis does NOT feel 100% normal. I can pinch the skin on it and not really feel much and the skin around where I was jelqing/fowlers is permanently paler than the rest like skin that has atrophied or something.

My problem today, in 2020, since then I haven't had solid morning wood. I can count on my hands the amount of times I've had MW in three years and every time when I stand up it's gone in about 2 seconds. My erections die in less than 30 seconds if I'm not pumping it with manual stimulation, and the area of injury permanently feels different. When erect the vein I bursted is swollen and kinda feels bulging and aches badly if I lightly squeeze the area when masturbating. When flaccid it feels extremely week...almost like there's a dip in the vein. I had my friend massage/feel around the area (I didn't tell them where I injured myself) and asked them where they feel it weaker -- and in seconds they found the area I damaged and said "this area" -- it's a noticeably weaker area when flaccid.

I can't get hard whenever I want even when I'm masturbating alone I'm fighting to keep my boner. It's RUINED my sex life with my partner. I'm lucky to have a partner that loves me unconditionally and it's so aggravating because I get so incredibly turned on and want that sex we had three years ago but it's like hitting my head against the wall. I'm so incredibly turned on and even think I'm hard, I go down and feel and it's pretty much a limp dick. I've had my partner literally begging me to have sex and I'm so turned on but my body just wont let it get fully hard.... and in addition to that when I AM finally hard I c*m within 8-10 seconds of getting there (I used to last allllll night) I also have a constant dull ache from my left side of my penis down to my leg constantly. When I push the area that hurts on my member it sends a pain down to my foot (I know I sound crazy.)

Obviously this problem sucks at any age -- but I'm only 22.. I'm literally in my sexual prime and I've been fighting this for years now.... I used to be able to masturbate twice a day and wake up with rock hard morning wood. Now, if I want to have a decent EQ, I have to abstain from sex for like 3-4 days or else I wont really even get hard. I've been to two urologist... first one was a quack and let me go saying it was psychosomatic. The second doctor felt around and told me I had a slight fracture but because I'm "20, it should heal fine on it's own" and it was 6 months post injury so there wasn't much he could to do.

(good to note: erections are decent standing up (but still die in seconds) and awful laying or sitting down... I literally have to kegel blood into it constantly to keep it pumped)

I do have to say - this time without a peen has allowed me to focus on other aspects of my life and the past three years I've gotten and held two lead positions at firms and have started my own semi successful company. I'm living a life I've always wanted to manifest but this PTSD has been following me for years now and I just want it GONE. (although it's really shown me how much more there is to life than sex...)

I've accepted that it may be psychosomatic but if that's the case I'm not sure what causes the constant dull aching right where I hurt it or the mutilated feeling of the vein....

Thanks for taking the time to read this and any advice is so so so appreciated and will always be taken into consideration.

Cheers!

[EDIT: forgot to mention I have a recurring thrombosed dorsal vein that aches at the base from where the vein stems out]

[CaptainBlack]

i face this eq death while jelqing , i guess i can't maintain an erection for a time and it's hard to think dirty and focus on count and intensity ...
so i'm just guessing that if your injury is gone and you can erect now , so the low eq may not a physical problem ...
the problem may be just in ur head (overthinking) because of ur injury ... so you should stop thinkin' about it (so hard) ...
guys here will help , they may ask about testosterone levels , regime and other stuff .. they can help better than me
just relax cuz relax will help ...
did u try any Viagra pills or something like this ? (you aren't supposed to do in ur age but just for test)
did you try to use cockring ? , it can help with keeping erections (not a permanent solution , not even a solution)
i'm not expert , just talking with u ...
guys will help u here , sorry for ur injury and good luck

[ryanlews1997]

i face this eq death while jelqing , i guess i can't maintain an erection for a time and it's hard to think dirty and focus on count and intensity ...
so i'm just guessing that if your injury is gone and you can erect now , so the low eq may not a physical problem ...
the problem may be just in ur head (overthinking) because of ur injury ... so you should stop thinkin' about it (so hard) ...
guys here will help , they may ask about testosterone levels , regime and other stuff .. they can help better than me
just relax cuz relax will help ...
did u try any Viagra pills or something like this ? (you aren't supposed to do in ur age but just for test)
did you try to use cockring ? , it can help with keeping erections (not a permanent solution , not even a solution)
i'm not expert , just talking with u ...
guys will help u here , sorry for ur injury and good luck

Hey Man! Thanks for the response - it means a whole lot. Yes I've tried Viagra - it does definitely bring me boners like I'm 18-19 again, and 8/10 morning wood. I also notice the affects of it last for a couple days and my penis almost seems normal a day or two following taking Viagra, but usually it goes back to how it is now. I don't really want to rely on a cock ring as it is something that would take away the appeal of sex for my partner. I agree some of this IS mental, but I also want the constant dull ache to subside. I can't stop thinking about it if my member is aching nearly 24/7 :/

Thanks again man!

[CaptainBlack]

someone will help u ..
so don't worry bro you will be fine , you can pm big al too , he will help
just try to relax i know it's so hard but you should ..

[Jay1983]

Any symptoms of hard flaccid? Seems to me a mix of hard flaccid and weak pelvic floor.

[ryanlews1997]

Any symptoms of hard flaccid? Seems to me a mix of hard flaccid and weak pelvic floor.

I used to have a hard flaccid pretty bad after the injury. Just a little turtle head that was firm for like....5-6 months after the injury... but since then I haven't had much symptoms of hard flaccid. I think only pelvic pain (which feels like it's coming from the thrombosed vein) and a rubbery feeling to my flaccid member. For the most part though, it has a nice meaty loose hang to it. (Although it twists more to the left now when hanging flaccid)

Thanks Jay

[Jay1983]

I used to have a hard flaccid pretty bad after the injury. Just a little turtle head that was firm for like....5-6 months after the injury... but since then I haven't had much symptoms of hard flaccid. I think only pelvic pain (which feels like it's coming from the thrombosed vein) and a rubbery feeling to my flaccid member.

Thanks Jay

Vein diagnosed thrombosed?

[ryanlews1997]

Vein diagnosed thrombosed?

When the second doctor looked at it, he informed me that the vein looked engorged and he prescribed me prescription Ibuprofen for like two weeks to assist in the healing. It went down but anytime I masturbate or touch it too rough, it comes back with vengeance. I showed my brother the vein before and he was SCARED. He said it did NOT look normal compared to his.

[CaptainBlack]

Vein diagnosed thrombosed?

what does that mean ? any pic ?

[ryanlews1997]

what does that mean ? any pic ?

He's asking if my thrombosis was diagnosed by a doctor. No pic on hand but I'd be happy to post a flaccid photo of the vein so you guys can see for yourself.