Hello fellow brothers! Three years ago, Summer of 2017 I was 19, insecure and stupid. I researched P.E. for months before I went ahead and decided to practice it - just by incorporating jelqing. I was jelqing off an on for about a week and a half and decided to start the JP90 routine. I wanted to increase my gains so bad I was just imagining my ideal self with my desired penis length -- this made me train way to overzealous... I incorporated fowlers (far too early) and felt something off... I can't describe it but something didn't feel right... I removed my hands, my penis immediately went completely limp, had a BLACK bruise about the size of a dime on the left side of my penis, and my penis went pale/numb. (It DID NOT swell up at all however.)
The bruising disappeared about a week-2 weeks after, but the pale and numbness didn't really ever go away. It's better today but it took probably a good 6 months - a year for the feeling to come back to somewhat normal. To this day, my flaccid penis does NOT feel 100% normal. I can pinch the skin on it and not really feel much and the skin around where I was jelqing/fowlers is permanently paler than the rest like skin that has atrophied or something.
My problem today, in 2020, since then I haven't had solid morning wood. I can count on my hands the amount of times I've had MW in three years and every time when I stand up it's gone in about 2 seconds. My erections die in less than 30 seconds if I'm not pumping it with manual stimulation, and the area of injury permanently feels different. When erect the vein I bursted is swollen and kinda feels bulging and aches badly if I lightly squeeze the area when masturbating. When flaccid it feels extremely week...almost like there's a dip in the vein. I had my friend massage/feel around the area (I didn't tell them where I injured myself) and asked them where they feel it weaker -- and in seconds they found the area I damaged and said "this area" -- it's a noticeably weaker area when flaccid.
I can't get hard whenever I want even when I'm masturbating alone I'm fighting to keep my boner. It's RUINED my sex life with my partner. I'm lucky to have a partner that loves me unconditionally and it's so aggravating because I get so incredibly turned on and want that sex we had three years ago but it's like hitting my head against the wall. I'm so incredibly turned on and even think I'm hard, I go down and feel and it's pretty much a limp dick. I've had my partner literally begging me to have sex and I'm so turned on but my body just wont let it get fully hard.... and in addition to that when I AM finally hard I c*m within 8-10 seconds of getting there (I used to last allllll night) I also have a constant dull ache from my left side of my penis down to my leg constantly. When I push the area that hurts on my member it sends a pain down to my foot (I know I sound crazy.)
Obviously this problem sucks at any age -- but I'm only 22.. I'm literally in my sexual prime and I've been fighting this for years now.... I used to be able to masturbate twice a day and wake up with rock hard morning wood. Now, if I want to have a decent EQ, I have to abstain from sex for like 3-4 days or else I wont really even get hard. I've been to two urologist... first one was a quack and let me go saying it was psychosomatic. The second doctor felt around and told me I had a slight fracture but because I'm "20, it should heal fine on it's own" and it was 6 months post injury so there wasn't much he could to do.
(good to note: erections are decent standing up (but still die in seconds) and awful laying or sitting down... I literally have to kegel blood into it constantly to keep it pumped)
I do have to say - this time without a peen has allowed me to focus on other aspects of my life and the past three years I've gotten and held two lead positions at firms and have started my own semi successful company. I'm living a life I've always wanted to manifest but this PTSD has been following me for years now and I just want it GONE. (although it's really shown me how much more there is to life than sex...)
I've accepted that it may be psychosomatic but if that's the case I'm not sure what causes the constant dull aching right where I hurt it or the mutilated feeling of the vein....
Thanks for taking the time to read this and any advice is so so so appreciated and will always be taken into consideration.
Cheers!
[EDIT: forgot to mention I have a recurring thrombosed dorsal vein that aches at the base from where the vein stems out]
The bruising disappeared about a week-2 weeks after, but the pale and numbness didn't really ever go away. It's better today but it took probably a good 6 months - a year for the feeling to come back to somewhat normal. To this day, my flaccid penis does NOT feel 100% normal. I can pinch the skin on it and not really feel much and the skin around where I was jelqing/fowlers is permanently paler than the rest like skin that has atrophied or something.
My problem today, in 2020, since then I haven't had solid morning wood. I can count on my hands the amount of times I've had MW in three years and every time when I stand up it's gone in about 2 seconds. My erections die in less than 30 seconds if I'm not pumping it with manual stimulation, and the area of injury permanently feels different. When erect the vein I bursted is swollen and kinda feels bulging and aches badly if I lightly squeeze the area when masturbating. When flaccid it feels extremely week...almost like there's a dip in the vein. I had my friend massage/feel around the area (I didn't tell them where I injured myself) and asked them where they feel it weaker -- and in seconds they found the area I damaged and said "this area" -- it's a noticeably weaker area when flaccid.
I can't get hard whenever I want even when I'm masturbating alone I'm fighting to keep my boner. It's RUINED my sex life with my partner. I'm lucky to have a partner that loves me unconditionally and it's so aggravating because I get so incredibly turned on and want that sex we had three years ago but it's like hitting my head against the wall. I'm so incredibly turned on and even think I'm hard, I go down and feel and it's pretty much a limp dick. I've had my partner literally begging me to have sex and I'm so turned on but my body just wont let it get fully hard.... and in addition to that when I AM finally hard I c*m within 8-10 seconds of getting there (I used to last allllll night) I also have a constant dull ache from my left side of my penis down to my leg constantly. When I push the area that hurts on my member it sends a pain down to my foot (I know I sound crazy.)
Obviously this problem sucks at any age -- but I'm only 22.. I'm literally in my sexual prime and I've been fighting this for years now.... I used to be able to masturbate twice a day and wake up with rock hard morning wood. Now, if I want to have a decent EQ, I have to abstain from sex for like 3-4 days or else I wont really even get hard. I've been to two urologist... first one was a quack and let me go saying it was psychosomatic. The second doctor felt around and told me I had a slight fracture but because I'm "20, it should heal fine on it's own" and it was 6 months post injury so there wasn't much he could to do.
(good to note: erections are decent standing up (but still die in seconds) and awful laying or sitting down... I literally have to kegel blood into it constantly to keep it pumped)
I do have to say - this time without a peen has allowed me to focus on other aspects of my life and the past three years I've gotten and held two lead positions at firms and have started my own semi successful company. I'm living a life I've always wanted to manifest but this PTSD has been following me for years now and I just want it GONE. (although it's really shown me how much more there is to life than sex...)
I've accepted that it may be psychosomatic but if that's the case I'm not sure what causes the constant dull aching right where I hurt it or the mutilated feeling of the vein....
Thanks for taking the time to read this and any advice is so so so appreciated and will always be taken into consideration.
Cheers!
[EDIT: forgot to mention I have a recurring thrombosed dorsal vein that aches at the base from where the vein stems out]
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