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I trained myself to ejaculate without being hard (Injury/Pelvic Recovery Thread)
I'm fed up with my situation and believe I'm finally in the right mindset to change it after 4 years of suffering. This is going to be my recovery thread that I can share with everyone. I would greatly appreciate input and advice.
GrayWolf Background:
-24 years old
-heavy weight lifter (195lbs, 10% bodyfat currently)
-work/study 50-80 hours a week
-Measurements used to be ~6.75" BPEL by 5.5" girth ; now 6" by ~5.25" at best
-No regular focused PE program; dabbled with types of jeqling and kegeling since 18
Injury Background:
-Increasingly tight death grip with no lubricant and increasingly bizarre porn from age 18-20
-Age 20 = I was holding my penis at the base and masturbating with one hand in a tight jelq-like grip when I felt a sharp pain in the head and just under the shaft, saw immediate faint bruising and glans/penis deflated
Since the Injury:
-Age 21 = Tried having sex with 7 different girls
-Ages 22 = Over analyzed my penis
-Ages 22-24 = Avoided social life
-Ages 24 = Started to turn around
Recovery
I do not think my injury caused any irreversible damage (other than a more visible vein, some redness, and faint bruising) I think my problem is several major issues:
1. My pelvic floor is shot
2. Death grip and porn addiction "rewired" my penis
3. Anxiety about my penis
I'm looking for ways to focus on each of these and welcoming suggestions. I will post updates in this thread as they come.
GrayWolf Background:
-24 years old
-heavy weight lifter (195lbs, 10% bodyfat currently)
-work/study 50-80 hours a week
-Measurements used to be ~6.75" BPEL by 5.5" girth ; now 6" by ~5.25" at best
-No regular focused PE program; dabbled with types of jeqling and kegeling since 18
Injury Background:
-Increasingly tight death grip with no lubricant and increasingly bizarre porn from age 18-20
-Age 20 = I was holding my penis at the base and masturbating with one hand in a tight jelq-like grip when I felt a sharp pain in the head and just under the shaft, saw immediate faint bruising and glans/penis deflated
-Numbness and sharp pain whenever brushing head for ~1 week
-Avoided touching at all times, did warm wraps occasionally
-Faint bruise spots never disappeared from head
-Partially distended vein almost always showing just under glans now
-Started right back up where I left off ~1 month later
-Libido was lower afterwards
-Also began kegelling very hard to get an erection faster and ejaculate faster - focusing less on the enjoyment
-Avoided touching at all times, did warm wraps occasionally
-Faint bruise spots never disappeared from head
-Partially distended vein almost always showing just under glans now
-Started right back up where I left off ~1 month later
-Libido was lower afterwards
-Also began kegelling very hard to get an erection faster and ejaculate faster - focusing less on the enjoyment
Since the Injury:
-Age 21 = Tried having sex with 7 different girls
-Usually when drunk and with high anxiety; failed to get an erection each time (only half mast).
-After the first failure I began a spiral of deep depression and binge drinking
-Thought my injury caused permanent nerve damage, venous leak, etc.
-Went to Urologist who listened to my story - he chalked it up to anxiety and assured me if I had any damage I wouldn't be able to cum (even though it was only because of death grip and kegelling really hard, not because of arousal)
-Ultrasound test showed perfect vein work, only very minor tissue damage near distended vein under glans
-Used Cialis samples to get an erection drunk with a girl, but lost it after I put on a condom
-Back to deep depression and heavy binge drinking
-Ultrasound test showed perfect vein work, only very minor tissue damage near distended vein under glans
-Used Cialis samples to get an erection drunk with a girl, but lost it after I put on a condom
-Back to deep depression and heavy binge drinking
-Ages 22 = Over analyzed my penis
-Continued death grip, bizarre porn, heavy kegelling to ejaculate when only partially hard
-Stopped working out and eating healthy
-Dated a girl I wasn't attracted to as a "test"
-First time we had sex I ejaculated IMMEDIATELY upon entering, with barely half an erection
-The second time I was very drunk, popped a Cialis and had an okay erection. Sex lasted ~15min. I couldn't feel anything and didn't finish.
-Saw 2 more Urologists who thought my problem is all in my head
-I began seeing a regular psychologist who thinks my issue is connecting with women. Also saw a sex psychologist said essentially the same thing; connecting with people, anxiety, and "spectating" my issue instead of focusing on enjoying sex
-Stopped working out and eating healthy
-Dated a girl I wasn't attracted to as a "test"
-First time we had sex I ejaculated IMMEDIATELY upon entering, with barely half an erection
-The second time I was very drunk, popped a Cialis and had an okay erection. Sex lasted ~15min. I couldn't feel anything and didn't finish.
-Saw 2 more Urologists who thought my problem is all in my head
-I began seeing a regular psychologist who thinks my issue is connecting with women. Also saw a sex psychologist said essentially the same thing; connecting with people, anxiety, and "spectating" my issue instead of focusing on enjoying sex
-Ages 22-24 = Avoided social life
-Graduated, started working fulltime & studying for certification exams
-Continued masturbation habits but otherwise ignored my social life and penis issue, put all my focus into my job
-Deep deep depression, thinking about suicide often, but I promised to not ever put my family through that
-Continued masturbation habits but otherwise ignored my social life and penis issue, put all my focus into my job
-Deep deep depression, thinking about suicide often, but I promised to not ever put my family through that
-Ages 24 = Started to turn around
-I've been more forgiving of myself and optimistic
-Started to turn around my social life (thank you Tinder and having abs)
-Started lifting and eating healthy again
-Focused on masturbating better; no porn, now using lube, trying not to auto kegel
-I've had potentially 1 or 2 genuine ejaculations this year out of maybe 20 attempts
-Started to turn around my social life (thank you Tinder and having abs)
-Started lifting and eating healthy again
-Focused on masturbating better; no porn, now using lube, trying not to auto kegel
-I've had potentially 1 or 2 genuine ejaculations this year out of maybe 20 attempts
Recovery
I do not think my injury caused any irreversible damage (other than a more visible vein, some redness, and faint bruising) I think my problem is several major issues:
1. My pelvic floor is shot
2. Death grip and porn addiction "rewired" my penis
3. Anxiety about my penis
I'm looking for ways to focus on each of these and welcoming suggestions. I will post updates in this thread as they come.
Member of the Month Nov 2013
aboard GrayWolf!
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