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Hi guys my name is Shaun and I'm 25 years old.
First of all I'll open by saying that this post is gonna be long, but I beg you guys to read it all, cause I'm in a really bad phase in my life and I need someone experienced to hear my whole story and give me some advises in what to do next.
My story starts at my early teen days, back in the late 90's, early 2000's.
Since I remember myself I was a very sexual person, always interested in sex, women and passion.
I started masturbating when I was only 10 years old.
Back in those days, maybe few years later I was first exposed to the issues of penis size while surfing the internet. I remember I ran straight to the toilet with a ruler to measure myself and was sure I'm gonna find out that I'm Really big cause as a child I had over self esteem and was always getting comments on how good I look and how big I look for my age.
So anyway, I took out the ruler and measured and BAM my self esteem suffered a big hit, 5.5 inch. This is when my obsession with penis size and size in general began.
For the next few years I was measuring myself really often and at some point i reached 6 inch. I was very often sticking the ruler so deep just to see 6.7 inches in some occasions to tell myself I'm close to the big area, I'm OK, I can relax. But actually deep inside I knew I did something wrong, probably cheated, cause my penis just kept looking small.
This is when I first encountered PE, while searching the web for ways to enlarge my penis.
I think back then it was only thunder forum that I could find. Anyway, I read a little, and started doing the beginners routine that was advised back then. After few weeks I ditched it cause I was afraid that I'm too young for that stuff and was afraid that I'm doing myself some damage. Plus it wasn't comfortable and I was also hoping and was actually pretty sure that i will probably still get bigger since I'm very young.
Then when I was about 13 I suffered another hit when one of my balls became really big.
I was too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone, so I just convinced myself it was normal and walked around with it for about a year, while deep inside I knew something wasn't right.
Eventually I gathered enough courage and told my parents about it.
We went to the doctor and I was told I have to do a surgery.
The surgery was basically fine besides the pain of course. The problem is that my testicle never went back to a fully normal size. Few months after the surgery it was still twice the size of the other one, and this is how it stayed since then.
That was really hard for me to accept cause aesthetically it looks horrible in my opinion, it left me with a permanent discomfort, and also cause it made my penis look even smaller cause of proportions.
In those days I was kind of chased by many girls, I was referred as an attractive guy, charming, knows what to say and how to treat girls, but I always had this intimacy block most of my teenage years. Was making out with girls a lot but whenever things seemed like about to go to the next level when, I had to go naked I was kind of putting a stop to my interaction with the girl with some witty excuses that never alerted anyone.
When I was almost 17 I finally managed to overcome this issue with one girl that eventually ended up being my first serious relationship. We were together for 2 and a half years. We connected really good, took things slow and i felt comfortable with her.
we both were virgins and that made things a lot easier. For those 2 years I felt like a king, totally forgot about this thing.
When we eventually broke up, those insecurities started floating again.
Again, I was dating many girls, but only got fully naked with two of them. With one I couldn't get an hard on cause I was nervous, with the other one I just got the biggest slap to my face.
Few days after we had sex I've heard from a friend she said that I was small for her. It really hurt me, and I felt doomed.
And then I met a new girl who really blinded me. I didn't care about anything the moment I met her. Plus she was a virgin so I thought I hit the jackpot.
First two years were amazing. Then things started going bad.
We had a terrible 1.5 years before we finally broke up. During this time we were fighting a lot, and she literally destroyed every bit of self esteem I had and dragged me down to places I've never been before.
Although she had never criticized my penis size, she very often criticized my behaviors, my looks and mostly my size (not penis).
I didn't have an appetite for a year because of our relationship condition and therefore I lost a lot of weight and my very small frame for a guy was revealed. Although I'm not short, neither tall, 5' 9.5", my skeleton size isn't big. Slim wrists and ankles, slim fingers, small head, shoes size 8-8.5.
So as long as I was muscular, it wasn't noticeable by the naked eye (no pun intended haha). But when I lost this weight, she killed me by saying stuff like you look like a 12 y/o guy, I hear comments from other people too that come to me and say that you look really bad etc. etc.
finally we broke up, but this is when my real nightmare began. The worst era of my life.
Scarred and wounded, I went back to the wild with a self esteem as low as an amputated midget. I couldn't even talk normally to girls, not to mention looking into their eyes.
I soon started measure every bit of myself. wrists, ankles, fingers, waist, head, neck, you name it. And on top of that, my penis of course. It looked smaller like never before. Just like my whole body.
Suddenly I realized I truly not look the size of a 25 years old male. Suddenly everything started connecting. This is why I was always getting comments about how small my head is or how slim my body is, which I didn't understand before.
All measurements came out that I'm below average for a male at my height.
I realized I haven't grown a bit since I was 14. Not height, not width and no penis size. I found a belt of when I was 13 and found out I could still close it on the smallest notch.
I started measuring my penis again everyday. This time also girthwise and realized I'm smaller than average.
Despite starting to work out and eat like crazy, I told myself I must get back those PE exercises I encountered many years ago.
So two years ago (this is when we broke up), I started lurking those websites again and especially this one.
I was reading a lot and finally started JP90.
I also realized during all of these self examinations that I have a serious lack of penial shaft skin (probably because of a too tight circumcision) and this adds to why my penis looks smaller (hair was never a problem cause I was trimming since teenage years, when my first insecurities started).
So I also started foreskin restoration. Not in order to regrow a full foreskin, but to add an inch or two of shaft skin to get rid of the turkey neck and abdomen stretched skin.
Few months passed, I finished the JP90, but couldn't see any results. No gains in length or in girth. Also there wasn't any gain in skin which really surprised me, cause after all it's skin.
Depressed and disappointed, I began with modifications to the routines, added few stuff, changed reps, sets, whatever felt comfortable and good.
I Read more posts here, more routines. Played with it every few weeks, but still nothing seemed to work.
I started hanging with an improvised hanger I built from socks, show laces, t-shirt sleeves etc. and was hanging about 5 lbs for few weeks about 3x20 mins sets 2 days on 1 day off for few weeks.
Again, nothing seemed to work.
Demotivated, exhausted and broken I began to lose all hope. Fell into a deep depression. Became addict of medical articles, forums posts readings, basically anything that could help me understand WTF is wrong with me. Why do nothing works for me? why my body never changes? Why I haven't grown since I was 13 and why I don't look like most guys at my age?
I began comparing myself to every person I encountered, and realized my bones are really thinner/smaller than anyone, even guys who are 7 inches shorter than me. This also made me convinced my penis is probably small like it always seemed to me, cause that made sense now.
I decided to go for few hormones test. While most came out in the normal range but with a tendency to be in lower half of what counts as normal, IGF-1, came out a bit below the normal range.
I will never know if that was the case my whole life cause I've never checked it before, but in my opinion this thing played a big role in my situation and too bad I didn't check it when I was still growing up.
Anyways, whether it could have helped in anything now or not, the doctor didn't agree to give me IGF-1/Hgh prescription saying it's too expensive and dangerous and it is only given to people with almost none of it produced naturally and that I'm not qualified for it.
Now I'm already 2 years after the last break up, desperate, depressed, have a really low self esteem.
besides kissing with two girls in the those last two years I haven't done anything with any girl. My life's joy had completely faded away a long time ago.
I panic when I get obvious clues from girls, and when any friendly relationship with a girl starts to tighten up, I literally begin to shake and do whatever I can to play the dumb who doesn't understand her behaviors towards starting a relationship.
I am awaken during the nights, can't stick with a job cause of my depression and lack of normal daily schedule and I begin to feel like my life is on already on the right track of being ruined forever.
I was a smart boy with a lot of potential, very talented who succeeded in almost everything I did.
Now I'm a useless guy, who can't stick with anything he does.
Those insecurities that were in the background since I was in my early teens, took over entirely in the last two years and completely ruined me.
Psychology and talks don't make it go away.
I've never talked about my penis size issue with anyone before.
I was having a hard time deciding whether to write my story here or not.
I must find a practical solution.
While you guys can't help me with my whole bones/body issue, you could maybe help me with my penis size issue, which is what bothers me the most at the moment.
I can't live this way anymore, cause with every day that passes I feel more and more stressed about the fact that I'm getting older and losing years that will never come back, years that are supposed to be the best years of my life.
I don't see how anything can change the deep shit I'm in right now without any practical physical change in size. I know that if I will only manage to increase my size a little bit I will be in a much better place. I will finally know it is possible and will be motivated to keep pushing forward.
I have a hard time understanding what my measures really are.
When I sit down and stick the ruler into my pelvic bone I see about 6.3-6.4. But when i measure standing up I only get 5.9-6 inch BP.
NBPEL standing up seems to be 5.7.
In terms of girth I seem to have a baseball bat effect. poorly 4.4-4.5 at the base and about 4.8 mid-shaft.
Not even gonna talk about my flaccid cause it just looks bad.
So anyway guys, you are my last resort. Please help me out here. Help me understand why no routine worked out for me. Ask me questions, I will answer anything. I just started JP90 again as I wasn't doing any routine for about half a year. But to be honest as I said before, at my current state, I'm not such a big believer. The thing is I have nothing else I can do and I'm stuck in life.
Thank you guys for getting this far in my post, reading it all and paying attention to my story. I hope you could hit me up with some good questions/advises that will finally make the gains come and with them a chance for a better life for me.
First of all I'll open by saying that this post is gonna be long, but I beg you guys to read it all, cause I'm in a really bad phase in my life and I need someone experienced to hear my whole story and give me some advises in what to do next.
My story starts at my early teen days, back in the late 90's, early 2000's.
Since I remember myself I was a very sexual person, always interested in sex, women and passion.
I started masturbating when I was only 10 years old.
Back in those days, maybe few years later I was first exposed to the issues of penis size while surfing the internet. I remember I ran straight to the toilet with a ruler to measure myself and was sure I'm gonna find out that I'm Really big cause as a child I had over self esteem and was always getting comments on how good I look and how big I look for my age.
So anyway, I took out the ruler and measured and BAM my self esteem suffered a big hit, 5.5 inch. This is when my obsession with penis size and size in general began.
For the next few years I was measuring myself really often and at some point i reached 6 inch. I was very often sticking the ruler so deep just to see 6.7 inches in some occasions to tell myself I'm close to the big area, I'm OK, I can relax. But actually deep inside I knew I did something wrong, probably cheated, cause my penis just kept looking small.
This is when I first encountered PE, while searching the web for ways to enlarge my penis.
I think back then it was only thunder forum that I could find. Anyway, I read a little, and started doing the beginners routine that was advised back then. After few weeks I ditched it cause I was afraid that I'm too young for that stuff and was afraid that I'm doing myself some damage. Plus it wasn't comfortable and I was also hoping and was actually pretty sure that i will probably still get bigger since I'm very young.
Then when I was about 13 I suffered another hit when one of my balls became really big.
I was too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone, so I just convinced myself it was normal and walked around with it for about a year, while deep inside I knew something wasn't right.
Eventually I gathered enough courage and told my parents about it.
We went to the doctor and I was told I have to do a surgery.
The surgery was basically fine besides the pain of course. The problem is that my testicle never went back to a fully normal size. Few months after the surgery it was still twice the size of the other one, and this is how it stayed since then.
That was really hard for me to accept cause aesthetically it looks horrible in my opinion, it left me with a permanent discomfort, and also cause it made my penis look even smaller cause of proportions.
In those days I was kind of chased by many girls, I was referred as an attractive guy, charming, knows what to say and how to treat girls, but I always had this intimacy block most of my teenage years. Was making out with girls a lot but whenever things seemed like about to go to the next level when, I had to go naked I was kind of putting a stop to my interaction with the girl with some witty excuses that never alerted anyone.
When I was almost 17 I finally managed to overcome this issue with one girl that eventually ended up being my first serious relationship. We were together for 2 and a half years. We connected really good, took things slow and i felt comfortable with her.
we both were virgins and that made things a lot easier. For those 2 years I felt like a king, totally forgot about this thing.
When we eventually broke up, those insecurities started floating again.
Again, I was dating many girls, but only got fully naked with two of them. With one I couldn't get an hard on cause I was nervous, with the other one I just got the biggest slap to my face.
Few days after we had sex I've heard from a friend she said that I was small for her. It really hurt me, and I felt doomed.
And then I met a new girl who really blinded me. I didn't care about anything the moment I met her. Plus she was a virgin so I thought I hit the jackpot.
First two years were amazing. Then things started going bad.
We had a terrible 1.5 years before we finally broke up. During this time we were fighting a lot, and she literally destroyed every bit of self esteem I had and dragged me down to places I've never been before.
Although she had never criticized my penis size, she very often criticized my behaviors, my looks and mostly my size (not penis).
I didn't have an appetite for a year because of our relationship condition and therefore I lost a lot of weight and my very small frame for a guy was revealed. Although I'm not short, neither tall, 5' 9.5", my skeleton size isn't big. Slim wrists and ankles, slim fingers, small head, shoes size 8-8.5.
So as long as I was muscular, it wasn't noticeable by the naked eye (no pun intended haha). But when I lost this weight, she killed me by saying stuff like you look like a 12 y/o guy, I hear comments from other people too that come to me and say that you look really bad etc. etc.
finally we broke up, but this is when my real nightmare began. The worst era of my life.
Scarred and wounded, I went back to the wild with a self esteem as low as an amputated midget. I couldn't even talk normally to girls, not to mention looking into their eyes.
I soon started measure every bit of myself. wrists, ankles, fingers, waist, head, neck, you name it. And on top of that, my penis of course. It looked smaller like never before. Just like my whole body.
Suddenly I realized I truly not look the size of a 25 years old male. Suddenly everything started connecting. This is why I was always getting comments about how small my head is or how slim my body is, which I didn't understand before.
All measurements came out that I'm below average for a male at my height.
I realized I haven't grown a bit since I was 14. Not height, not width and no penis size. I found a belt of when I was 13 and found out I could still close it on the smallest notch.
I started measuring my penis again everyday. This time also girthwise and realized I'm smaller than average.
Despite starting to work out and eat like crazy, I told myself I must get back those PE exercises I encountered many years ago.
So two years ago (this is when we broke up), I started lurking those websites again and especially this one.
I was reading a lot and finally started JP90.
I also realized during all of these self examinations that I have a serious lack of penial shaft skin (probably because of a too tight circumcision) and this adds to why my penis looks smaller (hair was never a problem cause I was trimming since teenage years, when my first insecurities started).
So I also started foreskin restoration. Not in order to regrow a full foreskin, but to add an inch or two of shaft skin to get rid of the turkey neck and abdomen stretched skin.
Few months passed, I finished the JP90, but couldn't see any results. No gains in length or in girth. Also there wasn't any gain in skin which really surprised me, cause after all it's skin.
Depressed and disappointed, I began with modifications to the routines, added few stuff, changed reps, sets, whatever felt comfortable and good.
I Read more posts here, more routines. Played with it every few weeks, but still nothing seemed to work.
I started hanging with an improvised hanger I built from socks, show laces, t-shirt sleeves etc. and was hanging about 5 lbs for few weeks about 3x20 mins sets 2 days on 1 day off for few weeks.
Again, nothing seemed to work.
Demotivated, exhausted and broken I began to lose all hope. Fell into a deep depression. Became addict of medical articles, forums posts readings, basically anything that could help me understand WTF is wrong with me. Why do nothing works for me? why my body never changes? Why I haven't grown since I was 13 and why I don't look like most guys at my age?
I began comparing myself to every person I encountered, and realized my bones are really thinner/smaller than anyone, even guys who are 7 inches shorter than me. This also made me convinced my penis is probably small like it always seemed to me, cause that made sense now.
I decided to go for few hormones test. While most came out in the normal range but with a tendency to be in lower half of what counts as normal, IGF-1, came out a bit below the normal range.
I will never know if that was the case my whole life cause I've never checked it before, but in my opinion this thing played a big role in my situation and too bad I didn't check it when I was still growing up.
Anyways, whether it could have helped in anything now or not, the doctor didn't agree to give me IGF-1/Hgh prescription saying it's too expensive and dangerous and it is only given to people with almost none of it produced naturally and that I'm not qualified for it.
Now I'm already 2 years after the last break up, desperate, depressed, have a really low self esteem.
besides kissing with two girls in the those last two years I haven't done anything with any girl. My life's joy had completely faded away a long time ago.
I panic when I get obvious clues from girls, and when any friendly relationship with a girl starts to tighten up, I literally begin to shake and do whatever I can to play the dumb who doesn't understand her behaviors towards starting a relationship.
I am awaken during the nights, can't stick with a job cause of my depression and lack of normal daily schedule and I begin to feel like my life is on already on the right track of being ruined forever.
I was a smart boy with a lot of potential, very talented who succeeded in almost everything I did.
Now I'm a useless guy, who can't stick with anything he does.
Those insecurities that were in the background since I was in my early teens, took over entirely in the last two years and completely ruined me.
Psychology and talks don't make it go away.
I've never talked about my penis size issue with anyone before.
I was having a hard time deciding whether to write my story here or not.
I must find a practical solution.
While you guys can't help me with my whole bones/body issue, you could maybe help me with my penis size issue, which is what bothers me the most at the moment.
I can't live this way anymore, cause with every day that passes I feel more and more stressed about the fact that I'm getting older and losing years that will never come back, years that are supposed to be the best years of my life.
I don't see how anything can change the deep shit I'm in right now without any practical physical change in size. I know that if I will only manage to increase my size a little bit I will be in a much better place. I will finally know it is possible and will be motivated to keep pushing forward.
I have a hard time understanding what my measures really are.
When I sit down and stick the ruler into my pelvic bone I see about 6.3-6.4. But when i measure standing up I only get 5.9-6 inch BP.
NBPEL standing up seems to be 5.7.
In terms of girth I seem to have a baseball bat effect. poorly 4.4-4.5 at the base and about 4.8 mid-shaft.
Not even gonna talk about my flaccid cause it just looks bad.
So anyway guys, you are my last resort. Please help me out here. Help me understand why no routine worked out for me. Ask me questions, I will answer anything. I just started JP90 again as I wasn't doing any routine for about half a year. But to be honest as I said before, at my current state, I'm not such a big believer. The thing is I have nothing else I can do and I'm stuck in life.
Thank you guys for getting this far in my post, reading it all and paying attention to my story. I hope you could hit me up with some good questions/advises that will finally make the gains come and with them a chance for a better life for me.
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