What am I doing wrong guys? Srs thread!

[Paul789]

Hi, i've just been reading most of your posts and advice being given to you. I think Drjohn on page one has got it spot on. You need to work out 'why' your pf is tight. You seem to be so tense in the pf, have you worked on posture? Do you suck your stomach (this can be horrendous for the pf) tight hamstrings etc etc
Tension is there because you are asking your pf to do too much work.
When you have a moment of stress in the day become aware of where you put this tension.

[Paul789]

Also, you were wondering a week ago when to start normal kegels. Drjohn told you these would be counterproductive and he is correct. Your problem seems to be tension - not weakness.
You've been training now for 8 months, you need to be looking at your body as a whole to find out why you still have tension in the pf.
I was like you for a long time with stretching and reverse kegels but as fast as i was losing tension i was putting it back again due to bad posture and tight abs.

[Kakal]

Thanks for your replies Paul,

In regards to feedback I've received in this thread, I also think the opinions from Drjohn are pretty solid and accurate.

I figured it was due to my posture mostly, as I've always had a bad posture and that's why I incorporated yoga and always being conscious of my posture, straight back, not rounding the shoulders etc.

I think i do also suck my stomach in at times, sometimes I'll realise I'm holding my breath and squeezing my stomach in at the same time and then have to consciously relax it.

My PF doesn't feel tight anymore, at least nowhere near a much as before since incorporating all of the yoga, stretches, RK's etc.

I'm not really sure about my hamstrings being tight, they may be that's the reason why I recently added full body stretching every night for 10 minutes but perhaps its better to just do 10 minutes of lower body stretching instead.

Overall I'd say I've made improvement but still a ways to go, how did you deal with the posture and tension issues? Just always being aware of it or did you do something special?

Thanks again for your reply, I appreciate it.

[Paul789]

hi, thats great you are making progress. A great little test is to stand very straight on the spot for a couple of minutes favouring your weight on your heels rather than your toes and see where you begin to feel tension. This could be lower stomach, hamstrings etc. this will highlight areas of tension.
I also walked with supination so i am working on this.
Of course stretching but i also bought a foam roller and hard ball which are amazing for removing trigger points.

Also twice a day i finger-roll massage my stomach to help relax it.

Plus having a stress free life as much as possible.

Deep breathing and also reading and re-reading Amy Stein 'Heal Pelvic Pain' and of course (the bible) A Headache in the Pelvis.

This will all help you, but like i mentioned before try and accept these problems are tension and not weakness.

[Kakal]

Update :
Last week was a week of experimenting and trying some new things, I've also ordered 5-HTP and pau yuen tong balm but am yet to try either, have also purchased a cock ring, just as I'm curious if this may help with delaying ejaculating as when my arousal gets high if I squeeze the base of my cock it can help bring it down /stop me cumming, so maybe a cock ring can help with this for the whole session?

I know thoughts on aids are mixed, but I will only use it in moderation and I'm just curious to see how the balm will affect me, of course I will continue to do all of my other training and practice that I'm currently doing, RK's, pelvic floor exercises, tennis ball massage, yoga, full body stretching, hindi squats, meditation and going to the gym several times a week.

I'm also eating cleaner, drinking green tea daily and trying to stay more positive about everything in general.

This weeks sessions were purely using the STU again and this week I wanted to try focusing on high pleasure /arousal increasing positions (mainly missionary) and adding audio in to the sessions as well.

First session of the week was 16 minutes, using just the STU with no external stimuli except imagination,it was also my first session in about 4 days, as I had very busy weekend with my girlfriend and wasn't free until then and again it was the missionary position that got me.

Second session I wanted to try incorporating the audio and I found a very good video which was basically this fine Asian girl talking to you and moaning, gasping and begging you to cum inside of her etc and It was very difficult to control my arousal to this and after 3 minutes of listening I couldn't hold back and ejaculated - total session time was 16 minutes. I did go slow, deep breathing, RK's etc but It was so tough.

The third session was pretty awesome, I lasted 30 minutes in this session without ejaculating, using the STU again and the last 5 minutes was listening to the same audio from the previous session.
This time however I wasn't so focused and fixated on the her moaning and when she was begging me to cum for her, I replied to her "Nahh I'm not ready yet babe, wait" it was still very tough at times, and I came close a few times but I managed to hold back.

I didn't finish the whole video (7 minutes) but I did get through 5 minutes which is an improvement from the last session so that's progress!

Did missionary for a fair amount of time and that was controllable as well (without audio) so very happy with that session.

The fourth session wasn't such a great one, I was pretty tired during this session due to going to bed so late the previous night and it was midnight at this point when I begun the session.

The first 10 minutes was fine, missionary etc but this time I wanted to try using a condom, my thought process at this point was ' everytime I have sex I've always used a condom, I've never had sex without one. Maybe in my mind I'm associating the condom with ejaculation and that's causing me to ejaculate prematurely' so I tried a condom.

After putting it on I noticed the sensitivity was reduced slightly but not drastically and after a while I actually found it pretty tough to control, perhaps even more so than without a condom which I know makes no sense but I ended up ejaculating after 5 minutes with the condom on. (total session time 16 mins)

I will experiment more with this, just to see. Unfortunately I can't have sex with my girlfriend without a condom (she's not on birth control) so perhaps using condoms during my practice can help more than not using condoms on a mental scale.

Overall was an interesting week.

Thanks guys

[ZeNigmar]

Oversensitive Corona/Glans can be amplified by the condom in some cases, it creates pressure on those spots aswell as on others. That means as a sequel more pressure and less friction sensitivity. You seem to progress with the STU, i am glad to hear.

I lately turned down sexual opportunities because she knows too many of my people but i'll report back as soon as i got something new, still following you!

[Kakal]

Thanks man!

Yeah sometimes I feel like I'm making good progress, then when I have a bad session (like today) I start to question everything.

For example 30 odd mins with some added audio stimuli vs 4 mins with no additional stimuli.

Doesn't make much sense; but I suppose that's how it goes with these things sometimes！

[Kakal]

Update :
This week was another interesting week and I made some progress but also had a few sessions where I felt I had knocked myself down a few steps on ladder of success.

I've also realised that often thrusting slower brings my arousal up faster than faster thrusting, which seems weird I know, but I've noticed it quite a few times and I'm not sure what the reason for that could be is.

My first session this week was using the STU again and I had very nice control, varying positions and overall was one of those sessions where It feels like all the hard work and effort I've put in to this is starting to pay off.

I went 32 minutes and around the 27 minute mark I incorporated the Audio sex video which was pretty tough to control still, but taking breathers, doing RK's and trying to stay calm helped somewhat but after 5 minutes I needed to stop the session as I knew much more and I would have been at my limit and probably would have blown.

However when I went to pull out and stop that final bit of stimulation sent me to the PONR, but I wasn't having it, I kegal'd hard, squeezing my shaft and pushing on the golden point and I managed to hold back the orgasm; but a tiny slither of ejaculate dribbled out and I thought I may have had a renegade (it wasn't) but sensitivity was still there albeit reduced and EQ also dropped but still just about hard enough for penetration.

My Next session was probably the worst session I've had in a long time, 4 minutes and that was it.

I managed to get the fleshlight in a position which replicated missionary very closely by ledging the STU (wrapped in a towel) between the bed and a big Teddy bear which angled it up slightly and allowed me to push myself up with one hand and the other hand on the teddies stomach.

Usually I'd just awkward lay on top of the STU in a lazy way and thrust but this new position was a very good replication and the results of that was a very poor session and busting my nuts in 4 minutes.

The following session I wanted to work on that same position which set me off last time and after 10 or so minutes of laying on the side thrusting, on back stroking I got back in to that position, this time I really wanted to work on relaxing my whole body and trying to not have any tension.

But again I ejaculated after just several minutes in this position and total session time was 12 minutes.

My new cock ring arrived ready for my 4th session and I tried using that, this whole session was more about experimentation.

With the cock ring on I got back in that fated position from the last couple of sessions and I could definitely feel I had better control this time, it wasn't as sensitive and just allowed me to be more aware of my arousal almost.

The cock ring was a little tight though so I was taking it off and putting it back on and I could definitely notice the difference whilst thrusting in the same position with and without the cock ring.

I'm not sure if the missionary position today was exactly the same as the last couple of times as it just felt a little awkward at times.

After 10 minutes I put on a condom to see how that was with the cock ring and it was pretty much fine, not much difference but sensitivity was slightly decreased unlike last time which seemed to increase it, So not sure what's going on with that really.

But total session time was 30 minutes, mostly in missionary although I did vary positions a few times.

Friday night I stayed at my girlfriends, I applied my Pau yuen tong balm (which I had received earlier this week but not tried) a couple of hours prior and when we had sex (about 2- 2.5 hours after application) I was able to have sex hard and fast for 10-15 minutes in missionary without ejaculating, although it must be said It seemed to reduce my sensitivity by a fair amount so I think I probably used too much.

I was also very tired due to being sleep deprived and working until 9PM.

So I wasn't really even in the mood for sex, but it's definitely something I will keep but I'd like to be able to not need it of course, and I will continue my full routine as I have been.

We had sex again on Sunday morning (I hadn't ejaculated from sex on Friday night or the previous masturbation session)

She started on top but it ended up just being awkward and I wasn't that hard and she's very tight, so I just went on top again and begun thrusting (harder than I should have been) and I ended up just blowing my load after about 1 minute.

I think i just got carried away really and ha bad self control, I should have gone slower and felt my arousal and been in better control but she said it was long enough and was happy enough. She'd actually put a pillow underneath her butt this time which isn't something she usually does and she said with that it means she can get off very fast.

Overall and interesting week, some ups and some downs, that's life I suppose.

A new week is here and I should be able to start having sex more regularly again now after almost 5 months of not having it, so that's pretty cool and means I can start getting some real practice in!

Thanks for reading, sorry for the long post.

[Kakal]

Update :

The last couple of weeks I've not really been edging as much as I'd have liked to, it's a little awkward now because if I'm seeing my girlfriend after work, I'll usually not edge as I'd rather try and have sex with her, but unfortunately we're not really having sex very often so my plan isn't really going how I had hoped.

Since my last update we had sex on the Wednesday and this time the sex was a bit more passionate and heated, I had used the Pau Yue Tong Balm a couple of hours prior but this time it didn't work as well as the first time perhaps due to using less and not using it on the Corona.

I only lasted about 1 minute, perhaps even less; which was very frustrating as my girlfriend was really in to it this time and that's is not something I've seen for a while.
Even though I was on top she was really thrusting and getting off on me and that was a nice feeling but I had already ejaculated at that point and was just trying to stay hard enough for her to reach orgasm.
Also when having sex doing a RK was what made me ejaculate, as I felt the PONR coming I held a RK and as soon as I did I noticed it pushed the ejaculate out, probably I did it too late and that was the problem.

My first edging session that week was on the Saturday, so pretty much 1 week after my previous edging session and boy was it difficult control, my arousal was so high using the STU.

I almost blew my load a few times especially in missionary, after varying positions, going slow, doing RK's and even some stop and starts, I managed to regain some control.

I was having a lot of IK's in this session and it was tough to notice, the only way I could feel them was when I really felt them out and relaxed I realised I was having them as well as some tension in the pelvic floor region and clenching my abs and glutes a bit.

Went back in missionary after about 20 minutes with the cock ring on as at this state EQ wasn't great, but after a few strokes it was difficult to control again and I ejaculated, total session 21 minutes.

The following session was with the STU again and using the cock ring which really helped with my control this time.

Missionary is definitely the position that gives me the most trouble, so I spent the majority of this session in the position and I had pretty good control, really visualising myself with no tension and as light as a feather really helped undue all tension in my body, and just feeling out areas of my body where there was tension and consciously relaxing that area, loose grip, relaxed muscles and deep, calm slow breathing.

Total session was 25 minutes with ejaculation. Ejaculation with the cock ring is pretty intense.

Also had a couple of ballooning sessions this week as I've not done any in a very, very long time.

I found it very useful actually as it made me aware of where my high stimulation spots are (which I already pretty much knew, but it confirmed it), was also nice to single out the spots and really work on them in varying ways and stimulating them spots with a variety of methods.

Both ballooning sessions I didn't ejaculate and they were 25 odd minutes.

Final session of the week was today, using the STU and it wasn't a great one, sensitivity was pretty high again, but laying on the side thrusting helped me gain control and become accustomed to the sensitivity, this position is probably my safest position and best for control usually, it allows me to relax and seems to be the best overall for my stamina, second would probably be standing thrusting or laying on back stroking.

Anyway, after 10 minutes I put the cock ring on again and went in to missionary, to my surprise the cock ring actually increased my sensitivity this time and I came very close aye just a few thrusts.

I tried laying on my back and stroking a long with on my side thrusting but with both the sensitivity was so high and I ended up ejaculating.

Was very weird that the cock ring increased my sensitivity, perhaps its due to using it after 10 minutes rather than at the beginning of the session.

Need to experiment more.



I'm still doing my stretches, exercises, yoga, meditation and massage everyday pretty much except for tennis ball massage which is every 2 days, although I may occasionally miss a day but it's usually only once a week.

Will continue working on missionary, experimenting with the cock ring and hopefully start having sex more regular.
My EQ isn't all that great these past few months, probably from all the RK's so I may try doing something for that not kegal related.

Thanks for reading.

[Kakal]

Update:

This week was a bit of a roller-coaster again, used my STU again combined with some audio stimuli (total session time 30 minutes) but it's very difficult to control once I incorporate audio, without it was absolutely fine but within 3-5 minutes of adding the audio stimuli I have to slow right down or stop completely otherwise ejaculation is inevitable.

Did some ballooning this week as well, working on the trigger spots and high intensity head stimulation which is pretty much fine. I feel like I have very good control with this.

Had sex on Thursday night had used some PYT about 3.5 hours before and reapplied some more about 20 minutes before sex.

Conditions weren't optimal for sex as I hadn't ejaculated the last 2 edging and ballooning sessions and also hadn't had sex in about 2 weeks.

Ejaculated after about 1-2 minutes after penetration which was a real shame really, I'd noticed that I was breathing very heavily, I did some RK's prior just to keep the PF relaxed but unfortunately 1-2 minutes was about the most I could do.

Had another edging session on Saturday, sensitivity was pretty high but I had it under control at least before going in to missionary, missionary is the position that really kills my stamina.

The sensitivity was controlable before but as soon as I got in to missionary within a few strokes I was just very close to the PONR, was deep breathing, slowing right down, reverse kegaling, trying to really relax my whole body and everything I could think of.

Kegal'ed before the PONR and held on but after a few more thrusts I ejaculated.
Total session time 12 minutes.

Had sex one more time this week, last night in fact.
My girlfriend wanted to watch some porn as she had never really watched it before, so we're laying in bed watching it and after she's like let's have sex.

So we're getting down to business and I didn't feel super horny, felt pretty calm and relaxed, was doing some RK's and was feeling good.

Put the condom on and also decided to try the cock ring to see if it would hell with my stamina.

The condom was on pretty tight and there wasn't room to move around as I had my penis very close to the tip of the condom.

I entered her in missionary and my sensitivity was very low, I couldn't feel anything in fact really.

I told her let's go slow and we did but after about 5 thrusts I ejaculated. Felt pretty pathetic.

I'm nearing 1 year now (maybe 10.5-11 months) since I embarked on this journey and I feel like I'm going nowhere sometimes,it's so frustrating..

I don't know what to do.

This week I didn't meditate everyday and a couple of times didn't do my pelvic floor exercises but for the most part I'm doing everything still.

-Reverse kegals throughout the day ( I will up these again)
-Meditation 10-15 minutes a day.
-Full body stretching everyday for 10 minutes
-Pelvic floor exercises (hip bridges, leg raises, and reverse crunches) 50-100 reps of of each.
-Yoga (child's pose, cat and cow, cobra and have recently stared doing frog)
-Tennis ball massage 5 minutes every 2 days.
-hindi squats (holds) throughout the day. (atleast 10-15 minutes a day)
-going to the gym 3 times a week and training legs on one of those days (weighted)

Am also taking 200mg of 5-htp everyday and drinking green tea daily.

Sometimes I feel defeated.
I don't want to rely on PYT or other external aids, but if it's the difference between 5 pumps and a few minutes or longer then I'm considering it may be the way.
I really don't know.