What am I doing wrong guys? Srs thread!

**WillGetBetter** · 11-17-2018

That's great you're making progress! I went through a similar period as you where one time I would have control and then the next time I didn't again.

Here are some reasons why it failed for me:
1. I didn't control my arousal from the beginning or let it get out of control to quickly during sex. To keep my arousal at a moderate level, I need to do RKs periodically during sex. I also need to do relaxation breathing from my diaphragm. Sometimes, I need to slow the speed down a little if my arousal is ramping up too quickly.
2. When I was on top, I would hold myself up in a plank position and that would tighten my pelvic floor. I found that if I rotated my hips forward, that would loosen my pelvic floor again and allow me to RK with me on top. That realization of rotating my hips to RK then opened up all the other positions for me (doggy style, standing, etc). Before then I could only make the RKs work with her on top.

Good luck!

**ZeNigmar** · 11-20-2018

Hey Kakal, its great to hear about your progress. I recently had a really nice experience too!. Go kill it!

**Kakal** · 12-08-2018

Update:

Hey all, I noticed something interesting with me recently that after ejaculation, the next day or so after when I'm touching myself, (or my girlfriend is touching me) my sensitivity is a lot higher and much more difficult to control, also I have stronger IK's, however when I don't masturbate my sensitivity seems to be a lot more manageable and IK's are almost non existent.

For the past week I decided to not masturbate or edge and only ejaculate when I'm having sex and keeping everything else normal, sex has seemed to improve slightly although its difficult to say exactly how much as I wasn't really edging much these past few months anyway, and my PF has felt a lot looser recently than when I first started on this journey as I mentioned in my previous updates.

The 2 occasions I did edge these past weeks ended very abruptly and I was very shocked at how fast I ejaculated, once dry (tight grip) and once lubed (tight grip) both times I ejaculated within less than 5 minutes, which is something that hasn't happened in a long time with my hand. I suppose that could be the biggest downside to not edging regularly these past couple of months. Safe to say I was pretty mortified but I need to see if this carries over in to sex.

I did also stop going to the gym, just because my membership expired and I had some family visiting me for just under 2 weeks, I think this definitely has had a negative affect on my control, as previously I had began to incorporate hanging knee raises and isolating the lower abs a lot more which I believe helped my sexual control improve significantly and I noticed a drop in my control within the first week or 2 of not doing the exercise. However I've not had too much sex recently due to my girlfriend being on her period this week.

The times we did have sex have been better though that's for sure, although it definitely varies occasion by occasion, for example one time I can have very good control and be able to go for 5-10 minutes and other times my arousal and sensitivity is just that much more difficult to control and I ejaculate within a couple of minutes.

It's not been all too bad though as I've been making my girlfriend Orgasm first and then penetrating her which helps take off a lot of the pressure although its still evident I've got a ways to go still.

I'm quite looking forward to the next time we have sex though as I haven't edged, masturbated or ejaculated in over a week now but still feel very relaxed in my PF.

I've also seen more improvement when using thinner condoms which surprised me as I thought the opposite would be true but again this has only happened a few times and more experimentation is in order.

Will experiment and try a few more things over the next few weeks and report back!
This is a time of a trying a different approach, worst case scenario I need to retrace my footsteps and "catch back up" to where I was about 2 months ago( edging and using the STU multiple times a week, with good control) however this doesn't seem to transfer over to sex for me, so lets see!

**jangga** · 12-15-2018

Originally Posted by Drjohn

First of all when you describe that the ponr comes from nowhere even tho your arousal isnt high - this means alot of tension in your BC muscle.

If you are this tense (which you are) and you do kegels, you wont go any further steps forward, quit the kegels, focus on long hold reverse kegels, ONLY!!

I was in the exact same position and the regular kegels is just counterproductive as long as you have any tension down there.

IK's should only happen at ONE TIME During masturbation/sex and that is when you are ejaculating, any kind of IKs during stimulation, touching whatever is a sign of pure tension down there, for ANYONE with this case, its simple, NO regular kegels, ONLY reverse kegels, it takes time, it took 2-3months of constant RK for me to feel like i was completely relaxed at all times, and to feel that i have no issues with IKS during intense masturbation.

Easy steps to fix premature ejaculation;

Find out the reason, mostly tension, some cases anxiety, mostly tension and premature ejaculation which causes a dead loop with anxiety.

Tension - Alot of involuntary kegels, sudden PONR from nowhere, other issues like urinary issues, bowel movement issues, varicocele.

Start a 100% RK routine, may take months, do it for longer holds, do hindi squats every day, hold the squats for 3-5 minutes and do it 3-5 times.

premature ejaculators almost only feel sensations and pleasure right before, and at the orgasm. People who doesnt have premature ejaculation will feel real
pleasure during the whole intercourse without feeling the need to orgasm.

you will feel when you are rid of the tension, this is the time to incorporate edging, edging with tension is a waste of time and will take you nowhere.

Alot of people around here seem to waste their time with "stop and starts" which means you go to PONR, wait for 10 seconds, and go to ponr again and just repeat, this is not taking you anywhere, plateau edging is whats needed, if you have an edging session of 10-15min, you should feel CONSTANT pleasure during these 10-15min, plateau edging is about staying as close to the PONR as you can, for as long as you can.

Gradually you will feel yourself getting more and more used to the sensation and lastly you will ejaculate at command.

not negotiable this is how you cure premature ejaculation, and people around here are wasting too much time.

TAKE alot of time, do research and find out what your reason for premature ejaculation is then work after the plan

Also, forgot to add;

If you realized you have tension down there, figure out why there is tension down there.

For some its because alot of sitting, bad habit of holding light kegels during stimulation for greater pleasure, bad posture etc
and improve it.

For me, it was a bad habit of light kegels, also sucking in my stomach for 15 years every day all day.

This is a bit old. But I really hope u come to my aid pls

I was checking through threads out of frustration when I saw ur posts. I really see u av a 100% point here. However, I'm caught in-between as my ponr comes from nowhere even tho my arousal isnt high & the tricky part is I don't have ik. So I don't know if it's tension in the bc muscle as u said in ur post. I'm confused because I should have ik if it's tensed... please I'm confused ..help in any way u can

**Kakal** · 12-22-2018

Update :
I recently rejoined the gym and have begun weight training again as well as hanging knee raises, and also hanging leg raises (keeping the legs straight rather then bringing knees to the stomach).

My premature ejaculation hasn't improved much these days and in fact it feels like it may be getting worse or at least be stagnating.

I've kind of been in a bad routine recently though, going to bed very late and waking up late each day.
Also I haven't been as fully committed to my exercises and meditation(especially meditation) these last few months.

I am still doing RK's daily( although I just do the standard pushing out motion and haven't really ever worked on isolating front and back) and hindi squat sits but it must be admitted that there are some days I'm not doing my full routine although I make sure to do do my lower body stretching everyday.

Everytime me and my girlfriend had sex these past couple of weeks I ejaculated in less than 2 minutes.
I even used a little PYT balm 45 minutes prior to intercourse on one of the times, but it didn't make much difference on that occasion.

It's been pretty strange actually, even when my arousal isn't high I'm still ejaculating fast. That ponr still just gets me by surprise sometimes and before I know it I'm cumming.

One of the occasions I was very anxious about it, so I put it down to that but the other times there wasn't much going on in the anxiety department, I even drank some wine one of the nights before we had intercourse.

I have also been doing some edging again these last few days, nothing too serious though. Mostly just grabbing my penis and doing some dry death grip on a couple of occasions and I also used the STU once as well after doing 10 minutes dry death grip which was very difficult to control and ejaculated within a minute or 2.

I'm going to start doing more edging and ballooning again, both lubed and dry as we as using the STU again.
See if I can get back to those 30 minute sessions I was having and hopefully I'll start seeing some more improvement in the bedroom.

A few months ago when I had sex a few times without any external aids for 10 minutes or so, nothing was different to now except for the gym routine. So now I'm back on that I'm hoping some improvement will start to come again.

Also will stop slacking off with mediation and exercises and get everything back on track!

**Kakal** · 01-22-2019

Update :
Sorry for the late update for anyone who is mildly interested in my progress.

This last month has been hit and miss in regards to my endurance when having sex and I've unfortunately not really been fully immersed in the self cultivation (edging /ballooning) and have barely practiced alone.

I have been really on top of my meditation though and getting back on my fitness in the gym and doing hanging knee raises 3 times a week combined with the yoga, stretches, massage and other exercises.

One of the first times we had sex since my last update was awesome and I lasted 15 minutes in multiple positions and had incredible control, in the end I had to actually force myself to cum by holding a strong kegal.

After that time I was really trying to think what I did differently that time and the only things I could think of were:
1) I did 10 minutes dry edging 2 days prior and 2 mins in the STU (But ejaculated).
2)during the sex my girlfriend went on top first with me sitting on the edge of the bed straddling me, and grinding her hips for about 5 minutes. After that I was able to pound away in all positions without problem (Instead of me being on top).
3)I did also have some muscle aches and soreness in my lower body from the gym a few days before and the whole area felt very un-tense and relaxed in general.

After that time, I went in to the next time we had sex feeling confident and in control but as fate would have I blew within 10 strokes.

The last 5 or 6 times followed suit pretty much and were all over fast .

One of the times I lasted 5 minutes but my EQ was very poor and I wasn't really that in to it.

It's pretty frustrating though, but it's always seems to be the case.

Once in a blue moon I'll have these awesome sex sessions where I feel like a sex god but then the next times are all poor performers and make me feel pathetic again.
It's frustrating and disheartening to be honest but I just can't differentiate what's different between the good performance sessions and bad performance sessions as nothing really stands out massively.

I am now travelling with my girlfriend for the next month and probably won't he able to fully immerse myself in the training necessary.

I will continue to do my reverse kegals as much a possible and my stretches, exercises and everything else I will try to continue daily but realistically there will probably be several days which I'm not able to do everything and of course I will not be able to go to the gym for the next month.
So let's see how these next few weeks go!

Thanks for reading.

**Bobsadcock** · 01-23-2019

Originally Posted by Kakal

Update :
Sorry for the late update for anyone who is mildly interested in my progress.

This last month has been hit and miss in regards to my endurance when having sex and I've unfortunately not really been fully immersed in the self cultivation (edging /ballooning) and have barely practiced alone.

I have been really on top of my meditation though and getting back on my fitness in the gym and doing hanging knee raises 3 times a week combined with the yoga, stretches, massage and other exercises.

One of the first times we had sex since my last update was awesome and I lasted 15 minutes in multiple positions and had incredible control, in the end I had to actually force myself to cum by holding a strong kegal.

After that time I was really trying to think what I did differently that time and the only things I could think of were:
1) I did 10 minutes dry edging 2 days prior and 2 mins in the STU (But ejaculated).
2)during the sex my girlfriend went on top first with me sitting on the edge of the bed straddling me, and grinding her hips for about 5 minutes. After that I was able to pound away in all positions without problem (Instead of me being on top).
3)I did also have some muscle aches and soreness in my lower body from the gym a few days before and the whole area felt very un-tense and relaxed in general.

After that time, I went in to the next time we had sex feeling confident and in control but as fate would have I blew within 10 strokes.

The last 5 or 6 times followed suit pretty much and were all over fast .

One of the times I lasted 5 minutes but my EQ was very poor and I wasn't really that in to it.

It's pretty frustrating though, but it's always seems to be the case.

Once in a blue moon I'll have these awesome sex sessions where I feel like a sex god but then the next times are all poor performers and make me feel pathetic again.
It's frustrating and disheartening to be honest but I just can't differentiate what's different between the good performance sessions and bad performance sessions as nothing really stands out massively.

I am now travelling with my girlfriend for the next month and probably won't he able to fully immerse myself in the training necessary.

I will continue to do my reverse kegals as much a possible and my stretches, exercises and everything else I will try to continue daily but realistically there will probably be several days which I'm not able to do everything and of course I will not be able to go to the gym for the next month.
So let's see how these next few weeks go!

Thanks for reading.

Grats on having that good 15 minute session! Sucks not having the same success the next time. But occasional success is better than no success! Keep at it!

**ZeNigmar** · 01-23-2019

good on you Kakal, glad to see you around. Random sex-god-sessions are a win in my book!

**Kakal** · 04-02-2019

Hey guys, after my very long previous update got deleted due to the server issues, I honestly didn't feel very motivated to keep updating this progress thread.

However I would like to post a quick update to anyone who cares.

I've been kind of slacking recently with everything, I'm still going to the gym and doing RK's very frequently throughout the day but it must be said that my exercises, yoga and meditation has definitely been slipping.

Probably I'm doing them a couple of times a week, perhaps one day I'll just do some stretches, another day I may do some meditation and so forth. Which is ofcourse a shame but it also proves to me that I'm not fully stressing about it all so much anymore.

My premature ejaculation has definitely been improving, I don't know if it's something different I've been doing or if it's just after all this time of practicing and working on myself that I'm finally starting to gain control and see results.

The last 3 times I had sex I've been very much in control and was able to go for around 10 minutes the first 2 times and felt very relaxed although prior I was feeling pretty anxious about it and doing reverse psychology on myself to try and stop myself over thinking it.

The last time (last night) wasn't so good, still better than the 2 pump chump but it was only about 3 minutes.

I have a few theories as to why it was worse last time.
1)I put pressure on myself as the previous 2 accounts had been very good. I had sort of Said to myself that if I can do it a 3rd time maybe I'm cured.

2) I've recently been on reddit and checking a lot of the nude, amateur, porn gigs and photos which had made me fairly horny these past few days and when we had sex it was something I was very much excited for.
(I will stop watching these videos, gifs and other sexual content)

There's a lot to talk about since it's going back to January however I still don't fancy writing a full update covering that past few months which I had already previously written.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Primarily reverse kegals, which I've really upped the past few weeks and I think that's definitely helped. I'll also try and start meditating more often, doing my stretches, yoga and all that good stuff.

It must be said that I've not edged in a long time. I did masturbate very fast a few weeks ago and that was probably it for the past month or 2 (that I can remember atleast).

I don't really feel the desire or need to masturbate or edge now, I have been doing some glans squeezing but I didn't get kegals when I do it so I've not been doing that too frequently either.

Either way progress seems to be decent and I'm happy enough with how things are going. I may try edging/ballooning atleast once a week to see how that affects me now my stamina has increased without it.

**Kakal** · 05-25-2019

Update :

Hey guys, it's been a while since my last update.

My premature ejaculation has not been good since my last update, I've been ejaculating after a few thrusts and one of those times I ejaculated before even penetrating.

I can't say what's caused this, I've been doing my stretches, yoga and reverse kegals regularly.
I just wonder if I'm ever going to be able to get through this and beat this.

It's been more than a year and a half since i began working on this and my results have been so varied its frustrating to say the least.

I can't begin to express how frustrating it is, it's gotten to the point where I'm almost beginning to avoid sex to avoid the whole ordeal.

My girlfriend is very understanding and never complains or says anything bad, but that's not the point.
She has a low sex drive as it is and we don't have intercourse as much as I'd like, but at this point I'm almost glad we're not having sex that often, as after every time it's been over before it barely begun.

At this stage I'm wondering if it's more mental than physical, going in to a downward spiral of negativity and setting myself up for failure everytime. But then again maybe not. I'm wondering if I'm ever going to get this under control, or if this is going to be something I will have to just accept and deal with.

I'm not really edging much these days and I'm wondering if this is part of the reason as to why it's gotten bad again.
However previously when I had a good streak of lasting longer during sex, I also wasn't edging or masturbating often.

The only thing I can think off is that I had a week or 2 off from the gym, but now I'm back in the gym and nothings really changed.
I did previously feel that training legs (especially) really helped improve my control and doing hanging knee raises also helped but now I'm not really sure.

Either way, I'll continue what I'm doing and just try to stay calm and confident before sex and see what happens.