My quest to solving my life long PE

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

32y/o M now, have suffered with this my entire life. Had the habit of masterbating daily, multiple times, as quickly as I could when I was younger. I've had anxiety my entire life, but was only diagnosed with it maybe 5 years ago. There's never been a time where I could last for a long time consistently. I've tried remedies such as drinking, smoking weed, Percocets. Even the SSRI (Lexapro) I was on for a year didn't help much. Typically I can get in like 10 strokes before I feel the PONR coming. I can get more here and there, but generally my condition is pretty bad. I never would want to date girls, because I was so embarrassed of how quickly I came. There were two girls I actually was with who made me blow my load during foreplay. Talk about a quick trigger.

These days I have a very understanding girlfriend, who I sleep with regularly, but man do I suck. This girl is a beauty who deserves to have good loving. It kills me that I can't give her that. For myself and my pride, and because she deserves it. I wanna be able to talk dirty with her. She loves me, but I want her to want me in a more sexual way. I know she wants to, but I just don't have that mmmph. I've been dating this girl for years, but really never buckled down and figure this out. But if I want her to truly be happy; or any girl for that matter, I've got to be able to be at least a decent lover. By making this thread, hopefully it'll give me some more motivation and I'll be able to track my progress and push forward consistently. I can't give up and let this thing conquer me.

My plan is to do reverse kegels on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Don't have a set routine yet, and am up for suggestions.

My PE really is so bad that it's made me just feel like I'm a hopeless case. Like no RK is going to stop that damn PONR from coming. No matter how much I try to keep myself calm, and not aroused. But even though I still feel that's the case, I've gotta atleast give myself due diligence and make a concentrated effort in maybe not exactly beating this thing, but at least minimizing it to an extent. This would truly be an amazing achievement for me if I could solve it in any way.

Open to hearing all comments, suggestions, etc.

Thanks for reading!

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

First off, be honest with her and say to her you are over sensitive and need help over coming it. Also tell her that she is so irresitible that you can't control yourself and that is why you don't last long. She should take it as a compliment, but at the same time tell her how much she means to you and you are working to overcome. Hope your oral skills are top notch to help you through the training.

Speaking of training, it is more than a kegal/reverse kegal thing. You are over sensitive and need to train yourself to understand what causes your triggers. Not to say the K/RK will not help, just that there is more than that.

Look and read extensively into Edging. It is basically masturbation with a purpose. That purpose if not to cum as fast as you can, but to learn what triggers you to cum and learn to counteract that. It takes a lot of training, a lot of failures along the way and the need to push the limit to learn how your body reacts and to learn the little thingfs that keep you in the zone but not pushing you over the edge. It has helped me, after gaining control, I still edge regularly as it helps cement my gains and helps be again to control my every move during sex.

Look at it this way - your body is reacting as designed by mother nature. Get in, plant a seed and get out before the next suiter comes in. It is a natural response to go quickly. Your goal is to thwart mother nature and to learn to reverse this ingrained trait and move forward. It won't happen on its own, it will take effort. Look into serious edging and give it a try. Tell your girl she is the most incredible girl and you are lucky to have her. And, let her know you are working on making it better. Best to you my friend, as questions as needed.

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

Thanks for the words of encouragement!

I really feel like having this little log will help really push me in defeating this issue. I've made multiple efforts in the past, but all of them half assed. That's a problem that I generally have, I like to start a lot of things, but don't really finish any of the projects. Here I will really make a concentrated effort where I can document little things, and have something to show for. I've learned recently the importance of really writing down notes & reviewing them in other aspects of my life. Hopefully that will translate over in writing this log and help me make some strides. I realized I do enjoy reading and writing so why not use that to help solve a problem that I have. Most important thing for me is to not give up. This thing really isn't going to go away on it's own. I have to make it a habit to think of it daily. Work at it every single day and always have it on my mind to do something about it.

This is likely the most difficult thing ever to me though. I feel like no matter what I did, that overwhelming feeling of the PONR talking in your head saying "HERE I COME SUCKA!" would speak to me within a couple strokes. Which really will make it so sweet if I can beat it in the end. It's really so bad to the point where I've felt like a lost cause though. I've looked for every little remedy. I've yet to identify if it's a psych or physical issue. My guess is it's a combination of both. Anxiety definitely takes part in this. At the end of the day though, the most important for me is to beat this thing. When it's all said and done, I don't wanna look back and be disappointed in myself in letting something really defeat me. I've realized in life that there is an answer to everything. Some may not exactly be staring at you in the face and will take digging. I realized that this is a bi question in my life. Can I really beat this thing?

My GF is very understanding. The girl loves me very much, but I know deep down she wishes we could have better sex. I mean who wouldn't? I want her to crave having sex with me. To be able to nasty talk with me. Stuff like that. I know she wants to, but I know she doesn't wanna hype herself up knowing that I'm going to finish fast. That's an element of our relationship that's remaining dormant, that could really strengthen the already tight bond between us. I want to unleash that freak that I know she has in her. She really doesn't make any issue of it though to me. It really is a problem that I have with myself. I love this girl and I'm going to do my best to make her happy in every facet of life.


GAMEPLAN:

- work on edging. Read about it. Talk about it. As a side note, I've quit watching porn and masterbating to it since about April. I need to work on edging but my issue with that in the past was getting hard without porn. I do notice now that I'm way more aroused by regular ish I see daily since I've quit porn, so hopefully I will begin edging again without it problem free.

- Be disciplined. This is the most important thing. The mind is a powerful tool. If it wants something bad enough, it will fool you into doing it somehow. I noticed when I have sex, my mind is like DAMN, this feels GOOD lol. Then the next thing my mind will say is "Man wouldn't it feel sooo good to cum inside her right now?" It always pops up in my mind even though I don't want it. This I think is my biggest issue. I want to be able to enjoy the sex aspect more. But my body & mind want that nut which feels sooo good, and the body is so readily and easily willing to allow it to happen lol. DOH!


Thanks again for your kind reply. Best to you as well brotha!

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

Speaking from the perspective of arousal scales, I feel that I am unable to maintain anything below a 10. I need to develop the concept of the scale in my head, for it pretty much only knows the extremes. Will try to read on this and figure it out, as it seems essential when trying to edge, and trying to defeat PE.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Ok here are my thoughts about how to build up edgeing ability .
You will see in here mentioned plateau edgeing which you should aspire to.

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...tml?highlight=

Read the stickied there are other tools you can use.

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

So I've started reading the thread by "ammonite" on edging, which really helped illustrate the issue and how to combat it. I'm about 13 pages into this thread ( https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...lation-13.html ) and really into it.

Today I was stretching my unit as I read that it recommended as a way to relax my pelvic floor. I started to feel a little horny so decided to jump right into an edging session to try and discover this elusive plateau phase. Didn't use porn, and was able to maintain my erection which was nice. I think quitting porn ~4 months ago definitely was a factor in that. Anyways since I was trying to be super observant I noticed that I could probably get like 30 fast strokes on my erect penis without much enjoyment. This was probably my arousal of level 3. In the past I thought to myself this is what I wanted to be able to do, but now after more reading I realized that this just isn't practical. Gotta be able to enjoy those strokes otherwise you're just gonna get bored, and lose your boner, and or just not have fun, which is the point of having sex after all right? After those ~20 fast strokes or so I began to feel more pleasure, and I tried to really focus on enjoying it. I feel like I probably barely dipped into the plateau phase, but I could probably only last there like 5 good strokes before I felt like it was becoming overwhelming. Baby steps. I tried to focus on every sensation and thought going into my head. I tried to focus on the moment, and tried to block those urges to ejaculate that always come subconsciously. I tried to keep stroking and enjoying that feeling, but I knew if I continued I'd hit the PONR. Another thing is i'm still trying to distinguish the difference between the PONR and a level 7~ish on the arousal scale, which is where I want to be the majority of the time.

I realized that it was true. Although in my head I wanted to have good sex, my body & mind's interpretation of that was getting that great nut in. I need to find a way to really enjoy the stroking aspect and being totally in control of it. Finding a happy medium, which is that ever so elusive plateau phase, is what I need to work for.

I noticed that my abdomen, pelvic region, penis, PC/BC muscle would begin to tighten up after about 5-10 good strokes. Any further I probably would reach the PONR so I would stop, RK a little, and then jump back on my horse again, and then end back up in the same place pretty much. After about 20+ minutes I decided to end my session, without busting that nut.

Going forward I will continue to keep practicing this edging, even though I feel like that ever so strong urge to ejaculate is always looming and makes me feel hopeless. I will try to enjoy the aspect of stroking/fucking, and try to block out the idea of orgasming. I'm gonna try to slowly dip into that plateau phase, and prolong my stay there as long as possible. Other things I will do is stretches, RKs, deep breathing. I feel like if I inhale deep into the right part of my belly, it helps to relax me more. I'm gonna continue reading here at PEGym and expand my knowledge on this subject as much as I possibly can.

I realize that this is going to be extremely difficult. However I'm trying to change my mindset on this, as well as with anything else in life. Anything is possible with hard work. There's an answer to anything as long as you look hard enough. Never give up. I'm fully committed to fighting back my PE and will I be as diligent as I can.

Till next time! Thanks for reading.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I really do feel plateau edging is the way forward for you.

HOWEVER. Might i suggest you fall into a common trap . You see plateau edging think that is what i need to do so you try to do it .

Notice how you are struggleing to make it work? Notice how you are trying to do several things at the same time .? Trying to learn several new skills at the same time is difficult .
Notice how in the thread in post 5 i had basic groundwork edging at the start leading up to ammonites thread on plateau edging ? The reason for this is to get some basic grounding in arousal scale and edging in general before moving up to plateau edging .

In short you should do some groundwork training .

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

Thanks Pegasus! Definitely working on it.

I'm wondering if anybody knows what the perspective is of people who don't suffer from PE? I was always under the impression that they get to just f*ck hard trying to reach that elusive orgasm/cum. I think watching porn and how guys f*cked girls on it incorrectly changed my perception of how sex should be.

[Landy Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Landy]

Hey man, I had an issue with this too and now have a pretty healthy sex life. I have anxiety and depression also, and am on Sertraline which really seems to have helped. Think I placebo-ed after that because I'm not as anxious about it and now last much longer. I guess that's the hard step to take, but what I'd say is there is definitely hope and lots of well informed people out there (lots on this forum by the looks of it).

Maybe do the exercises and pick up tips from here, also consult a doctor about a different ssri as it can take time to find the one that works for you.

Good luck man, you'll be alright!

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

So this past week I feel as if I've made some progress.

Since I've started this log, I've made a commitment to fighting PE. Everyday I do some type of training. No set days or routines or anything like that, just do whatever is appropriate for the time. Tennis ball in the PC area while driving. Stretching when I wake up and I'm laying there doing nothing. Stretching after a piss, during a shower. Getting edge sessions in with the right mindset.

The edging is where I feel as if maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel. It really is a practice zone for and a must for beating PE. During my edging sessions is where the real mental aspect comes into play. I tell myself to be confident. I tell myself to relax my PC/BC muscles. I tell myself to enjoy. I've really been paying attention to every movement & every detail which is so important. Every breath. Every thought that crosses my mind (blocking that voice inside you telling you that you want to bust). You have to think through every feeling, every action. Enjoy every bit. Everything that makes me feel like I can get IK. I've been making an effort to really enjoy my sessions. Ignoring the urge to cum was a pretty big development too. I realized I was only enjoying edging due to that nut. I had to find a way to enjoy the stroking of my penis without the stimulus of porn. Doing so has definitely reaped rewards as I'm not all amped hot and ready forwarding to the best scene that really got me turned on and ready to bust that nut.

I feel like I learned where I went wrong with this all along. It was really all due to porn. Initially when I first started realizing I had a problem years ago, I was unable to drop the porn. I always made an excuse. Truth is though I really was unable to get an erection without it, which was the biggest issue. I felt like I was not able to edge & get hard without it. Ever since I quit back in around April, I feel like I've sorta been a new man. My confidence has risen in general. I don't feel tired and sluggish throughout the day. Most importantly, I am able to get random boners now throughout the day, which of course is a sign of good health. I don't need to see a beautiful busty pornstar butt naked getting railed to get excited. I'm definitely lusting more for women around me. All in all dropping porn has been the best move I've made in my progress so far. Not only for the benefits of doing so, but knowing that I was able to drop something that was borderline addictive to me without me even knowing it.. which was really impacting my life in a negative way. Definitely a significant change I'd say. Felt like an accomplishment. Dropping porn really isn't easy if you were so conditioned to using it for all these years.

So during edging I feel like I've finally been able to establish some semblance of an arousal scale. I've learned that I can rub away on a semi hard ~75% erection and just feel dull. That I realized is pointless and is going to lead to losing it all. I think I've slipped across that illustrious plateau phase a couple times lately, and it's exciting. I really was feeling so damn good, and in control. It just clicked in my head... "this is it". Next step is to stretch that zone out. Make it more accessible. Make it more of the norm. All of this is going to take hard work, which I am more than willing to put in.

Andddd also it actually kinda translated over to sex. Normally I can probably get like 10 to 15 strokes before my PC area gets sooo contracted, stiff, and uncontrollable. If I would do like 5-10 fast strokes in a row, forget it, I was finished. My last sex session I told myself to take my time, to trust in my relaxation techniques, my breathing, to be in control, to enjoy, to not think about cumming. I was able to last like 10 good minutes, and utilized some moves like switching positions to get my arousal under control and relax my pelvic floor. I also kept myself fully inserted while doing slight thrusts while she played with herself and was able to get herself off. Progress, yes!

Being organized and having notes about this stuff has helped tremendously. Just having this as my own little personal project has been fun and fulfilling so far. I have a long way to go, but I think I'm finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Let's all work hard and keep making progress!

[TimeALWAYStells Member Find all posts View Profile Close TimeALWAYStells]

Well time flies. Have been on and off with my ambitions & efforts in combatting PE since my last post, but have been more or less consistent since about New Years.

Since then I've taken the idea of PSOAs, hindi squats, yoga stretches, pelvic floor stretches more seriously. Ever since discovering the back on floor and back on wall methods of hindi squatting, I've been able to do them more frequently and more efficiently. I've since added more stretches such as the happy baby, cobra stretch, and other random psoa/yoga/pelvic floor stretches I randomly see here while reading or while on YouTube. I feel like since I've done them, my ability to RK in my belief has improved. I feel like my pelvic/psoa area has severely been clenched/tight due to my habits of sitting or my weird posture since I've been young. Plus I've seen a lot of people on these boards imply improvement when stretching them out, so why not.

Have been doing a little more edging lately. It's truly hard to find time to be consistent, but I'm working on it. That urge to cum when edging or having sex is just so strong. Wish it wasn't so easy to get there. Really would love to enjoy the actual sexing. Not just the idea of f*cking a woman good. There's definitely a big difference. Big goal of mine is really to find a way to silence that random voice & feeling you get that wants you to cum. Finding that ever so hard to attain plateau phase will take a lot of work, but I really will do my best to get there.

- edge
- enjoy the moment
- deep belly breathing
- hindi squats (floor, wall, regular)
- happy baby, cobra, child's pose
- hip stretches. wide leg planks.
- keep practicing RKs. use them throughout the day. improve them.
- resist the urge to cum. try not to think about it. enjoy the moment
- use a little PYT... for now! Until I can hopefully improve to wean off of it.

Keep going!

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Power to your efforts

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

I may be redundant here as I advise a lot of guys on Pre-E. Especially those that say they are edging. For the most part, I find that those who edge are not really testing he PONR. They utilize a start, stop method to reach the goal of edging for 20 minutes. I'm going to recommend something a little more intense.

Learning to stop and start is not, in my mind, teaching you anything about how your body works. You get excited, slow down and hope to last longer. It does nothing as far as teaching you about feelings and why your body wants to explode.

I've always thought that training thorough edging should be an intense workout. You push yourself to the PONR and fail multiple times, but while failing, you listen to what your body is doing. Then try different things to try to starve of that PONR. Over time, you will learn how to keep the PONR from ruining your session. You then need to transfer that to life sex which is so much more stimulating. But you can get there, will take some time and effort. Edge hard, learn from each session. Success is just around the corner.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I may be redundant here as I advise a lot of guys on Pre-E. Especially those that say they are edging. For the most part, I find that those who edge are not really testing he PONR. They utilize a start, stop method to reach the goal of edging for 20 minutes. I'm going to recommend something a little more intense.

Learning to stop and start is not, in my mind, teaching you anything about how your body works. You get excited, slow down and hope to last longer. It does nothing as far as teaching you about feelings and why your body wants to explode.

I've always thought that training thorough edging should be an intense workout. You push yourself to the PONR and fail multiple times, but while failing, you listen to what your body is doing. Then try different things to try to starve of that PONR. Over time, you will learn how to keep the PONR from ruining your session. You then need to transfer that to life sex which is so much more stimulating. But you can get there, will take some time and effort. Edge hard, learn from each session. Success is just around the corner.

My thought is that there is a time for this . Have you read my edging progression thread?

[Bobsadcock Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bobsadcock]

My thought is that there is a time for this . Have you read my edging progression thread?

What do you guys think about using porn to get to higher levels of arousal while edging, and then try to plateau at those levels?