Committed to improvement

**WillGetBetter** · 11-08-2018

After reading back through my journal, I think there’s some evidence that dullness of feeling that may be caused by daily edging was not that main factor for increasing my stamina. I had two times were I went back to lasting 30 seconds even after having had successful (for me 10+ minutes) sex. In both cases, I was still on my daily edging routine. But, what I felt during sex those two times is that I could not make myself RK. So, daily edging wasn’t enough to fix it for me.

But, I’m not saying your thought is not part of the full picture. When I ballooned, the intense feeling I felt on my frenulum and glans wasn’t so intense over time. It wasn’t dull (like a death grip situation), but it was lower and my body/brain could handle it better. I imagine something like that could happen with edging over time.

Another example making me think that daily edging didn’t lead to me directly lasting longer was in my first week, I edged every day for at least 20 minutes. The first time I had sex a week after starting the daily edging, I lasted only 30 seconds. So, at least for me, a week of daily edging wasn’t enough to fix anything.

I feel like edging (with lots of lube and a STU) was more about practicing the techniques (RKs,
breathing, hip rotation, arousal levels, thrusting speed, etc) than edging really helped on its own.
But, I’m not completely sure about that.

My “need” for sex and the desire for sex definitely decreases if I am having sex multiple days in a row, but when edging without ejaculating, I don’t feel that same drop in desire.

**venom888** · 11-08-2018

Thanks for the response. What you said makes sense.

For me, I have pretty bad APT, but I can easily rk without worrying about my hips. I don't feel a difference with hip placement. But, I notice something that you also mentioned: I can't breathe through my stomach when I'm using my STU. It just won't expand. It seems like my APT becomes more pronounced. And whereas part of my routine for addressing my APT is to look into a mirror and tilt my hips forward and pull in my abs (until I can actually see the base of my dick, which is normally obstructed by my jutting stomach) for 30 seconds, it's hard to do this when using the STU. My stomach feels really tight, as well as the ligaments (or whatever) on each side of my groin. I'm going to start doing the Cobra stretch daily. I don't know if proper breathing helps me or not because I can't really do it in that situation.

I'm trying to take it easy on the stretches though because previously I did the first hip flexor stretch demonstrated in the apt video you linked to (where you lower yourself down from a lunge-like position), plus the butterfly, and I apparently pulled those ligaments in my groin area (string-feeling things that run along the crease of my leg/hip). It hurt for two months --- really bad the first few days. Yesterday I did the flexor stretch again and after one set of not even going as deep as I'm supposed to, those ligaments hurt and feel pulled (actually they feel tight, but that wouldn't make sense), and I have an ache in my balls as well, so I'm going to have to take a break from stretching that area at least one full day. I think I'm just that tight and will have to take it slow. Whereas it sounded like you jumped right into doing 10 mins of various stretches daily.

The other thing I notice is I can easily kill my erection with a few seconds of gentle rk, but it doesn't actually lower my arousal level, so as soon as I start back up I'm right back where I was.

**WillGetBetter** · 11-10-2018

Quick update on my training and progress:

Current routine
Stretch pelvic floor and core
Tennis ball massage
25%K/75%RK
Edging/ballooning 3x per week
Mindful of my breathing
Working on mmo

My pelvic floor feels loose and relaxed during the day and during sex. My anxiety has decreased at the beginning of sex. The initial ramp up of arousal is more controlled and doesn’t require start/stop. I do still have her wait about 15 seconds when I first enter. I have great control now. I have to consciously tighten my pelvic floor when I want to ejaculate.

Sex has been great. We now have the freedom to try new positions and know that we’ll have enough time to get in a good rhythm. I’ve been reading a number of books on technique. The newly developing confidence is making me less defensive, stronger mentally, and more masculine (in the best sense of the word). The confidence is carrying in small ways to my work, how I parent, and the husband I am.

**iwillbeatit** · 11-12-2018

@Will Nice to read your progress. That sounds nice. How did you overcome the first minute of high peak? How long u last in your last sex sessions?

I had sex yesterday, the first minute i have done rk and deep breath then my arsousal overcame me and i forgot everthing and just came..but next time i will do it better..

**WillGetBetter** · 11-12-2018

Originally Posted by iwillbeatit

@Will Nice to read your progress. That sounds nice. How did you overcome the first minute of high peak? How long u last in your last sex sessions?

I had sex yesterday, the first minute i have done rk and deep breath then my arsousal overcame me and i forgot everthing and just came..but next time i will do it better..

I would say that those first 15 seconds or so still feel critical. The feelings are intense and there’s some uncertainty about if I will have control. In that time, I quickly get my breathing under control, let my mind be relaxed, keep my pelvic floor loose, do a few RKs, and don’t thrust right away. I try to keep everything loose and relaxed. Then, as I feel a sense of control and start thrusting and getting into it. But, I do still need to be aware of my arousal and make adjustments to speed, not clench muscles if I feel them tightening, and do some RKs here and there. I think the general looseness of my pelvic floor all the time is the major difference for why the initial ramp up isn’t so fast.

The last 5 or so times I’ve had sex, I last as long as my wife needs, and then I usually go another 5 minutes or so. She usually takes about 10 minutes. I usually do a position change after that because I’m starting to have a hard time ejaculating with her on top. Once I hit that plateau, it’s getting hard to push the arousal up again. In other positions, I can tighten my pelvic floor better and make myself reach orgasm faster. I think that is all pointing towards me needing to do more kegels now. Currently I’m at 25%K/75%RK. I think I will move to a 50-50 routine.

**WillGetBetter** · 11-19-2018

Well, after about 10 times in a row of having great sex and feeling in control, I lasted less than a minute last night. So, back to the drawing board.

What changed in the past week?
1. Started doing PE (not PreE, but PE) training. Stretches, kegels, etc.
2. Switched to a 50/50 K-RK routine, but with the PE training I think the ratio is skewed much more to the kegel side than 50%. It’s been probably more like 75%K and 25%RK. My pelvic floor muscles were feeling pretty sore the night we had sex from a pretty intense PE training day.
3. I only edged once this week, got caught up in it, and ejaculated.
4. I let my arousal ramp up pretty high during foreplay. I didn’t keep my breathing or do many RKs.
5. When we first started having sex, we went full speed right away. I didn’t get my breathingnunder control. I did try to do RKs, but they didn’t slow things down.
6. I could tell within 30 seconds that I wasn’t going to have control.
7. I am still doing daily stretching for my pelvic floor. I have stopped doing the tennis ball stretches.

So, my plan is to ramp back up the edging, get the kegel routine back to 25%K/75%RK, and get back into the mindset that I have to moderate my arousal with breathing and RK from the very start of a sexual experience.

I started my PreE training at the beginning of September. I’ve had sex about 15 times since then. 3 times were less than a minute and the other 12 or so I felt in control. Overall, I’m very happy with my progress, but I’m constantly reminded that I am not out of the woods yet and this may be a life long endeavor to maintain my stamina.

**theGOAT** · 11-19-2018

Its been 2 2\3 months, a very short time and you have made a great progress.Just a setback, you will be stronger and it will remind you that you still had work to do.

I askded you a question in your Success thread, l hope you can answer me

**Johnny D** · 11-19-2018

Originally Posted by WillGetBetter

Well, after about 10 times in a row of having great sex and feeling in control, I lasted less than a minute last night. So, back to the drawing board.

What changed in the past week?
1. Started doing PE (not PreE, but PE) training. Stretches, kegels, etc.
2. Switched to a 50/50 K-RK routine, but with the PE training I think the ratio is skewed much more to the kegel side than 50%. It’s been probably more like 75%K and 25%RK. My pelvic floor muscles were feeling pretty sore the night we had sex from a pretty intense PE training day.
3. I only edged once this week, got caught up in it, and ejaculated.
4. I let my arousal ramp up pretty high during foreplay. I didn’t keep my breathing or do many RKs.
5. When we first started having sex, we went full speed right away. I didn’t get my breathingnunder control. I did try to do RKs, but they didn’t slow things down.
6. I could tell within 30 seconds that I wasn’t going to have control.
7. I am still doing daily stretching for my pelvic floor. I have stopped doing the tennis ball stretches.

So, my plan is to ramp back up the edging, get the kegel routine back to 25%K/75%RK, and get back into the mindset that I have to moderate my arousal with breathing and RK from the very start of a sexual experience.

I started my PreE training at the beginning of September. I’ve had sex about 15 times since then. 3 times were less than a minute and the other 12 or so I felt in control. Overall, I’m very happy with my progress, but I’m constantly reminded that I am not out of the woods yet and this may be a life long endeavor to maintain my stamina.

A guy's playing golf. All day long he's hitting it pure - splits every fairway, flags every green. Complete control of his swing. Then one shot goes a bit awry - maybe even rinses it costing him a stroke or two. Should he pick apart and analyze that swing to figure out what went wrong and then make sure to not do that again on the next swing? Of course not, and he probably wouldn't figure it out if he tried. He knows how to make a good swing and just needs to forget that one and make a few more good ones.

3 short sessions out of 15 is probably perfectly normal, anyway

**WillGetBetter** · 11-19-2018

Originally Posted by Johnny D

A guy's playing golf. All day long he's hitting it pure - splits every fairway, flags every green. Complete control of his swing. Then one shot goes a bit awry - maybe even rinses it costing him a stroke or two. Should he pick apart and analyze that swing to figure out what went wrong and then make sure to not do that again on the next swing? Of course not, and he probably wouldn't figure it out if he tried. He knows how to make a good swing and just needs to forget that one and make a few more good ones.

3 short sessions out of 15 is probably perfectly normal, anyway

Man, thanks. I don’t have any perspective on what is normal. I had PreE for so long and assumed that I would have it forever. Now that I’ve had some success, I just don’t want to lose it. I will chill out.