I am in my 40's and have had PE issues since my first sexual experience. I am fully committing the next six months to improving my stamina. I have been married for 20 years, my wife is understanding, but also sexually frustrated sometimes. I am embarrassed and feel terrible that I can’t satisfy my wife in this way.
I have learned over the past week that I have intense IK’s during penetration. I have a lot of anxiety about ejaculating early. My pelvic floor is tight and unbalanced. I am making all the common mistakes while masturbating.
Current state:
Masturbating/handjob no lube: I last an indefinite amount of time
Masturbating or fleshlight STU w/lube: I last less than 1 minute.
Blowjob: 1-5 minutes
PIV intercourse: 1-2 minutes with her on top, less than 1 minute with me on top.
I’ve read as much as I could on this forum and have made the following plan.
1. Kegels: 75% RK, 25% kegels, 2x per day, increase reps over time as strength builds.
2. Tennis ball massage/stretch every day
3. Edging with STU: Edge 5x per week, 20 minutes. Record time to each PONR. Start slow, use lube and STU. Goal to get from 1 minute to 10 minutes before first PONR over first 1-2 months. Over time build plateau, increase speed, start thrusting, and ultimately missionary position.
4. Work on diaphragm breathing. Triangle breathing.
5. Take multi-vitamin daily.
6. Track all progress.
7. Don’t allow myself to get discouraged.
Ultimate goal: last 10 minutes in any PIV position.
That’s it. I’m sick of this shit. I’m going to f’ing crush this.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____
Current Status:
I want to update this initial post with my current progress. The details of my work and progress are in the following posts, but sometimes you want to know if it worked and if it is worth putting time into reading all the way through a thread.
For me, it did work. Here's my current status:
Masturbation: I don't do it anymore. Instead, I edge with a fleshlight and lube. I only ejaculate every 3-4 days. I generally shoot for a 20 minute session.
Penis-in-vagina sex: At this point I can last as long as my wife needs in any position about 80% of the time we have sex. Usually, this means 10-15 minutes of penetration after having a long/fun foreplay session of oral and other things. The times when it doesn't work are caused by me letting my arousal get out of control during foreplay, forgetting to get my breathing and relaxation under control at the beginning of sex, and when my pelvic floor tightens up so my RKs aren't effective. Usually, a few stretching sessions and some more mindfulness of all the pieces of the puzzle get me back on track for the next time we have sex.
Here are the things I did that worked:
1. Edging
2. Ballooning
3. Relaxation and breathing
4. Reverse kegels
5. Awareness of arousal level and development of an arousal plateau below the PONR
6. Pelvic floor stretching
Start a progress thread, make daily and weekly goals, track your progress, educate yourself by reading the stickies, and ask questions. Mostly, you need to commit and take responsibility for your own actions and progress. It's been life changing for me.
I have learned over the past week that I have intense IK’s during penetration. I have a lot of anxiety about ejaculating early. My pelvic floor is tight and unbalanced. I am making all the common mistakes while masturbating.
Current state:
Masturbating/handjob no lube: I last an indefinite amount of time
Masturbating or fleshlight STU w/lube: I last less than 1 minute.
Blowjob: 1-5 minutes
PIV intercourse: 1-2 minutes with her on top, less than 1 minute with me on top.
I’ve read as much as I could on this forum and have made the following plan.
1. Kegels: 75% RK, 25% kegels, 2x per day, increase reps over time as strength builds.
2. Tennis ball massage/stretch every day
3. Edging with STU: Edge 5x per week, 20 minutes. Record time to each PONR. Start slow, use lube and STU. Goal to get from 1 minute to 10 minutes before first PONR over first 1-2 months. Over time build plateau, increase speed, start thrusting, and ultimately missionary position.
4. Work on diaphragm breathing. Triangle breathing.
5. Take multi-vitamin daily.
6. Track all progress.
7. Don’t allow myself to get discouraged.
Ultimate goal: last 10 minutes in any PIV position.
That’s it. I’m sick of this shit. I’m going to f’ing crush this.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____
Current Status:
I want to update this initial post with my current progress. The details of my work and progress are in the following posts, but sometimes you want to know if it worked and if it is worth putting time into reading all the way through a thread.
For me, it did work. Here's my current status:
Masturbation: I don't do it anymore. Instead, I edge with a fleshlight and lube. I only ejaculate every 3-4 days. I generally shoot for a 20 minute session.
Penis-in-vagina sex: At this point I can last as long as my wife needs in any position about 80% of the time we have sex. Usually, this means 10-15 minutes of penetration after having a long/fun foreplay session of oral and other things. The times when it doesn't work are caused by me letting my arousal get out of control during foreplay, forgetting to get my breathing and relaxation under control at the beginning of sex, and when my pelvic floor tightens up so my RKs aren't effective. Usually, a few stretching sessions and some more mindfulness of all the pieces of the puzzle get me back on track for the next time we have sex.
Here are the things I did that worked:
1. Edging
2. Ballooning
3. Relaxation and breathing
4. Reverse kegels
5. Awareness of arousal level and development of an arousal plateau below the PONR
6. Pelvic floor stretching
Start a progress thread, make daily and weekly goals, track your progress, educate yourself by reading the stickies, and ask questions. Mostly, you need to commit and take responsibility for your own actions and progress. It's been life changing for me.
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