Committed to improvement

[WillGetBetter]

Okay - a real sex update. My wife and I had sex tonight. She wore a super sexy pair of underwear and a really tight T-shirt to bed. It was interesting, the normal arousal of seeing her in that outfit was there, but instead of my arousal level spiking out of control - I continued to breathe and RK - and I kept things controlled. Wow - that was a new experience.

We had sex with her on top first. This time around I didn’t say anything to her about me being completely in control and guiding the speed and start/stop. We just started doing it. It was a bit slower than usual at first because I think she knew what worked last time and figured we’d stick with that plan. I had to focus on my breathing and RK a lot at the beginning. After a couple minutes, we settled in to a good rhythm, and I was controlling my arousal. One thing that really helped this time was something that Pegasus put into my mind earlier today. My hips normally are rotated backwards. In that position, it’s hard to RK. When I rotate them forward, all the sudden my pelvic floor opens up and I can RK in a really full way. So, when my arousal level was ramping up, I would rotate my pelvis up and do a long RK. It totally worked! I achieved my second plateau having sex in my entire 25 years of sexual experiences.

My wife came after about 5-10 minutes. I didn’t even keep track of time because I felt in control. After she finished, I moved on top and we had sex in the missionary position for another 5 or more minutes. The rotated pelvis trick worked amazingly here also! After going for a while, i found it challenging to get my body to go back to tightening my pelvic floor to allow myself to ejaculate. After we finished, I said that I couldn’t believe this was happening. My wife smiled and said nice work.

I f-ing struggled with PreE for 25 years straight. It was a fundamental part of who I was. 99% of my sexual experiences ended in me apologizing. I am so filled with emotion now. How can this be happening? Why is this working now? I tried to fix this many times in the past, but never with the absolute focus and commitment I have given this time. RKs, breathing, and arousal awareness!!! Now, all of the sudden, with a flip of a switch, there’s a new normal.

I don’t think I’ll ever be fully “cured” from PreE. Like all the other life long issues that I deal with, it will require consistent work. For example, I play the guitar. If I stop playing for 6 months, I lose my finger calluses, I forget the chords to a favorite song, I can’t get my brain and my hands synced up. It requires consistent practice. I’m sure this will be the same. I don’t see a time in my life where I stop doing RKs, stretches, and breathing exercises. But, if I fall off the horse, I now know what to do when I get back on.

Thanks to everyone for all your help. I know that I was not smart enough to figure this out on my own. The knowledge here really needs to find a way to get out to the world to help more people. Maybe a few of the experts could collaborate with some of the academic sex researchers. Maybe someone needs to write a book.

[iwillbeatit]

Congrats man!!!!!! You have done it! Nice work. Hard Work pays always off. I am proud of u!

I know its hard to stick to the forum after u have made it but please stay a little longer to help me and the others..

Can you describe me your RK Routine and how u do RK while sex?
And can u describe the hip thing a little bit more?

I dont have time on the weekend to edge, but i have done my daily strech, hindi, ....
I hope i have time to do it.

and i even more hope that i can do it like u!
How long do you worked for this now?

[WillGetBetter]

Congrats man!!!!!! You have done it! Nice work. Hard Work pays always off. I am proud of u!

I know its hard to stick to the forum after u have made it but please stay a little longer to help me and the others..

Can you describe me your RK Routine and how u do RK while sex?
And can u describe the hip thing a little bit more?

I dont have time on the weekend to edge, but i have done my daily strech, hindi, ....
I hope i have time to do it.

and i even more hope that i can do it like u!
How long do you worked for this now?

I’m definitely sticking around for a while. I plan to finish out my 6 month commitment to training. Then I plan to stay to help where I can. There’s still a number of things I want to work on. What’s funny is that I now can last 5-10 minutes, which is amazing for me. But, some people come to this forum to get help because they can only last 5 minutes. I guess it’s all in the perspective and what your partner needs or wants.

My RK routine now is just to RK anytime I think of it. I do them when I’m walking around, I do them when I’m on a run, I do them when I’m lying down for bed, when I’m sitting for work, when I’m working out and doing push-ups or yoga. I try to do them in all different positions. About 1/2 are short ones and 1/2 are long ones. I also use every time I go to the bathroom (urinate) to practice my RKs. I stop and start three or four times to remind myself of the kegel/reverse kegel feelings.

I start doing RKs and belly breathing (mid depth) from the very moment my wife gives the green light for sex. I do a few while we kiss, and some when I give her oral. I do these to help slow my arousal level. Then, when we switch to sex, I do a few long ones to really bring my arousal down. When I first enter her, I don’t move at first. I focus on my breathing and RKs. After 1-2 minutes I can settle into a plateau. Even once the plateau is reached and I am participating in the thrusting, I do a RK maybe every 4-5 thrusts. And sometimes I need to slow the overall speed.

The control during that first critical minute came from: ballooning all sensitive areas on my penis, remembering to breathe (especially when I am flushed with whatever that chemical is that is released in the body when I first start having sex), RKs, and controlling the speed to what I learned I could handle during edging. Edging with a STU is my guide. If I can't do it there, then I definitely can't do it in real sex where there is more arousing things.

For the hip position for easier RKs, I rotate my hips so that the bottom of my hips goes forward and the top goes backwards. You do this naturally when you are on you hands and knees and arch your back like a cat. See if it is easier for you to RK when you back is arched up. You can compare that to when you arch your back down (make a dip in your back) - and kind of stick your butt up. I have a real hard time RK in that position. Also, that is why missionary was so hard for me. I would have my hips rotated back - so I could not RK.

The other way you can feel that hip rotation is to lie on your back with your knees bent. For me, there is an arch (a space) between my lower back and the floor. If I rotate my hips forward, then that space goes away and my lower back touches the floor.

When I am trusting during sex, I rotate my hips forward, I breathe in (inhale), and I RK all at the same time. It keeps my arousal lower. Then when I pull back, I exhale, and I let go of the RK and rotate my hips back. The first time I reached a plateau in real sex, I did this for every in and out motion during intercourse. The last time I had sex, I only had to do it every 4th or 5th thrust.

I have been working on this for about a month. The first two weeks I don't think I improved my performance at all. I only became aware of how I was feeling, how tight my pelvic floor is during sex (and all the time), how to do RKs, how to stretch, how to edge, how to balloon, etc. I edge 1 or 2 times a day. At first, I had constant involuntary kegels. If i thought about sex or I touched my dick - I had an involuntary kegel. Through edging and ballooning - with daily goals of increased time and/or speed - I slowly started to improve.

Keep going. Try to become aware of everything your body is doing (IKs, holding breath, tightening pevlic floor muscles, release of chemicals in your body during arousal. If you find something that is making your arousal spike up quickly, then keep practicing that over and over again until: (1) your body gets used to the feeling, or (2) you find a way to lessen the feeling through RKs, breathing, or ballooning practice.

[iwillbeatit]

Thank you for the explanation i think i understand the hip think know, i will try this out.

Yesterday i have a short edging session with STU and definitly feel some improvments, first time i have to stop was after 4 minuntes, in my first try it was around 1 min. I do a lot of rk and deep breaths.. I will try to edgde today again and test the hip thing

What i noticed, in real sex and with the STU at the first entering i try to push all of my dick in and press it a little bit in and there i am complete tense in my body, so i tried this a few times and after the 4-5 attempt it was way better (i dont have to push all in with pressure so my arousal dont get sky high right from the first thrust)

edit: yeah i think my lower back / hip attidude (pelvic tild) has something to do with my pre e or my rk
i am working on that pelvic tild too every day. i also have a gap when i lie on my back on floor

[TheR]

Hey man, great to see the strides you've taken in such little time. I've read your thread and log with interest and appear to have a lot of similarities in the issues we face. Infact, reading this is what spurred me on from being a lurker to signing up and posting!

I'm 29 and have suffered with Pre-E for aslong as I can remember. I've been at this about a month now with no noticeable changes but I've definitely been paying lip service to the RKs and Hindi Squats which is probably why.

I got myself a STU practically straight away which I use as often as I can (3/4 times a week) and have some mini edging by hand on other occasions but this is the only real consistency I've shown so far. I tried it hard to do 'sets' of kegals so I've now taken the approach to try and RK whenever I can. When I'm at work, when I'm at home. Rather than doing structured sets just to continuously remember to do a RK - whilst I do feel the stretch in my penis I feel it more on my anus ballooning out so not sure if I'm 100% hitting the right muscles at the moment.

I've only just started attempting Hindi squats too after reading how they can 'game change' alongside RKs - I can get down into the squat but can only hold it for 10 seconds or so before the inside of my hips sort of lock out/hurt and I have to get up. I guess this just comes with practice.

I also involuntary kegal ALL the time. I've noticed during sex how tense I am. Using the STU I involuntary kegal at every stroke. If I try and hold a RK the involuntary just blows it out of the water and seems to push me closer to the PONR. I do get aroused mega easy and even kissing brings involuntary kegals and I find an erection starting. Thinking about sex I can also feel the involuntary kegals. I guess my route forward it to try and keep RK'ing all the time, get better at hindi squats and keep working on the STU (still getting to the PONR within a minute)

I also find (during sex and with the STU) that my frenulum and penis head are mega sensitive. However, I have zero success with ballooning and any attempt to balloon doesn't give the same feeling/sensations so not sure if I'm just doing it wrong?!

Thanks for motivating me to get signed up on the forum too!

[iwillbeatit]

@WillGetBetter:

i read a lot in the forum today and some users say the have EQ problems with too much RK and Hindi do u have any problems after the training with EQ?

i am a person who get really fast an errection, rock hard, so i dont think/hope this will happen to me.

[WillGetBetter]

Thank you for the explanation i think i understand the hip think know, i will try this out.

Yesterday i have a short edging session with STU and definitly feel some improvments, first time i have to stop was after 4 minuntes, in my first try it was around 1 min. I do a lot of rk and deep breaths.. I will try to edgde today again and test the hip thing

What i noticed, in real sex and with the STU at the first entering i try to push all of my dick in and press it a little bit in and there i am complete tense in my body, so i tried this a few times and after the 4-5 attempt it was way better (i dont have to push all in with pressure so my arousal dont get sky high right from the first thrust)

edit: yeah i think my lower back / hip attidude (pelvic tild) has something to do with my pre e or my rk
i am working on that pelvic tild too every day. i also have a gap when i lie on my back on floor

That’s great you are seeing some improvements with edging with the STU. I think it’s a really good sign that your time to PONR is increasing. For me, I didn’t see any measurable improvement the first week (7 edging sessions). I had major IKs, had to go 1 stroke every 4-5 seconds (very slow), and still had to stop a lot. The second week I started to see some small improvement. I learned to RK and breathe for every “in” stroke and release every “out” stroke. My time to PONR increased by a minute or two. I still had very intense IKs. I had to keep my body very still except for my hand moving the STU. Then, my body started to get used to the intense feelings, the IKs started mellowing out a little bit, and I learned to not tighten my pelvic floor when I thrusted in. My first PONR at a moderate speed got up to about 3/4/5 minutes. I gave up on the idea of trying to time a hard normal kegel to stop from hitting the PONR and started really adjusting the speed and doing RKs to control my arousal and ramp up very slowly.

I agree that the first few seconds with the STU and real sex are the most important. In the past, when I first would enter for real sex, I just knew that it wasn’t going to last long. I wasn’t breathing, I would thrust in and tighten every muscle in my pelvic floor, and my dick would be pulsing constantly with involuntary kegels. Everything that was happening was directly leading me to ejaculate. Now, I get in and stop all motion, I try to relax everything I can in my pelvic floor, I breathe, I reverse kegel, I slow the speed way way down to a snail’s pace. I’ve only had real sex successfully two times. And in that first few seconds, I’m still uncertain of how things are going to go. I’ve had 1000 experiences (literally - I’m in my 40’s) of me cumming in about 1 minute and only 2 experiences reaching a plateau. I think the mental confidence comes after having success with the physical experience. I’m not going to trick my brain into having sex for 20 minutes by forcing myself to feel more confident. I had to change all the physical things I was doing wrong with my body. Now I can begin to feel more confident because I’m starting to have some success. But, I think I will always feel that nervousness in my stomach when I am starting to have sex. I spoke in front of people for ten years straight for my job. I gave about 3000 presentations, and I felt nervous before every single one. As I got better at presenting - my confidence grew. But I never stopped feeling nervous before hand. I guess that’s partly what makes sex exciting - the unknown.

Good luck and keep going!

[WillGetBetter]

@WillGetBetter:

i read a lot in the forum today and some users say the have EQ problems with too much RK and Hindi do u have any problems after the training with EQ?

i am a person who get really fast an errection, rock hard, so i dont think/hope this will happen to me.

Yeah, this has been on my mind recently. I did switch to a 100% RK routine about two weeks ago. I think that is a good idea for the people who have a tight pelvic floor and those who too easily contract the muscles causing ejaculation. But, I don’t think 100% RKs is sustainable forever. I can feel that RKs reduce the hardness of my erection. I even lost my erection from doing too many RKs during sex (which would have been unimaginable to me even one month ago). So, I think in the next week or two, I will add some normal kegels to my routine. Maybe I’ll start at 10% kegels and 90% RKs, and then continue to adjust as needed.

Thanks for bringing this up. I won’t worry too much about it until you see some signs that it’s a problem.

[WillGetBetter]

Hey man, great to see the strides you've taken in such little time. I've read your thread and log with interest and appear to have a lot of similarities in the issues we face. Infact, reading this is what spurred me on from being a lurker to signing up and posting!

I'm 29 and have suffered with Pre-E for aslong as I can remember. I've been at this about a month now with no noticeable changes but I've definitely been paying lip service to the RKs and Hindi Squats which is probably why.

I got myself a STU practically straight away which I use as often as I can (3/4 times a week) and have some mini edging by hand on other occasions but this is the only real consistency I've shown so far. I tried it hard to do 'sets' of kegals so I've now taken the approach to try and RK whenever I can. When I'm at work, when I'm at home. Rather than doing structured sets just to continuously remember to do a RK - whilst I do feel the stretch in my penis I feel it more on my anus ballooning out so not sure if I'm 100% hitting the right muscles at the moment.

I've only just started attempting Hindi squats too after reading how they can 'game change' alongside RKs - I can get down into the squat but can only hold it for 10 seconds or so before the inside of my hips sort of lock out/hurt and I have to get up. I guess this just comes with practice.

I also involuntary kegal ALL the time. I've noticed during sex how tense I am. Using the STU I involuntary kegal at every stroke. If I try and hold a RK the involuntary just blows it out of the water and seems to push me closer to the PONR. I do get aroused mega easy and even kissing brings involuntary kegals and I find an erection starting. Thinking about sex I can also feel the involuntary kegals. I guess my route forward it to try and keep RK'ing all the time, get better at hindi squats and keep working on the STU (still getting to the PONR within a minute)

I also find (during sex and with the STU) that my frenulum and penis head are mega sensitive. However, I have zero success with ballooning and any attempt to balloon doesn't give the same feeling/sensations so not sure if I'm just doing it wrong?!

Thanks for motivating me to get signed up on the forum too!

Great to hear your story. It does sounds like we have a lot of similar things going on. I wish I would have started back when I was in my late 20’s! Good for you.

What are your current times for handjob (with and without lube), blowjob, real sex in different positions, masturbation in different ways?

In my first week, I would reach the PONR in 1 minute with the STU with lube. I made a goal to last 2 minutes with one month of work. The first week I made no progress, but I learned to breathe better and to do RKs to loosen my pelvic floor. The RKs could not stop the IKs. I went super slow up and down (once every 4-5 seconds). I would go however slow I needed to go to not reach the PONR. If you are hitting the PONR then go even slower. Go 1 stroke every 10 seconds. Play around with whatever you need to do to loosen those pelvic floor muscles. Kegel, reverse kegel, do a hard deep breath, move your legs in different positions. Just play around with things until something changes. If something changes, firgure out why it changed and see if you can control that’s or use it to your advantage.

In my mind, I thought that if I practiced everyday for 1 month I could increase my PONR by 1 minute. It didn’t take that long, but I was committed and ready for this to happen over a long period of time.

When ballooning are you using lube? Are you rubbing super lightly on the frenulum? If so, then maybe there’s a different area of your penis that is sensitive. Maybe it’s the glans, or the very tip or somewhere on the shaft. Or, maybe it’s one of those areas but only when the shaft is bent up or down.

Have you tried any Pau Yuen Tong balm? I don’t recommend it for every time you have sex, every time you edge, or for long term use as a final solution. But, maybe just a tiny amount (like 1/2 the size of a grain of rice) to your glans and/or frenulum an hour before an edging session could take the intensity down a notch so you can focus on breathing, RKs, and relaxing muscles and your mind. Then as you build your stamina you could stop using it. Or, use it every other time to see how you are progressing - or once every 5 times. Just a thought. I used it once for an edging session and found that if I breathed and did RKs, I had complete control over my arousal. I think it was worth having that experience just to show myself that it was possible.

If you haven’t already, you may want to quit looking at porn for the next few months. I think that really helped me with my arousal levels. Like you, I could think about sex and have IKs. I think lessening that link between erotic thoughts and physical feelings helped me.

Good luck. Let me know how things go for you. I’m interested to know if you get something to work. I have a lot to learn.

[TheR]

Great to hear your story. It does sounds like we have a lot of similar things going on. I wish I would have started back when I was in my late 20’s! Good for you.

What are your current times for handjob (with and without lube), blowjob, real sex in different positions, masturbation in different ways?

In my first week, I would reach the PONR in 1 minute with the STU with lube. I made a goal to last 2 minutes with one month of work. The first week I made no progress, but I learned to breathe better and to do RKs to loosen my pelvic floor. The RKs could not stop the IKs. I went super slow up and down (once every 4-5 seconds). I would go however slow I needed to go to not reach the PONR. If you are hitting the PONR then go even slower. Go 1 stroke every 10 seconds. Play around with whatever you need to do to loosen those pelvic floor muscles. Kegel, reverse kegel, do a hard deep breath, move your legs in different positions. Just play around with things until something changes. If something changes, firgure out why it changed and see if you can control that’s or use it to your advantage.

In my mind, I thought that if I practiced everyday for 1 month I could increase my PONR by 1 minute. It didn’t take that long, but I was committed and ready for this to happen over a long period of time.

When ballooning are you using lube? Are you rubbing super lightly on the frenulum? If so, then maybe there’s a different area of your penis that is sensitive. Maybe it’s the glans, or the very tip or somewhere on the shaft. Or, maybe it’s one of those areas but only when the shaft is bent up or down.

Have you tried any Pau Yuen Tong balm? I don’t recommend it for every time you have sex, every time you edge, or for long term use as a final solution. But, maybe just a tiny amount (like 1/2 the size of a grain of rice) to your glans and/or frenulum an hour before an edging session could take the intensity down a notch so you can focus on breathing, RKs, and relaxing muscles and your mind. Then as you build your stamina you could stop using it. Or, use it every other time to see how you are progressing - or once every 5 times. Just a thought. I used it once for an edging session and found that if I breathed and did RKs, I had complete control over my arousal. I think it was worth having that experience just to show myself that it was possible.

If you haven’t already, you may want to quit looking at porn for the next few months. I think that really helped me with my arousal levels. Like you, I could think about sex and have IKs. I think lessening that link between erotic thoughts and physical feelings helped me.

Good luck. Let me know how things go for you. I’m interested to know if you get something to work. I have a lot to learn.

I've not done any really timing (particularly during sex) but I'd imagine:-
Handjob: 1-2 minutes
Blowjob: 30 seconds - 2 minutes
Sex: Literally less than 1 minute most positions. Closer to under 30 seconds to be honest. Longer if shes on top.

Masturbation with hand: 2-3 minutes
With STU: Less than 1 minute

To be honest I've edged today with the STU and took it as slow and steady as I could and got to approx 3 minutes before getting to the PONR but that was taking it mega mega steady.

I tried my hardest to RK whilst edging but the involuntaries are just way too strong. Funnily enough if I stood up I could RK through them.

I find breathing so difficult in both edging and sex. I just seem to hold my breath and tense up. I really tried to control my breathing edging earlier but I can't seem to control it right now. More practice required!

I've also ordered some slow mag magnesium chloride tablets after reading several threads about how this has made a huge impact for people. I did have some crystals I tried bathing in but this was at my parents whilst they were on vacation (I ditched the bath in my apartment for a double shower) so bathing isn't really feasible for me. So decided to give the tablets a whirl.

I've been constantly doing RKs whilst walking round, at work, I've developed a slight dull ache in my penis which is maybe an indication its working but also maybe an indication I need to give it a rest for a while. Trying to work on the Hindis too.