Committed to improvement

[iwillbeatit]

If you don’t have time for a full edging session every day, maybe you could do 5 minutes of ballooning in the bathroom to work on sensitive areas?

Good idea i will do this in my daily shower thats 5min can definitly do every day and its also a step in the right direction.. thanks

[iwillbeatit]

@shikamaru: thanks for your nice words!

No i didnt say it my wife yet but i will do. first i like to train a bit an get a feeling of everthing rk, arousal lvl and so on..

ye i need to learn my arousal scale and i have definitly learn to get my arousal under control while having sex!
See sex as an edging session - good tip thanks will do so.


the problem is my wife is not so in foreplay and oral she does not like it, so we startet right away - i am trushing at slow speed like in edging with stu, but wife said please faster so there it startet getting out of control i go faster and only watched her ass...and forgot everthing..a little fall back in old patterns..

how did you do your arousal scale? i have no idea how to start one.

What i am really working on is rk, i did not get the feeling if i do an rk to lower my errection or press blood out of my penis..i have to put much time into this.

BUT its ok like u said baby steps.. i will train more, get more control, lets see next time sex maybe i can last a bit longer, first goal is 5min then 10min then 20min..


My goal is to last 20min at the end of this year, i defintly think i can do this!
It needs lot of training and dedecation but i love to spend the time to this..

[WillGetBetter]

so yesterday i had a good edging session with stu, i had a lot of time wife was shopping so i take my time bevor i startet i take a few deep breaths and startet - first break at 12min!! and the session was 25min long! huge improvment, will see how the next one is going
What i noticed i used a new lube it was way better then the old one and i have to use much less then with the old on.

Today i have sex with my wife lastet 3min with 1 Position change and slow speed. I dont feel so under control, after the sex i was thinking about it what was "wrong" then i noticed i forget all my technics after a few strokes i dont breath deep, i dont rk, i dont relax.... we have done doggy, thats her favorite position (and i edge in this postition only for training) all i was seeing was my handy on her butt......i think my arousal was to high and so i forgot all my learnings and technics?

So this is not a fallback for me its a good step in the right way, a few weeks ago i would not do such of thinking whats "wrong" i would be in anger a a few moments because i lastet only a few minutes, but now i am doing thinking about it and i know what i have done wrong, what i have to do next time.

So lets get back to training, training, training...it will be better!


@Pegasus: thank you! WillGetBetter is a good teacher! he put a lot of information an effort to his posts!

Glad to hear you’re making progress. Even small gains mean you’re moving in the right direction.

Yeah, it’s hard to remember to do everything in the moment with all the excitement. I started creating a specific routine or set of habits when I edge to mimic what I’ll do when having real sex. I imagine the scene, I start my breathing, I start my RKs, I get things going and check my arousal, I moderate my speed. There may be a day when I can be more spontaneous, but right now I don’t need any surprises. I need consistency. So, I visualize and practice the entire event.

I like the positive attitude. I feel the same way. Instead of my normal shame, I feel curious about my failures or set backs. What did I do, why did that happen, what can I try to do differently.

[WillGetBetter]

So, I had a new and interesting thing happen during real sex yesterday. When we started up, things were going well. I felt confident and figured things would go the same as last time. I did oral, then we moved on to intercourse. When my wife was on top, instantly I could tell things were going too fast. I attempted to RK and I could not get my body to do it! I was so surprised (and confused). We stopped a couple times and I kept trying to get into the rhythm that worked before - but my pelvic floor was rock hard. I could not get the RK sensation at all. Ultimately, I ended by cumming quickly.

So, what the f? Over the past three weeks, I had developed a process that worked, and now all of the sudden I was lost again. After we finished, I spent some time trying to figure out what happened. Looking back on my daily progress journal, I realized I hadn’t done any pelvic floor stretching for the past 3-4 days. In that time, I had gone on a couple runs, did some exercise routines (push ups, sit ups, core work, weights). I didn’t stretch for any of it, even after the runs. I stopped doing the Hindi squats and yoga poses.

I became over confident, and naively thought I could have control in every sexual encounter. I guess when you get too cocky life knocks you down as a reminder.

I’ve spent the last two days stretching like crazy. After the first day, I could RK again. I edged last night, and it feels like I’m back on track.

With stretching, I was going through the motions, but didn’t really think they were helping. Now I realize that they are absolutely essential for me. Without them, I’m totally locked up.

There have been a couple people struggling with doing RKs recently in this thread and other threads. I wonder if part of the problem is that their pelvic floor is so tight that they cannot RK. Maybe stretching has to be the first part of the process for some people.

Either way, I’m going to push forward and will keep learning.

[WillGetBetter]

Any free time I had today I spent stretching. I figured out which tight muscle had kept me from being able to RK when I was lying on my back the other day. It was my stomach muscles. I had been doing a bunch of ab work and sit-ups last week. I didn’t stretch them at all. What tipped me off that that was the issue was that I also could not breathe from my belly (diaphragm). My stomach wouldn’t raise up at all. So, I did a bunch of stretching - mostly the yoga poses called the cobra and upward dog. After a few rounds of stretching, I could both breathe from my belly and RK while on my back.

We’ll have to see if that was the issue that made me cum early the other night.

[iwillbeatit]

@Will:
You have done it right, u had a "bad" night but u dont give up, u think after about whats wrong and figured it out and now working on this, very good.
Others would say "this is not working, thats shit i will stop" and this people will fail, u will succed.

I think streching is very important for us, our pelvic floor is very thight for so many years now, a few weeks of streching is not enough it needs time and dedecation to loosen it up, i do a lot of streching since i startet i think almost every day 30-60min
i make the same poses u mentioned but i also do this one, just give it a try (hip flexor strech, just googled it and this is the first page)
https://www.t-nation.com/training/ti...ur-hip-flexors

Keep on your programm, if u wanna go for a run do it but in addition to the programm not instead of..
Think of your first goal to fix this in 6 months not 6 weeks give it the time it needs

Pelvic floor rock hard and no chance to loosen it - did u do really deep belly breaths?

i think u nailed it with this sentence, thats totally true:
I became over confident, and naively thought I could have control in every sexual encounter. I guess when you get too cocky life knocks you down as a reminder.


Are your abbs felxed when u doing rk?


Its hard to remember thats right, but first time driving a car was hard to, doing all the things but now we drive without thinking the same will happen in sex from training comes master. train train train... i think the 6 months mark is a good goal!

[WillGetBetter]

I had sex again tonight. My wife knew what happened the other night was on my mind, so she asked if I wanted to give it another shot.

The good news is it went well. I could breathe from my belly again and RK. Whew, what a roller coaster this process has been. I felt like I had control again. I did over do the RKs such that my EQ started going down. That’s the same thing that happened the first time I had sex successfully. I get so conservative- and want to stay away from the PONR - so I do too many RKs. Then I had to kegel a few times to pump it back up.

Everything worked out in the end. My wife came and then a few minutes later I came. I’m not sure how long the sex lasted. Probably around ten minutes.

So, another thing to put on the list: tight stomach muscles keep me from breathing and keep me from RK’ing. I’m sure there’s much more to learn.

[TheR]

Been a few days since I've been in here so thought I'd stop by. I'm still really really struggling to concentrate on breathing whilst edging and then when I do remember it seems to push me to the PONR. I'm also still struggling to control my involuntary kegals. Maybe I just need more practice.

One strange thing I've noticed is that if I lie on my back and get to the PONR I can stand up and hold a light RK whilst still stroking and my arousal level drops and I can go on for longer. If I then get back on my back I'm immediately at the PONR. Just trying to get a handle on how my body reacts I suppose. I've also taken to edging with the STU solely on my back for now, initially I was trying to change positions etc. but decided to keep trying to on my back first to see if I can improve.

Been taking slow mag magnesium chloride for under a week now at half the dose. It's made little to no improvement on edging but I find it takes more for me to get aroused, and my arousal level drops quicker. Whether this is down to the tablets I'm not sure. From today I'm going to go up to the full dose and see what affect that has.

I'm glad you've also pointed out about how quickly you seem to have gone backwards from a few days off stretches. So far I'm only doing the Hindi squat and probably not as much as I should be. Going to make a conscious effort to up these and mix in some other stretches. Glad you've managed to get some form back though by getting on the kegalling/stretches again!

Unfortunately no opportunity for sex so far, girlfriend been away at University last week and I'm away now for work. I don't think I'm currently seeing any substantial gains on the STU though to translate to sex yet.

This weeks goal - continue to RK during every day activities, do more Hindi squats, add other squats, continue with STU training and up the magnesium dose.

Forgot to add! Previously I'd said my body wasn't reacting to ballooning. During an edging session last week I was at the PONR constantly so had to stop. Decided to try rubbing my frenulum where I didn't get any sensation or anything so didn't think it was working, however, I still got the PONR twice doing this. When I insert into STU or during real sex, I get a massive sensation on my gland/frenulum which seems to push me to the PONR but I don't appear sensitive during ballooning. Going to continue to experiment with ballooning to try and reduce sensation with the STU/Sex

[Shikamaru]

I had sex again tonight. My wife knew what happened the other night was on my mind, so she asked if I wanted to give it another shot.

The good news is it went well. I could breathe from my belly again and RK. Whew, what a roller coaster this process has been. I felt like I had control again. I did over do the RKs such that my EQ started going down. That’s the same thing that happened the first time I had sex successfully. I get so conservative- and want to stay away from the PONR - so I do too many RKs. Then I had to kegel a few times to pump it back up.

Everything worked out in the end. My wife came and then a few minutes later I came. I’m not sure how long the sex lasted. Probably around ten minutes.

So, another thing to put on the list: tight stomach muscles keep me from breathing and keep me from RK’ing. I’m sure there’s much more to learn.

So what happens when you get her off, do you feel like giving in to the urge of cumming? Or is your penis so ready to cum , that you just give in to cum? i was once in your shoes, and i kept trying to push that PONR back and back. i would try different positions once i got a little bit more confident. I literally tried everyone doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, her lying flat down on her stomach, see which positions make your pelvic relax and your in control. Remember try to make them edging sessions, and train your mind to not give into the urge of cumming. even if you have to stop and pull out, it teaches your body NO I AM NOT CUMMING, I RUN THE SHOW. this will help you a lot bro. keep on doing stretches and hindi squats, have you tried tennis ball massage. that helped me a lot loosening the pelvic floor.

[WillGetBetter]

So what happens when you get her off, do you feel like giving in to the urge of cumming? Or is your penis so ready to cum , that you just give in to cum? i was once in your shoes, and i kept trying to push that PONR back and back. i would try different positions once i got a little bit more confident. I literally tried everyone doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, her lying flat down on her stomach, see which positions make your pelvic relax and your in control. Remember try to make them edging sessions, and train your mind to not give into the urge of cumming. even if you have to stop and pull out, it teaches your body NO I AM NOT CUMMING, I RUN THE SHOW. this will help you a lot bro. keep on doing stretches and hindi squats, have you tried tennis ball massage. that helped me a lot loosening the pelvic floor.

I don't have a consistent experience during sex yet. Here is what has happened during the six times I've had sex since starting the PreE training at the beginning of September.

1st: came in 30 seconds. Had only been stretching and edging for a few days. Not surprised.
2nd: came in about 15 minutes. Switched positions: girl on top, standing next to bed, and girl on top again. Had to go very slow for the first 5 minutes. RK'd a million times and lost my erection. Then stopped RK'ing so much, found a good plateau for ~10 minutes. She came and then I decide to cum.
3rd: I used the Pau Yuen Tong balm. Put on too much. Couldn't get an erection for a very long time. Finally did. She came after 5-10 minutes. I never ejaculated because I couldn't get my body to feel aroused.
4th: Went really well. She came on top after 5 minutes. I came in missionary after another 5 minutes. I had to work to get there because I am doing so many RKs and relaxing so much. It's hard to switch back to allowing some tension in the pelvic floor required to ejaculate.
5th: Pelvic floor was rock hard - I could not RK. My stomach was rock hard - I could not breathe from my belly. I came in about 30 seconds after trying to stop/start a few times. I had no control.
6th: I spent two days stretching. I finally realized that my stomach was tight. Doing upward dog and cobra helped. We had sex with her on top. She came. I had low EQ from excessive RKs. Once she came, I ramped myself back up so that I could cum. It maybe took about 10 minutes total - with 5 of that being after she finished.

Right now, my wife is not wanting to have intercourse for 30 minutes straight. Maybe that's because I've had PreE our entire relationship - so she's settled for going fast. That might change over time. But, also, we're both in our mid-40's, have two kids, work long hours, have tons of responsibilities and stress --- so I don't think it's likely that she will want me to bang away for an hour. In the few times that I have felt control during sex, I go long enough so that she has an orgasm - and then I go a while longer and make myself cum. In those times, I could go on for quite a while longer, but I'm trying to be considerate of her as well.

For me, I believe I have the start of an understanding of how to control my arousal (breathing, stretching, RKs, ballooning, edging). Now I need to work on developing a plateau at a higher arousal level (maybe a 7 is a good near term goal) by doing less RKs. This week I will try switching to a 10%K/90%RK routine.

Thanks for the suggestions, Shikamaru.