Committed to improvement

[WillGetBetter]

I am in my 40's and have had PE issues since my first sexual experience. I am fully committing the next six months to improving my stamina. I have been married for 20 years, my wife is understanding, but also sexually frustrated sometimes. I am embarrassed and feel terrible that I can’t satisfy my wife in this way.

I have learned over the past week that I have intense IK’s during penetration. I have a lot of anxiety about ejaculating early. My pelvic floor is tight and unbalanced. I am making all the common mistakes while masturbating.

Current state:
Masturbating/handjob no lube: I last an indefinite amount of time
Masturbating or fleshlight STU w/lube: I last less than 1 minute.
Blowjob: 1-5 minutes
PIV intercourse: 1-2 minutes with her on top, less than 1 minute with me on top.

I’ve read as much as I could on this forum and have made the following plan.
1. Kegels: 75% RK, 25% kegels, 2x per day, increase reps over time as strength builds.
2. Tennis ball massage/stretch every day
3. Edging with STU: Edge 5x per week, 20 minutes. Record time to each PONR. Start slow, use lube and STU. Goal to get from 1 minute to 10 minutes before first PONR over first 1-2 months. Over time build plateau, increase speed, start thrusting, and ultimately missionary position.
4. Work on diaphragm breathing. Triangle breathing.
5. Take multi-vitamin daily.
6. Track all progress.
7. Don’t allow myself to get discouraged.

Ultimate goal: last 10 minutes in any PIV position.

That’s it. I’m sick of this shit. I’m going to f’ing crush this.

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____
Current Status:
I want to update this initial post with my current progress. The details of my work and progress are in the following posts, but sometimes you want to know if it worked and if it is worth putting time into reading all the way through a thread.

For me, it did work. Here's my current status:
Masturbation: I don't do it anymore. Instead, I edge with a fleshlight and lube. I only ejaculate every 3-4 days. I generally shoot for a 20 minute session.
Penis-in-vagina sex: At this point I can last as long as my wife needs in any position about 80% of the time we have sex. Usually, this means 10-15 minutes of penetration after having a long/fun foreplay session of oral and other things. The times when it doesn't work are caused by me letting my arousal get out of control during foreplay, forgetting to get my breathing and relaxation under control at the beginning of sex, and when my pelvic floor tightens up so my RKs aren't effective. Usually, a few stretching sessions and some more mindfulness of all the pieces of the puzzle get me back on track for the next time we have sex.

Here are the things I did that worked:
1. Edging
2. Ballooning
3. Relaxation and breathing
4. Reverse kegels
5. Awareness of arousal level and development of an arousal plateau below the PONR
6. Pelvic floor stretching

Start a progress thread, make daily and weekly goals, track your progress, educate yourself by reading the stickies, and ask questions. Mostly, you need to commit and take responsibility for your own actions and progress. It's been life changing for me.

[PhilipKDick]

Sounds like you have a solid action plan there my man. Good luck! Keep us updated. You can definitely overcome this.

Just out of interest, how do people who live with a partner go about edging with a fleshlight? Do you find the time to do it in private? Or do you tell your wife that you're going to do it and that she shouldn't disturb you for a while? Maybe like another guy on here you do it in the restroom at Home Depot?

[WillGetBetter]

Good questions. It’s a challenge. I have two younger kids at home too. It’s pretty tough to find any privacy in this house ��. After dancing around the issue for years with my wife, talking about PE - but not being completely open and honest (out of embarrassment), I’ve decided to tell my wife everything. I talked with her one night in bed and said “PE is a big issue for me. I’ve read many encouraging articles and forums about how to fix it. It’s takes a huge amount of consistent effort to do it. It’s like needing intense physical therapy after an accident to relearn a motor skill. At night, after the kids go to bed, I’m going to spend 30 mins in the guest room with the door locked working on this. Whatever you want to know about it, I will tell you. But, I am committing 6 months to trying to fix it - both for you and for me.”

She was completely understanding, and told me she accepts me whether it works or doesn’t. We talked about the IK that I don’t have control over, we talked about edging in the most realistic way possible to retrain my muscles and brain, and she was completely supportive of it.

We are just trying to figure shit out and be open with each other about who we are and what we want out of life.

[WillGetBetter]

Update on training:
Kegels: worked on isolating BC and PC, sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can’t. Did a set of 25 RK every time I thought about it that day resulting in about 10 sets. I did 2 sets of 20 quick and hard kegels for BC and PC and then 1 set of 20 of holding for 10 seconds for BC and PC. I was pretty sore and it took a full rest day to mostly recover.

Edging with STU:
On back. Very, very slow stroke (every stroke caused an IK). Tried to RK the entire time, but could not fight off IKs. First PONR at 3:30min. Rested, hard RK. Second PONR at 9min. Could not settle down enough after that to move away from PONR.
Did about 3 mins in missionary position. Very intense IK, very tight pelvic floor. I couldn’t figure out how to counteract this. Any movement of my body brought me to PONR. Stopped and did not ejaculate.

Throughout the session I had to constantly remind myself to breathe. I did 3 second triangle breathing. My body was tense and I often found myself holding my breath.

[TANGO 5/10]

Switch it up with the Fleshlight edging. I have 4 sleeves and am also married. I've been married for 15 years & together for 17 and can say I've overcome Pre-E within my 3 years of PE ( Penis Exercises ). Although I'll throw something extra in the mix like supplements etc , I've successfully been able to make at least 15 minutes of straight intercourse penetration with dedication to PE training. From (2-3) minutes previous

OK ,
what I mean by mix it up with the FL is going back in forth from Edging to Ballooning . Penetration on the FL following up with some Penis Head stimulation with your ✋. Realizing this is going to take time. It took me over 1 year of genuinely plateau Edging without ejaculation to voluntary control it. Along with this training I became more successful with actual intercourse with my Wife. It takes time & commitment but doable. RK'S & Hindi Squats are a big game changer.

My Wife knows I do PE but prefers for me to keep it to myself. I showed her some of my Penis Stretching Enlargement movements and Jelqing. She got all bug eyed & said Oh Hell Naw. She loves the end result but hates the process.

Started PE 8/15
BPEL 6.75 - 6.8
MEG 4.75 - 4.8
BEG 4.75 - 4.8

Currently 9/18
BPEL 8
MEG 5.75
BEG 5.75

[PhilipKDick]

She got all bug eyed & said Oh Hell Naw.

HAHAHA

Did you have lifelong or acquired pre-E?

[WillGetBetter]

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions. I will switch it up. I definitely have an issue with sensitivity, so ballooning hopefully will help.

I imagine you can remember what it was like at the beginning. I don’t even know how my body works. The information in the forum posts makes sense technically, but I can’t do them in practice yet. Right now, I’m kind of all over the place trying to figure out how to do it. I feel pretty confident that over time things will come together. It reminds me of learning a new sport or when I first started playing the guitar.

[WillGetBetter]

Day 6:

2 sets of 20 Hindi squats
tennis ball massage on chair
Edging:
- first erection from ballooning style rubbing under glands
- goal was to edge up near 9 and then back down to ~5 multiple times

0-5mins: applied constant RK, had IK with every stroke (up and down). Used STU with lube and at a very slow speed. My level immediately goes to 8-9.5. Even after rest and RKs, once I start stroking again, the level is right back to 8-9.5. No plateau, no slow ramp up. The only way to keep from PONR is to slow down speed.
5-10mins: tried doing a hard RK for every down stroke and up stroke. Also timed this with my breath. This seemed to help me not progress to PONR, but it might just be because my stroke was slowed down to get the RKs in there. Right now, it's difficult to coordinate breathing, RK, and awareness of my level.
10-20mins: switch positions - standing up and missionary and on back again. Standing up and missionary required me to go very, very slowly. I started doing the hard RK for every up and down stroke - things got better. But, I was always feelings like I could reach the PONR very quickly. Once I got close to the 20min mark, I decided to try to get near PONR and do a hard kegel to fight off ejaculating. I attempted it, had some precum slip out. I then tried to continue after some hard RKs, but I lost my erection and couldn't continue.

Somethings are making more sense, but I have a lot to learn. At day 6, I would say I haven't made any real progress towards having real sex for a longer amount of time. But, I do feel like I am starting to learn the techniques needed to ultimately be successful.

[TANGO 5/10]

HAHAHA

Did you have lifelong or acquired pre-E?

It was acquired due to a medical condition called Prolactinoma ( pituitary gland abnormality ) which causes severe ED issues but THANK GOD that's in the past & another topic 😎.

Talked about that a lot when I first joined pegym. Although I was a lurker for a year before I joined.

[WillGetBetter]

Today during my edging session something happened to me that I’ve read about in other posts, but I don’t know whether this is something to work towards doing more often, or if it is something I should avoid. Please let me know your opinions.

After about 10 mins of edging at a slow pace, I switched positions from being on my back to standing up. Standing up is a position I can only last a few pumps. So, after about 5 thrusts, I nearly reached the PONR (maybe a 9.5). I pulled out of the STU and did a hard kegel for about 30 seconds. I lost a couple drops of cum. I then reinsert, maintained my erection, and felt like I hit a plateau that allowed me to feel pleasure but also feel like the PONR is not right there. Maybe the level is about a 7. I went for another 5 minutes at a high thrust rate before I ended the session without ejaculating.

Should I try to achieve a plateau without having to nearly/partially cum, kegel hard, and then keep going? Is this a bad habit to form, or is it something to learn how to do consistently and learn how to control? Right now, if I could do this even 50% of the time during real sex, I would take it over cumming in 1 minute.