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  • My Action Plan Journal

    Hey guys, since I've read through enough journals from guys who have figured out how to sustain themselves during sex, I decided I would follow their examples and create my own log to keep myself accountable.

    I'm planning to update this once a week to check in with how things are going. I've also created a google sheet where I'll be tracking my daily actions that I've committed to taking. I've set it up for 90 days, at which point I'll reassess where I'm at in the process and make any changes I think are necessary given what I've learned during those first 90 days.

    Currently, I have basically zero control. Just the other night I ejaculated before even entering my wife. So pretty much any progress will be a victory for me.

    Here's my Action Plan for the next 90 days:

    Breakwork
    • Use Breathe+ App
    • Breath Cycle Settings: 3 seconds In, 0 second Hold, 3 seconds Out, 1 second Hold
    • 5 minute duration
    • Focus on relaxing pelvic floor and pushing a mild RK during


    APT Stretches (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week
    • Lying Pelvic Tilts - 1 set, 10 reps
    • Standing Pelvic Tilts - 1 set, 10 reps
    • Bodyweight Hip Thrusts - 3 sets, 10+ (increase when 3 sets is no longer difficult)
    • RKC Plank - 2 sets, max time
    • Lunge Stretch - 2 sets, 30 second holds
    • Rectus Femoris Stretch - 2 sets, 30 second holds


    Pelvic Floor Stretches (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week
    • Knee to chest - 1 minute hold
    • Happy Baby - 1 minute hold
    • Child’s Pose - 1 minute
    • Cobra - 1 minute
    • Pigeon Pose - 1 minute
    • Butterfly - 1 minute
    • Wall Hindi Squat - 5 minutes


    Penis Stretches (practice breakwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week
    • Straight, Right, Left, Straight Up, Right Up, Right Left, Straight Down, Right Down, Left Down
    • 30 Second hold each direction
    • Finish by multi-directional free stretch for 1 minute
    • Take note of IKs, focus on relaxing the pelvic floor throughout and try pushing mild RK


    Tennis Ball Massage (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week
    • Minimum 2 sets of 10 minutes each day


    Edging (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 3-5 days/week
    • In the beginning, focus on relaxation and breathwork
    • In the beginning, just work on ballooning, and if feeling relaxed, then transition to edging
    • Once I can do 20 minutes straight without hitting PONR with moderate grip, and natural pace, reassess my abilities and consider switching to STU


    Bonus: Don’t stress out when things don’t go great in sex
    • Remember it’s a process, the best thing I can do in the moment is to just relax and be as present in the moment as possible, no matter where I’m at in the bigger picture of changing my body and brain.

  • #2
    Well power to you and your efforts .

    Just a reminder not to overdo it at first . Build your condition.

    Comment


    • #3
      Looks like a great plan. Good luck! Keep us up to date.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
        Well power to you and your efforts .

        Just a reminder not to overdo it at first . Build your condition.
        Thanks Pegasus. I appreciate all the help you provide to us new guys.

        Originally posted by WillGetBetter View Post
        Looks like a great plan. Good luck! Keep us up to date.
        Thanks WillGetBetter! I was inspired by your log and your subsequent success to actually take the time to set out a plan of action and then to consistently execute that plan, so thank you for setting that example.

        Comment


        • #5
          Good luck to you! Anything for arousal control?

          I would also suggest going to the gym and trying some core work a couple weeks in. Also if you miss days for any reason don't get down on yourself. Edging (IMO) should be fun and not goal oriented (this is the mindset of a lot of guys with PreE).

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by caliboy415 View Post
            Good luck to you! Anything for arousal control?

            I would also suggest going to the gym and trying some core work a couple weeks in. Also if you miss days for any reason don't get down on yourself. Edging (IMO) should be fun and not goal oriented (this is the mindset of a lot of guys with PreE).
            So, as far as arousal control goes, I don't have a specific plan. Maybe I need to develop one. But I can say that through edging, I have become aware of the sliding scale of arousal and that I can develop the ability to move myself up and down that scale. Lately, when I'm with my wife, I've just worked on internally noticing my arousal, like what sets it off, how quickly it spikes, and then focusing on my relaxation breathing and mild RKs to bring it back down.

            Do you have any recommendations for arousal control?

            Core work noted. I think that has been a weak area for me, even when I've been consistent in the gym. I've tended to not do core work.

            And thanks for the edging tip; I think last year when I would edge, it was always a goal oriented thing, and I'm deciding to let that mindset go and move on to going after the enjoyment of it while paying close attention to my arousal.

            Comment


            • #7
              I think the awareness of arousal level is an important skill. The tools you have to influence your arousal are breathing, RKs, controlling your thoughts (not allowing too many really arousing sexual thoughts), speed of thrusting of your partner, whether you also contribute to the thrusting or take a more passive role, your body position’s affect on your pelvic floor tension (hip position, knee position, whatever positions cause your pelvic floor to tighten - avoid them for now and over time learn to adjust them to not have tension by shifting your weight, rotating your hips, etc). All of these can be practiced during edging. In a 20 minute edging session, I try to cycle through laying on my back, standing, kneeling, and missionary style. Each required me to change how I used to do those positions. I just played around with each one - shifting my legs, bending my knees or not, rocking my weight, rotating my hips, different pressure on my arms, etc. someone suggested I learn to thrust without engaging my pelvic floor muscles. That was helpful.

              Over time, the ballooning, edging, stretching, RKs will help the IKs go away also.

              I always had most trouble with the mental side. Improving the physical things were more natural to me. Lately, I’ve been learning about mindfulness. Basically, it’s a meditation technique that helps reduce anxiety by being more present. I didn’t start doing it for preE, but there are benefits: reduced anxiety, body awareness, calming thoughts, etc.

              If you had to plot your level of arousal over time during a normal sexual experience with your wife, what would that look look like? How aroused are you during foreplay? How aroused are you at the first moment of penetration?

              I learned over time to keep my arousal much lower during foreplay by RKing, not getting to caught up in the thoughts, etc so I wasn’t fully hard by the time we switched to intercourse. My wife would need to help me get fully erect before we started.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by AManWithAPlan2 View Post
                Do you have any recommendations for arousal control?
                Quit porn if you haven't already. I'd say start with a blank mind at first (think about a color or something) and as you gain confidence start using more and more imagination/arousing thoughts. That's where I'm currently at, as I edge I have arousing thoughts until I get to level 8/9 or close to PONR. Once that I switch to ballooning and depending how close to PONR I am I'll go to a blank mind or stay with arousing thoughts.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by WillGetBetter View Post
                  I think the awareness of arousal level is an important skill. The tools you have to influence your arousal are breathing, RKs, controlling your thoughts (not allowing too many really arousing sexual thoughts), speed of thrusting of your partner, whether you also contribute to the thrusting or take a more passive role, your body position’s affect on your pelvic floor tension (hip position, knee position, whatever positions cause your pelvic floor to tighten - avoid them for now and over time learn to adjust them to not have tension by shifting your weight, rotating your hips, etc). All of these can be practiced during edging. In a 20 minute edging session, I try to cycle through laying on my back, standing, kneeling, and missionary style. Each required me to change how I used to do those positions. I just played around with each one - shifting my legs, bending my knees or not, rocking my weight, rotating my hips, different pressure on my arms, etc. someone suggested I learn to thrust without engaging my pelvic floor muscles. That was helpful.

                  Over time, the ballooning, edging, stretching, RKs will help the IKs go away also.

                  I always had most trouble with the mental side. Improving the physical things were more natural to me. Lately, I’ve been learning about mindfulness. Basically, it’s a meditation technique that helps reduce anxiety by being more present. I didn’t start doing it for preE, but there are benefits: reduced anxiety, body awareness, calming thoughts, etc.

                  If you had to plot your level of arousal over time during a normal sexual experience with your wife, what would that look look like? How aroused are you during foreplay? How aroused are you at the first moment of penetration?

                  I learned over time to keep my arousal much lower during foreplay by RKing, not getting to caught up in the thoughts, etc so I wasn’t fully hard by the time we switched to intercourse. My wife would need to help me get fully erect before we started.
                  Arousal levels: Basically I've had two modes most of my life: no arousal at all and then really high arousal. So I believe what needs to be my goal is to begin finding all that middle ground.

                  When I'm with my wife and I know we're going to have sex, I get very hard very quickly, heart rate is way up, and my default is to start holding my breath. Occasionally, all it takes is seeing her naked even. I think that stems from 12 years of a lot of pornography and rushing to ejaculation.

                  I don't think my RKs are developed enough to bring my arousal down yet. I'm trying to figure out how to do that. Breathing can sometimes do it when I'm by myself, but with my wife, it's been tough to relax enough to bring it down.

                  Originally posted by caliboy415 View Post
                  Quit porn if you haven't already. I'd say start with a blank mind at first (think about a color or something) and as you gain confidence start using more and more imagination/arousing thoughts. That's where I'm currently at, as I edge I have arousing thoughts until I get to level 8/9 or close to PONR. Once that I switch to ballooning and depending how close to PONR I am I'll go to a blank mind or stay with arousing thoughts.
                  Ya I haven't used porn in about 8 years. But I think your advice is well taken. I need to keep it blank for now until I develop some control. Thanks for the help man.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yeah, at the beginning when the RKs aren’t working it’s tough to bring down the erection or arousal level. Once I had developed a somewhat stable plateau during edging, then some of that transferred over to real sex. I also always held my breath and tightened up all my muscles - which made me finish so quickly.

                    Is your wife up for helping during sex?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by AManWithAPlan2 View Post
                      Arousal levels: Basically I've had two modes most of my life: no arousal at all and then really high arousal. So I believe what needs to be my goal is to begin finding all that middle ground.

                      When I'm with my wife and I know we're going to have sex, I get very hard very quickly, heart rate is way up, and my default is to start holding my breath. Occasionally, all it takes is seeing her naked even. I think that stems from 12 years of a lot of pornography and rushing to ejaculation.

                      I don't think my RKs are developed enough to bring my arousal down yet. I'm trying to figure out how to do that. Breathing can sometimes do it when I'm by myself, but with my wife, it's been tough to relax enough to bring it down.



                      Ya I haven't used porn in about 8 years. But I think your advice is well taken. I need to keep it blank for now until I develop some control. Thanks for the help man.
                      Are you discussing this with your wife? If not, I think it'll be tough to lower the level of excitement you're reaching. Being aroused by her is great. It's normal and healthy. But the physical responses that you have to that arousal can be controlled and I think it will take some awareness between the two of you.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Johnny D View Post
                        Are you discussing this with your wife? If not, I think it'll be tough to lower the level of excitement you're reaching. Being aroused by her is great. It's normal and healthy. But the physical responses that you have to that arousal can be controlled and I think it will take some awareness between the two of you.
                        Discussing with your wife will do wonders. I've discussed with my significant other and she was very receptive and understanding. I made it clear that I wasn't putting pressure on her but instead this was something I wanted to do for myself. It took a TON of pressure off of sex which lead to me being able to control my arousal a lot more. When I know I'm getting too aroused, we're able to stop and take a break so to speak and laugh about it. An open dialogue with your partner is very helpful in self-improvement situations.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by WillGetBetter View Post
                          Yeah, at the beginning when the RKs aren’t working it’s tough to bring down the erection or arousal level. Once I had developed a somewhat stable plateau during edging, then some of that transferred over to real sex. I also always held my breath and tightened up all my muscles - which made me finish so quickly.

                          Is your wife up for helping during sex?

                          Originally posted by Johnny D View Post
                          Are you discussing this with your wife? If not, I think it'll be tough to lower the level of excitement you're reaching. Being aroused by her is great. It's normal and healthy. But the physical responses that you have to that arousal can be controlled and I think it will take some awareness between the two of you.
                          Originally posted by caliboy415 View Post
                          Discussing with your wife will do wonders. I've discussed with my significant other and she was very receptive and understanding. I made it clear that I wasn't putting pressure on her but instead this was something I wanted to do for myself. It took a TON of pressure off of sex which lead to me being able to control my arousal a lot more. When I know I'm getting too aroused, we're able to stop and take a break so to speak and laugh about it. An open dialogue with your partner is very helpful in self-improvement situations.
                          To answer all three of you, yes, she is. We had the discussion about what my 90 day plan is, and she told me to please just communicate with her what I want or need from her. I think she's hopeful things get better as well, so she's down to be a part of the solution.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            END OF WEEK 1 UPDATE:

                            Here is my checklist for Week 1. I went out of town early on Sunday, so I did not get to any of the exercises. I actually thought that might have been a good thing to just get my mind off of it and relax. Below is a screen shot of my checklist.

                            Screen Shot 2019-01-22 at 7.56.45 AM.jpg

                            Here are the edging journal entries from this week:

                            01/17/19: Edging went well I think. Started out by ballooning with lube directly after finishing my routine. Kept myself real calm, used the breathe+ app, and focused on keeping a mild RK going. Took a while to get a full erection (probably 5 full minutes), but eventually it was there and it felt different than the typical hasty erection I get: my arousal was way low which is a good thing from what I've read so far. I kept a super light touch and transitioned to a more full shaft edging. Went for about 20 minutes very lightly, stopping when I felt my arousal climbing too fast, only experienced a couple of IKs and they were very subdued. I attribute that to the relaxed state that I had coming into edging. Noteworthy: As I would be edging, I closed my eyes and imagined a weight connected to my pelvic floor gently but firmly pulling it down towards the floor, and this really helped in relaxing my PF. Something to note here as well: I think previously I had overestimated my ability to execute an RK. I think it wasn't really fully developed and that's probably why nothing ever felt different during previous attempts to edge. The last few days, I've done tons of stretching, tennis ball massage, and deep breathing to try to really focus on expanding my pelvic floor, and I can really tell a difference. Implementing the APT exercises really helps me to isolate the RK feeling as well. Hindi Wall Squat with your hips tilted forward but still on the ground (squeeze your glutes and position your crotch up so you have a completely flat back) helps significantly to feel a full RK and for stretching the PF.

                            01/18/19:
                            Edging was good for the first ten minutes, super calm, pelvic floor didn't feel as stretched as yesterday, but not too bad. Then I think I rushed to get hard too quickly and ended up feeling the tightness in the PF. From there it was really hard to control my arousal. Just kept spiking up and then the IKs would set in. Also, could not get my PF to drop even as I tried to imagine the weight from yesterday. So lesson for today is to take it real slow getting going, focus on breathing and pushing RK, and don't worry if EQ doesn't get to where it needs to be. Right now is about staying at a low arousal level and if that means low EQ, then so be it for the time being. Also, my focus needs to be on just eliminating IKs like Ammonite talks about. We're setting a foundation for a relaxed PF as we move forward.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Great update. Sounds like you’re learning a lot and are on the right track. There will be lots of ups and downs. You’re doing great!

                              Comment

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