My Action Plan Journal

[AManWithAPlan2]

Hey guys, since I've read through enough journals from guys who have figured out how to sustain themselves during sex, I decided I would follow their examples and create my own log to keep myself accountable.

I'm planning to update this once a week to check in with how things are going. I've also created a google sheet where I'll be tracking my daily actions that I've committed to taking. I've set it up for 90 days, at which point I'll reassess where I'm at in the process and make any changes I think are necessary given what I've learned during those first 90 days.

Currently, I have basically zero control. Just the other night I ejaculated before even entering my wife. So pretty much any progress will be a victory for me.

Here's my Action Plan for the next 90 days:

Breakwork

• Use Breathe+ App
  
• Breath Cycle Settings: 3 seconds In, 0 second Hold, 3 seconds Out, 1 second Hold
  
• 5 minute duration
  
• Focus on relaxing pelvic floor and pushing a mild RK during

APT Stretches (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week

• Lying Pelvic Tilts - 1 set, 10 reps
  
• Standing Pelvic Tilts - 1 set, 10 reps
  
• Bodyweight Hip Thrusts - 3 sets, 10+ (increase when 3 sets is no longer difficult)
  
• RKC Plank - 2 sets, max time
  
• Lunge Stretch - 2 sets, 30 second holds
  
• Rectus Femoris Stretch - 2 sets, 30 second holds

Pelvic Floor Stretches (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week

• Knee to chest - 1 minute hold
  
• Happy Baby - 1 minute hold
  
• Child’s Pose - 1 minute
  
• Cobra - 1 minute
  
• Pigeon Pose - 1 minute
  
• Butterfly - 1 minute
  
• Wall Hindi Squat - 5 minutes

Penis Stretches (practice breakwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week

• Straight, Right, Left, Straight Up, Right Up, Right Left, Straight Down, Right Down, Left Down
  
• 30 Second hold each direction
  
• Finish by multi-directional free stretch for 1 minute
  
• Take note of IKs, focus on relaxing the pelvic floor throughout and try pushing mild RK

Tennis Ball Massage (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 7 days/week

• Minimum 2 sets of 10 minutes each day

Edging (practice breathwork, mentally relax pelvic floor) - 3-5 days/week

• In the beginning, focus on relaxation and breathwork
  
• In the beginning, just work on ballooning, and if feeling relaxed, then transition to edging
  
• Once I can do 20 minutes straight without hitting PONR with moderate grip, and natural pace, reassess my abilities and consider switching to STU

Bonus: Don’t stress out when things don’t go great in sex

• Remember it’s a process, the best thing I can do in the moment is to just relax and be as present in the moment as possible, no matter where I’m at in the bigger picture of changing my body and brain.

[Pegasus]

Well power to you and your efforts .

Just a reminder not to overdo it at first . Build your condition.

[WillGetBetter]

Looks like a great plan. Good luck! Keep us up to date.

[AManWithAPlan2]

Well power to you and your efforts .

Just a reminder not to overdo it at first . Build your condition.

Thanks Pegasus. I appreciate all the help you provide to us new guys.

Looks like a great plan. Good luck! Keep us up to date.

Thanks WillGetBetter! I was inspired by your log and your subsequent success to actually take the time to set out a plan of action and then to consistently execute that plan, so thank you for setting that example.

[caliboy415]

Good luck to you! Anything for arousal control?

I would also suggest going to the gym and trying some core work a couple weeks in. Also if you miss days for any reason don't get down on yourself. Edging (IMO) should be fun and not goal oriented (this is the mindset of a lot of guys with PreE).

[AManWithAPlan2]

Good luck to you! Anything for arousal control?

I would also suggest going to the gym and trying some core work a couple weeks in. Also if you miss days for any reason don't get down on yourself. Edging (IMO) should be fun and not goal oriented (this is the mindset of a lot of guys with PreE).

So, as far as arousal control goes, I don't have a specific plan. Maybe I need to develop one. But I can say that through edging, I have become aware of the sliding scale of arousal and that I can develop the ability to move myself up and down that scale. Lately, when I'm with my wife, I've just worked on internally noticing my arousal, like what sets it off, how quickly it spikes, and then focusing on my relaxation breathing and mild RKs to bring it back down.

Do you have any recommendations for arousal control?

Core work noted. I think that has been a weak area for me, even when I've been consistent in the gym. I've tended to not do core work.

And thanks for the edging tip; I think last year when I would edge, it was always a goal oriented thing, and I'm deciding to let that mindset go and move on to going after the enjoyment of it while paying close attention to my arousal.

[WillGetBetter]

I think the awareness of arousal level is an important skill. The tools you have to influence your arousal are breathing, RKs, controlling your thoughts (not allowing too many really arousing sexual thoughts), speed of thrusting of your partner, whether you also contribute to the thrusting or take a more passive role, your body position’s affect on your pelvic floor tension (hip position, knee position, whatever positions cause your pelvic floor to tighten - avoid them for now and over time learn to adjust them to not have tension by shifting your weight, rotating your hips, etc). All of these can be practiced during edging. In a 20 minute edging session, I try to cycle through laying on my back, standing, kneeling, and missionary style. Each required me to change how I used to do those positions. I just played around with each one - shifting my legs, bending my knees or not, rocking my weight, rotating my hips, different pressure on my arms, etc. someone suggested I learn to thrust without engaging my pelvic floor muscles. That was helpful.

Over time, the ballooning, edging, stretching, RKs will help the IKs go away also.

I always had most trouble with the mental side. Improving the physical things were more natural to me. Lately, I’ve been learning about mindfulness. Basically, it’s a meditation technique that helps reduce anxiety by being more present. I didn’t start doing it for preE, but there are benefits: reduced anxiety, body awareness, calming thoughts, etc.

If you had to plot your level of arousal over time during a normal sexual experience with your wife, what would that look look like? How aroused are you during foreplay? How aroused are you at the first moment of penetration?

I learned over time to keep my arousal much lower during foreplay by RKing, not getting to caught up in the thoughts, etc so I wasn’t fully hard by the time we switched to intercourse. My wife would need to help me get fully erect before we started.

[caliboy415]

Do you have any recommendations for arousal control?

Quit porn if you haven't already. I'd say start with a blank mind at first (think about a color or something) and as you gain confidence start using more and more imagination/arousing thoughts. That's where I'm currently at, as I edge I have arousing thoughts until I get to level 8/9 or close to PONR. Once that I switch to ballooning and depending how close to PONR I am I'll go to a blank mind or stay with arousing thoughts.

[AManWithAPlan2]

I think the awareness of arousal level is an important skill. The tools you have to influence your arousal are breathing, RKs, controlling your thoughts (not allowing too many really arousing sexual thoughts), speed of thrusting of your partner, whether you also contribute to the thrusting or take a more passive role, your body position’s affect on your pelvic floor tension (hip position, knee position, whatever positions cause your pelvic floor to tighten - avoid them for now and over time learn to adjust them to not have tension by shifting your weight, rotating your hips, etc). All of these can be practiced during edging. In a 20 minute edging session, I try to cycle through laying on my back, standing, kneeling, and missionary style. Each required me to change how I used to do those positions. I just played around with each one - shifting my legs, bending my knees or not, rocking my weight, rotating my hips, different pressure on my arms, etc. someone suggested I learn to thrust without engaging my pelvic floor muscles. That was helpful.

Over time, the ballooning, edging, stretching, RKs will help the IKs go away also.

I always had most trouble with the mental side. Improving the physical things were more natural to me. Lately, I’ve been learning about mindfulness. Basically, it’s a meditation technique that helps reduce anxiety by being more present. I didn’t start doing it for preE, but there are benefits: reduced anxiety, body awareness, calming thoughts, etc.

If you had to plot your level of arousal over time during a normal sexual experience with your wife, what would that look look like? How aroused are you during foreplay? How aroused are you at the first moment of penetration?

I learned over time to keep my arousal much lower during foreplay by RKing, not getting to caught up in the thoughts, etc so I wasn’t fully hard by the time we switched to intercourse. My wife would need to help me get fully erect before we started.

Arousal levels: Basically I've had two modes most of my life: no arousal at all and then really high arousal. So I believe what needs to be my goal is to begin finding all that middle ground.

When I'm with my wife and I know we're going to have sex, I get very hard very quickly, heart rate is way up, and my default is to start holding my breath. Occasionally, all it takes is seeing her naked even. I think that stems from 12 years of a lot of pornography and rushing to ejaculation.

I don't think my RKs are developed enough to bring my arousal down yet. I'm trying to figure out how to do that. Breathing can sometimes do it when I'm by myself, but with my wife, it's been tough to relax enough to bring it down.

Quit porn if you haven't already. I'd say start with a blank mind at first (think about a color or something) and as you gain confidence start using more and more imagination/arousing thoughts. That's where I'm currently at, as I edge I have arousing thoughts until I get to level 8/9 or close to PONR. Once that I switch to ballooning and depending how close to PONR I am I'll go to a blank mind or stay with arousing thoughts.

Ya I haven't used porn in about 8 years. But I think your advice is well taken. I need to keep it blank for now until I develop some control. Thanks for the help man.

[WillGetBetter]

Yeah, at the beginning when the RKs aren’t working it’s tough to bring down the erection or arousal level. Once I had developed a somewhat stable plateau during edging, then some of that transferred over to real sex. I also always held my breath and tightened up all my muscles - which made me finish so quickly.

Is your wife up for helping during sex?