Enough is enough

[squit123 Member Find all posts View Profile Close squit123]

As the title suggests I'm really struggling with why I have PE and how to improve it.

Had a healthy sex life till about 4 years ago, contracted Genital herpes and only had 1 outbreak but ever since then I have suffered PE.

I regularly edge, I edge for 20 minutes and keep my arousal at an 8. I have tried squats for months with no improvement, I have tried Rks even though I don't think I have a pelvic floor balance or suffer from IKs.

I was on another depressents to try and combat it with NO improvement. Numbing sprays don't make a difference, condoms don't make a difference I am really confused with where to go?

Attempted sex this morning and as soon as the missus played with my penis it was all over with......... I have even attempted yoga to try and relax but again no improvement.

The only avenue I have left is a sex therapist but with what I hear they only teach you the stop/start teqhnique which is useless when you have to stop after 2 seconds.

I think mine is mental/anxiety based, I don't seem to suffer from IKS but I have run out of options. 4 years I have had this now and the more I try the worst it seems to get .

The only cure so to speak with delaying ejaculation seems to be alcohol, that is the only thing that effects my lasting time, if anything it makes me struggle to ejaculate. Just can not work out why alcohol works but nothing else does.

I have a wife and 2 kids so alcohol is not an option or cure but just dont know where to go next with this. If anyone has been in a similar situation any advice would be appreciated!!

[IdealPenis Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close IdealPenis]

I recommend you go into psychotherapy. There are plenty that are good. Just find one that you can build a relationship with.

Causes are not biological, or that is what it seems to your case.

A good psychotherapist won't have to teach you anything. But, guide you through your past unprocessed experiences that are now manifesting as a blockage.
Psychotherapy shouldn't be about counseling. It should be more about recovery, treating the causes of annoying manifestations. So it is more about guiding you through your emotions and memories in such a way that you gain clarity that enables you to take better decisions and have a better life quality.
Opt for a psychotherapy school that you feel is best for your personality.
Here are some of the most known schools: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/types-of-therapy

[rapid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rapid]

You should try death grip for a month. Then you will see the difference

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Start by reading the stickies.

[squit123 Member Find all posts View Profile Close squit123]

Thank you for the mainly helpful replies guys I will look and do some research on psychotherapy.

And Pegasus as you can see I have attempted many different exercises and approaches that are in the stickies. But if you have a particular area or sticky in mind to look at then that would be more helpful. Thanks in advance.

[Paul789 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Paul789]

The reason alcohol can 'help' PE is because it can cause your nervous system to relax muscles. This is also the effect cannabis can have and you can have a similar effect with say a 5mg cialis - these can all help with PE as it relaxes the muscles inc. around the pelvis and bladder.
You need to find out why and when you are tensing your muscles so that now they are tense and inflammed.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Thank you for the mainly helpful replies guys I will look and do some research on psychotherapy.

And Pegasus as you can see I have attempted many different exercises and approaches that are in the stickies. But if you have a particular area or sticky in mind to look at then that would be more helpful. Thanks in advance.

Look I get this I tried everything stuff all the time, it has never yet been true when I can get a good look at what they have actually done.
Start a log, write down what you do so I can make some comment on what you have actually done rather than the rather vague statements you have made .
Read post 6 from Paul he seem to think there is some physical involvement .

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Here is an example of a progress log yours may contain more mental work but it gives the concept .

https://www.pegym.com/forums/progres...gress-log.html

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

Here is an example of a progress log yours may contain more mental work but it gives the concept .

https://www.pegym.com/forums/progres...gress-log.html

I think that’s my PE log and not my preE log...

Here’s my preE log: https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...provement.html

[Paul789 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Paul789]

Mmm, if you read Amy Steins book 'Heal Pelvic Pain' there is a pilates teacher with a tense PF and pain. The reason for this is she was tensing her PF as she stretched and so not breathing properly. My point being stretching, squats etc have to be done with good form and proper breathing.
The psoas is often called the 'fight of flight' muscle. If this is tight it can create APT and anxiety. Tight glutes create havoc on the pelvic floor, tension and again anxiety. So all these muscles have to be released.
Muscle memory is incredibly strong, so muscles can and behave different in different sexual situation.
If i were in your situation i would go to a physical therapist or maybe chiropractor. I would want to know if i have any anterior/lateral pelvic tilt. A tilt seriously affects blood flow. Then i would have a programme using good form of ( i should say bad form will actually increase tension because if your nervous system detects any pain /stress it will contract your muscles)

stretching
yoga
rk's
trigger point release
fascia release
tennis ball massage

This will calm your sympathetic system down as well.

It's your choice but i personally wouldn't bother with a sex therapist/psychotherapist, i found them all to be useless, but maybe you will find them helpful.

[mhenwo3198 Member Find all posts View Profile Close mhenwo3198]

Psychotherapy may help!
I really hope you think about it.
I am hopeing for the best for you bro!
Good Luck and take care.

[squit123 Member Find all posts View Profile Close squit123]

Look I get this I tried everything stuff all the time, it has never yet been true when I can get a good look at what they have actually done.
Start a log, write down what you do so I can make some comment on what you have actually done rather than the rather vague statements you have made .
Read post 6 from Paul he seem to think there is some physical involvement .

I understand you have heard it all before but the problem is have is really diagnosing the cause of my PE. I can perform a KEGEL so know what one feels like but don't seem to suffer then during sex I only feel the tingling sensation as I am about to ejaculate. I am going to work n RKS cause I struggle with these

Thanks for the replys. My plan is to try and master RKS only at the moment and maintain pelvic floor stretches along Hindi squats.

My wife noticed before out last failed attempt at sex that my hand was shaking, I was not aware of this and I did not fell mentally scared about the prospect of sex but sub concionce is affect me I think.

I can edge on the edge for ages just can not transfer to the real thing. I Ian looking at edging with a death grip as well.