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  • Lurker finally seeks personalised advise from old members

    =============
    Intro
    =============


    Hi guys,

    Im 34 and have suffered from horrible PE my entire life. I'm talking 10 seconds after penetration, pretty much since my first encounter.

    I found this forum ages ago and have been lurking for a long time, always "meaning" to one day put the information that I had absorbed into practice.

    I haphazardly tried to form a routine but never really committed and always used excuses to not bother, such as how hard my work was and that this PE problem is not a priority etc. I also thought that as I grew older I would simply "outgrow" my PE, but it never went away.

    Even worse, I have developed unhealthy habits to combat this debilitating problem. I have unconsciously been using drugs and alcohol to manage my PE in times that I was likely to take home a partner which has been MASSIVELY destructive to my life. I have also been completely unconscious of my arousal level as well as what my sex organs were doing/feeling. My masturbation habits have been destructive and ridiculous.

    Recently I came to the decision that this area is THE MOST IMPORTANT problem in my life that needs my full attention, commitment and dedication and as such I am infinitely grateful for this forum and especially its contributing members.

    Today I hope to get the attention of forum veterans who's posts have inspired me to believe that it is even POSSIBLE to change and who's work done here is an absolute godsend to someone like me (Pegasys, ammonite and others).

    I will take the time and describe my situation in as much detail as possible, hoping some of you old masters will also take the time to read my situation and think about where I should go from here. Thanks so much in advance for considering my set of symptoms and taking the time to help a brother out!

    =============
    My Situation
    =============

    I have spent the last few weeks using ammonite's 'Plateau' method of edging which has been hugely insightful as to where I am and what my problems are.

    Lets start with the Physical.

    I have IKs almost constantly! ANY physical contact with my penis results in IK. When I walk, the movement of my junk in my underwear results in IK.
    When I take a piss, I get a MASSIVE IK as the urine approaches the penis, every time.
    When any blood starts to engorge my penis (so basically ANY arousal) I instantly and constantly IK. When I loose my erection, IK.
    Pretty much do anything except lie down, anything, IK.

    My pelvic floor also has two knots in the smooth muscle just below my testes (one is large-ish a bit to the side, the other quite small, but in the middle and painful to rub). I have tried to massage these out on occasion, but never for more than a few days consistently. I understand these are stress points from so much IKs and they have been a psychological obstacle to creating a kegel routine.

    I consider my pelvic floor to be SUPER WEAK. I can kegel quite strongly for 10 seconds or so, maybe 20-25 times in the space of 2-3 hours, after which my muscle is sore for a day or two. During these days my erection sees an obvious improvement.

    I have difficulty performing a RK. Its a lot easier while I'm breathing in, however when I breathe out I cannot hold the RK. This is especially true if I am holding any form of arousal. I can RK a lot and often, and believe that an RK heavy routine would be good for me. That being said, when I have a day or two of heavy RK with exercises and plateau edging, my erection is weak and my come just sort of leaks out, rather than the explosion i feel after a day of kegels.

    One positive thing is that thanks to the past few weeks of commitment I am quite aware of when I am K, IK, RK and what it all feels like down there, and am even making progress in 'separating out' the feeling. I almost get the image of a 'front' kegel, 'middle' and then root lock, however when I kegel my anus still twitches and tightens up a bit. (I can relax this voluntarily mid kegel, but it always twitches and clenches at the start).



    And now the Psychological/Arousal

    I'm pretty much out of control of my arousal, especially with a partner. When I introduce simple pictures into my plateau edging, I can literally feel my body leaving the parasympathetic and approching the sympathetic. Luckily I am able to detect this and stop, however I'm unable to continue the arousal without the urge to ejaculate. This usually signals the end of the session.

    A lifetime bad-case addiction to hardcore pornography has made it extremely difficult to use my imagination or navigate the levels of arousal. A simple image in my head which fails to generate arousal can either suprisingly jump to a 9/10 urge to ejaculate or simply go no-where, and I have to resist the temptation to return to porn.

    All this being said, I have somewhat limited my use of pornography, made it 'lighter', sometimes just pics etc. Over the last few weeks I have been using my breathing to calm myself back deeper into parasympathetic but im SO far from being in control of my arousal.



    So thats the story. Feel free to ask me anything!

    Help me obi-wan-pegym, your my only hope!!

  • #2
    I think it is good that you are trying out edging and all the training related stuff. Creating awareness, at least being fully concious about how your reproductive organ and on top of that your individual case works is crucial to evaluating treatment which suits to you.
    If training does'nt help you in the long run..

    You used Alcohol because it is an NMDA Antagonist? Did it make you last longer?

    In whatever case, trying to permanently inhibit Glutamat receptors or activating GABA receptors will not work in the long run, because your body will adjust the amount of receptors which results in being addicted to it.

    If you are only having new partners every few months now and then, you could try out phenibut as a drug solution which is basicly mimicking GABA. This is what in alcohol creates the euphoric relaxing effect. it can create withdrawal effects though, so if you are an addictive person, then leave it out of the occasion.

    If you are searching for an under the table pharmacy solution, you can take an "antidepressant" called Dapoxetin which will work on a neurochemical basis. I personally don't recommend it allthough i never try.

    If you are searching for an instant solution while you do your training i would recommend Pau Yuen Tong as a topical balm. It always worked for me reliantly and constant without any sideffects. What i do is have sex with it in the evening but without it in the morning to gather a more or less representative comparison value.


    In whatever case. Do slowly approach all of these methods observing your own reaction, how comfortable you feel, what risks you see, how effective it is...

    Good luck

    ZeNigmar
    “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Wishing is not enough; we must do.”
    – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

    My Journey on Premature Ejaculation

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks ZeNigmar,

      Im hoping for a non-substance solution.

      Alcohol and other drugs (speed, mdma, weed) helped massively but I developed a huge problem with them, and now that I've solved that I'm not keen to try any other potentially addictive solutions.

      Strengthening my pelvic floor and psychologically gaining control of my arousal seem to be the ticket but im just not sure how to proceed.

      The knots in my pelvic floor make me feel like kegels might be a bad idea so i dont really know how to proceed there. I'm confident that with some mindfulness and awareness I could prevent the 'huge leap' from little arousal to massive urge to cum. I'm confident in the psychological exercises suggested on this forum and do believe that with practice I can acheive the elusive 'plateau'.

      I dont necessarily need to see fast results. I'm committed to a life-long change. I just dont want to do any more damage than I already have.

      I will observe, most likely start a diary here.

      Thanks for your advice and best wishes

      Comment


      • #4
        Start doing hindi squat .

        What underling cause of your pelvic floor issues do you suspect.

        Comment


        • #5
          1. Describe you physical state of your body, eg are you exercising, how intensely, what kind of exercises, what kind of sports etc.

          2. How much do you sit, do you experience any regular back pain?

          3. Honestly sit down and reflect, does sex make you nervous, or are you just "ok"?

          4. Describe what have you tried so far in trying to fix/cure yourself

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by andrewvi7 View Post

            3. Honestly sit down and reflect, does sex make you nervous, or are you just "ok"?
            Probably one of the best things to suggest anyone. You really need to explore yourself. Test muscle memory, practice relaxing, find and relieve tension. Learning yourself is really the first step in this whole process. Are you out of shape? Is your flexability poor? Do you IK like crazy? Do you get nervous or scared? Do you Shake? Adrenaline rush? Do you Kegel hold during sex/masturbation.

            There is so much that goes on without us even realizing it that it is only once we sit down and really begin to learn ourselves that we can start to home in on the areas that need work.
            My PE Thread
            4/5/19: BPEL 6' MEG 4.5'
            5/14/19: BPEL 6.45' MEG 4.75'
            Goal: BPEL 7.5' MEG 5.5'
            My PreE Thread

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
              What underling cause of your pelvic floor issues do you suspect.
              I suspect that it's weak because I never use it and haven't been very conscious of its existence or what it's doing. I think the knots have come from daily overdose of IKs.

              I'm not really sure but that's my best guess.

              Originally posted by andrewvi7
              1. Describe you physical state of your body, eg are you exercising, how intensely, what kind of exercises, what kind of sports etc.
              I'm reasonably slim and just slightly muscly. I walk for at least half an hour every day. Occasionally I will go for long bushwalks from 3 to 7 hours, perhaps once a fortnight. Outside of that I rarely do anything that raises my heart beat or causes me to sweat, so my cardio is pretty bad. No sports.

              In the summer I body surf for about half an hour 2 or 3 times a week. Spring just started here in Australia so it's been a long time since that happened.

              I quit smoking cigarettes about 3 months ago.

              Originally posted by andrewvi7
              2. How much do you sit, do you experience any regular back pain?
              I sit a LOT! 8-10 hours per day at least.
              No regular back pain.

              Originally posted by andrewvi7
              3. Honestly sit down and reflect, does sex make you nervous, or are you just "ok"?
              Sex makes me extremely nervous. Like, massive amounts of nervous energy.

              Originally posted by andrewvi7
              4. Describe what have you tried so far in trying to fix/cure yourself
              I have tried substance abuse, which had some results but is not a sustainable solution.

              I have tried "strong kegel hold when near PONR" which does reduce the urge but still, immediately after resuming sex I get straight back to where I was. Also find it much harder to hold strong kegel very long when fully erect.

              I have tried start/stop during sex, but once arousal reaches critical level I find it near impossible to 'calm down' without completely losing my erection. When my erection returns I'm immediately ready to cum.

              That being said, I have 'lucked out' sometimes and achieved plateau during sex, so I know it's possible. In retrospect most often in these instances I have unconciously held a kegel to 'stabilise' the spasms.

              Originally posted by ACPreE
              Are you out of shape? Is your flexability poor? Do you IK like crazy? Do you get nervous or scared? Do you Shake? Adrenaline rush? Do you Kegel hold during sex/masturbation.
              Yeah mate I'm badly out of shape. My flexibility is pretty poor. I definitely IK like crazy.

              I get nervous and scared yes. I get massive waves of rushes, sometimes I don't even know how to speak or react because of the intensity of what I'm seeing/feeling. Sometimes (especially if I have gone a while without sex) I'll shake.

              And yes I definitely kegel hold during sex and masturbation.

              It's like you guys read straight into my life and predicted my habits perfectly.

              Hard to say, read and admit, but I'm guilty of all these things.

              Thanks guys for bringing to light these details! Looks like I have a big lifestyle change in store for me!

              Comment


              • #8
                Start a general flexibility training especially hip flexors .
                A physio might pick up an underlying issue beyond what you have noticed .
                General condition may help

                Comment


                • #9
                  We didn't read you, you read through the symptoms a lot of us have/had that we are overcoming. Please start by reading the stickies and learning what you can. If you would like, read my thread and you may get something from it. When i first started, I read every thread i could find XD

                  Once you build a good knowledge of your situation, build a routine and make a log to track yourself. We will help along the way.

                  Your body and Mind are both out of wack.

                  Definitely Start a hip flexors stretching like Pegasus said. Quad stretches along with back stretches and Core training.
                  You will need to learn how to Reverse kegel and Not kegel while having sex/masturbating. The only time you should kegel is when you want to finish.
                  You will need to learn to control your thoughts again.
                  You will need to learn how to breath again. Breathing Deep in your belly slow will help lower arousal and lower anxiety and adrenaline levels.

                  You have a lot to work on but depending on how dedicated you are, that is what will determine if you will be successful or not.

                  Goodluck!
                  My PE Thread
                  4/5/19: BPEL 6' MEG 4.5'
                  5/14/19: BPEL 6.45' MEG 4.75'
                  Goal: BPEL 7.5' MEG 5.5'
                  My PreE Thread

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Update
                    ---------

                    First I would like to thank you guys for your absolutely solid advice. I KNOW WITHOUT DOUBT that I am on the right path!

                    I have integrated the advice given and here are some points:

                    *- Stretching routine (esp. hindi squats) are exactly what the doctor ordered! I feel it in my lower back, hips, inner thighs, quads, hip flexors and of course my pelvic floor. First day could only do 20 seconds or so hindi squat at a time (flat feet, good form). Now I'm doing 2-3 minutes at a time! Further more, I recognise that these stretches are much harder to do in the morning where especially my lower back is super tense. This led me to investigate the causes and I noticed that I Kegel really hard all night in my sleep!! Because of this, I have removed kegels all together from my routine until I can stretch out my pelvic floor, gain more control of my IKs and remove these knots.

                    *- I learnt that I have been reverse kegeling wrong. I've just been pushing down on my pelvic floor which has the feeling of "loosening up" which I have mistaken for a reverse kegel. Yesterday I had the sensation of flexing "down and out" with the back part and "up and out" with the front part of my pelvic floor which has a completely different stretching sensation. I think this is the beginning of actually doing a reverse kegel! The results have been massive. I am no longer involuntarily kegeling ALL FRICKEN DAY all the time (still happens a lot but FAR less) and I'm able to get an erection without IK'ing all the way up or down! Even crazier, I can piss 40% of the time without an involuntary kegel for the first time in my life! Still not sure if this new sensation of RK is really what im supposed to be doing to RK properly but it feels like I'm on the right path. I will continue to focus on getting this important technique right and concentrate on my body and sensations.

                    *- I had sex for the first time without holding a kegel. It was extremely difficult especially the initial penetration. I told her what I was trying to accomplish and she was very encouraging. One thing we noticed is that when I was approaching PONR and wanted to "calm myself down" in order to continue, I would completely loose my erection. After a pause and rest I would not be able to stimulate my penis or get an erection without immediately having the urge to cum. I feel massive tension in my lower abdomen at this point and find it difficult to breathe through my lower belly. Still working on this. This experience was also very helpful in my arousal control to have a women notice when I stopped breathing or got too excited and tell me to calm down, relax and breathe. Will try and pay more attention next time.

                    *- I have been massaging the knots in my pelvic floor every day for half an hour. I have noticed a massive difference in the tightness of the muscle but the knots aren't going anywhere. This might take a while but I'm fully committed to life-long change.


                    Anyways just an update. Would appreciate it if a moderator would add "LOG - " to the beginning of the thread topic and I will use this thread as a diary to record my progress.

                    Again, thank you guys for the life changing advice and guidence!!
                    -Continue

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Update Wed 18/09/19
                      ==============

                      First the good news

                      * I have had great results in stretching and have achieved a semblance of 'plateau' both in edging and piv.

                      *Massaged the knots/trigger points daily and feel them barely starting to loosen up. Good shit!


                      And now , areas to focus on:

                      *Still have STRONG urge to kegel when penis is touched. I'm able to calm this down since starting this routine however the IKs are still RAMPANT.

                      *First time since starting I found my commitment start to "waver" a bit. Only did squats/stretches 4/7 days and just yesterday I masterbated to hardcore porn twice with a 'i dont give a fuck' attitude and didn't edge at all. Came very quickly. Felt regret. Feels bad man

                      *Arousal control is still all kinds of fucked up. Porn is still a problem in my life..


                      Glad that I committed to a log, because now I have to be honest with myself AND all you guys about what's really going on with me and my progress week to week.

                      Again, thank you so much PEGym for giving me the belief that I can change and giving me the guidance I need.

                      I'll check in next week, with better focus!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Update Sunday 22/9/19
                        ===============

                        Feeling really good about results so far!

                        Getting a MUCH better idea of what a proper RK feels like!
                        Able to get erections without IK! (sometimes)
                        Able to often touch penis without IK!

                        Wasn't as consistent as I'd like to be in my routine, but I'm seeing MASSIVE results and I couldn't be happier with my decision to trust you guys and follow your advice!

                        Realised how difficult it is to isolate PC and BC.
                        Can't really RK the BC without using PC first.
                        Can't really kegel the BC without immediately engaging the PC and almost always RL when BC gets full contraction.

                        Decided to massage the knots every other day instead of every day to avoid soreness.

                        Might add some kegels now to gain strength and maintain balance on pelvic floor.
                        Started a sheet to help me remember how my routine is going.

                        Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
                        Stretch x x x x
                        Massage x x x
                        RKs x x x x x x x
                        Edge x x x
                        PIV x

                        EDIT- formatting on that table didnt really work out, but you guys get the idea
                        Continue
                        Junior Member
                        Last edited by Continue; 09-22-2019, 11:46 AM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Update Wed 02/10/19
                          ==============

                          I've been feeling really good emotionally this past week and a half, however I haven't continued my pre-e workout with as much dedication as I had in the first few weeks.

                          I'm constantly throughout the day trying to notice when I have a tight/clenched pelvic floor and relax it with RK, however I haven't dedicated a specific time to myself to focus on RKs as often as I would have liked to.

                          Similarly I only did Hindi squats twice this week which could definitely see an improvement. That being said, the two times that I DID do hindi squats I was able to stay down for 10mins + , twice each day which is massively different to the 30 seconds or so that I could do when I first started.

                          I had PIV this week which went much better than it has been in a long time. IKs were present and in the initial penetration my pelvic floor was extremely tight! However I was able to breathe, relax, RK etc. and was able to bring myself into a plateau for a while. Felt good!

                          Porn addiction is still a problem. I feel reliant on porn to achieve erection and my ability to focus my mind sexually is where I will focus on the next few weeks.
                          (I will continue to maintain my physical routine)

                          Will lurk moar on stickies related to arousal control in an attempt to move forward.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Be patient with yourself, breaking the porn thing can take some time. If you will develop the "close your eyes/use your imagination", and take your time, you will have a great alternative.
                            Valued Member of 11 years at the TheBiohacker
                            Looks are deceiving, mirrors don't lie.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hmm .
                              Read by P.

                              Comment

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