Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Life long PreE & Long Time Lurker - Progress Log

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Life long PreE & Long Time Lurker - Progress Log

    Hi everyone,

    I am 31 and have struggled with PreE my entire life. With a few rare exceptions (girls i have been particularly comfortable with) i never seem to last more than a minute or two if i try really hard. I have used hard drugs and alcohol for much of my life to try and forge some illusion of endurance / confidence with new women, which occasionally works to different degrees.

    When i was 17, i became so insecure about the issue i ordered SSRI's (anafranil) off a website just to try to get through my first experiences with some element of self worth intact. These worked sometimes but made me throw up occasionally and destroyed my EQ.

    Like most people on here, i have read almost every website that exists on the subject and have found no concrete solutions - each person seems to have their own challenges, so there is no one size fits all.

    Anxiety and lack of confidence has been a big part of my life, and i know this is something that i need to address as part of my recovery. I was diagnosed with OCD in my early twenties and i struggle with intrusive thoughts during sexual experiences. This makes it very hard for me to stay in the moment, and when an intrusive thought does occur, it can sometimes take me to the PONR and beyond as my entire body clenches up. I then mistake this for arousal / the reason why i busted in the first place and i go through a self destructive cycle of guilt and shame that can last for days / weeks / months. It makes edging without porn a very difficult undertaking for me, but i will try. The one positive of my diagnosis was that i was legitimately placed on a very high dose of SSRI's (Zoloft 150mg) which totally fixed the PreE problem, and sometimes made it hard to cum, however i have phased these pills out while i try to recover from my mental health issues in a natural way. Sure enough, the PreE is back and i plan on knocking it on the head in the same way.

    I am now in a loving relationship where the sex began at a (for me 'respectable') 2 minute time, but during COVID lockdown i barely get past a thrust or two without busting. This is causing me untold emotional pain and embarrassment, as all i want to do is please her. I would like to settle down with this girl but at the same time i realise it is unsustainable for her if i cannot satisfy her. We spend the majority of our time together, especially during the pandemic, so purchasing a fleshlight may be out of the question for now.

    Based on what i have been reading here over the last few weeks, i have been focusing a lot on the mindset side of things (as i know performance anxiety and intrusive thoughts are dealbreakers for me) and am meditating between 15mins-1 hour a day. I am also working on my RKs and have realised how i walked around my whole life with my entire body clenched up, abs tensed, pelvic floor sucked in and balls tucked up. No wonder i can't keep my shit together. I think i have a decent grip on my RKs while sat, standing and walking, but i am struggling to implement it in the bedroom. As well as this, i am working on the pelvic floor and stretching out and doing relaxation techniques as much as possible. When the coast is clear, i try to get an edging session in, but we are both locked in the house, and the worry of getting caught probably doesnt help. I have only once managed to edge to the 7 minute mark, today i edged for about 20 seconds before an intrusive thought and PONR.

    I read a very long thread in here by a guy called AcePre (or something like that) where he documented his triumph, despite it taking him close to 9 months to do so. I want to get there too and prove to myself that i can beat PreE - and if i can beat it, y'all sure as fuck can too.

    Anyway thats my intro i'd love to hear any positive experiences or initial thoughts and feedback people can provide on a routine. I plan on posting in here as / when i have an update worth sharing. A daily diary is unrealistic, but i will remain committed to posting the ups and downs when they happen so that the log is there for others to see.

    I really appreciate everyone in here sharing all their experiences, you've made me believe recovery is posssible.

  • #2
    Attempt two at edging for the day got me to the 2min40 mark. I probably attribute the added endurance to my shitty round 1 earlier. I felt like I got to PONR within a minute though, tried belly breathing and RKs to make it ease up, but as soon as I went to go again it was all over. Not a great start.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by darkplace View Post
      Attempt two at edging for the day got me to the 2min40 mark. I probably attribute the added endurance to my shitty round 1 earlier. I felt like I got to PONR within a minute though, tried belly breathing and RKs to make it ease up, but as soon as I went to go again it was all over. Not a great start.
      What I do when edging is begin at the bottom of the shaft for the first 5 or so minutes. This helps to not let me become to sensitive and lets me acclimate to stimulation. As the edging session progresses, I make my way towards the head SLOWLY. For me it is less about how long the edging lasts and more about how the edging is done. 10 minutes of controlled edging is better than 25 minutes of hitting PONR 10 times.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey. Thanks for the advice.

        Since I last posted I managed to have one edging session that got to around the 10minute mark.

        I tried to stay focused on breath and the K vs RK for control - I found that a strong RK or deep belly breath helped push the inevitable down the road a tiny bit.

        Had real sex over the weekend, was over within a minute. I keep apologising to her but it is starting to become even more problematic for me mentally. I now truly fear whenever the next session may come around and I’m not prepared & will bust early.

        Tried to edge again today with the advice you gave but even then it was over in 2 minutes. I found that every time I think ‘I hope I don’t cum’ there is some kind of tightening or hypersensitivity that kicks in and takes me 0-10 in less than a second. I managed to RK & breathe away the first one + pause and then tried to think the thought again as an experiment and it instantly pushed me over the edge.

        This to me seems to show that my root cause is psychological? I have a fear of not lasting, and it is a self fulfilling prophecy. Each time I worry about anything, it’s over immediately. I remember some of the first few times me and my gf would have sex I would tell myself that I was going to give her the time of her life, and occasionally I did.

        I’m not sure how to stop certain thoughts arising - looking to anyone in the community who has conquered this issue themselves.

        In the meantime I continue to meditate and rehab the pelvic floor through yoga + stretching daily. Both have tremendous benefits in my life, but not in this regard as yet.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by dbcoop34 View Post
          What I do when edging is begin at the bottom of the shaft for the first 5 or so minutes. This helps to not let me become to sensitive and lets me acclimate to stimulation. As the edging session progresses, I make my way towards the head SLOWLY. For me it is less about how long the edging lasts and more about how the edging is done. 10 minutes of controlled edging is better than 25 minutes of hitting PONR 10 times.

          Hey. Thanks for the advice.

          Since I last posted I managed to have one edging session that got to around the 10minute mark.

          I tried to stay focused on breath and the K vs RK for control - I found that a strong RK or deep belly breath helped push the inevitable down the road a tiny bit.

          Had real sex over the weekend, was over within a minute. I keep apologising to her but it is starting to become even more problematic for me mentally. I now truly fear whenever the next session may come around and I’m not prepared & will bust early.

          Tried to edge again today with the advice you gave but even then it was over in 2 minutes. I found that every time I think ‘I hope I don’t cum’ there is some kind of tightening or hypersensitivity that kicks in and takes me 0-10 in less than a second. I managed to RK & breathe away the first one + pause and then tried to think the thought again as an experiment and it instantly pushed me over the edge.

          This to me seems to show that my root cause is psychological? I have a fear of not lasting, and it is a self fulfilling prophecy. Each time I worry about anything, it’s over immediately. I remember some of the first few times me and my gf would have sex I would tell myself that I was going to give her the time of her life, and occasionally I did.

          I’m not sure how to stop certain thoughts arising - looking to anyone in the community who has conquered this issue themselves.

          In the meantime I continue to meditate and rehab the pelvic floor through yoga + stretching daily. Both have tremendous benefits in my life, but not in this regard as yet

          Comment


          • #6
            Got a BJ this morning and could have lasted forever. Have always had better endurance during those, never edging or at the real thing.

            Staying positive and working on my confidence, meditating, pelvic floor rehab, stretching and RKs.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hey man, I don't have a lot of experience wit the preE, but I just wanted to drop in and tell you to keep doing your best and not give up, cause it'll be all worth it when you're blowing backs out till your women can't take it anymore! Also I saw you do yoga but do you do other exercises as well? I feel like lifting and cardio could go a good ways towards confidence as well!
              Start 5/18
              6.6 x 4.5

              1 Year Goal
              7.25 x 5

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Here4thegainz View Post
                Hey man, I don't have a lot of experience wit the preE, but I just wanted to drop in and tell you to keep doing your best and not give up, cause it'll be all worth it when you're blowing backs out till your women can't take it anymore! Also I saw you do yoga but do you do other exercises as well? I feel like lifting and cardio could go a good ways towards confidence as well!
                Thanks for the support man. Really appreciate it. I’m Working on it.

                I am doing yoga and pelvic floor work at the moment but unfortunately not much other strength training as I have not been able to go to the gym. Have you found anything in particular helpful to your performance in the bedroom? I’d consider myself quite fit and used to work out maybe 4 times a week before all of this. Before I became idle I’d say I had a bit more natural endurance than this.

                I need to work harder.

                I got laid today again, but it was over pretty instantly. Probably got a few pumps in, then boom. I keep trying to work on positive self talk as I feel like an optimistic, calm & positive mind is 60% of the battle. Something about the sensation of PIV does overwhelm me though, need to work on arousal. Considering buying a flesh light but those things are pretty hard to hide around the house.

                I will consult the arousal threads and then try to do physical training and edge more next week.

                As always any feedback from the community is welcome. Sending everyone lots of love.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey, just wondering do you have posture issues or back pain etc ? Do you sit at a computer all day etc? Have you been to a physio for a massage lately etc.
                  Is your partner bothered about short sex ? Maybe talk openly with her. Saying sorry ruins the moment for her so don’t do it. Massage her / foreplay if she’s interested. Don’t put yourself down and care for yourself. Stay away from porn etc. I think focusing too much on something will in some cases stymie any progress. Most people on here who have had success of course have put effort in. You will need to also. For me it seems posture can cause many many problems- it’s the first item I would look at. Myself - I’ve had and still have posture and muscle imbalances and I’m working through it. Thrusting is not good me due to posture issues but I’ve adapted whilst I continue to fix my problems. More often than not I can last 5 mins or so - after some foreplay for her too. She’s happy - I don’t say sorry to her anymore . Good luck

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pelvis View Post
                    Hey, just wondering do you have posture issues or back pain etc ? Do you sit at a computer all day etc? Have you been to a physio for a massage lately etc.
                    Is your partner bothered about short sex ? Maybe talk openly with her. Saying sorry ruins the moment for her so don’t do it. Massage her / foreplay if she’s interested. Don’t put yourself down and care for yourself. Stay away from porn etc. I think focusing too much on something will in some cases stymie any progress. Most people on here who have had success of course have put effort in. You will need to also. For me it seems posture can cause many many problems- it’s the first item I would look at. Myself - I’ve had and still have posture and muscle imbalances and I’m working through it. Thrusting is not good me due to posture issues but I’ve adapted whilst I continue to fix my problems. More often than not I can last 5 mins or so - after some foreplay for her too. She’s happy - I don’t say sorry to her anymore . Good luck
                    Hey man. Thanks for the encouragement. I do have a lot of postural issues unfortunately. I have scoliosis, and also an issue with a disc herniation at the lower left side of my back. My hamstrings are so tight I probably couldn’t even get into a Lajin stretch. I have fortunately been pain free for a while now but there are massive imbalances that I am yet to address.

                    When you say you’re working through it, is that mainly core training, and addressing whatever imbalances you find? What sort of time did you start at? Getting to 5 consistently is great, you sound like you’re well on your way to total control.

                    I need to stop saying sorry, you’re right. Guess I need to just stop getting embarrassed, it’s part of a bigger issue - but as you know it’s hard. I will just have to have a conversation with her about it - she always tells me she loves me regardless. She deserves more from me! That’s why I’m here.

                    My mindset and confidence have always been tricky, but every day I’m working on it and getting better.

                    This next week I am going to step things up with the physical training. Would love to know what exercises have been working best for you, and on which imbalances you are addressing.

                    Keep going man - I’ll see you at the finish line.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by darkplace View Post
                      Hey man. Thanks for the encouragement. I do have a lot of postural issues unfortunately. I have scoliosis, and also an issue with a disc herniation at the lower left side of my back. My hamstrings are so tight I probably couldn’t even get into a Lajin stretch. I have fortunately been pain free for a while now but there are massive imbalances that I am yet to address.

                      When you say you’re working through it, is that mainly core training, and addressing whatever imbalances you find? What sort of time did you start at? Getting to 5 consistently is great, you sound like you’re well on your way to total control.

                      I need to stop saying sorry, you’re right. Guess I need to just stop getting embarrassed, it’s part of a bigger issue - but as you know it’s hard. I will just have to have a conversation with her about it - she always tells me she loves me regardless. She deserves more from me! That’s why I’m here.

                      My mindset and confidence have always been tricky, but every day I’m working on it and getting better.

                      This next week I am going to step things up with the physical training. Would love to know what exercises have been working best for you, and on which imbalances you are addressing.

                      Keep going man - I’ll see you at the finish line.
                      You sound very similar to me. Disk herniation l5-s1 , large disc protrusion l4-l5. Glute minimus always very tight especially on left side. APT aswell due to the imbalances.At my worse point I couldn’t start - once in I shot straight away. It’s a real knock for the ego. It hurts a lot. But you can’t let it eat you. She didn’t get with you because of 1 thing so remember that and work through it. If you muscle imbalances work on them. Go to a good physio, learn and understand your body.
                      Presently I do Hindi squats daily. Child’s pose with deep breathing and relaxing the pelvic floor. I do weighted squats and weighted hip thrusts. I use resistance bands and do crab walks and the clam exercise. I run daily also. I don’t do all of the above every day - body needs rest. Don’t focus so much on the Pre-E . Hopefully in time and by fixing your body daily with exercise things will improve naturally. Putting yourself down and putting pressure on yourself won’t help. Enjoy life and your partner and smile. She knows your going through this too 👍

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pelvis View Post
                        You sound very similar to me. Disk herniation l5-s1 , large disc protrusion l4-l5. Glute minimus always very tight especially on left side. APT aswell due to the imbalances.At my worse point I couldn’t start - once in I shot straight away. It’s a real knock for the ego. It hurts a lot. But you can’t let it eat you. She didn’t get with you because of 1 thing so remember that and work through it. If you muscle imbalances work on them. Go to a good physio, learn and understand your body.
                        Presently I do Hindi squats daily. Child’s pose with deep breathing and relaxing the pelvic floor. I do weighted squats and weighted hip thrusts. I use resistance bands and do crab walks and the clam exercise. I run daily also. I don’t do all of the above every day - body needs rest. Don’t focus so much on the Pre-E . Hopefully in time and by fixing your body daily with exercise things will improve naturally. Putting yourself down and putting pressure on yourself won’t help. Enjoy life and your partner and smile. She knows your going through this too 👍
                        Very similar. I wonder if this has a direct correlation? It seems as though physical therapy (either at home or with help) seems to help / fix / cure 90+% of the people in here who see it through. Perhaps unlike many others I need to incorporate a lot of mental work.

                        Your comment about physical training has really got me thinking. When I first met my girl I would use an SSRI for the first few times, and eventually I could hold down a 3-5 minute session sometimes without the medication. It’s now deteriorated to next to nothing.

                        I was in the best shape of my life and had been doing all sorts of body weight exercises. I think a mix of physical fitness and confidence helped there.

                        Anyway, after reading your message I bought an ab roller, resistance bands and two dumbbells (more for cosmetic, confidence and ego reasons &#128514. It all arrives tomorrow.

                        Today I did a nice 20 minute pelvic floor exercise using the Hindi squat and the child’s pose.

                        Had a go at edging after and got to th 7-8 minute mark quite easily before a PONR. I had to kegel super hard to stop the release, so I’m not sure if that counts as a fail (?), but I lost all EQ after that. I kept going until the 15-17 minute mark with 40-60% EQ before just stopping because of fatigue and being bored of beating relatively dead meat.

                        If I could do that in the bedroom I’d be happy though.

                        Anyway. Was thrilled as that is the longest I’ve gone on my own in my entire life.

                        Tonight I will work on a more formal regimen which I’ll post in here for the communities thoughts and feedback. Do you have a progress thread?

                        Keep in touch and wish you every success on your road to recovery. You’re half way there.

                        Thank you and the other dude in here for the encouragement. Going from hopeless to very hopeful one day at a time. 🙏

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by darkplace View Post
                          Very similar. I wonder if this has a direct correlation? It seems as though physical therapy (either at home or with help) seems to help / fix / cure 90+% of the people in here who see it through. Perhaps unlike many others I need to incorporate a lot of mental work.

                          Your comment about physical training has really got me thinking. When I first met my girl I would use an SSRI for the first few times, and eventually I could hold down a 3-5 minute session sometimes without the medication. It’s now deteriorated to next to nothing.

                          I was in the best shape of my life and had been doing all sorts of body weight exercises. I think a mix of physical fitness and confidence helped there.

                          Anyway, after reading your message I bought an ab roller, resistance bands and two dumbbells (more for cosmetic, confidence and ego reasons &#128514. It all arrives tomorrow.

                          Today I did a nice 20 minute pelvic floor exercise using the Hindi squat and the child’s pose.

                          Had a go at edging after and got to th 7-8 minute mark quite easily before a PONR. I had to kegel super hard to stop the release, so I’m not sure if that counts as a fail (?), but I lost all EQ after that. I kept going until the 15-17 minute mark with 40-60% EQ before just stopping because of fatigue and being bored of beating relatively dead meat.

                          If I could do that in the bedroom I’d be happy though.

                          Anyway. Was thrilled as that is the longest I’ve gone on my own in my entire life.

                          Tonight I will work on a more formal regimen which I’ll post in here for the communities thoughts and feedback. Do you have a progress thread?

                          Keep in touch and wish you every success on your road to recovery. You’re half way there.

                          Thank you and the other dude in here for the encouragement. Going from hopeless to very hopeful one day at a time. 🙏
                          Being honest I don’t feel edging helped me. Yes I had to deal with the mental side too. My wife really helped me in this regard. I started a log alright - click in my profile if interested. Being honest I didn’t keep updating it. I got to a point where I’m relatively happy. I know I’ve work still to do and for sure if I make more progress I’ll update the log. My wife comes after foreplay (approx 30 mins - massage and hands/oral) and sex. Much more would possibly cause her uti issues etc . Good luck with the work

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Back and hip issues are commonly implicated in pre e and are a complicating factor.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
                              Back and hip issues are commonly implicated in pre e and are a complicating factor.
                              Seems so. I have been in and out of physio all of my life dealing with imbalances in the hips and spine. It seems as though when i am sat i slouch, PPT, and then when i am standing and not paying much attention my hips lean forward into APT. My disc herniation would imply a PPT issue due to the protrusion being at the back side of the disc.

                              Whichever one it truly is, it's clear that the core isn't strong enough. And it may be why i had a few glimpses of success when i was training daily and showing my girl a good time without the use of any drugs.

                              I just wanted to fire an update in here of the lasst week to hold myself accountable on my progress and the next steps.

                              Edging:
                              Tuesday - 15-18 minutes - kegelled at the 7m30s mark as i had probably strayed too far over the PONR, managed to retain the discharge after holding the kegel but EQ was a gonner after, gave up after beating my dead meat at the 15-18 mins mark
                              Wednesday - 8 minutes - Had been experiencing pain in the testicles for 24 hours because of the night before so i wanted to release.
                              Thursday - 9 minutes - Was smooth sailing until i started to worry about cumming. My nervous system seems to get into gear at that point and the sensitivity goes through the roof when that happens. It felt really good and i stupidly kept going for the release. I fucked up.
                              Friday - 22 minutes - absolutely nailed it today, but not sure if the slight hangover helped. Didn't hit PONR, felt like i was totally in control for the entire time except one 9+ on the scale around the 18 minute mark. Hands off and then RK into strong K gave me a bit of a reset and i carried on past the 20 minute mark before stopping.

                              All in all, i'm delighted with that. As mentioned before in this thread i have never gone for that long, ever. Baby steps.

                              Going forward into the next week, here is my routine:

                              MIND:

                              20 mins of vipassana meditation: 2/3X per week
                              Positive self talk all day every day. This week I checked out ByggD's thread on NLP and arousal and have literally been walking around telling myself how confident i am, and imagining the day i consistently leave my girl wrecked in the bedroom. I sometimes say it out loud and just smile to myself. Lame but i dont care at this point. I am starting to believe success is inevitable now if i keep up the work. If others have done it there is literally no reason why i can't if i never quit. During edging i tell myself that i am confident, calm, and am working on being a god in the sack. I try not to worry about being a failure etc, which has been my unfortunate default mode for life. I keep thinking to bring the arousal back to a 7 and imagine myself sliding back down the scale while belly breathing.

                              BODY:

                              PELVIC FLOOR (5 DAYS A WEEK)
                              Childs Pose
                              Yin Pigeon
                              Happy Baby
                              Horse Pose
                              Squash Ball Perineal Massage

                              RK (ALL DAY EVERY DAY) - try to remember to hold a 10-20% RK as often as possible. Hold RK for 30 seconds every few hours, or as many times as i remember to. I RK and belly breathe in all the positions listed above.

                              STRENGTH (3X PER WEEK):

                              Glute Bridges with resistance band - 15 reps, 3 sets.
                              Lateral Resistance Band Walks / Crab Walk - 20 steps per direction - 3 times
                              Ab Roller - 10 reps, 3 sets
                              Forwards and Backwards Walk with Resistance Bands - This one is hard to explain but my physio had me doing them a while back, you walk forward but you put the front foot forward, then out to the side, then repeat on the other side. The inverse applies backwards - to the end of the garden and back (c.20 steps each way, 3 times)
                              Resistance Band Clam - 15 x 2 sets per side
                              Step Back Squats - not sure if this is the right name but a PT had me doing them. Step back into the squat, light weights in each hand. Thrust forwards on the way back up. 20 reps (10 per leg) 3 sets.
                              Running (i say this knowing i probably won't do it as i hate running), but i will use this interchangeably with a 15-20K steps walk.

                              EDGING:

                              I'll aim to do this at least 4X next week with a median time of 15 minutes. Keep aware of the arousal scale. I only want to nut twice if i can.

                              I'd like to think i am tackling the mind and body quite comprehensively with this routine, but please do suggest edits if anyone has any constructive input.

                              This process is like a big metamorphosis - i have to simultaneously tackle my OCD, depression, PreE and plethora of physical ailments. These are the biggest problems in my life, i'll be a different person on the other side.

                              Tonight i really want to show the gf a good time so am considering using an SSRI to help me out and it'll carry through to tomorrow morning. A kind of physical and mental reset. Is that a mistake? Open to suggestions.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X