Hello everyone,

I've been browsing the forums here for quite some time. Mostly on and off as I've had on and off battles with preE for a very longtime. To give a bit of background about myself:

Since I was young, I battled with anxiety problems and have had a bad case of depersonalization/derealization all of my life. Just woke up one morning at 15 years old and had dp/dr. I think it was due to drinking too much preworkout for an extended period of time which ultimately led to my fight or flight response to constantly be activated. Although this is just a theory, it has been the best answer I've gotten. Went on Zoloft because of it and that kind of helped but wanted to live a med-free life so I stopped.

As for my life sexually, I developed a habit of masturbating prone since as long as I could remember. Limited that a while ago and then stopped that completely recently for good reasons. First had sex with a condom and lasted around 20-30 minutes. After that, I was on Zoloft and could pretty much last whenever I wanted to. As soon as I came off of that, I developed my extremely bad case of PreE that I could not shake up no matter what. It began with me being able to last around 5 minutes and then slowly dwindled down to a few seconds. I've been very sexually active since losing my virginity so I had a lot of experimentation with it. The only thing that seemed to help was alcohol or dapoxetine. Obviously getting drunk to have sex can spring up all sorts of problems and dapoxetine made me feel awful and I just could not continue treatment like that.

This continued pretty much throughout my young adult life. Was petrified of having sex sober and whenever I did I would last a minute tops. I relied on hookups and when they were sober hookups I would just take the dopoxetine and then I was good to go. Unfortunately, I developed this belief that this would be my life and I would have to just have hookups with dapoxetine or alcohol or get a girlfriend that didn't care.

The Change

I ended up getting a girlfriend but at the start of our relationship it was a lot of drinking and going home to have sex. I could last and make her cum but eventually things started to become more intimate and we began to have regular sober sex. I would use dapoxetine every once in a while still and figured that is what I would have to do our entire relationship. Just have good sex every once in a while to keep her satisfied. After we were dating for a little bit, I could not keep up with that anymore and at the same time decided I wanted to change a lot of my things about my life. I am a very excitable, social and productive person but there were some habits that I had that needed to be changed and I became obsessed with improving myself.

She really does love me for me and has told me on multiple occasions that she does not care about me lasting long and it would not jeopardize our relationship in any way, but we also know that me lasting longer would not hurt. So, I began researching. Heavily. Reading tons of self-help books on anxiety, depression, relationships (I suffered from relationship issues all of my life and was focused on having tons of sexual partners instead of just one, which is a problem in itself). Was not necessarily focused on my PreE at first, but I figured that learning about my emotions and brain chemicals would lead me in the right direction. I began to invest more time into this forum and trying some of the methods here (I've read this forum all throughout my sex life but have never committed to anything). I bought a fleshlight and also began doing pelvic floor stretches.

Edging with a fleshlight and doing pelvic floor stretches for a few months did not translate over into the bedroom. Obviously I was doing something wrong. I was still freaking out during sex and at this point was lasting only a few seconds. I would get extremely frustrated and it trickled over into my relationship with disastrous consequences. So, I continued the search and dived even deeper into my research. This time, I focused solely on my PreE.

What worked

To start, I looked deep into what I have been doing wrong all of my life when it came to masturbation. As mentioned, since I was young I used to constantly prone masturbate. On the rare occasion that I did masturbate normally, I would tense up all of my muscles and try to cum as quick as possible. Due to my prone masturbation, I realized that my pelvic floor was always having spasms, especially when lying on my stomach. Now, I do understand that pelvic floor stretches and RK's can help. However, I wanted to try something different to see if my issue was definitely pelvic floor related. So, I got some Epsom salts and I took a hot bath. This was the first time I had taken a bath in years and I have always had muscle tension due to being a highly anxious and excitable person. I figured my pelvic floor is probably extremely tight and a bath + edging right afterwards would give me some insight. What happened after was amazing. Using my fleshlight (and watching porn) after taking the bath I actually had trouble getting to the PONR. This was an amazing realization. My pelvic floor being tight definitely has something to do with it.

The next thing that I did was look into how my anxiety affected my PreE. I began to think of the events leading up to sex and sex itself as being a situation in life that could lead up to panic attack and then ejaculation being the panic attack. After all, most people that suffer from PreE are extremely anxious prior to sex and have racing thoughts during it. This was the case for me. I was so focused on not hitting the PONR and not enjoying the sex that it was triggering my fight or flight causing me to ejaculate quicker. Through my research, I found that anxiety (even subconscious anxiety) causes muscle tension and spasms. I translated this to my pelvic floor muscles. Being anxious about sex (and also most likely developing a tight pelvic floor due to prone masturbation) would tighten my pelvic floor muscles. Me realizing that they are tight during sex would make me more anxious and therefore trigger a response that would lead to ejaculation. This is how anxiety works. These bodily responses would cause my nervous system to act up and the entire process would lead to quick ejaculation.

I read this book that I strongly recommend everyone to check out. It is meant for general anxiety and panic attacks but by thinking of sex and ejaculation as anxiety and a panic attack the book truly does relate to PreE. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post books here but it is on the DARE method of treating anxiety. I'll go over what it discusses briefly:

D - Diffuse the anxiety. Prior to or during sex I was anxious about ejaculating too quickly. Therefore, I would also myself so what? So what if I came quickly? PreE is curable and life will go on even if I come quickly. It's not like I'm going to die from ejaculating too quickly.

A - Accept. I accepted that I am going to be scared of PreE and that I have suffered PreE in the past. That is life and the only thing to do about it is to address the problem

R - Run to the anxiety. This is my favorite and works extremely well. I needed to retrain my brain to stop avoiding sex and ejaculation. Embrace it. Go towards it. Literally tell yourself "Bring on the orgasm" or "come on brain, make me cum quick". Anxiety in your brain cannot function if you are literally asking for it.

E - Engage. Return to sex as normal. Now that the anxious thoughts of PreE are not there, go ahead and enjoy sex. Say some dirty things. Be in the moment.

This DARE method helped me tremendously with sex (and anxiety in general). There is way more information in the book that discusses the science behind the fight or flight response and all that good stuff. Therefore, I strongly recommend everyone get the book and perhaps read it while taking an epsom salt bath.

Diet and Exercise

This is also a big one. I completely cut out all sugars and dairy. Not specifically for treating my PreE but also to live a better lifestyle. I also began to run a lot because I heard that helps as well. I'm taking Vitamin C supplements too. You can take magnesium, but the epsom salt bath should give you all that you need and it is absorbed through the skin.

What's next?

I am nowhere near the end of my PreE journey yet. However, I am seeing amazing (and instant) results. I've been able to essentially last as long as I wanted to since doing this method. What I will mention is that I do feel my pelvic floor muscles begin to tense up after some time and I've noticed that I do last a bit less longer as time goes on. However, I take another bath again and they loosen up. I am in no way saying that I will have to take these baths all my life to prevent PreE, but what I am saying is that as a naturally anxious person with a tight pelvic floor it is prone to tightening up quickly. On that note, here is what I have been doing to further help my PreE situation:

Daily stretching: I will be doing various pelvic floor stretches daily. As mentioned, being an anxious person definitely creates tension down there and I think also due to prone masturbation I've developed a very tight pelvic floor. Therefore, stretching it daily will help be a more long term solution than taking a bath everyday.

Anxiety: I'm going to continue working on my anxiety and rewiring my brain. Having anxiety creates muscle tension and therefore a tight pelvic floor. It also triggers the fight or flight which may cause the body to want to ejaculate quicker because it thinks of sex as a dangerous thing.

Edging: I will also continue to edge 4-5 times a week. I don't see the harm in this and I will also set goals for myself based on how long I want to last, stroke speed, etc. There're a lot of edging stickies here that can help with this. What I will be doing is edging BEFORE taking my daily epsom salt bath. I want to train myself to keep my pelvic floor at its tightest point relaxed during sex.

Here's an interesting thought that I came up with. I want to just add this in here because I've been using SSRI's all of my sex life to help with PreE. It is understood that people with PreE tend to have low serotonin. Low serotonin can cause anxiety which can also cause muscle tension and a sensitive nervous system. SSRI's boost serotonin and therefore potentially dampen that fight or flight response resulting in those physiological changes that we often see in people with PreE to not occur.

Last thing I want to note: To anyone that is trying to conquer this you MUST have a positive attitude. It is an absolute must. This is a huge mental game that takes a ton of research and learning about yourself to truly figure out. As mentioned, I am still on this journey of conquering PreE but I will stay as positive as I can throughout the entire thing. I will also stick to my routine and keep everyone here updated.

Always remember that the sky is the limit. We are all capable of beating this.