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  • Starting my journey to fix my PreE, could use some advice/support

    Hi everyone,

    Posting on this site for the first time ever after some a bit of lurking over the last couple years. What finally brought me to do it is I'm recently single, PreE has been an issue in my last couple relationships, and I desperately want to fix this. With COVID19 going on + recent time from being single, feels like there's no better time.

    I'm sure regulars on the forum see posts like mine regularly. I'm going to write up a quick intro for myself, though I think this is more for me than those of you reading. It's basically the story of what brought me here finally, if anyone reads this, I hope it might give some clarity on what advice you might recommend. Skip to under the bolded paragraph if it's irrelevant to you.

    I'm almost 28. I lost my virginity when I was 18. I suspect I've suffered PreE most of my life, but didn't think much of it. I definitely did the bad habits described on this forum for most of high school (and after, more on that), but didn't think much of it. Everyone came fast when they started it seemed, I thought that was normal. I entered my first serious relationship at 18 (college). Definitely, for the first year, I was fast. Less than a minute, sometimes I would lose control even before the clothes were off. My ex was actually pretty sympathetic about this, she never once made me feel bad. We were young, recovery was quick, we'd have a second go. Over that year and the next, I did slowly feel my stamina increase. Pre-sex grinding stopped being any sort of concern. BJs, my endurance was increasing (strangely, I learned to kegel while getting one without knowing what I was doing, it seemed to help then). During penetration, my time to finish slowly increased as did my consistency. I was always self-conscious of my performance, but she always made it feel like she enjoyed herself greatly. And it made me feel good. Even my masturbation time to porn back then was increasing. I recall going to a strip club with her, had no fear of losing control during lap dances or anything like that (I'll come back to this, I mention it for a reason).

    We broke up right after I was 20. My confidence was in the dumps. I didn't have the grades to stay in college, I was about 45 pounds overweight, I was living at home while all my friends were entering college internships, my ex hooked up with someone new immediately, and I could barely keep myself together for a minimum wage job and basic online classes. I felt TERRIBLE. Little did I know, I wasn't going to do anything sexual with a girl for 3 years, and it would be nearly 6 until I penetrated a girl again. At this point though, sex was the last thing on my mind. I was focused on making myself happy and getting through all of my other failures.

    I didn't start dating again until I was almost 26. During those years, I managed to get back into school, get into the best shape I've ever been in and maintain it (I keep myself in the kind of shape needed to do very cardio/strength related type sports), and get a job that I never believe I would have achieved doing exactly what I wanted. In regards to confidence, I did almost everything I never thought I'd be able to do...

    Which brings me to this post today. As mentioned I had very few sexual experiences between ages of 20-26. I got a few blowjobs at age 23, lasted maybe for 15 seconds at best. Went to a strip club a few months later (first one since the previously mentioned event), came in my pants. The endurance built from my previously relationship was gone. I also lived at home when I wasn't at school, and continued to do so until age 25. Watched a ton of porn, typically would watch and finish in about 3-4 minutes. Didn't even think about what that was doing to my body.

    At age 26 I was with my next girlfriend. Short relationship. Girl was super sexual. First couple times I finished in seconds, I blamed it on being out of the game for awhile. She caught on when it kept happening. She asked me if I had "a problem" right towards the end of that relationship. It crushed me, made me more self conscious than ever. We broke up.

    A few months later I entered into my most recent relationship. We were together until just a couple months ago. It was the first time I ever told someone I had a PreE problem, I did right when we started dating. We stayed together for nearly a year and a half. Sex, though, was always frustrating. I could probably count the number of orgasms I have her, and only once was it from penetration. Any penetration that happened, it was on go #2 about as soon as I could regain my erection. Even then, sometimes it would only be 5-7 minutes before I finished again. When we broke up, we hadn't had full intercourse in a few months. She said that didn't play a role, but she was never not frustrated by our sex life, so it's hard to believe that.

    In recovering from this relationship, I've listened to a lot of David Goggins. I come from a combat sport background, his mindset has helped me a lot in getting over the breakup. It's also motivated me to finally take this PreE situation head on and put in the work. I even brought it up during my most recent physical (a couple weeks ago). The doctor (generalist) told me it was likely genetic, that numbing wipes or anti-depressants were really the only known treatments. Neither of those sounds good, which is what brought me back here and to make this post. Just knowing there is a community for something like this helps, and I'm hoping members here might have dealt with an experience like mine.

    I've worked so much on my confidence over the years, this is the last thing that makes me feel terrible about myself. And it's a big one. I'm scared to date, to disappoint, to the point where I know it's affecting my subconscious. I've had to fight the notion that "sex isn't for me", watching movies/TV where people are enjoying sex makes me feel uneasy, on the occasion I have a wet dream, I'm even dreaming I'm preEing in whatever the scenario is.

    I only bold the above because about 1.5 months ago, that's where I was in full. So here's what I've done so far (besides talking with my doctor, which wasn't helpful):

    Edging - I've made a point to edge regularly. I started at 20 minutes a night, 4 nights a week. I've worked up to 6 nights a week now. I only finish 1, 2 times a week at most. For the first month, I would do 2-3 sets of kegels when I came close to the PONR, 3 seconds hold 3 seconds rest (all I could do), which I've now worked up to 10+ seconds per rep (with the same amount of second of rest between reps). I don't know if this has helped, but I seem to have more control when I'm edging.

    I always use lube (coconut oil). I've read about RK and have started trying them. I have no idea if I'm doing them right. When I push like I'm peeing/pooping, I can see a visible change (when holding a mirror under there) of what appears to be the rear part of my pelvic muscles expanding. I think this is right?

    Beyond this, I'm still struggling on what to do. I think my time to PONR has increased, if I go slow and keep my mind clear, I can usually go almost or entirely for 20 minutes. When I speed things up and add sexual thoughts, it can drop down to 7-10, though after a 1 minute break I can seemingly go another 10 minutes.

    To me, it always seems like the stimulation of a real girl is what does me in more than anything.

    I know I have a limited amount of info to provide right now. I read the I read the preE90 guide stickied on this forum, I've answered the questions below for some additional clarity on where I think I'm at:

    When describing your masturbation habits consider:

    • How long does it last? (20+ minutes currently, while edging. First PONR sensation can happen anywhere between 7-20 minutes depending on pace/thoughts).



    • Do you use lube? (Now, yes).



    • Do you use a fleshlight? (No).



    • Is your pelvic floor tight or loose? (Honestly, I have NO IDEA, I can now hold a kegel for awhile, but I couldn't when I started).



    • Do you have involuntary kegels? (I've read about this, I don't think so. If they are, they're subtle. They happen but I've learned the sensation and tend to avoid them until near the end).



    • Which part of the penis is the most sensitive? (Glans, frenulum, other) (Frenulum, top half of penis underside, glans actually seems fine).



    • What body positions do you masturbate in? (Standing, sitting. More often sitting on the ground lately when I edge).



    • Describe your breathing. Describe your overall muscle tension. Describe your sexual thoughts. (Breathing is getting better and more controlled, but I sometimes forget to. Sexual thoughts, depends. If I'm going for length of time none, when I add the in I definitely feel the tingle come quicker).



    • Do you ejaculate every time you masturbate? (I used to, I've limited this to 1-2 times a week now since edging. Only twice if I'm doing 6-7 edge sessions in a week).



    • Do you watch porn? (Used to, but I've stopped for a few months now).



    When describing how you have sex consider:

    • How long does it last? (Under a minute)



    • Is your pelvic floor tight or loose? (Again, hard to tell)



    • Do you have involuntary kegels? (Sex is overwhelming followed by my own disappointment, I've never actually thought about this during sex).



    • Are the glans, frenulum, or other areas of the penis highly sensitive? (Yes, always when with a girl)



    • What positions do you have sex in? What position is the easiest and most difficult when having sex? (Cowboy, Doggy, missionary, girl with 1 or 2 legs up during missionary. Cowboy is the easiest to maintain during, doggy is the hardest).



    • Describe your breathing. Describe your overall muscle tension. Describe your sexual thoughts. (Breathing can be good, but sometimes it doesn't seem to make a difference. Thoughts in the last couple years have almost all been around my ejaculation/time to ejaculation).



    • What are your body and mind doing during foreplay? Are you highly aroused by the time you start intercourse? (I'm highly aroused even before it starts most of the time. I have tended to be terrified of foreplay since I know I'll finish if we engage in it, usually within seconds).


    Anyways, I'm hoping to get some guidance, if nothing else something to focus on while I refine my regiment. I'm going to beat this, I won't let myself fail. I wrote what I wrote to communicate where my mind was at, even recently, and to show I really do mean to attack this with the dedication I need to. I've seen some good starting guides, it's just so hard to know which one is the right one to begin with.

    Anyone who spends a moment to read this and give their advice/support, it means the world to me.

  • #2
    Originally posted by MountainLeo View Post
    Hi everyone,

    Posting on this site for the first time ever after some a bit of lurking over the last couple years. What finally brought me to do it is I'm recently single, PreE has been an issue in my last couple relationships, and I desperately want to fix this.
    Glad to see you make the effort.
    PreE is something I can relate to, and it is something that you can control.

    Originally posted by MountainLeo View Post
    Edging - I've made a point to edge regularly. I started at 20 minutes a night, 4 nights a week. I've worked up to 6 nights a week now. I only finish 1, 2 times a week at most. For the first month, I would do 2-3 sets of kegels when I came close to the PONR, 3 seconds hold 3 seconds rest (all I could do), which I've now worked up to 10+ seconds per rep (with the same amount of second of rest between reps). I don't know if this has helped, but I seem to have more control when I'm edging.
    It does seem counter intuitive, but it is best to not kegel when edging. When you get close to the PONR do a reverse kegel (see below).


    Originally posted by MountainLeo View Post
    I've read about RK and have started trying them. I have no idea if I'm doing them right. When I push like I'm peeing/pooping, I can see a visible change (when holding a mirror under there) of what appears to be the rear part of my pelvic muscles expanding. I think this is right?

    Beyond this, I'm still struggling on what to do.
    I struggled with the RK for a good while, until I read this description:
    Kegeling is pulling the balls up/into the body.
    Reverse kegeling is pushing the balls down/away from body.

    Still it takes some time and practice to really gain control.

    Beyond that consider yoga, there are poses that target the pelvic floor very well: Child, Cobra, Cat/Cow, etc.

    Originally posted by MountainLeo View Post

    • Is your pelvic floor tight or loose? (Honestly, I have NO IDEA, I can now hold a kegel for awhile, but I couldn't when I started).


    Holding a kegel does not indicate tightness or looseness. Try the yoga, see how it feels.

    Originally posted by MountainLeo View Post
    • Do you have involuntary kegels? (I've read about this, I don't think so. If they are, they're subtle. They happen but I've learned the sensation and tend to avoid them until near the end).


    When edging does the muscle contract involuntarily?




    Originally posted by MountainLeo View Post
    Anyone who spends a moment to read this and give their advice/support, it means the world to me.
    Any time
    03/2015 Start <Able to last ~ 2 mins PIV>
    Thread
    12/2019 EL: +2.2 MEG: +1 <Able to last 60+ mins PIV>

    Comment


    • #3
      Do you have APT?
      Found out my PreE was caused by a muscle imbalance more so then anything else.

      I suffered from APT (weak abs, tight hip flexors, Tight back
      May want to do an overview of your lower abdominal back and legs to find weak and tight muscles.
      I noticed my right hip flexor was tighter and when doing butterflies i had more tension in my left leg.

      Over time we get out of wack but being that you are in the best shape of your life that may not be the case but still worth looking into.
      My PE Thread
      4/5/19: BPEL 6' MEG 4.5'
      5/14/19: BPEL 6.45' MEG 4.75'
      Goal: BPEL 7.5' MEG 5.5'
      My PreE Thread

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi @incogneeetoe and @ACPreE,

        First of all, thank you both for the replies, means a lot.

        @incogneeetoe

        Noted on RKs. I've focused on them the last few edging session exclusively. Your comment about balls down/away is fantastic. First time I observed what they were doing during an edging session. Near PONR, they were definitely super tense. When I calmed down, they loosened up. I hit 20 minutes last session when PONR got really close, start doing RKs and breathing and focusing on what the testicles were doing. This seemingly helped a lot. Good mental queue to focus on.

        I've also added some of those positions to my post-workout/daily stretches. I do some of those already, good reinforcement though.

        Still don't know on kegels vs RKs. That said, lots of content I've read not about RKs and I get the science. Going to focus on this more, if nothing else it's a new challenge to consider.

        I don't think I'm getting involuntary RKs until close to PONR. That said I'm thinking about this more. Yesterday it definitely happened near PONR, but it was subtle. Like a tightening over 3-5 second before I realized what was happening. Allowed me to breath, RK, and regain some control.

        @ACPreE

        To start off, you're the first Teemo I might ever trust.

        APT, very hard for me to tell. I don't think I fail the mirror test. My abs are definitely not weak, neither are my legs. I do numerous sports that depend on the strength and balance of those muscles. That said, I'm an amateur here, I'll explain my thoughts in a second. I've historically had tight hamstrings since puberty, it's a lot better now than it used to be (lots of stretching unrelated to any of this).

        So, UPDATES:

        I think I'm lucky, there's a pelvic physical therapist in my area that also has a co-discipline in sexual health. Seemingly there are highly regarded doctors here who I independently found have done long podcasts around sexual health and such. Turns out I can get a lot of the fees covered, I've booked an intro meeting to learn more and see what recommendations they have. Their front desk told me that they absolutely treat men with PE and that they think pelvic floor PT often helps a lot with it. It's at least the messaging I'd like to hear, so I'm going to find out more.

        I seemingly am getting more control edging. With lube and full strokes (going between calm pace and full pace), I seemingly can control myself anywhere between 14-20 minutes now between my first PONR. This is with erotic thoughts. After a pause (sometimes with or without RKs), I can go another 10 before the next PONR. I already have some credit I'd like to pass on here for this:

        1. Defining levels of arousal with 1-10 scale. In my mind, telling myself I'm at a 7,8, or 9, and thinking about what level to increase/decrease to is another mental queue that helps. I'm combining that with mental thoughts of pace and running. Weird queue, but I run a lot. I equate a 9 arousal to running up a hard hill where you can't sustain it to going back to a light jog (6 or 7) where you can maintain the pace almost indefinitely. It's helped me put arousal control in perspective and takes little mental energy to do (which is my goal).

        2. Reading about the plateau phase. When I start to get stronger feelings while edging, I'm using that as the trigger for the "plateau phase". Rather than get nervous (historic problem once I accepted I had PE), I just focus on the feelings and how good they are and that I want to see how long I can enjoy them. Once I start getting close to PONR, I'm slowing down, really paying attention to the feelings in my penis an my body, and trying to sustain them at a pace where I won't finish. The best results have been that I relax while focusing on this, the "almost" PONR feeling passes, and then I can continue at a faster pace. I'm going to keep focusing on this to get more used to these sensations and what my body is doing.

        3. Thanks to you incogneeetoe, I'm focusing on how tense my pelvic/testicles are. The awareness of this is interesting and seems to help.

        4. I'm feeling more positive. I can't explain how down in the dumps I've felt about this, especially the last 2 years. The latest breakup really drove that point home. That said, COVID has forced a natural break in everyone's dating lives and it's allowing me the private mental space I need to attack this. I still feel the lack of confidence, but it's getting better. I'm starting to get excited to edge to make progress/discoveries and when I'm able to do so for 20-30 minutes with minimal moments of PONR, I finish feeling much more confident.

        I'll take the small wins where I can. It be nice to have a girl to see how much the excitement of sex counters the control I'm trying to build, but one step at a time. This is something I plan to mention to the pelvic floor specialist when I meet up with them, that being with a girl is when this usually all goes wrong.

        Thanks for the help thus far. And anyone reading this, I'm happy to take more advice. I'll keep my progress posted here as I have time. I hope I can post a success story on here some day like many of you have.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi everyone,

          Figured I'd post an update. I've decided to slow down on adding too many things to this routine and focus on a couple things to get a better baseline.

          Given that kegels don't feel like an issue, I'm focused on RKs. I still don't know what that perfect "pelvic floor release" sensation is like, but I'm continuing to work on it.

          I've added in stretches recommended by the PrePE90 thread. Nothing to note yet but I've just slowly started doing them.

          Edging continues to seem to help the most, mostly just for learning my body responses. In my initial post I said I don't really IK, I found that to be totally incorrect. As my arousal levels increased, I clued into how often I did IK, it felt so natural it took focusing on the muscle tightening to really clue into the sensation. This triggered some muscle memory in a good way:

          1. It reminded me of how tight my pelvis area was when I first started having sex (described in OP). I've always been able to "crack" my dick like I was cracking my knuckles or something. Never knew why, but during sex it would release pressure and I could go longer. My ex and I would joke that it was my "second wind". I think this indicates how tight my pelvic muscles are getting, and that "cracking" my penis was letting off some pressure. I've also noticed that when I push down hard on my penis, it alleviates pressure more than ANYTHING (like, totally numbs sensations). I'm starting to get why RKs can be so powerful, as (based on what I've read here) it achieves the same effect.

          2. Back when I had consistent sex over the course of a couple years (which is unfortunately some time ago, I've known I've had PE for awhile and in my early 20s I just avoided sex out of embarrassment), I started focusing on "staying relaxed" with my ex. I didn't know ANYTHING from this page about pelvic floor, kegels, etc, I just knew that going in and trying to be relaxed down there helped last a minute or so longer.

          Given the above, it's helped me get hyper focused in observing and training against IKs. Definitely helps when I do (I believe?) a back RK (pushing my anus out a bit). For now, I'm focusing on this, stretching, and continued edging. I turned on porn for the first time in months about midway through my edging session to see how arousal levels would change, they did go up and I did come close to PONR a couple times, but I was already deep in the edging and recognizing how my body was reacting actually felt educational. So no regrets there. I turned it off and went another 15 minutes after.

          I'm tempted to hold off too much on adding exercises until I have my appointment with the pelvic/sex specialist I found. They're doing an exam, one way or another I'm hopeful they'll provide some good info on what my pelvic floor is currently like. Still a couple weeks out from that.

          I've been on this site daily lately reading a lot of stories. My motivation/depression on this is going up and down, but I'm sticking to working on this at least 5-7 days a week right now. I'd be lying to say my break up from a couple months ago doesn't doesn't effect me, especially because I know PE definitely had an effect on my relationship. That said, it's also what's given me drive to go so far into this.

          Comment


          • #6
            dont give up bro

            Comment


            • #7
              I've never experienced pleasure so pleasurable until I learned to relax and let go.

              The reward is worth the effort.
              You never slow down, you never grow old!

              Comment


              • #8
                (Long post, thanks to anyone who reads as always. I think this thread will become my log).

                Thanks for the words everyone. Here's the latest.

                I feel like I've made some improvement in my awareness and it seems to be helping. Done a lot of reading on here, listening to the accounts of people who have made improvement and who have found full success. Seemingly, the whole commonality in all of these posts is: control of the pelvic floor. So I've really taken to heart observing how it feels and trying to make adjustments/put advice into work.

                What I've added much more regularly since my last posts: stretching.

                I've never been the greatest stretching post workouts, something I've been working on taking the time to do lately in general. Adding some of the preE stretches recommended here served as good motivation for both this issue and stretching in general. I've added more hip adbuctor stretches (a lot of my workouts like running/mountain biking kill these) as I've noticed these may be tight in general. I've also started doing Hindi squat, laying down hindi squat, and happy baby stretches. I've focused on these 3 as I've noticed a STRONG stretching sensation on the sides of my pelvis (let me know if this is incorrect).

                I also noticed I may have some degree of APT. Reading about it made me realize there are many times a day where I'm subconsciously arching my back. I've added in a couple exercises to help with this as well. Still hasn't been diagnosed (hopefully the specialist I'm seeing in a couple weeks can help here), but it definitely has made me aware when my lower back in arching inwards. Whenever I noticed (sitting standing, etc), I'm trying to correct.

                I've laid off kegels completely for now. RKs, I haven't added sets of them. Rather, I try to pay attention if I'm unconsciously flexing my pelvis during the day and will (attempt) an RK to correct that. Seemingly, I'm getting better and the muscle awareness. When edging, I focus less on the strength of the RK for now, and more if it's actually helping to relax my pelvis.

                Which brings me to what I think are a couple positive updates, and a couple questions.

                Someone on here used the analogy that edging is like sparring in boxing. Fucking love that. I used to box, it put the value of edging immediately in the correct mindset. When I started edging originally, I did it thinking the value of it (based on crappy youtube videos) is that your body is just going to figure out on its own how to last 30 minutes cause it gets used to it. That said, when I would edge when super horny, if I got excited too quick, etc, I felt clueless or discouraged when the PONR feelings would come quick. Since switching this mentality, for me edging is becoming about putting techniques to the test in moments of increasing/high arousal and figuring out how to have my body react.

                I do smoke pot to relax sometimes. In the past, it would definitely help my endurance (and with learning more about the pelvic floor, I get why now). So I make a conscious effort to do my edging/workouts before I smoke on the nights that I do since I don't want to have pot be a necessity to last. That said, edging while stoned does feel great and occasionally I'll do it. I did over the weekend for the first time in awhile and really focused on trying to relax my pelvic floor, especially when arousal increased. For the first time, I think I may have noticed what it feels like to have my pelvic floor relax in the moment.

                When I first tried edging a few years ago, and I'm feeling relaxed and like I could go forever/as hard as I want, I always wondered why I felt so in control. I had the same thought this weekend when I was edging. Because of everything this site is teaching me on the pelvic floor, I noticed how relaxed my pelvic floor was when I was starting to edge. Naturally, as I continued (mixing up pace as well), I noticed how tight my pelvic floor got and not surprisingly, how it felt like any increased pace or extra stimulation would put me past the PONR quick.

                I paused once I got near the PONR, and rather than think "ok, RK hard and see if this works", I just thought about trying to slowly relax my pelvic floor more like to the way it felt when I started. After a couple RK attempts, controlling my breathing, and relaxing other tense muscles in my body, I think I managed to relax my pelvic floor. It felt tight, then suddenly I had a sensation with it felt like the sides slightly eased up and that my anus suddenly relaxed, like it was falling or something. Whatever happened, when I resumed I had my endurance again. The I noticed how that whenever I could control this, I'd keep on lasting and as soon as the floor started to tense again, that's when the PONR would start to approach.

                I replicated this sober yesterday and had a similar effect. I call this out since while I might have been stoned the first night, it was the "feeling" of everything relaxing that I observed. So whatever this feeling was, knowing what it felt like meant that I knew what to replicate when sober.

                This felt like a big accomplishment for me.For the first time, rather than feeling clueless and cursed as to dealing with preE, it felt like I actually might have identified a cause. More importantly, I feel like I successfully identified what happened and used these new techniques to to effect. Apologies is this sounds like a "no duh" type of observation, but experiencing it myself was important. This brings me to my questions (one related and one not).

                1. What I described above, does this sound like what others have experienced when their pelvic floor relaxes? Mainly trying to compare notes.

                2. IKs - when I started properly identifying it was happening them, they would be big and sudden. When I'm focused on controlling them, it doesn't feel like they're happening as often, and certainly not quick. Yesterday, it felt like I didn't have any at all and yet when I'd test myself by maxing out pace during edging, PONR sensations would come after 30 seconds or so even when I thought my pelvic floor was staying more relaxed.

                That said, I've noticed (for a long time) that when I pause near the PONR do, my penis is visibly pulsing subtly completely out of my control. I always thought this was just what happens due to extreme arousal, but now that I know more, are these small IKs that are happening? I ask because while I don't inherently notice the contraction, my pelvic floor is usually tight as hell at this point. I also noticed the last couple nights that as soon as I get the relaxation feeling, the pulsing seems to stop. It leads me to believe even more the pulsing is due to IKs that are just hard to feel, but are still happening.

                Thoughts?
                MountainLeo
                Junior Member
                Last edited by MountainLeo; 07-05-2020, 06:51 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  If it makes your penis to visibly pulse, even subtle, they are not small IKs.
                  Besides pots, do you smoke?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Nope. Just pot.

                    And that's good to know. I say small since I don't think I feel them in my pelvic floor, compared to larger ones that I definitely felt. Either way, something more to focus on. Thanks!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Couple updates, both very positive.

                      1. I took yesterday off, but the two previous day during my edging sessions, I managed to go 20-30 minutes without a single PONR. This is with lube, thinking erotic thoughts, and going at increased, sometimes full out paces. The second day I did hit one PONR after 20 something minutes, but it was only after massively increasing the pace, tightening the grip, and going all out for 30-45 seconds. Very happy with these results, less because of the time and more because of the control.

                      So far, I haven't been keeping to a rigid exercise pattern for this. Ive only reverse kegel when needed during edging (no sets or anything yet, let alone daily). I've added happy baby and hindu squats to my existing post-workout stretches. More than anything, I'm focusing on breathing and trying to control my pelvic floor.

                      2. Today I had my first meeting with the pelvic floor/sexual health doctor I found in my area. This sincerely is the most positive step so far with dealing with preE.

                      I explained my sexual history, my thoughts, concerns, experiences, research, etc thus far. Far more depth than my initial write up above. They were beyond receptive and supportive. I'm sure like many people on this site, there's a portion of mental health tied to something like preE, so just having someone there that listened to everything and was completely positive with no judgement already helped me a lot.

                      Frankly, the session was like getting the type of advice I'm finding here x 10, with the added benefit of having a professional guide and help customize what needs to be done. They knew all the terminology (edging, RKs, kegels, etc), and so it made it very fluid to start communicating.

                      This examination was observational and external. They looked at the way my body moved and stretched, did external examinations of my pelvic floor to feel how muscles were reacting when doing a kegel, RK, and just deep breathing. They also started to address some of the psychological factors and way to incorporate other tools into edging as I progress (erotic literature, erotic scenes from movie rather than porn, etc). They addressed the idea of using a sleeve, or something besides the hand when edging for variation. Frankly, a lot was covered, but I left feeling far better about everything.

                      I'd say the best indications of this specialist was that they were more focused on diagnosing oddities in my body in-depth before prescribing anything, with the acknowledgement that a degree of baseline might be needed. Their initial observations were that in my pelvic floor, my right side is seemingly quite strong and normal during both kegels and RKs. My left side however is weak on both. They also noticed that when I was doing deep breathing, both the left and right sides remained tense. They encouraged me to keep up with the stretching and edging, both of these were good in their book. They encouraged me to add about 10 minutes of deep breathing to my day, focusing on relaxing my any and the base of my penis. They observed both of these being tense, step one was to start training my body to relax these muscles via breathing.

                      The most interesting comment they made (and one I think members on this forum will like) was the idea of relaxing the pelvic floor. They described reaching a point where one can voluntarily relax it, but also getting it to a more relaxed state in general. Basically, what many members who find success on this forum comment on. It's just nice to see validation in the techniques I've employed since starting to tackle my preE.

                      They did mention the psychological side might take some playing around with (too early to comment on). I told them my full history and that I've always lost control extremely easily once a girl is in front of me, even when my endurance was at it's best. But either way, I'm feeling really good today about all of this. If you have the access to go to a certified specialist like this, I'd recommend it. If not, feel reassured that the techniques being shared on here aren't BS. They're techniques that work, it may just take some time to find the ones ideal to your situation.

                      With all of that said, I still want to give a quick thank you to this forum. It gave me a proper base to address this issue, get some solid advice (including to see a specialist), and to actually feel like I'm improving on my single biggest inner demon.

                      I'll keep this thread updated with progress as it comes!
                      MountainLeo
                      Junior Member
                      Last edited by MountainLeo; 07-09-2020, 11:18 PM.

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                      • #12
                        Can you elaborate more on left and right PF?
                        This could be something of significance, I never spoke about it as I thought it just may be specific in my case.
                        When I started doing RKs months ago, I could feel in my Mid and Back PF, the left side was less open. As well my left glute and adductor were less flexible. Thus, I normally spent some extra mins focusing on them and in RKs try to focus more on the left side. It helped a lot in equalizing the both sides. I am not sure how important is this, or if and only if imbalance between left and right can solely cause ejac problems.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Anthony_gerio View Post
                          Can you elaborate more on left and right PF?
                          This could be something of significance, I never spoke about it as I thought it just may be specific in my case.
                          When I started doing RKs months ago, I could feel in my Mid and Back PF, the left side was less open. As well my left glute and adductor were less flexible. Thus, I normally spent some extra mins focusing on them and in RKs try to focus more on the left side. It helped a lot in equalizing the both sides. I am not sure how important is this, or if and only if imbalance between left and right can solely cause ejac problems.
                          Happy to, but I think it might be best until I'm a few sessions in to comment on since this was only just observed. I was told it could be a factor to my pelvic floor control, but too early to tell for now.

                          Essentially, it sounds like I have a similar issue to you. They observed my left glute was weaker than my right. My kegels/RKs were strong on my right side, weak on my left. They did identify as a whole though that when breathing and trying to relax, that my pelvic floor (both left and right) remained tense.

                          I'll update as I make progress. Next session is next week. Very interesting to see this as an observed issue in someone else too though.

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                          • #14
                            Hi all,

                            Been a few weeks since I provided an update. Admittedly, keeping up with life, PreE practice, and work is exhausting enough, let alone finding time to post.

                            Edging has continued. Stretching has increased/continued. Really starting to get into stretching, frankly. Awareness of the pelvic floor seems to be improving. I've been hitting my first PONR edging consistently around 20 minutes. Occasionally I'll go 30 without issue, but usually it's 20. My thought is I usually do edging sessions for about 20, hence the consistency of building up to that point.

                            Edging, I'm able to keep a good pace. I'm adjusting positions, locations, my overall approach as I learn more.

                            I've also continued to work with my pelvic/sex therapist. I've had 3 sessions now. Interestingly, it seems like a lot of the pelvic floor issues are solving themselves. By the second session, they reported that my pelvic floor was expanding when I was breathing, and she could feel both the left and right sides moving when RKing. My left side isn't as strong as my right, but that's being worked on.

                            They think that the psychological side might be playing a big role. The last session was her checking how my body reacted to different thoughts (ex gf moments (happy and sad), sexual thoughts, etc). They felt for tension and how my body would tense. We got into a discussion about how my more recent sexual experiences are weighing on me, especially in how the disappointment shown by the women might play a role. There might be some sort of sexual acceptance issue I'm having with girls in the moment, as if sabotage myself by accepting that a girl won't want to be with me once they know I have PreE, which adds to the issue (making my body go into fight and flight and reacting the only way it knows how - to cum and get it over with).

                            Might seem obvious, but there's a difference between reading it and thinking about it vs saying it outloud to someone else. So I think it might be time to focus more on the relaxation and meditative side of this than the physical.

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                            • #15
                              Invest in a Fleshlight. It's a whole different game. It's going to be incredibly tough, you might even be disappointed in yourself. But if you work through it, it will pay in confidence tenfold.

                              I personally have the STU model and am working on full Ejaculation control with it. It's a monster of a device.
                              1 inch at a time
                              GOAL: +1.5 BPEL, +1 MEG
                              Progress Log

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