Reformed Log

[xander19]

Hello,

I'm back here, I already had a log but I decided to make a new one, because I've been relapsing and going back into my old habits since the new "lockdown". In my previous log, I've said I'm almost cured(which I was) and that I'd start looking for a girlfriend since I'm not afraid anymore but this lockdown situation made it almost impossible to do this, which made me relapse, go back to porn and bad masturbation habits(hard kegeling and finishing fast).

For those who haven't seen my previous log, I'm 22, afraid of having sex to not be laughed at and be considered a 2-pump chump. Basically, performance anxiety since I wasn't fortunate enough to be as socially and good looking as I am now at a young age, so I didn't get to have sex at all and now I'm at the point where I refuse to have it to not be embarrassed, which is why I even started the log in the first place.

Last time, I went from lasting a few strokes masturbating to lasting as long as I want both with just my hands and with a FL but relapsing to my old habits kind of set me back a lot.

I want to hold myself accountable and post atleast every 2 days here and/or every time I think about watching porn for the sake of finishing fast. My routine will be the same as before: I'll re-start doing RKs and ab exercises daily + edge whenever I can, for atleast 15-20 minutes.

[xander19]

Day 3: No porn, started my kegel routine, finally getting back into pleasure edging and not just edging for the sake of feeling good a few seconds. I've noticed that if I'm not coming in the first few minutes I lose my EQ(at the beginning its always very strong, I have erections soo much throughout the day) but due to not being used to longer pleasure it goes down, my mind is used to quick satisfaction, so I gotta work on that.

[xander19]

Still going strong. Edged today, a good whole 20 minutes with pictures(still no porn), had good EQ for the first few minutes and then it went down. Another 5 minutes, I get it up again and went at it until I came.

I actually think the EQ problem is due to arousal. When I start, I think of a lot of things that get me aroused and I feel like I'm near PONR but I can still go on and suppress it and as soon as that "near PONR" feeling goes away, so does my EQ.

[xander19]

Okay.. bad news, everything is going great, except for the fact that I relapsed today(porn) due to browsing too much reddit, I got to keep myself busy all the time until I get over this phase. back to day 1 with porn, everything is going accordingly, I edged to that porn and I didn't rush into it, but I still want to get rid of it.

[xander19]

1 week update: I've been holding off from watching any sort of porn and I've developed the habit of not kegeling after peeing which was a big deal for me, I was always used to kegeling to get those last drops off without thinking its harmful for me.

I need to get in the habit of doing my kegel/rks, every time the notification on my phone pops-up I just swipe it and forget about it, even though its just like 3-5 minutes of exercises.