Progress by myself but no progress during sex

[slimmyG]

Hello everyone.

Been a lurker here for a long while (probably 2015 or so) but I finally have motivation and reason to actually address my long standing PremE. Initially I wrote a massive post that encapsulates all and any information about my condition, story, observations and frustrations but that turned out to be 1500 word ramble so I'll just start with the most pressing issue and just a little background and then I can go on to elaborate with details later.

Background

I started masturbating quite early (9-10 years old) and I remember it was almost like a challenge for me to orgasm as fast as possible with 1000 strokes/second and flexing who knows what kegels and muscles on my body. I also liked to go multiple rounds as fast as possible (which might explain why now as an adult I don’t last that much longer on 2^nd rounds).Additionally, I liked the feeling of something pressing on my shaft while erect (e.g lying stomach-down on my bed and flexing my pelvic floor muscles)…which might explain why I get very strong IK’s when grinding with my gf or in positions like cowgirl where there’s a lot of pressure on the shaft. Lastly, I had phimosis up until the age of ~13 and it took another year or two to be able to fully and comfortably peel back my foreskin (probably resulting in an oversensitive glans).

Current issue

I’ve been reading the “big” threads (Minuteman’s Kegel explanations and DO guide as well as BiggyD’s arousal guide and many others) and have implemented a kegel routine alongside edging with my fleshlight. The edging is done following BiggyD’s scheme and Minuteman’s 3 day routine. I’ve seen some improvements in edging duration and endurance. Also, for the past 4-5 months or so I’ve been using the shower’s adjustable head to blast a strong stream on my glans in an attempt to desensitize it (and lower the leg muscle spasm effect I get from strong stimulation) and also to loosen the frenulum and make peeling back the skin easier – both seem to work. I’m also doing some yoga to loosen up my super stiff lower-body and pelvic floor. Also, although I’m trying to keep patient and progress slowly I have tried kegel towel raises with good success (I wanted to see if I’m right in assuming I have an overly-developed pelvic floor) and I have also managed to have a dry orgasm while masturbating with and without a fleshlight. HOWEVER... none of my progress while edging seems to transfer to actual sex. None. I might actually last even shorter now. I seem to have less IK’s (no AIK’s whatsoever) while edging with the fleshlight or my hand, but I get mad uncontrollable AIK’s with my gf even before engaging in sex. We are cuddling or gently grinding and I’m already throbbing and ready to bust. The IK’s are too strong to stop with reverse kegels so I’ve just been holding them for a few sec with the idea to make them “conscious” instead of involuntary. Also, I can’t seem to apply BiggyD’s arousal scale advice when I’m with her because I don’t feel that aroused even though I’m barely keeping my jizz inside me. It’s strange – I almost never really feel “aroused” cuz my libido and sex drive are naturally quite low – I don’t get this animal urge to fuck or anything…but I still bust super fast and can’t control my erection – it’s like my mind and my body are disconnected and operate on their own terms. On that note, I seem to get overexcited quite a lot while with her – holding hands, cuddling, kissing, touching – almost everything makes me go diamonds like a complete teenager. I was expecting this to slow down after a week or two but it’s still happening and I’m sure it contributes to the problem to some extent.

So, the question is that I’m seeing some tentative progress while edging by myself, but I see no progress whatsoever in the bedroom. Is that normal at least for a while? Do I just need to stick it out? Cuz I really feel the gap between masturbating and being with my girlfriend is so large that one can’t really affect the other – it’s like training to swim in the dead sea so you can go and compete in a pool of honey.

I've left out loads of details and observations about the state of my penis, body, tightness and others so I don't make this post too heavy, but I have everything written down so I can give whatever specifics if someone is interested. Cheers

[BigO]

Your training may take some time to translate into lasting longer in the bedroom. Stay the course, you are on the right track.

A lot of this is mental more so than physical. You will get better with more practice. I am able to last longer at well over 50 than I was at 18, I just have a lot more experience.

[Pegasus]

So boxers can have this problem where they are demons in the gym but have issues fight night . This is a mental issue a look at the arousal threads may help.

[Pegasus]

Start a progress log . You make no mention of out of edging reverse kegel training which is a major error given the kegel training

[Anthony_gerio]

The thing is that sometimes you progress (if you are progressing) and experience a real erection, which in bedroom may result in worse durability, but if you move forward with your progress, it gets better, with real erections. Real sex needs way more development to turn out good compared to FL etc.

Another point is the motion of the thrusts. You may need to discover the better thrust motions, not relying on your hips to do the main job but other lower and upper muscles. This one usually happens automatically with muscle balance development, but you need to also help it.

[slimmyG]

Thanks for the quick replies.

I am fully commited to beating this thing, if not for my sake then for my gf. I do hope that with more time I'll get habituated to having an actual sexual partner. Perhaps part of the overexcitation with her is that I'm so used and bored with masturbation and so not used to actual female touch. Hopefully my body will stop overreacting to it at some point.

As for the kegels, log and routine - I do intend to start a simple log and I do focus on all types of kegels according to Minuteman's DO guide. I also try to do reverse kegels whenever I remember to during the day and I'm also buying a tennis ball so I can do some massage to the area as I feel that my back RK's are much better than the front (perhaps due to too tight muscles at the front)

I will look into the thrusting technique - I have noticed that (if I manage to get through the penetration itself) I last longer in cowgirl than I do in missionary probably because I tense my body less.


I have 3 observations or patterns that I wanted to ask about too.
- When I blast water on my glans in the shower, it always results in a very strong urge to urinate and it becomes much more difficult to hold a kegel. Why is that? Is it normal? Perhaps direct glans simulation forces me into a strong RK and it could be the same process that makes it so difficult to have a dry orgasm during actual sex - it feels 10x more difficult to flex and hold a kegel close to PONR during penetration than it does during masturbation.

- Sometimes when I haven't ejaculated for a few days and I masturbate and ejaculate, I get an uncomfortable (kinda like burning) feeling around the hole of my penis, combined with the urge to pee even if there is nothing left for me to piss out. The discomfort lasts around 15-20min. During this time it’s very difficult to hold a kegel and my whole pelvic floor feels like in a permanent state of RK and also tired. I remember reading somewhere that it happens to other guys as well and I took that as a sign that it's ok, however, I don't really know why it happens when it does and how it might tie with my PremE problem.

- I seem to feel the need to go pee way less than most of my guy friends and I drink more water than most of them. I used to hold it in like a dumbass for years when I was gaming cuz I was too lazy to go to the toilet. I'm guessing that's just related to having overly strong and tight PF muscles?

[Pegasus]

I have no idea how many rk you do relative to kegels and nor do you by the sounds of things .

I suggest you start a progress log and include this info . At this time off the top of my head I suggest you lower kegls and increase rk .