Question about limiting orgasms masturbating while in active relationship

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

Hi all. I’ve had varying degrees of PE for as long as I’ve been sexually active. I’m 28, currently in a relationship, dealing with PE. I think it’s mostly psychological in my case as I’ve gotten much better at masturbating over the last ~6 weeks, lasting at least 15 minutes, rating arousal, controlling IK with RK, staying away from PONR so as not to trigger IK and inadvertently tighten my pelvic floor. I can stay calm for the most part when I’m alone, but when I’m with my partner it seems it goes down the drain quite quickly. There are times when I’m very relaxed and I can last a while with her, but it feels few and far between currently. I have a question about a key piece of advice I see in almost all programs to help overcome PE. Most suggest that you should not orgasm every time you masturbate to re-wire your brain from associating stimulation with needing to ejaculate (anywhere from once every three days to once a week to once every 10 days). I totally understand this sentiment and have been following it. But I’m wondering how people have gone about this in a relationship. I find that if I masturbate a few days in a row without orgasm and then become physically intimate with my partner my anticipation for orgasm is so much higher. Is this part of the re-wiring that I should continue working at? If I’m making sure that all of my masturbation sessions are 15min+, is there a downside to ejaculating at the end (in my full control and decision to do so, not because I reach PONR) so as to prevent a heightened arousal state when I’m with my partner? Appreciate any insight! Cheers

[skyisthelimitpe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close skyisthelimitpe]

I dont know I dont really believe in holding off ejaculation to rewire your brain. That sounds crazy to me and you'll probably see small amounts of progress doing it. Trust me I overthought this entire thing. Ejaculation is totally normal when you're aroused. Not many people simply hold in ejaculation for the fun of it.

Fix your muscular imbalances and you will find it much easier to relax in bed. IK's will lessen and you'll be able to just think about relaxing the pf like you relax any muscle. Post a posture pic. Should be first thing done.

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

Appreciate the response! Posture pic I’m assuming is a side profile, sitting or standing?

[skyisthelimitpe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close skyisthelimitpe]

Side profile both sides standing. And then just relax everything and stand how you normally would. Post it here, let us analyze it, then start a log with the posture pic and a routine.

[Fastplan Member Find all posts View Profile Close Fastplan]

Yeah, this is very much where I’m at. Even though I’ve gained a lot of awareness and learnt a lot of tricks I haven’t addressed the cause yet.

I’ve found since stopping masturbating daily I sometimes cum pretty much on entry now, never used to be that fast.

I figure learning to be ‘normal’ we should be able to perform with stamina regardless of how long it’s been.

[skyisthelimitpe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close skyisthelimitpe]

I figure learning to be ‘normal’ we should be able to perform with stamina regardless of how long it’s been.

This ^^

Yeah I see all these weird tricks on here and was all about them at first like "rewiring" and shit like that. Fix your imbalances and you'll see that all of that doesn't get to the root at all

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

Side profile both sides standing. And then just relax everything and stand how you normally would. Post it here, let us analyze it, then start a log with the posture pic and a routine.

659E164C-9F8F-4BF5-8405-BB549B74CFFE.jpgEFE3FE67-0142-418B-A444-043A5ACC4323.jpg
Adding on to background, I cycle 3 times a week for a total of about 4 hours, lift 3 times per week (Squat, bench, ohp, deadlift + accessory and abs on all lifting days). On all lift days I follow the same warmup routine which is very heavily focused on opening and stretching the hips and warming up my glutes and abductors. I squat ass to grass with relatively decent form. I do notice I have some hip flexor tightness as I’m traditionally a runner. I know for sure my quads are tight. I’ve developed a good amount of hamstring flexibility as of late from stretching very well after cycling. I’ve been doing PF stretches such as reverse Kegel’s 3x/day (10x4s on 4s off, 10x 6s on 6s off, 10x 1s on 1s off, 1x 30s), and I’ve also been doing general stretching with diaphragmatic breathing such as knee to chest, happy baby pose, child’s pose, deep squat.

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

https://www.pegym.com/forums/album.php?albumid=6053

not sure if attaching the photos in my previous post worked but here’s the album I made with the same photos

[skyisthelimitpe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close skyisthelimitpe]

it looks like a bit of lordosis. It looks as though you have an exaggerated lumbar curve. You definitely have some imbalances here that need addressing. I'd do some more research first and then see if someone here can give you a better diagnosis. Anthony is really good at that.

Based on what I know you'll want to really work on your TVA and glutes. You'll probably also want to stretch your lower back.

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

Thanks for the suggestion! I’ve been doing a fair amount of research throughout the day and have come to a very similar conclusion as what you said. I think I have a slight bit of APT, not terrible. My glutes are strong, but it’s clear my lower abs are much weaker in comparison. Have found a good number of stretches and core strengthening exercises to incorporate into my normal lifting routine so as to help balance out my pelvis and aid into a relaxed PF.

[skyisthelimitpe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close skyisthelimitpe]

Thanks for the suggestion! I’ve been doing a fair amount of research throughout the day and have come to a very similar conclusion as what you said. I think I have a slight bit of APT, not terrible. My glutes are strong, but it’s clear my lower abs are much weaker in comparison. Have found a good number of stretches and core strengthening exercises to incorporate into my normal lifting routine so as to help balance out my pelvis and aid into a relaxed PF.

Yeah that makes sense. Definitely some imbalances but it doesn’t look awful. I’m guessing this could explain the variation you’ve seen and why you can last sometimes. Definitely need to do some core work for sure. I’m interested in hearing what others have to say

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

Same here, hoping others may chime in. The more I think about my current warmup, lifting, and ab routine I think my biggest weaknesses are my adductors and abs. I focus a ton of time in my warm ups to abductors (banded squat walks) and glutes (good mornings) but hardly anything for the adductors. As I’ve done research about my core exercises (TRX oblique crunches, v-ups, strict hanging toes to bar), I’ve realized I’ve probably relied mostly on my hip flexor strength rather than my actual abdominal muscles, so switching up that routine will help a lot to target the right muscles.

[skyisthelimitpe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close skyisthelimitpe]

Do you feel it in your hip flexors sometimes when you do core workouts? That could explain something too

[Anthony Gerio N Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Anthony Gerio N]

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Adding on to background, I cycle 3 times a week for a total of about 4 hours, lift 3 times per week (Squat, bench, ohp, deadlift + accessory and abs on all lifting days). On all lift days I follow the same warmup routine which is very heavily focused on opening and stretching the hips and warming up my glutes and abductors. I squat ass to grass with relatively decent form. I do notice I have some hip flexor tightness as I’m traditionally a runner. I know for sure my quads are tight. I’ve developed a good amount of hamstring flexibility as of late from stretching very well after cycling. I’ve been doing PF stretches such as reverse Kegel’s 3x/day (10x4s on 4s off, 10x 6s on 6s off, 10x 1s on 1s off, 1x 30s), and I’ve also been doing general stretching with diaphragmatic breathing such as knee to chest, happy baby pose, child’s pose, deep squat.

This is normally called military posture where almost everything is tight. I don't think you have any weakness on the glutes, or hamstring, or abs.

Your calves are super tight. It is important as sometimes you may think hamstring are tight, but actually it is the calves that create tightness while knees are straight.
Your glutes are probably tight as well. The medius certainly is, and it is powerful in an athletic level.
Upper abs are tight too, they are the ones pulling the spine down.
Obliques tightness as well.

Without examining it is not easy to say, but the normal scenario is that when glutes are way more powerful compared to psoas, the psoas becomes weak. The body tightens it to protect it. That contributes to the arch in the back as well. Also with powerful quads, the body use them for leg flexion (not hip flexion) and psoas becomes less frequently used and thus stiff as well. It all reflects badly on levator ani.
Test your hip flexion stamina. In standing position, flex one hip above 90 degree while the obviously the other leg is on the ground. See if you can keep the leg up 30 secs (in normal people it is less than that time, but based on other muscles in your body if it is anything less, then it is weak compared to the rest).

Your situation should not be that hard to fix.

How is spine mobility? There's something in yoga called half lord fish pose. Can you do it?

[Wannabepro Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wannabepro]

Hi Anthony, thanks for the detailed response. The hip flexion stamina test you asked me to do, with the hip above 90, do you mean raise my knee straight in front of me bringing my knee to 90 degrees? Or more like bringing my leg out to the side like a dog peeing? The latter is much harder for me but doable for 30 seconds. The former is very easy, I could hold my knee up against significant resistance for longer than 30 seconds easily. I think my hip strength comes from running and cycling. And while my abs aren’t weak, I thought there may be an imbalance there as I haven’t been focusing on them too too much as of late.

As for spine, my thoracic spine mobility is terrible. I tried the yoga pose, I can get my elbow to the front side of my up knee in either the right or left version, but it takes a fair amount of effort and use of my back arm to be able to touch my down knee with my hand, if that makes sense. Overall I think my spine mobility is poor.

I’ll try stretching my calves more, I definitely don’t give them enough attention. And I agree with your statement that probably many of my muscles hold tension, though I try to stretch out after cycling and lifting sessions. Not every time though.