So frustrated

[Boner]

About a year ago I started to kegel to help me last longer in bed. I read all these articles about how kegelling "improves control". Does it hell.

A couple of weeks back I read how adding reverse kegels into your routine can help you, along with edging. So I start the reverse kegels and edge 2 (sometimes 3) times a day. I can last over 20 minutes quite easily. I probably let myself ejaculate once/twice a week. So I think 'great, I can last long edging and I've started reverse kegels, I'll gradually start to last longer during sex.'

So what happens when I go to have sex with my girlfriend? I ejaculate in a matter of seconds. Every. Single. F*cking. Time. I'm a lot worse than what I used to be. So either I'm doing something wrong/it's a load of bullsh*t/I'm a special case that nothing works for me.

Anyone else feel that they've got worse or is it only me?

[Mr. Optimistic]

It's not that it's gotten worse its just your putting more pressure on yourself to perform, your time has improved but when it comes to the actual act of sex you tense up and probably only think about trying not to ejaculate, when this thought pops into your head its a what I call a boner killer, cause at least in my experience as soon as I start thinking about trying not to ejaculate or similar ideas, I cum even faster. Arousal level has something to do with it as well, I'm still working on how to lower my arousal level, but if you can do that I'd bet you'd last longer. Any who that's just my two cents and I'm no expert, so take it with a grain of salt.

Don't give up man, I am in the same boat, PE is such a frustrating affliction, but I know for a fact it can be beaten.

[trainingtzr]

You see, you are one of the guys that I mentioned in my threat. Some guys believe only doing kegels will get them to longer sex. No, it won't. Kegels are really important, you should definitely do them. But kegels are not magical exercises. You have had PE all the sex-session you ever had(I assume). Your mind and yourself believe that you have PE. Well, surprise, you don't have PE. You can't have it. It's just that, anytime you are about to have sex, you start to stress without even realising. That habbit of getting into stress we call PE, atleast I do. There are a couple of things you stress about:
1) Past sex-sessions I PE'd, will I this time aswell?
2) Will I be able to last long and please my gf.
3) OMG my girlfriend looks so hot, I have to please or else she'll leave me.
Simple test: If I tell, that tonight you are going to have sex with your girlfriend, what is the first thing you think/stress about? Yeah, you probably think about cumming too soon. See, it's all in your mind, you base your whole sex life on PE.
Because you stress so much, your PC-muscle contracts in the sex-act, which will lead to ejaculation.


You can't compare masturbating with sex. With masturbating, you don't have any stress to please some one, you don't put a lubricant on your hand(a pussy is wet when having sex), your hands don't feel like a pussy + there is no chick around.

Your problem is ''pretty easy'' to solve, but you have to start thinking differently about your sex life. Please take your time and read this thread: Click

@Mr. Optimistic,
like you said, when you start thinking about not trying to ejaculate, you actually ejaculate faster. Because in your past sex sessions you came too fast. If you think about not ejaculating, you start to stress because your mind reminds you of the times that you did ejaculate too fast. This causes stress and stress will lead to contraction of your PC-muscle( onconsciously).And that will lead to cumming too soon.

Stress source ----> Stress -----> PC-muscle start contracting(onconsciously) -----> No control -----> PE'd
For stress source you could fill some main things, like I stated here above.

[Pegasus]

It can take time to transfer skills from solo to partnered and the mental side is part of it. If guy (a) lines up a boxing match, but does no training he will be in trouble. If guy (b) does a lot of training with bags and mits and roadwork he will be better prepared. If guy (c) does sparing in addition to the bags etc he will be the best prepared.

I think tz is right that you are geting unconcious kegels ,see if you can notice them and conciously relax them. If they are an uncontrolable spasm ,you need to do more reverse.

Ok so far you are in situation (b) you have done the roadwork etc but no sparing. Now you need a co-operative partner to work with you to cut down the variables and build your confidence.

[trainingtzr]

Thats a really good comparison. Like Pegasus said, you did a lot of training with bags and mits etc, but when you are training against bags, you don't have any tension that you might get hit back. How ever, when you are against an oppenent, you start worry about getting hit aswell. Same thing with masturbation and sex.

[Boner]

Thanks for the advice guys, I know I was a little brash in my post but I'm sure people can understand my frustration.

When I was just kegelling, sometimes I would last quite a while during sex. This made it even more frustrating when I came in seconds. That got me into the minset that I wanted to last long EVERY time, which is why I started edging and doing reverse kegels. Unfortunately, these have made me worse and i cum quickly every time

I'll work on changing my mentality (which I know won't be easy) and I'll have a read of the thread trainingtzr posted a link to. Thanks again for all the advice.

ps should I let myself ejaculate once or twice a week when edging or not at all?

[Endymion]

Know how you feel. I've been on/off trying to make things better for a while and the mentality issue seems like the subtlest but probably one of the most important parts to the problem. Out of interest, how do you use the reverse kegels when you edge and have sex (if there's a difference)? I found being firm or weak at different times had really different results. Just a thought based on my own experience.

I wonder how we ought to reconcile an increased %age of RKs in a workout leading to worse PE with the theory in the 'Implications' thread?

[Pegasus]

I have never said that physical is the only factor.

[Boner]

Quick update:

Over the past week I've reverted back to just doing kegels with no reverse kegel. I've still been edging from time to time though.

Last night when I was having sex with my girlfriend I felt I had more control. The first time we did it I had the urge to cum pretty quickly but I could hold it off better than what I could last week when I was doing reverse kegels in my routine. Unfortunately I couldn't continually thrust for very long before stopping, as the urge to cum came back pretty quick. But the point is I never lost control and blew my load, which was happening last week.

The second time we had sex (a couple of hours later) I lasted as long as I wanted pretty much. I had the urge to cum a couple of times but when it subsided I could go on for a while without having to stop again straight away. I eventually allowed myself to cum as my girlfriend asked me to because she was starting to get sore ha ha.

So I guess for me personally, kegelling works better than reverse kegelling. That's me though, I know everybody's different.

[Boner]

Also, this may be of help to some people:

Chia, Mantak - The Multi Orgasmic Man (47 Pages)

It's not the full book but there's some good info there. Apologies to the moderators if your not supposed to post links, delete if so.