Desperately needing advice

[Triggerhappy]

Hi everyone,
So, I've been reading this forum for the past few days, and I really have to say that I'm excited about what I'm seeing. I've been to a family doctor and a urologist, and all they can do is prescribe me SSRI's. I've tried four different kinds, and none have helped. I've read about kegeling in the past, and like others have mentioned, they seem to make the problem worse for me.
I've struggled with PE for about 10 years now. I've been lucky enough to have been with tolerant girlfriends that tell me that they don't care about how quick I am. Well, my most recent girlfriend and I have been dating for over six months, and I really don't want my PE to cause us any issues. Even if she says it's okay, she deserves better. I know there are other ways of sexually pleasuring a lady besides intercourse, but we both love the closeness and intimacy of it and it's not lasting long enough to be enjoyable for either of us.
Now, after reading these great posts by Pegaus, Zen and others, I firmly believe most of my problem is involuntary kegeling during stimulation and uneven muscle strength in my pelvic area. I've been doing ONLY reverse kegeling exercises for the past 3 days. I've incorporated them with edging but I'm not sure if I'm "edging" correctly. Is edging just reverse kegeling when you start to feel tingling coming on? Should I stop stimulation and hold the RK or continue slowly? The link to edging on the forum sticky isn't working. :P
The practice edging sessions I have had with just lubrication have been decent. I feel as if my erection is more numb (from increased bloodflow?) when reverse kegeling and that the BC muscle is almost too tired to kegel or something. I'm not sure if it's just mental at this point or if the RK's are actually already helping. After about 15 minutes of edging though, I catch myself kegeling again as I get more stimulated and closer to PONR. (unless I wait quite a while) Within the next five minutes, kegeling seems almost involuntary again, and even with RK'ing, I reach my PONR very soon after releasing the RK.
SEX, on the other hand, is horribly different. I can maybe last 2 minutes on bottom, and MAYBE a 30 seconds on top...horrible. So here lies another question: Is the excitement of being with my girlfriend alone causing me to ejaculate too fast, or is it because I'm involuntarily kegeling more from that excitement, causing me to ejaculate too fast? I really don't believe it's the former because if it was strictly mental, I would think the SSRI's would help. I think the involuntary kegeling is bringing me very close to my PONR before intercourse even starts.
So, my last few questions: I've read many different exercise routines. What would be best for me? I really just want to be able for my partner and I to enjoy at least 5-10 minutes of sex. Should I be kegeling also? I can flex my penis rather easily and I'm afraid that kegeling may reduce the affects of my RK routine. I really feel because I involuntarily kegel so much that my muscles are way off balance. I can be laying in bed with my girl with a hard on and I flex it against her without thinking about it. How long will it take for my partner and I to see an improvement with the exercises? Will practicing solo improve my stamina with her? Lastly, what exactly is ballooning? Should I be doing it to beat PE or is it for just MMO?
Thanks so much in advance for your help. I realize some of these questions may be answered somewhere in this forum, but I would like to have my own personal questions answered in my threat so I can look back and study more conveniently. I also know that I've asked alot. I would be SO grateful, though, to put this problem behind me once and for all.

Thank you!

[spanky]

Welcome to the gym Triggerhappy!

I feel your frustration, I have been in the exact same situation for some years, felt that I was stuck with it, that it was a hopeless cause, and I've lost relationships as a result. One of which took me some time to get over.

Possibly like yourself, I have tried everything under the sun (or so I thought) to beat my PE, and nothing worked. The internet is riddled with bad advice, scams and dead ends, and the various books I've read on the subject supposedly offering solutions are now paperweights or firewood. I'm quite a thick skinned man (psychlogically I mean - I'm not an elephant!) but this problem and the apparent lack of any solution has brought me to the end of my tether to the point that I'd almost given up hope.

But, I am maybe a couple of weeks into some very small baby steps in the right direction thanks to the advice and conversations I've had on here with some very knowledgable and inspiring people, and I can say now, with certainty, that you will beat this. It might not always be easy, and it might not be quick, but it will work. As I say, a month ago I was in a very similar situation to you, and firmly in the hopeless "nothing works for me" camp. Today, I'm by no means fixed, but I've started to climb a ladder that I know in my heart leads to success. Which when I've seen an awful lot of ladders just leading nowhere, some of which I've climbed and fallen from, you can imagine how great that feels. You can maybe search for my posts in this forum over the last couple of weeks if it helps. I'm experimenting with a number of ideas and approaches right now, and will be posting all progress as I know just how big a deal this problem is, and I know how hard it is to find useful advice anywhere. If my experiences help only one guy out, then I've done my duty

I think a prerequisite is getting to know your body, your pelvic floor, your arousal and your body's response acutely well. Edging and ballooning really help in this way because you're providing much gentler stimulation than a moist vagina offers, and your arousal climbs much less steeply, even as you approach PONR. This gives you an opportunity that in our condition sex alone will not. Doing all your kegels will really help with your understanding of the relationship between your muscles and sensation and your arousal too. Since I've learnt to do reverse kegels which for me, if I stop stimulation, are faultless in holding ejaculation off, that was a revelation. I've come to realise for the first time in my life that it's possible to beat. I've also come to learn why (relaxing vs contraction) and come to realise that while involuntary kegels may or may not be the root cause, they're certainly an intermediate symptom, and they're how your body expresses the problem (imbalance presumably), which then brings PE on.

I also strongly suspect that in doing this, while it takes a lot of concentration right now, it will lead to a point where that awareness and control will become instinctive, and you'll be able to let yourself go fully back into enjoying sex for its own sake, instead of it being a moutain to climb. I guess at the moment, there's a huge amount of sensory input for me to process still, but like learning a language, you get familiar with all the subtleties to the point where you don't have to think about it any more. Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.

Pegasus is the man to talk to about balance or imbalance in the pelvic floor, The imbalance=PE thing is his theory, and I'm completely sold. He's MMO himself and probably more insightful in the subtleties of interplay here than you or I will ever be. Minuteman is pretty damn sharp too, and has a link in his sig to a list of advanced kegel exercises that you may find extraordinarily useful.

For the record, edging is stroking your shaft, avoiding the glans, and ballooning is rubbing the most sensitive part of your penis (avoiding the frenulum) in circles. When edging, you're allowed to ejaculate when you're through, and with ballooning, you're not. The instructions on ************* say you should clamp the bottom of your penis while ballooning, but this makes it a size gain exercise rather than a control one. The point of the exercise here is to gain as much awareness of your arousal and the sensations involved at the most subtle level, not to ejaculate. Actually, when ballooning, I rub around the front of my exposed glans, on the ridge, but Minutemen mentioned he does the frenulum through the foreskin. I guess everyone's a bit different. Anyway, the point is that it's specific, directed stimulation, gentler than penetration. The important thing is to make it a stop start exercise. No matter how much you want to finish yourself off, don't. Stop stimulation there and then. Minuteman has said to stop for an hour if you have to, though I wouldn't go this far. The great thing about this is that it helps you get out of the mindset that orgasm, or rather ejaculation is the objective, rather the sensations themselves are the objective. Even the language we use "reach orgasm" "achieve orgasm" helps reinforce the idea that cumming is the goal. All very Wittgensteinian I'm sure, but you'd be amazed (or possibly not) how subtle things like this affect us.

I'm really glad you have an understanding partner. I would let her in on your quest to beat this awful affliction, I'm certain she'll do everything to help, and I'm certain that with her help as well you will progress and beat this thing.

Good luck to you Triggerhappy, and make sure you let us know how you get on. There are a number of us who will be interested for various reasons. I'll be personally hugely interested in (and hopefully inspired by) your progress with a partner since I'm currently single again and I'm currently tackling this on my own without the option of penetrative sex. And besides, every winner is another confidence booster that this thing is beatable for good.

All the best man.

[Pegasus]

Trigger, do you have a reverse kegel routine outside of edging /sex?

You seem to be doing Pe zens form of edging,there are many edging forms ,this one is aimed at beating premature issues.