Do I need to worry?

[soon2bhuge]

Hey guys,

I've been seeing a new girl twice this week and both times we ended up in the bed together. We proceeded to make out for a very long time kissing and really feeling each other, which really aroused me cause she's pretty hot and we really had it going. She then started to get her hand into my pants to start stroking my cock, but when she did that I was already so horny and eventually came very quickly, like after 1 minute. I neither have a lot of sexual experience nor did I ever have a girlfriend, so I don't know if coming so early in this case is normal or if I should start thinking about improving on that... Also, I haven't experienced handjobs up to this point...

thx for any advice!

[spanky]

do you get spontaneous erections during the day? And do you get a lot of involuntary kegel contractions?

If so, my advice as a starting point would be to concentrate on curbing those. Sometimes I get hard during the day for no real reason, and I can't even touch it through my trousers without twitching like crazy. That's a perfect chance to try holding them back.

[Ratdude]

Hm... I would suggest you start Kegeling.

I can't last very long with penetration but I can last almost as long as I want from a handjob or blowjob.

Kegels will help you improve your duration.

When you masturbate, how long can you go for?

[soon2bhuge]

do you get spontaneous erections during the day? And do you get a lot of involuntary kegel contractions?

very rarely!

Hm... I would suggest you start Kegeling.

I can't last very long with penetration but I can last almost as long as I want from a handjob or blowjob.

Kegels will help you improve your duration.

When you masturbate, how long can you go for?

I actually used to kegel a lot back when I did PE on a regular basis, and I still do kegels from time to time when I feel like doing some... I still don't know, however, how Kegels are supposed to help you last longer, an explanation would be gratefully apprecciated!

When I masturbate it really depends if I got time or if I have to blow a quick load off because I'm alone for only some minutes and I have to hurry... I obv last way longer than one minute either way, though

[spanky]

I still don't know, however, how Kegels are supposed to help you last longer, an explanation would be gratefully apprecciated!

Well, it's all still best guesswork really, but there are two aspects to it I'm aware of. There's the MMO trick of holding back ejaculation during orgasm with a strong kegel so you're effectively doing the "gold coin" trick. You can do the same with your fingers as you cum, pressing hard on your perineum so you literally stop the cum from making it through. This seems more likely to cause retro ejaculation to me, and still send you into refractory period, but some people swear by it. Maybe you can actually stop things further upstream this way and not have retro, I don't know, and others might be able to give you more insight. Either way my understanding is that you can learn to do this just with a strong BC (maybe PC) kegel at the point of orgasm, but I've never managed it myself, and I've found trying just sends me over the edge quicker.

The other approach I know is with respect to Pegasus balance theory (as per the Implications thread on this forum). The idea is about achieving balance across the whole pelvic floor so that it responds more sympathetically with your arousal. A common complaint (and my experience) is that involuntary kegels during arousal (as opposed to orgasm) accelerate and heighten your arousal, sending you spiralling out of control (see: involuntary). What seems to happen as you tone the whole pelvic floor is that it becomes more settled overall, and you have a much better chance of responding to it in time. I also found that over time I've become more sensitive to more subtle responses too, so whereas in the past I could probably recognise only three levels of arousal (not aroused, aroused, and orgasm) now I have a much more discrete awareness of the whole scale, and that is a *direct* result of doing my kegels.

There could well be something else going on that I'm not aware of too. I suspect these exercise help you gain an overall level of fitness that helps - perhaps that's exactly what we're getting at with the concept of balance. All I know for certain is that it's helped me immensely.

[soon2bhuge]

thanks spanky!

but in my case, couldn't it also be due to the fact that we basically had "foreplay" for hours and I was errect all the time, and thus ejaculating that quickly? at least thats what I'd like to think

[spanky]

well, sure that's gonna have you starting at a higher level of arousal if you don't keep it in check. The most important thing to remember is that the higher your arousal, the harder it is to bring your arousal down and the more skilful you need to be to do so. Think of it like pushing a weight down a hill. At the top of the hill you can change your mind relatively easily and fight gravity, but the further down the hill you let that weight go, the steeper the sides become and the harder it is to pull that weight back up to the top of the hill again.

I think you would benefit from learning some arousal control techniques and using them well before you actually go inside your girl. For me at least, that first pump is pretty intense, especially if you go balls deep, so if you do that at maybe 70 or 80% arousal and like me you're not great at control at those high levels, you could easily knock up another 25% arousal which may well send you in to ponr.

Pay attention to the tension in your whole pelvic floor. You can directly relate this to your arousal. You might be surprised. When I started to realise the amount of involuntary kegels I was having, and that all these kegel exercises were really giving me greater ability to relax the muscles in my pelvic floor, that's when I also started to notice how bad a problem I actually had. I couldn't stop myself kegeling involuntarily under certain types of intense stimulation, and the real surprise was that I also noticed a lot of general background tension at all times. That is my whole pelvic floor was somewhat tense and contracted. I now believe that background tension was (is) at the core of my PE, and a result of imbalance between the muscles and their relationship to each other.

A lot of practice with kegels, and edging with the intention of learning a much closer awareness of the levels of my arousal was a great start. Think of the hill analogy I used up there. If you're blind and pushing that weight, you've got no hope of knowing how far you can push it and still have a chance of getting it back. You need to see the whole hill.

With that you can then look at techniques for relaxing your pelvic floor muscles at lower arousal levels which will give you much more control. I would recommend that you work towards maintaining yourself below 60% arousal as a target before entering. We all talk about PONR, but I think, especially with PE problems, that this is too hot to handle at first and we should be thinking of 60% maybe 70% as the point of no return, and then maintaining ourselves below that where if you slip up, you're not gonna blow your top immediately.

Over time you'll be able to maintain higher levels of arousal, and you'll be able to distinguish finer increments of sensation at those levels, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Keep it low for now while you practice. Without a toned and balanced pelvic floor that's under your control, holding yourself at 80% plus is going to be too much of a challenge and leave you frustrated.

[soon2bhuge]

wow, you sure know a lot about this subject, spanky, thanks again! I really liked the weight down the hill analogy, next time I'm with my girl I'll really try to concentrate on not getting too aroused before we start!

[spanky]

Thanks for the kudos I've learnt pretty much everything on here. I've had a progressive PE problem for the last 10 years or so, and this is the only place I've found with good info, or at least good starting points for research. I spent the last 5 or 6 years pretty much ejaculating on contact and it killed at least one really great relationship so y'know, you gotta commit to fixing things like that x

Pegasus' Implications thread kinda got the ball rolling for me. It's genius. You'll find me on there around new year basically worshipping the ground he walks on You should read ALL of it.

oh, and good luck

[GTO]

Good info!