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The difference between sex and masturbating

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  • The difference between sex and masturbating

    There are a lot of people on this forum that talk about premature ejaculation during porn and during oral sex and during vaginal sex, and I am trying to figure out what really makes it different for some people. I can recall the first time I masturbated, by accident, it was almost an unconscious effort as I was kinda playing with my dick and doing something else on the computer, not watching porn but surfing the web, when I ejaculated for the first time. Of course it felt great and I realized what I had done, I was no stranger to sex and what happened but had never thought to masturbate before, so I went and jacked off for the second time in my life and came again and probably started a long road down the path to preE.

    Obviously it was some time until I got any kind of sex, be it oral or vaginal, and there was never any kind of anxiety about having to perform, and when I finally got to having sex, it was quick the first time, probably around the 3 or 4 minute mark, as I was turned on and it was both of our first times and generally you dont go at it too crazily the first time anyway. This is where things get tricky for me. I have always taken a while to come from a handjob or oral sex, and thats not to say the girls werent good, because Ive gotten good and bad oral and either way it takes a while, even if Im really into it it takes a while. This seems a little odd to me seeing as that I am uncircumcised and have a fairly sensitive penis and most guys with preE on here talk about lasting a matter of 30 seconds or a minute even during a blowjob or a handjob.

    Sex is another issue however, sometimes I am able to last long and sometimes I cannot last too long at all, and sometimes it is a moderate amount. For the most part during sex, I feel the urge to come within 30 seconds to 2 minutes, and anything past that is a test of the mind and body to attempt to not come, and then Im not enjoying the sex as much. Even if I manage to go for 20 minutes, my girl sometimes doesnt come because she isnt as into it as she should be because I am not there 100%, Im somewhere in my head trying not to jizz all over the place.

    The point I was trying to make with my story of masturbation is that for me at least, and Im sure for most guys as well, it takes more and more each time to have to come. At first it was nothing, and then maybe it was a magazine of half naked girls, these days I have to damn near see a chick getting fucked by an elephant to get turned on enough to come, and I can masturbate for an indefinite amount of time. So what really makes the difference here? Is it because when Im alone I am more comfortable and therefore not stressed out to perform? I can see where that would be the case, but what would the solution be?

    There have been times where I would just come and keep on going and sometimes even come a second time or just fake an orgasm, but that cant work forever, there has to be a more permanent fix. If it is to just calm down and get more practice then I can understand that, but what makes some guys so worked up that they have preE when they are alone or watching porn even? What is so different about sex that makes us come quickly?

    Just looking to bounce some ideas around, not looking for any flaming in this thread or anything, thanks.

  • #2
    Dude, who's going to flame you? We're all adults here.

    Maybe you and your body react to self gratification differently than you do to actual intercourse? Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to various forms of stimuli.
    It's a tough job being good looking and hung :-)

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    • #3
      Not worried about getting flamed personally, more like it turning into a thread where others are getting flamed.

      Everyone is different and Im seeing that there is plenty of different kinds of preE, but it would seem more simplistic than it is. And if that was the case with self gratification, what makes it different when Im getting head or a handjob? I feel like this is very close to the key to solving my preE problem at least. Actually I kind of came to a resolution as I was typing this, but possibly when I am getting head I am not worried about my girl or making sure shes satisfied, its more about me, same with masturbating, and I can relax and enjoy it at my own pace, and when Im having sex its about us not just me. I think that if I can figure out what the difference is and solve it that would be the cure for me but Im having trouble pinpointing it.

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      • #4
        Perhaps because you're concerned about you climaxing as well as making your girl climaxing?? That would definitely make sex more intense or "stressful" if you will. It's one thing when it's just you but when it's two of you???
        It's a tough job being good looking and hung :-)

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        • #5
          It could be that, my dad always told me growing up "you gotta take care of your girl in bed because if you dont them someone else will". My dad was all about the pussy though, I have never been focused on only pulling chicks and I prefer to focus on a relationship or I am single until I find someone that I connect with. I never really listened to him, he had no trouble getting girls to fuck him but always had failed relationships and I didnt want that for myself. I can try to loosen the stress during sex but how can I really do it without still stressing? Its one thing to say youre not stressing and act calm and another to actually not have the stress.

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          • #6
            I'll throw my two cents worth in, you sound like a perfect candidate for a little training knock off the porn and start some edging work, going for the kind of control that comes with Multiple-Male-Orgasms. Here is a link to some food for thought. https://www.pegym.com/penis-exercises/last-longer
            Unit
            Retired Moderator
            PEGym Hero
            Last edited by Unit; 04-01-2011, 12:04 AM. Reason: Wrong link
            ​The enemy of good is not bad
            The enemy of good is better

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            • #7
              Yeah except that I can masturbate for as long as I want to without having to come, whats the difference if I were to edge? I feel like it wouldnt increase my stamina...

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              • #8
                Hmm,

                try it with harder hand grip and see will it change, or try it while watching porn. If you can last idefinite in both then your case is one of the rare clean cut psychological premature ejaculation.

                When having sex with your girl, try to observe what happens to your pelvic floor, if nothing happens most of the time when you are lasting short, it will just mean that you should try and practice a little bit of reverse kegels, but generally your pelvic floor muscle balance (and your frenelum length) are probably ideal.

                If all above is correct then you have to do something about it psychologically. I can assume that there is probably nothing wrong with your in terms of anxiety and despration (since if that where true you would have a lot of unconscious kegel movements etc) so it is probably something specific that you either link to your childhood or some stronger happening in your past.

                Next time you notice that you are cumming pretty fast try to notice what is different about it, be it a sexual position, place your state of mind etc.

                For you start and stop techinques with your girl will probably help you the most and you will be able to identify the problem easier.


                About the diference in mast and sex (heh) outside of the psychological reasons, it may be that heat or moistness or her moaning somehow triggers your ejaculation reflex. It boils down in getting to know her, her body. As i said somewhere before, when having those premature problems just stick your penis into her and just cuddle etc (i.e make love) with just a few thursts form time to time (since people with premature ejaculation very rearelly have the low EQ problem).
                premE FAQ

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                • #9
                  My EQ is usually fine, except for after a DO sometimes I lose a little but I can usually get that back. I always watch porn while masturbating, if you read my first post I have to try to make myself come and get very aroused by the porn, it almost doesnt even work for me unless I find some real kinky shit lol. I know I kegel a little bit unconsciously, thats why when I made a conscious effort to relax my pelvic floor my stamina shot up, but I have to constantly remember to stay relaxed or else i get the unconscious kegels. Also when she is on top I have a hard time lasting too long, this is because the more physical work I am doing, the less likely I am to come. When Im standing up next to the bed and shes doggystyle on the bed, I can go in this position for a while. Its worst when Im on my back and shes riding me because she starts to get a little layer of sweat and I can see her whole body and it just turns me on like nothing else and she really gets it when shes on top.

                  You are right about the start stop method as well, when I do that I can usually last a lot longer but she likes the constant friction and I tend to forget to do it lol, Im going to see her either friday or saturday night so Ill fill you guys in.

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                  • #10
                    I often liken masturbation(edging) to a boxer training in the gym and sex to a bout. Being good in the gym will help you but it is not the entire story. Your work in the gym should develop your strengths and lessen your weaknesses ,it should give you the skills you need. Edging is training with a purpose ,masturbation is not. Now puting that on the ground under contest conditions can be hard I know.
                    Now I have never had Premature issues ,but I can understand your situation. I was MMO solo for some time, while having delayed ejaculation during sex.
                    You have come a long way with very little effort ,buckle down to some training and you will see further improvement. You have a lot of help here and you have only just begun.

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                    • #11
                      If you think edging will help then I will try that, it just seems to me that sex is different from masturbation, well of course it is, but I dont have premature issues when Im alone, only when Im with her.

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                      • #12
                        You should also have a kegel routine with 50% reverse K.

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                        • #13
                          Yeah I think what I really need is to do the RKs, because I often find myself holding a kegel while i am sitting down somewhere or laying in bed or whatever. My pc muscle is very strong but I can control the involuntary kegels by relaxing

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                          • #14
                            Two thing masturbation doesn't provide but sex does:

                            1. Watch my girl holding her breath and moaning wildly. It's such a turn on.

                            2. My favorite position is doggy style, and when I thrust her in that position. Her ass just bounces and rubs on my prostate/thigh and that feels so damn good (even better than the pennis).
                            AP90 member.

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                            • #15
                              MWP Said it all I think, I get so turned on by the sweat, the panting/shortness of breath, the moaning, its like cut a guy some slack here! And I definitely feel you on the doggy style, its definitely an oldie but a goodie, especially if your girl is busted in the face department.

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