One step forward, one step back... thoughts?

[no minute man Member Find all posts View Profile Close no minute man]

And many steps sideways!!

What i'm trying to share here are my recent sexual experiences since i've begun working on my pre-E through this site (edging, K's/RK's, arousal awareness, deep breathing, etc), the majority of which have seen no change to how fast i've cum, but once or twice have been encouragingly long.

HOWEVER, I'm trying to cut myself a little slack, because I think that the way my girlfriend likes to have sex is probably the worst possible way for someone with pre-E. This is NOT complaining!! It's awesome, just complicates things. Basically, sex/foreplay/whatever is ALL about me. If we're not actively working me towards an orgasm (i.e. she's doing something to my dick), she's not gonna be into it. She doesn't want to be fingered unless shes touching my dick. She doesn't even want to be eaten out unless its 69. She LOVES giving head, she loves it so much she does it during foreplay to turn herself on and get herself wet. And her hand jobs are exactly what i AVOID during edging because it gets me to PONR too fast (tight squeezing and twisting right on the head/frenulum). Basically, foreplay is freaking intense for my man down there. By the time i'm penetrating, i've had maybe 10 minutes of solid, non-stop hand + mouth stimulation. Not to mention the fact that 10 minutes of getting her wet and excited would be intensely arousing by itself.

And then during sex, her favorite position by FAR is good old missionary; the one position i find it impossible to do RK's in!! Long story short- by this point i'm doomed!!!

So our "typical" sex sessions go as i just described, and despite about a month of training i haven't been able to increase my lasting time in this scenario. However, once or twice i've thrown in a few curveballs and had some good results. Take two nights ago for example...

We were in the car on the way home and she was getting frisky, i was fingering her but wouldn't let her give me road head. We got home, and i decided to play it aggressive/dominant style. Stripped her down and pushed her on her back onto the bed. Since i knew she was already wet, decided to skip most of the foreplay (since that would only really get ME more aroused; not necessary). But instead of getting on top of her missionary, i grabbed her legs and pulled her to the edge of the bed and stood. I found it much easier to maintain something of an RK hold doing this. She always wants my head close to hers, so i would go for a couple of of normal thrusts and then go really deep and kind of lean forward onto her to talk dirty into her ear. This helped me avoid a really steady rhythm at first, but as the time increased, so did my ability to thrust steadily before i needed to calm down. Anyways, she eventually started begging me to cum (i would guess at like.. 12 minutes?), so i obviously i obliged

So, that was great, but then this morning scenario #1 occurred once again. damnit!

One thing i haven't yet tried during sex is the strong kegel just before ejaculation (basically attempting a DO). mostly just because it's harder to time (and i'm too late), but also just because the urge to ejaculate is so damn strong.

I really want to have a sex session where i explain to my girl, "look, this is about me doing everything i have to do to last longer, not about it being hot, looking good, or frankly feeling good for you. this is scientific research damnit" Don't let her give me foreplay and then just pull out all the tricks: get my start/stop going, clenching kegels/reverses with all my might, semi-meditating, belly breathing, pulling out and attempting DO's at the PONR, etc. I've avoided going all out like that just because it can be so unnatural compared to the "normal" course of sex, but i think it would be enlightening to know if and how i can do it.

Anyways, i've kind of rambled in this post and didn't really ask any questions, but it just feels good to share and i'd love to hear anyone's thoughts.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

I'm in the same boat. I've been around here for a month or so and haven't really gotten anywhere other than making masturbating more fun. I've made strides on the mental side concerning expectations, but as far as the physical aspect of it, really nothing.

My prem ej was forged through 15 years of awful mb habits.
1. Never used lube
2. Got off asap
3. Multiple times a day
4. Zero head stimulation (uncomfy w/o lube)

As far as "edging" goes how do you stimulate yourself? Are you doing so at high enough levels it is difficult for you to not spasm (kegel) during it?

EDIT: Out of curiosity do you ejaculate at the end of your edge sessions?

[no minute man Member Find all posts View Profile Close no minute man]

I try and edge every day that i'm not having sex, usually for around 20-30 minutes, with lube, medium grip, ejaculating about half the time.

For the most part, I dont find it difficult to not involuntarily kegel during edging. I think this is because i'm not looking at porn, and my hand is doing the work, so its fairly easy to hold an RK throughout (or when i feel i need to).

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

For the most part, I dont find it difficult to not involuntarily kegel during edging. I think this is because i'm not looking at porn, and my hand is doing the work, so its fairly easy to hold an RK throughout (or when i feel i need to).

Maybe try it with porn. I can edge for like 30 minutes in complete control w/o porn. Once I add in porn it becomes a struggle. Once I add in a woman and it's even harder. Try edging with porn to make that a small step between masturbation and sex with a horned up woman.

I did 90% porn free edging for a month and got no where. I'm trying to edge w/ porn again.

BTW: I also did it with and w/o ejac and nothing.

[no minute man Member Find all posts View Profile Close no minute man]

By the way, on the infrequent occasions when i do turn porn on for a second, my arousal level skyrockets and i would get to PONR in like 30 seconds if i wasn't careful. So even though i do want the extra stimulation sometimes, i try to avoid it because i tend to feel less confident afterwards.

Still haven't had the "scientific" sex session i mentioned above, to see how long i can last using all the tricks

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

By the way, on the infrequent occasions when i do turn porn on for a second, my arousal level skyrockets and i would get to PONR in like 30 seconds

I think you need to do what is most realistic. I could use a FL w/o porn for 6 minutes before a PONR, and discipline myself for up to 25 minutes. I can do porn without a FL for longer period with pacing myself (obviously not always).

If I combine the two I last shorter than I do with my wife.

[no minute man Member Find all posts View Profile Close no minute man]

I might try that. One of the reasons i'm hesitant though is confidence going into sex is so key, and when i can stroke my dick for 30 minutes without wanting to cum i feel more confident, but if i masturbate with porn and have to stop stroking every minute or so i feel less confident and feel like my pelvic floor is too tense or something.

But to your point, i suppose i would gain even more confidence if i worked my way to being able to stroke for 30 minutes WITH porn while keeping my pelvic floor relaxed. I also might think about getting a fleshlight- i saw your idea about putting it between the mattress and box spring in order to actually thrust. I think this may be key for me, learning how to reverse kegel and keep a relaxed pelvic floor while actually engaged in sex, rather than just moving my forearm and wrist.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

When I first got the FL I made huge strides. I almost immediately went from 1 minute to 5 minutes, sometimes 10+. (with a real woman).

This is the problem with the STU. You soak it, set it up, spend like 20 minutes between getting it ready and getting your erection that when you insert and cum in 30 seconds you wonder what the point was. That can be frustrating. I stopped using it and started doing the mechanics you see on this forum so much, and I reverted back to the 1 minute man the last couple times I've had sex.

I'm just going back to it with porn, and I'm sticking with it. It worked before, it'll work again.